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Happy Thanksgiving!
Fun Things on Thanksgiving
A Treatsie Authored By Me
1. Unsuspecting, out-of-town relatives. Tell them outrageous or amazing things. "Why, Aunt So-and-So, did you know I climbed the tallest mountain on the northern seaboard?" or "Uncle So-et-So, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Skunk, he's waiting out back on his vespa." You'll be a hit.
2. Tryptophan. That's the thing in turkeys that makes you tired. Try to stay awake during a boring story after eating eight pounds of turkey. Go ahead, I dare you!
3. Free drinks. With a liquored-up family such as my dad's you might be able to score a free martini from Sir Uncle of the Vodka or Beer Aunt. Sip slowly and see how long it takes the rest of the family to realize that you're in the same state as they are. (Disclaimer: Have never actually attempted, but assuming that it would work.)
4. Relatives' names! This one may not work for your family. However, my dad's family had trouble naming their children and all the women have names that start with J - Jane, Jan, Janet, Julie, etc. etc. I like to play a sort of name-based musical chairs. "Julie? Janet? Jane?" until I find one that fits. Either that or I choose not to address them at all.
5. Relatives in general. Have you ever seen your aunt throw a lampshade on her head? You will after she downs eight of Uncle Vodka's "Special Brew" mixers and listens to your cousin announce her plans to go live on a commune. (Note: not an actual familial occurence.)
6. Hor'devours. I don't know about you, but I can't tell my pepper jelly cheesecake from my baked brie. Have a young cousin or sibling stand by you and eat things and then tell you what they taste like when you play "What's the Appetizer?"
7. Running away. The family's up for yet another game of charades? See how far and fast you can run while the game halts play during Uncle Old Man's bathroom break. (Note: Actual familial occurence.)
Anyway - whether you have better things to do on Thanksgiving or not be thankful, live long, and prosper. Oops. Just... be thankful. And avoid any uncomfortable conversations with your nosy aunt about that "nice boy from school." I cut it down like this: I am the most unapproachable member of the family and I have no shame in bringing up uncomfortable or awkward subject matter. Back away. And they do. I have a three yard relative-free radius around me at all times. It's lovely.
Fun Things on Thanksgiving
A Treatsie Authored By Me
1. Unsuspecting, out-of-town relatives. Tell them outrageous or amazing things. "Why, Aunt So-and-So, did you know I climbed the tallest mountain on the northern seaboard?" or "Uncle So-et-So, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Skunk, he's waiting out back on his vespa." You'll be a hit.
2. Tryptophan. That's the thing in turkeys that makes you tired. Try to stay awake during a boring story after eating eight pounds of turkey. Go ahead, I dare you!
3. Free drinks. With a liquored-up family such as my dad's you might be able to score a free martini from Sir Uncle of the Vodka or Beer Aunt. Sip slowly and see how long it takes the rest of the family to realize that you're in the same state as they are. (Disclaimer: Have never actually attempted, but assuming that it would work.)
4. Relatives' names! This one may not work for your family. However, my dad's family had trouble naming their children and all the women have names that start with J - Jane, Jan, Janet, Julie, etc. etc. I like to play a sort of name-based musical chairs. "Julie? Janet? Jane?" until I find one that fits. Either that or I choose not to address them at all.
5. Relatives in general. Have you ever seen your aunt throw a lampshade on her head? You will after she downs eight of Uncle Vodka's "Special Brew" mixers and listens to your cousin announce her plans to go live on a commune. (Note: not an actual familial occurence.)
6. Hor'devours. I don't know about you, but I can't tell my pepper jelly cheesecake from my baked brie. Have a young cousin or sibling stand by you and eat things and then tell you what they taste like when you play "What's the Appetizer?"
7. Running away. The family's up for yet another game of charades? See how far and fast you can run while the game halts play during Uncle Old Man's bathroom break. (Note: Actual familial occurence.)
Anyway - whether you have better things to do on Thanksgiving or not be thankful, live long, and prosper. Oops. Just... be thankful. And avoid any uncomfortable conversations with your nosy aunt about that "nice boy from school." I cut it down like this: I am the most unapproachable member of the family and I have no shame in bringing up uncomfortable or awkward subject matter. Back away. And they do. I have a three yard relative-free radius around me at all times. It's lovely.