Chocolate Fic for spikelander
To: spikelander
From: cupid_johnny
Title: The Sunshine of Her Smile
Pairing: Masuda Takahisa/Tabe Mikako
Rating: PG
Summary: He’d always felt he had all the time in the world. Until he met her.
A/N: This was pretty challenging because I've never read any Massu fics before, and neither am I big on NEWS. I hope I pass muster though.
He never actually considered himself to be particularly outstanding. If there was one thing he was good at, he had yet to discover it because his life had always been about comfortably cruising along.
All throughout school, his grades hadn't been exemplary, but he hadn't failed either. Before he graduated, Masuda Takahisa had become known as a fair to middling sort of guy.
He took his time - one painful day after the other - with every major life decision that came his way; so much that he barely even noticed he'd passed the age of twenty-five, which was the age when everybody around the world started experiencing a quarter life crisis.
Life, Massu felt, was long and he couldn't see himself as part of the same crowd that made a mad dash for the trains every day, that scrambled about just in order to get something - anything - done. What did that accomplish anyway, save for bruised shins and scraped elbows and knees?
His mother fretted and worried in her usual way because what parent didn’t want the best for their son? His father grunted and grumbled about how he was having such an easy time of it compared to their generation where everybody already had a life plan by the time they were twenty.
To their lectures, Massu would only smile in response.
He would find his place in the world someday, this much he knew.
"No rush," he told himself. "No point in rushing at all."
++++
How ironic that of all the places that could possibly hire him, he ended up getting hired by a lifestyle magazine.
Where deadlines existed.
If he believed more in cosmic jokes, this was probably the biggest one ever played on him. But instead of voicing that, Massu meekly nodded and asked them what their expectations were.
They had promised him that the deadlines could be met and the work wouldn’t be as demanding, because people were always more interested in gossip rags and political scandals than how they could possibly style their lives. But he knew what working in publication entailed and he wasn’t even sure he could write. His composition essays in junior high had always left something to be desired, besides.
Massu could not help the unease that coiled in his stomach as he shook hands with the head of recruitment, a man by the name of Koyama who was just two years his senior. He tried to muster up a smile, even as he was confronted with this unfamiliar feeling of anxiety now that he had joined the workforce.
As much as he knew that his colleague was trying to reassure him, Massu found it difficult to laugh when Koyama had joked, “Don’t worry! The pay’s not good but the work is hard!”
’Well, this is better than nothing,’ he decided as he boarded the train home. Tomorrow would be a brand new day.
++++
“You’ll be partnered with one of our senior writers,” Kato Shigeaki, one of the editors, explained as he navigated through the maze of corridors leading from the elevators to their office on the sixteenth floor. Massu tried his best to keep up, straightening his tie as they kept up the brisk pace.
“How long will it be before I write my own articles?” he huffed as he caught up with Kato. He wasn’t all that thrilled to be rushed like this, but he figured he might as well make the most of his job and ask the important questions.
Kato grinned, apparently mistaking Massu’s practical question for enthusiasm. “I know you’re eager to start writing your own stuff, but you’re going through a probation period just like everybody else before you.”
“That’s not why-”
“Depending on how hard you work with your partner, it’ll be a couple of months,” Kato answered as he swiped his ID card on the scanner. “Welcome to the team!”
The doors of the office opened and - as cliché as it sounded - Massu felt like he was transported to an entirely different universe.
The office was a whirlwind of activity, with the frantic tapping of keyboards and thumping of stacked folders on desks. Phones rang off the hooks, people bustled about him, and machines buzzed and whirred. There wasn’t a single soul in the office who was idle, and suddenly, he was nervous.
’Oh God...help me…’
Kato showed him to the cubicle he was assigned to where a pretty girl sat, already typing away on her laptop with incredible focus. There were piles and piles of folders next to her and it looked like her coffee had gone cold, but she barely even broke her rhythm when she took a sip.
“Tabe-san,” he tapped the girl on her shoulder. “I’d like you to meet your new partner starting today.”
Her fingers stopped, and she immediately turned to them with a brilliant smile on her face.
“I’m Tabe Mikako.” Her hair fell past her shoulder when she bowed. The movement was so elegant, so graceful, that Massu was caught off-guard and he stumbled through his introductions, bowing clumsily to her.
“I’m Masuda. P-please take care of me.”
Kato nodded his approval and thumped Massu’s back. “Awesome. Now that that’s taken care of, let’s all do our best!”
++++
“Mom, is it just me or does Taka look different?”
Three pairs of eyes stared hard at Massu and he inwardly groaned at their scrutiny while trying to hide his face behind his bowl of rice. Honestly, what was so different about him? And why did his older sister have to make it her life’s mission to put him in the hot seat every single time she visited?
“You’ve found someone.” Was their father’s blunt assessment.
Chaos ensued as the women of the family very quickly tag-teamed on Massu.
“N-no!” Massu quickly denied, even as he felt his face grow hot. “It’s not like that!”
“I can’t believe it!” his sister exclaimed when he blushed.
“And you didn’t even tell me!” His mother was using that tone again, the one that never failed to make him feel guilty as a child. “I’m your mother, Taka!”
“I haven’t found anybody!” Massu was sputtering. “And I swear there’s nothing different about me!”
His father snorted his disbelief. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you rush to get to work every morning. You were never in such a hurry before.”
“It’s work!” Massu retorted in a defensive tone. “Of course I’m in a rush!”
“And there just happens to be a pretty girl you’re working with.”
He knew then that he’d just lost the argument. His father was always such an astute person and Massu couldn’t exactly deny that he thought his partner was pretty.
Sunday dinner continued and he endured their teasing until it was time to say goodnight.
++++
He made it a habit to buy her coffee before he came in for work. When he came over to their shared cubicle with two cups of coffee in hand, she would already be there booting up her laptop and waiting for him. Always she smiled when he greeted her before they plunged headlong into their assignments.
It hadn’t been easy to appreciate his job, but Mikako had been extremely patient in teaching him how to write persuasively and with a warmth that would allow their readers to be able to relate. As they went about their work, he realized that despite stress, the hectic atmosphere of the magazine, and the deadlines that loomed, she radiated an inner calm and genuine warmth that endeared her to everyone.
He had yet to hear any disparaging remarks about her whenever he had the chance to buy a snack from the vending machines, and it had him wondering if it was possible for anybody to be as loved as Mikako was by their colleagues.
“So, how are you finding the job so far, Masuda-san?” she asked between sips of her latte. “It’s been three months since the magazine hired you.”
Massu shrugged. “I honestly didn’t think I’d like it, and I was sure I’d be fired after my first month.”
“What made you think that?” Mikako tilted her head curiously. “You’re a good writer.”
“Only because you’re a good teacher. You helped straighten out everything that was wrong in my writing. Any other person would have probably given up.”
She laughed and Massu thought his heart would burst at the sound because it was just as pretty as she was. “That’s not true. You’ve always been a good writer, but you just needed to dig deeper.”
There was something about her smile that felt so uplifting. He found that he yearned for it and for the praise she showered on him. Most people never truly meant what they said, and despite his placid attitude, Massu could always tell when someone was being completely insincere. Perhaps that was Mikako’s secret to being the belle of the office, because she was always genuine towards even the interns and the cleaning lady.
At one point, when his frustration over an article was peaking, she had gently laid a hand on his arm and told him to take a break with her.
They went up to the roof deck, and in between sipping their coffee and sharing snack bars, she told him of her dreams.
She had not always wanted to write for a lifestyle magazine. Her real passion was journalism, and she wanted to go where her writing was needed the most. She wanted to give victims of oppression and injustice a voice; she wanted to give them the fighting chance they deserved.
She spoke of global hunger, violence, and conflict, and how seeing a documentary on Africa back when she was seven had sparked her interest in becoming a journalist.
Even as he was floored by the intensity of her dreams, and how his heart sank with dread at the very idea that she didn’t mind being placed in life-threatening situations, Massu found himself getting entranced by her smile.
People told him that he had a nice smile. Some girls had even called it charming.
But Mikako’s smile was like the sun, itself.
And that very night, he had his epiphany.
++++
“So, you haven’t asked her out yet? Why? Is it really so bad to be dating a coworker?”
Massu rolled his eyes at his best friend as he munched on his slice of pizza. Not even one day back in town and Tegoshi was already pestering him like a gossipy fishwife.
“Please don’t make me regret telling you,” he grumbled. As usual, that went right over Tegoshi’s head and he shrugged.
“Hey, it doesn’t look like she’s seeing anyone and we’ve been talking about her for the last hour, you realize,” Tegoshi pointed out. “I think you need to take a chance and ask her out.”
Massu opened his mouth, but whatever he planned to retort was immediately shut down by Tegoshi, who looked uncharacteristically serious.
“Massu, don’t give me that excuse again about having all the time in the world. Life isn’t long, like what you think.”
There was a part of him that felt compelled to protest, but he kept silent.
Because somewhere in his heart, Massu realized that Tegoshi was right.
++++
Life wasn’t a fairytale, or even a gritty action-packed saga.
It was one bit of everything, depending on how you dealt with it.
But the very moment Mikako had agreed to go out on a date with him-after he had hastily reassured her that he understood if she had a boyfriend and they could always go back to being colleagues and he would never speak of this again and if she would be so kind as to forget about it as well...-Massu thought that his life could very well be the next biggest hit in romantic comedies if there were cameras filming him.
Mikako laughed and for the first time ever, Massu saw her cheeks stained with a pink hue as she gave him her answer.
“I’d be delighted to.”
++++
The first time he held her hand, he noticed how small it was in his. She was always hefting folders upon folders in her arms like they weighed nothing, and she didn’t even look the least bit fatigued.
When he kissed it, he saw the way her cheeks turned pink and then she looked away as she told him that she thought he had a lovely smile.
The first time they really kissed was right after meeting a deadline. They had been particularly stressed over this assignment, pursuing this popular interior designer with the attitude of a primadonna for the sake of an interview. Once the article had been submitted, readership had increased and everyone celebrated. Kato would not stop smiling for weeks.
They had kissed in the archive room when he told her he would help return all the files they had borrowed. It may not have been the most romantic of places, but in that moment, Massu swore he could hear the orchestra swell as his lips met hers.
Life, he thought, couldn’t possibly get any better than this.
++++
The first time she broke his heart was on a Thursday afternoon.
They were discussing a new article and in between jokes, she said with a smile: “I have cancer.”
Massu couldn’t return her smile. And Mikako’s eyes filled with tears as she gazed back at him.
She cried for him that day.
“I hurt you... I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry...”
++++
Mikako had tried to dissuade him from visiting her when they informed her that the cancer had progressed and she would need chemotherapy. For the first time since he'd met her, Massu saw insecurity flicker in her eyes and the smile she gave him only made the pain in his heart grow.
But he shook his head and quickly grabbed her wrist, stroking the blue veins beneath her skin with his fingers.
"There's no way I'm leaving you," he said. "Even if you lose all your hair or become thin beyond recognition, I'll still be here."
"When I die-"
"Don't talk like that." He whispered against her temple, even as his blood ran cold at her pronouncement. "We haven't even started your treatment and you're already talking like that."
She sighed. "It has to be said... I need to get my affairs in order..."
He acquiesced, noting the desperation in her voice. The hardest thing he ever had to do was keep a straight face as she gave him instructions ranging from her unfinished articles to letting her family know what to do with her ashes when she passed on.
He wanted to dismiss this all as a terrible nightmare, but when it begun, Massu was suddenly confronted with the very real fear that he might lose her.
Each time he came back, she seemed considerably smaller and frailer under her hospital gown. When he took her in his arms, he could feel her ribs pressing against his hands.
After watching her throw up into a bedpan, he went home and broke down.
Tegoshi patiently listened to him sob his heart out on the phone, and when Massu dried the last of his tears, his best friend counseled him.
"Love her, Massu. Love her with all your heart so that it strong enough to stand against what little time she thinks she has left."
++++
He realized that all this time, he had been wrong. There was no way he could take his time anymore because beyond the doors of the hospital, the woman he loved was fighting for her life. He thought he could amble through life, he thought that he had all the time in the world.
Until he met her.
If his family noticed the change in him, they said nothing. His parents could only offer words of encouragement, and even his sister had stopped teasing him.
He found that he could be incredibly focused when he wanted to be. Mikako was not going to be around to help pick up the pieces for him, but Massu squared his shoulders and demanded that every assignment meant for her would be his to write. No, there was no need for a partner, he would work hard in his own way and make her proud.
When he visited her after her chemotherapy had started, he was met with tears instead of the smile he loved.
“I’ve lost my hair,” she whimpered. “I can't bear it.”
Massu smiled and took her frail body in his arms. “I found a bandanna that will look cute on you. Will you wear it for me next time?”
She exhaled shakily and nodded. "Anything for you."
"If that's the case, we should get married."
Her eyes widened, and despite the fact that tears still clung to her lashes, Massu thought that there was absolutely no woman in the world who could outshine Mikako, not even when she thought she was at her worst.
And she told him again how much she loved his smile.
+++
Tegoshi told him he was nuts, but Massu said that he had long ago realized that to be able to truly live, you had to be a little crazy in the head.
Mikako was dressed in a simple white dress, being slowly wheeled in by a nurse. A priest had been called in, as well as their parents, to be witnesses to their marriage.
Massu thought that nobody could possibly look as beautiful as she did, even with the wig she wore to conceal her hair loss. And when she promised to love him for eternity, he fell in love with her all over again.
For the first time in months, she smiled at him.
In between kisses, he told her again how much he loved her.
She told him that he had the loveliest smile.
++++
Life, Massu had come to realize, was precious. Every moment had to be taken in, body and soul. He had long ago discarded the notion that he could take as much time as he wanted and that sometimes, one couldn’t help but be propelled into making crazy decisions.
Like asking a pretty co-worker out on a date even if the likelihood of rejection was pretty high.
Like marrying your girlfriend battling with cancer even if you barely had anything to your name.
Like loving someone else so deeply that your life became so tangled in hers.
The last time he pushed the door to Mikako’s room open, the smiles that greeted him were the most beautiful he’d ever seen.
“Congratulations, Masuda-san,” the nurse said. “Your wife’s ready to go home.”
-- END --
From: cupid_johnny
Title: The Sunshine of Her Smile
Pairing: Masuda Takahisa/Tabe Mikako
Rating: PG
Summary: He’d always felt he had all the time in the world. Until he met her.
A/N: This was pretty challenging because I've never read any Massu fics before, and neither am I big on NEWS. I hope I pass muster though.
He never actually considered himself to be particularly outstanding. If there was one thing he was good at, he had yet to discover it because his life had always been about comfortably cruising along.
All throughout school, his grades hadn't been exemplary, but he hadn't failed either. Before he graduated, Masuda Takahisa had become known as a fair to middling sort of guy.
He took his time - one painful day after the other - with every major life decision that came his way; so much that he barely even noticed he'd passed the age of twenty-five, which was the age when everybody around the world started experiencing a quarter life crisis.
Life, Massu felt, was long and he couldn't see himself as part of the same crowd that made a mad dash for the trains every day, that scrambled about just in order to get something - anything - done. What did that accomplish anyway, save for bruised shins and scraped elbows and knees?
His mother fretted and worried in her usual way because what parent didn’t want the best for their son? His father grunted and grumbled about how he was having such an easy time of it compared to their generation where everybody already had a life plan by the time they were twenty.
To their lectures, Massu would only smile in response.
He would find his place in the world someday, this much he knew.
"No rush," he told himself. "No point in rushing at all."
++++
How ironic that of all the places that could possibly hire him, he ended up getting hired by a lifestyle magazine.
Where deadlines existed.
If he believed more in cosmic jokes, this was probably the biggest one ever played on him. But instead of voicing that, Massu meekly nodded and asked them what their expectations were.
They had promised him that the deadlines could be met and the work wouldn’t be as demanding, because people were always more interested in gossip rags and political scandals than how they could possibly style their lives. But he knew what working in publication entailed and he wasn’t even sure he could write. His composition essays in junior high had always left something to be desired, besides.
Massu could not help the unease that coiled in his stomach as he shook hands with the head of recruitment, a man by the name of Koyama who was just two years his senior. He tried to muster up a smile, even as he was confronted with this unfamiliar feeling of anxiety now that he had joined the workforce.
As much as he knew that his colleague was trying to reassure him, Massu found it difficult to laugh when Koyama had joked, “Don’t worry! The pay’s not good but the work is hard!”
’Well, this is better than nothing,’ he decided as he boarded the train home. Tomorrow would be a brand new day.
++++
“You’ll be partnered with one of our senior writers,” Kato Shigeaki, one of the editors, explained as he navigated through the maze of corridors leading from the elevators to their office on the sixteenth floor. Massu tried his best to keep up, straightening his tie as they kept up the brisk pace.
“How long will it be before I write my own articles?” he huffed as he caught up with Kato. He wasn’t all that thrilled to be rushed like this, but he figured he might as well make the most of his job and ask the important questions.
Kato grinned, apparently mistaking Massu’s practical question for enthusiasm. “I know you’re eager to start writing your own stuff, but you’re going through a probation period just like everybody else before you.”
“That’s not why-”
“Depending on how hard you work with your partner, it’ll be a couple of months,” Kato answered as he swiped his ID card on the scanner. “Welcome to the team!”
The doors of the office opened and - as cliché as it sounded - Massu felt like he was transported to an entirely different universe.
The office was a whirlwind of activity, with the frantic tapping of keyboards and thumping of stacked folders on desks. Phones rang off the hooks, people bustled about him, and machines buzzed and whirred. There wasn’t a single soul in the office who was idle, and suddenly, he was nervous.
’Oh God...help me…’
Kato showed him to the cubicle he was assigned to where a pretty girl sat, already typing away on her laptop with incredible focus. There were piles and piles of folders next to her and it looked like her coffee had gone cold, but she barely even broke her rhythm when she took a sip.
“Tabe-san,” he tapped the girl on her shoulder. “I’d like you to meet your new partner starting today.”
Her fingers stopped, and she immediately turned to them with a brilliant smile on her face.
“I’m Tabe Mikako.” Her hair fell past her shoulder when she bowed. The movement was so elegant, so graceful, that Massu was caught off-guard and he stumbled through his introductions, bowing clumsily to her.
“I’m Masuda. P-please take care of me.”
Kato nodded his approval and thumped Massu’s back. “Awesome. Now that that’s taken care of, let’s all do our best!”
++++
“Mom, is it just me or does Taka look different?”
Three pairs of eyes stared hard at Massu and he inwardly groaned at their scrutiny while trying to hide his face behind his bowl of rice. Honestly, what was so different about him? And why did his older sister have to make it her life’s mission to put him in the hot seat every single time she visited?
“You’ve found someone.” Was their father’s blunt assessment.
Chaos ensued as the women of the family very quickly tag-teamed on Massu.
“N-no!” Massu quickly denied, even as he felt his face grow hot. “It’s not like that!”
“I can’t believe it!” his sister exclaimed when he blushed.
“And you didn’t even tell me!” His mother was using that tone again, the one that never failed to make him feel guilty as a child. “I’m your mother, Taka!”
“I haven’t found anybody!” Massu was sputtering. “And I swear there’s nothing different about me!”
His father snorted his disbelief. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you rush to get to work every morning. You were never in such a hurry before.”
“It’s work!” Massu retorted in a defensive tone. “Of course I’m in a rush!”
“And there just happens to be a pretty girl you’re working with.”
He knew then that he’d just lost the argument. His father was always such an astute person and Massu couldn’t exactly deny that he thought his partner was pretty.
Sunday dinner continued and he endured their teasing until it was time to say goodnight.
++++
He made it a habit to buy her coffee before he came in for work. When he came over to their shared cubicle with two cups of coffee in hand, she would already be there booting up her laptop and waiting for him. Always she smiled when he greeted her before they plunged headlong into their assignments.
It hadn’t been easy to appreciate his job, but Mikako had been extremely patient in teaching him how to write persuasively and with a warmth that would allow their readers to be able to relate. As they went about their work, he realized that despite stress, the hectic atmosphere of the magazine, and the deadlines that loomed, she radiated an inner calm and genuine warmth that endeared her to everyone.
He had yet to hear any disparaging remarks about her whenever he had the chance to buy a snack from the vending machines, and it had him wondering if it was possible for anybody to be as loved as Mikako was by their colleagues.
“So, how are you finding the job so far, Masuda-san?” she asked between sips of her latte. “It’s been three months since the magazine hired you.”
Massu shrugged. “I honestly didn’t think I’d like it, and I was sure I’d be fired after my first month.”
“What made you think that?” Mikako tilted her head curiously. “You’re a good writer.”
“Only because you’re a good teacher. You helped straighten out everything that was wrong in my writing. Any other person would have probably given up.”
She laughed and Massu thought his heart would burst at the sound because it was just as pretty as she was. “That’s not true. You’ve always been a good writer, but you just needed to dig deeper.”
There was something about her smile that felt so uplifting. He found that he yearned for it and for the praise she showered on him. Most people never truly meant what they said, and despite his placid attitude, Massu could always tell when someone was being completely insincere. Perhaps that was Mikako’s secret to being the belle of the office, because she was always genuine towards even the interns and the cleaning lady.
At one point, when his frustration over an article was peaking, she had gently laid a hand on his arm and told him to take a break with her.
They went up to the roof deck, and in between sipping their coffee and sharing snack bars, she told him of her dreams.
She had not always wanted to write for a lifestyle magazine. Her real passion was journalism, and she wanted to go where her writing was needed the most. She wanted to give victims of oppression and injustice a voice; she wanted to give them the fighting chance they deserved.
She spoke of global hunger, violence, and conflict, and how seeing a documentary on Africa back when she was seven had sparked her interest in becoming a journalist.
Even as he was floored by the intensity of her dreams, and how his heart sank with dread at the very idea that she didn’t mind being placed in life-threatening situations, Massu found himself getting entranced by her smile.
People told him that he had a nice smile. Some girls had even called it charming.
But Mikako’s smile was like the sun, itself.
And that very night, he had his epiphany.
++++
“So, you haven’t asked her out yet? Why? Is it really so bad to be dating a coworker?”
Massu rolled his eyes at his best friend as he munched on his slice of pizza. Not even one day back in town and Tegoshi was already pestering him like a gossipy fishwife.
“Please don’t make me regret telling you,” he grumbled. As usual, that went right over Tegoshi’s head and he shrugged.
“Hey, it doesn’t look like she’s seeing anyone and we’ve been talking about her for the last hour, you realize,” Tegoshi pointed out. “I think you need to take a chance and ask her out.”
Massu opened his mouth, but whatever he planned to retort was immediately shut down by Tegoshi, who looked uncharacteristically serious.
“Massu, don’t give me that excuse again about having all the time in the world. Life isn’t long, like what you think.”
There was a part of him that felt compelled to protest, but he kept silent.
Because somewhere in his heart, Massu realized that Tegoshi was right.
++++
Life wasn’t a fairytale, or even a gritty action-packed saga.
It was one bit of everything, depending on how you dealt with it.
But the very moment Mikako had agreed to go out on a date with him-after he had hastily reassured her that he understood if she had a boyfriend and they could always go back to being colleagues and he would never speak of this again and if she would be so kind as to forget about it as well...-Massu thought that his life could very well be the next biggest hit in romantic comedies if there were cameras filming him.
Mikako laughed and for the first time ever, Massu saw her cheeks stained with a pink hue as she gave him her answer.
“I’d be delighted to.”
++++
The first time he held her hand, he noticed how small it was in his. She was always hefting folders upon folders in her arms like they weighed nothing, and she didn’t even look the least bit fatigued.
When he kissed it, he saw the way her cheeks turned pink and then she looked away as she told him that she thought he had a lovely smile.
The first time they really kissed was right after meeting a deadline. They had been particularly stressed over this assignment, pursuing this popular interior designer with the attitude of a primadonna for the sake of an interview. Once the article had been submitted, readership had increased and everyone celebrated. Kato would not stop smiling for weeks.
They had kissed in the archive room when he told her he would help return all the files they had borrowed. It may not have been the most romantic of places, but in that moment, Massu swore he could hear the orchestra swell as his lips met hers.
Life, he thought, couldn’t possibly get any better than this.
++++
The first time she broke his heart was on a Thursday afternoon.
They were discussing a new article and in between jokes, she said with a smile: “I have cancer.”
Massu couldn’t return her smile. And Mikako’s eyes filled with tears as she gazed back at him.
She cried for him that day.
“I hurt you... I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry...”
++++
Mikako had tried to dissuade him from visiting her when they informed her that the cancer had progressed and she would need chemotherapy. For the first time since he'd met her, Massu saw insecurity flicker in her eyes and the smile she gave him only made the pain in his heart grow.
But he shook his head and quickly grabbed her wrist, stroking the blue veins beneath her skin with his fingers.
"There's no way I'm leaving you," he said. "Even if you lose all your hair or become thin beyond recognition, I'll still be here."
"When I die-"
"Don't talk like that." He whispered against her temple, even as his blood ran cold at her pronouncement. "We haven't even started your treatment and you're already talking like that."
She sighed. "It has to be said... I need to get my affairs in order..."
He acquiesced, noting the desperation in her voice. The hardest thing he ever had to do was keep a straight face as she gave him instructions ranging from her unfinished articles to letting her family know what to do with her ashes when she passed on.
He wanted to dismiss this all as a terrible nightmare, but when it begun, Massu was suddenly confronted with the very real fear that he might lose her.
Each time he came back, she seemed considerably smaller and frailer under her hospital gown. When he took her in his arms, he could feel her ribs pressing against his hands.
After watching her throw up into a bedpan, he went home and broke down.
Tegoshi patiently listened to him sob his heart out on the phone, and when Massu dried the last of his tears, his best friend counseled him.
"Love her, Massu. Love her with all your heart so that it strong enough to stand against what little time she thinks she has left."
++++
He realized that all this time, he had been wrong. There was no way he could take his time anymore because beyond the doors of the hospital, the woman he loved was fighting for her life. He thought he could amble through life, he thought that he had all the time in the world.
Until he met her.
If his family noticed the change in him, they said nothing. His parents could only offer words of encouragement, and even his sister had stopped teasing him.
He found that he could be incredibly focused when he wanted to be. Mikako was not going to be around to help pick up the pieces for him, but Massu squared his shoulders and demanded that every assignment meant for her would be his to write. No, there was no need for a partner, he would work hard in his own way and make her proud.
When he visited her after her chemotherapy had started, he was met with tears instead of the smile he loved.
“I’ve lost my hair,” she whimpered. “I can't bear it.”
Massu smiled and took her frail body in his arms. “I found a bandanna that will look cute on you. Will you wear it for me next time?”
She exhaled shakily and nodded. "Anything for you."
"If that's the case, we should get married."
Her eyes widened, and despite the fact that tears still clung to her lashes, Massu thought that there was absolutely no woman in the world who could outshine Mikako, not even when she thought she was at her worst.
And she told him again how much she loved his smile.
+++
Tegoshi told him he was nuts, but Massu said that he had long ago realized that to be able to truly live, you had to be a little crazy in the head.
Mikako was dressed in a simple white dress, being slowly wheeled in by a nurse. A priest had been called in, as well as their parents, to be witnesses to their marriage.
Massu thought that nobody could possibly look as beautiful as she did, even with the wig she wore to conceal her hair loss. And when she promised to love him for eternity, he fell in love with her all over again.
For the first time in months, she smiled at him.
In between kisses, he told her again how much he loved her.
She told him that he had the loveliest smile.
++++
Life, Massu had come to realize, was precious. Every moment had to be taken in, body and soul. He had long ago discarded the notion that he could take as much time as he wanted and that sometimes, one couldn’t help but be propelled into making crazy decisions.
Like asking a pretty co-worker out on a date even if the likelihood of rejection was pretty high.
Like marrying your girlfriend battling with cancer even if you barely had anything to your name.
Like loving someone else so deeply that your life became so tangled in hers.
The last time he pushed the door to Mikako’s room open, the smiles that greeted him were the most beautiful he’d ever seen.
“Congratulations, Masuda-san,” the nurse said. “Your wife’s ready to go home.”
-- END --