Chocolate Fic for space_sick
To: space_sick
From: crystallekil
Title: Love Outside the Box (Part 1)
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Nishiyama Maki (main), Yamashita Tomohisa x Kitagawa Keiko, Nishikido Ryo x Nagasawa Masami, and Kamenashi Kazuya x Kuroki Meisa
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When you're famous, having a relationship is much like a covert operation. Jin never particularly enjoyed the emotional roller coaster... until now.
A/N: References to Maki's appearance on Cartoon KAT-TUN, where she mentions seeing "little men." You can watch it here, but you don't have to. space_sick, I do hope you like this, and that the background pairings aren't too much. I honestly couldn't decide, so I included them all.^^
Turning twenty-five was a bit of an eye-opener for one Akanishi Jin.
All around him, people are getting married and having babies while he continues to sing and dance like he has for over ten years now. Sometimes he wishes that there was a bit of truth to any of the thousands of rumors of him with countless women across the globe, because then at least he'd be getting something more than a meaningful overnight relationship.
Recently he hasn't even bothered to learn their names. They don't care what he calls him as long as he takes them home - or to his car, the bathroom, or the alley behind the club - and gives them what they came for. Sex has completely lost its appeal but he does it anyway, for that brief air of affection that seems more like a concept than a reality, especially when they leave disappointed because he's not actually the casanova that his reputation plagues him to be.
"Your problem," Ryo tells him, unsolicited as usual, "is that you're a dog sniffing around the cat farm for a bone. I shouldn't have to tell you how impossible it is to exist on the same level with people who don't have any inkling of understanding for your job."
This is Nishikido Ryo, who spends more time arguing with his girlfriend than anything that could even be construed as love. Jin's been present more than once for the uncomfortable screaming matches, because that Masami gives it back just as avidly as she gets it, and somehow it always ends in them making out and excusing themselves for the evening. Jin doesn't get them at all, which just makes him more reluctant to accept any 'helpful' advice Ryo may have on the topic.
"He's right," Yamapi speaks up, his eyes unmoving from where he's rapidly typing on his phone. There's no doubt who is on the receiving end judging by the completely smitten look on his face. "It's easy for Keiko-chan and I to be together because we know what's expected of the other. We don't get jealous or resentful that we can't spend a lot of time together."
Jin starts to open his mouth, then he thinks better of it and just nods. What he wants to say is that these two haven't actually been out of the spotlight long enough to know what life is like on the other side, or on the 'cat farm' as Ryo put it. Nothing against Masami or Keiko, but Jin prefers real women who have lived and have something to talk about other than photoshoots and material things.
His one regret about going to L.A. was that now he knows what he's missing out on.
The beep of his phone pulls him out of his self-pity, a slow shake of his head as he chuckles at the words that would make absolutely no sense if it had been from anyone other than Nishiyama Maki.
At the aquarium on a date. Saw a seahorse and it reminded me of you. ^^
Ryo snatches his phone and laughs. "Is this crazy bitch still mailing you?"
"Yeah," Jin admits. "I don't mind."
"What does a seahorse have to do with you?" Ryo asks, frowning in confusion.
"Hell if I know." Jin shrugs. "She's weird like that."
"Maybe it's because the males have the babies," Yamapi speaks up. "You're always talking about how you want kids. If you were a seahorse, you could do it yourself."
Both Ryo and Jin stare at him. "You're weird too," Jin tells him.
"And that's not entirely accurate," Ryo adds. "The female seahorse has to give the male her eggs to fertilize."
Now Jin swirls his head back to stare at Ryo. "How do you know that?"
Ryo shrugs. "Just because I didn't go to school doesn't mean that I don't know things. More importantly, why is she mailing you when she's on a date?"
"Must be a boring date," Yamapi scoffs. "I imagine the average man wouldn't hold her attention span for very long."
"There you go!" Ryo exclaims, tossing Jin back his phone before clapping him on the shoulder. "She's totally a dog whom you could go after."
"She's more like a bird," Jin thinks out loud. "A completely different species. We're not even really friends anymore. She just... randomly mails me."
"Do you ever mail her back?" Ryo asks.
Jin shakes his head. "No. That's what makes her even weirder. I haven't even seen her for over a year."
Not since the rumors, Jin amends fondly. They'd had a good laugh over Maki's supposed clinginess, back when Jin thought it was funny to get Friday'd and have people speculate about his personal life. Now it's just an annoying reminder that he's not actually seeing anybody.
"Dogs like birds too, maybe even better than bones," Yamapi says in a cryptic tone, although the smirk on his face completely negates any innocence in his statement.
For the first time in a very long while, Jin hits the 'reply' button on his phone. He's not sure if it's his mood or Ryo and Yamapi's coercion, but he types the first thing that comes to his mind and hits 'send' without any further thought.
I like blowfish better.
Five minutes later, he has a crooked phone pic of Maki puffing her cheeks and giving the peace sign next to an angry-looking blowfish. Jin laughs out loud and sets it as her assigned photo.
Yamapi drags his eyes away from his own phone long enough to exchange a knowing look with Ryo, but Jin's too amused to notice.
*
"Akanishi, are you paying attention?"
"Nope," Jin replies bluntly, feet crossed on the folding chair across from him as he types rapidly on his phone.
"New order of business," speaks up Koki, the usual malice in his voice. "Find out who Akanishi's girlfriend is."
"Haha, fuck you," Jin says, his thumbs uninterrupted. "Not a girlfriend."
"It's probably Yamashita," Kame mutters. "Can we focus, please?"
Real turtles are mute. And cuter. Jin hits 'send' with a smirk. "New order of business," he announces. "Get the stick out of Kame's ass."
"Not me," Ueda and Koki quickly call out, followed by Jin and Junno.
Nakamaru looks to the ceiling. "Dammit."
"Thanks for the concern," Kame says sarcastically. "I'm just trying to wrap up before midnight so that I can go get laid."
A beat, then Ueda stifles a noise and Koki coughs from the force of his restraint, while Jin laughs so hard that he almost falls out of his chair.
"Bullshit," calls Junno calmly.
Kame gives them a haughty look. "I don't care if you believe me or not."
Jin's phone beeps. I hear they get good distance when you punt them.
He's considering it when the device is swiped from his hand. "Oi!"
"Nishiyama Maki?" Koki reads. He gives Jin this scandalized look. "Wasn't she the crazy one?"
"I liked her," Ueda inputs. "I didn't know you were seeing her again."
"I wasn't seeing her in the first place," Jin counters, snatching his phone back. "She's been mailing me sporadically about completely random things, and the other day I decided to reply back." Jin frowns. "I don't think we've actually had a real conversation yet. Just things that pop into our heads."
This morning he'd woken up to a message that read: There's a guy in a banana costume at the train station. I gave him 100 yen because he wasn't peeled.
He doesn't think he'll ever understand her, but she's definitely entertaining. He's found himself looking forward to her mails, which are a complete contrast to the usual "what are you doing?" or reminders from various people (mostly his mother). If asked, he wouldn't be able to say what kind of project she's working on or who she's been spending time with, but he could say with certainty that she made her sashimi battle at dinner the other night (salmon won, best of three) and held an entire one-sided conversation with her fake boyfriend on her phone on the bus just so this creeper wouldn't approach her.
If I put my hair in pigtails and take off my makeup, do you think the driver will let me on for youth fare?
Jin just shakes his head and humors Kame by participating in their completely unnecessary meeting. Right at midnight, Kame's phone goes off.
Five people dive for it; Ueda just sits back and looks smug. He probably already knows.
"'I'm here, where the fuck are you?'" Junno reads, followed by his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline. "Kuroki Meisa?"
Kame grabs his phone at the same time he flips his jacket over his shoulder with a smirk. "I'll be going now."
There are whistles and catcalls in his wake, but none from Jin. He could care less about Kame sticking it to pop's latest sex kitten. Maki had attached a picture with her last message, pigtails and makeup-free as promised, and Jin could hardly take his eyes off of her long enough to type a response.
It's too late to be riding the bus. Where are you? I'll give you a ride.
*
She looks exactly the same, maybe not as glamorous but Jin likes it better that way. Maki looks around his dashboard with big eyes, flips through the CDs on the back of his visor and settles for staring out the window, curiously like she's never seen this part of town before.
"How have you been?" he asks, pretending it didn't take five whole minutes (and forty-three seconds) of silence for him to gather the nerve to speak.
One of her pigtails smacks her in the face as she spins around to face him, rubbing her eye as she responds. "Ow. I've been okay, I guess. Working and paying bills. Being an adult is boring."
"Yeah, tell me about it," Jin agrees. "It gets kind of monotonous at times."
She just nods, and they fall quiet again. Jin wants to kick himself. Usually the girls do all of the talking while he just sits there and listens, drinks and maybe smokes while they go on and on about anything and everything. Maki doesn't appear to need entertainment, though, even if she's not as chatty as she was back when they used to hang out. Even if he's not actually trying to court her.
He catches her making fish faces in the side mirror and hides a laugh.
"You know what I'm afraid of?" she asks without stopping for an answer. "Random onset insomnia."
Jin feels his forehead crease as he contemplates it. "That would be horrible."
"I could not think of a worse way to die," Maki says seriously. "It might even beat out a shark attack. I have a list."
Jin is not at all surprised.
Maki looks scared at the thought. "I love sleeping almost more than pumpkin cake."
"You're making me hungry," Jin admits with a laugh. "Dinner was forever ago."
"Green tea ice cream!" she almost shrieks, flashing him a grin. "My treat, for thwarting my age experiment."
Jin isn't going to argue. "Do you have a recommended place around here?"
"Around... here?" she repeats slowly, then frowns as she looks out the window. "I don't know this area at all."
"What?" he asks, glancing over at her in surprise before returning his eyes back to the road. "Isn't this your neighborhood?"
"Akanishi Jin-kun," Maki says in a mock-stern voice. "Did you get me mixed up with some other girl?"
Jin's hand flies to his forehead. "No! I swear I thought you lived on this next street."
He expects her to fly off the handle, but she just laughs and flops back in her seat, hugging the seat belt with both arms. "And here I was thinking you were taking me back to your place. That's what I get for assuming!"
"I don't-" Jin starts, then realizes that it's not polite to tell a girl you don't like her. "I mean, I wouldn't-"
"It's okay," Maki assures him. "I actually live an hour in the other direction from where you picked me up."
"Oh," Jin says, looking at the clock. If he took her all the way home, he wouldn't get back until nearly four a.m. "In that case, I can sleep on the couch and give you my bed. With new sheets, of course."
Maki peers at him. "You're cute when you're flustered."
Jin doesn't know what to say to that, so he slouches down in his seat and gets back on the freeway to go home. He can't remember if he did the dishes this morning, or if it was Yamapi's turn and Jin was actually supposed to take the trash. Either way, he's certain that their apartment is not up to standards for female company, even if Yamapi has no problem inviting Keiko over regardless of what it looks like.
"Tell you what," Maki interrupts his internal berating. "I'll make breakfast too, in return for your hospitality. I make a mean waffle."
Jin thinks it's a fair trade for his dignity. And possibly his heart.
*
He didn't think he was nervous until he couldn't get his key in the door due to how badly his hands were shaking.
"I'll do it," Maki offers cheerfully, relieving him of his keys as she balances the conbini bag of waffle ingredients in her arms. Jin had tried to carry them for her but she wouldn't have it, claiming that she was perfectly capable of carrying her own bag, thank you very much. "I'm coming in," she sing-song whispers as she gently pushes open the door, the light from the hallway spilling into the dim living area.
Which was occupied by Jin's roommate and his girlfriend making out on the couch. They jump apart and stare in surprise at Maki, their faces relaxing into simple annoyance when Jin follows behind.
"Welcome home," Yamapi says apologetically as he wipes his mouth. "I didn't think you were coming back."
"I'm home." Jin clears his throat awkwardly, gesturing to Maki. "You guys know Nishiyama Maki-chan."
"Actually I don't," speaks up Keiko. She lowers her head politely. "I'm Kitagawa Keiko."
Maki grins at her. "Hi! Do you like waffles?"
"Um." Keiko looks helplessly at Yamapi, who shrugs. "Yes?"
Jin jumps as Maki's elbow digs into his side. "See," she hisses. "I told you it was better to get more."
He just stands in front of the door as Maki slides off her shoes and heads to the kitchen, where she opens the fridge to put the items away. After what looks like an internal battle, Keiko pulls away from Yamapi and gets to her feet, carefully approaching the other female in the house.
"Do you want some help?" Keiko asks, then looks confused when she sees what Maki is doing.
"Oh, I'm not making them right now," Maki clarifies. "I'm kind of stranded here due to a misunderstanding, so I was going to make Jin-kun breakfast in exchange for imposing."
Yamapi raises an eyebrow at Jin, who conveniently looks elsewhere.
Keiko looks like she's trying not to laugh. "Oh, um. I'm not sleeping here. Yamashita-kun has work in the morning."
Now Jin's eyeing Yamapi, with obvious glances to his watch. Yamapi narrows his eyes and points to the door, as if to retort 'you should talk'. Jin is fully prepared for a wordless argument of epic proportions when Keiko mentions leaving her phone in Yamapi's bedroom and they both disappear under the pretense of getting it.
"Do they really think we're that stupid?" Maki asks under her breath.
Jin turns to see her biting her lip to keep from laughing. "I'll get the bed ready," he mumbles, then squeezes past her and nearly trips over his feet in his rush down the hall. Somehow having a girl in his bed without him in it is more nerve-wracking than the alternative. He has laundry all over his room but he's pretty sure it's clean; he wonders if Maki has anything to sleep in and grabs one of his oversized T-shirts just in case, sniffing it and declaring it clean before tossing it over a chair. The sheets are rumpled and it doesn't look nearly as nice as when his mother makes his bed every Sunday (after kicking him out of it), but it will have to do.
He quickly scans the room to make sure he didn't leave his porn out or anything equally as embarrassing, then tries to look casual as he saunters back out into the living room where Maki is entertaining herself with the Rubix cube that Rina got them for Christmas. Which hasn't been touched since.
"These are supposed to stimulate some kind of chemical in your brain," she tells him, frowning as she moves the pieces around. "Something about planning your moves without realizing it. I don't really remember, but I suck at it."
Jin can't help but smile as she places the cube down in defeat. "It's, um, ready."
"Thanks." She hops up and flashes him a grin, looking at him expectantly until he realizes that he's in her way and moves. "Just wake me up whenever you want waffles. I don't have any plans tomorrow. Today. Whatever."
"Good night," he calls after her, feeling out of place in his own living room. He makes a face at sleeping on the same couch that Yamapi and Keiko were just making out on, but grabs blankets and pillows from the hall closet anyway. It's not that thought that keeps him awake, although admittedly it's similar despite involving different people. One of them being in his bed right now.
He stares at the ceiling until he's not really looking at anything, spending at least an hour reliving the past couple weeks in his mind. It's not such a great time for him, releasing two singles while putting together his solo concert, but he can't deny that Maki's random messages have brightened his day, giving him little breaks from the monotony of his work. She's definitely weird but he doesn't mind, never really has and kind of likes her better that way. She's different.
Maybe this dog could catch this bird after all.
That's his last thought before a shadow materializes in his peripheral vision and he nearly jumps out of his own skin, making an embarrassing noise that chokes in his throat when he realizes that a very sleepy Maki is approaching him with her hair down and his T-shirt hanging down to mid-thigh. On bare thighs.
Jin gulps. "Are you sleepwalking?"
"Did I scare you? I'm sorry." Maki yawns and perches on the arm of the couch, giving Jin an uninterrupted view of her legs. "I can't sleep."
It's then that Jin remembers that he and Yamapi share a wall, and not everyone sleeps as hard as him. "Are they going at it? Just bang on the wall, they'll quiet down."
"Oh, um." Maki scratches her head. "I didn't hear anything. I actually think they fell asleep. Either that or they flew out the window."
Jin snorts despite himself. "Is there something wrong with my bed?"
"Don't laugh," she prefaces, and he instantly finds himself holding back his amusement. "At home I have stuffed animals all over my bed, so I'm used to there being... other things on there with me. There's nothing on your bed. It's unsettling."
"Um," Jin begins, unsure of how to handle this. "I don't have any stuffed animals-"
"No, no, no," she halts him. "I was just going to suggest switching. I might be able to sleep on something with less open space, is all."
"I can't let you sleep on the couch," he tells her firmly. "I just can't. It's a guy thing."
She gives him a sleepy glare. "So your testosterone won't let me be comfortable?"
"When you put it that way..." Jin frowns. "Maybe I can get Yamapi to sleep in my room and you can share with Keiko."
"No offense," Maki says, "but I'd rather share a bed with you than some girl I don't know."
Jin's mouth goes dry. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying if you insist on me sleeping in there, you'll need to create some clutter for me." Maki starts to stand up and nearly topples over. "The easiest way would be with your person."
"Maki-"
She offers him a sympathetic look. "Don't worry, I know you don't like me like that. I just want to sleep. That's all."
He almost refutes her. Almost. "All right."
He ends up carrying her back to his bedroom, because she really is tired and can't seem to walk in a straight line, and the pleasant noise she makes when he joins her under the sheets has him wishing that these were different circumstances. That she was more awake, for one thing, being as she lays next to his arm and instantly falls asleep. They're not even touching, just her breath on his skin, and somehow that makes him want it more.
His bedroom ceiling doesn't look much different than the other one, but this time he doesn't have to look at it for very long.
When he wakes, the space next to him is empty and he hears sounds from the kitchen, the smell of waffles wafting through his open door, and he allows himself the brief delusion that he could get used to this.
*
February brings forth a whirlwind month of concerts and appearances, performance after performance of his own songs as well as KAT-TUN's. Whoever decided that KAT-TUN should promote two songs at the same time as his solo concert needed to die in a long, burning fire, but he couldn't stay awake long enough to stay angry about it. Kame wasn't even berating him for falling asleep during rehearsals, but everybody knew that it had nothing to do with any kind of sympathy for Jin.
"Still seeing Kuroki-san, I take it," Koki teases him, only sounding a little jealous.
Kame rolls his eyes. "We're just friends."
"We'll see about that tomorrow," Junno says cryptically, returning their blank looks with a pointed one. "It's Valentine's Day!"
"Oh, it is," Jin mumbles, the first words he's spoken since he arrived.
"Kuroki-san doesn't seem like the type to make chocolates," Koki muses out loud. "Unless they have some kind of aphrodisiac in them."
Kame's eyebrows perk up in interest. Ueda pretends to be reading a magazine, and Nakamaru just looks scandalized.
Jin pays them no mind and wonders if Maki is going to give him any chocolates. He hasn't had a chance to talk to her properly since his concerts started, and after a few encouraging mails she stopped sending them entirely. He knows that she's just leaving him alone so that he can concentrate on his work, but he'd gotten used to her randomness and maybe even missed hearing about her day. There was always something completely insane for her to tell him about, no matter whether she just went to the grocery store or didn't even leave her apartment.
He milks the holiday theme at the next day's shows, pouting about nobody bringing him any chocolates even though they wouldn't have been allowed past security anyway. During the MCs he gives an impromptu speech about love, comparing it to music and probably losing his point before he gets a whole minute into it. Hopefully his fans forgive him for not making any sense; it's not like he's ever been really good at expressing himself.
The late show is much more coherent than the early one, because Jin has the next morning off and he is elated about it. No rehearsals, no stupid group meetings, just a hot date with his bed and the backs of his eyelids. He has already informed Yamapi that if he wakes him up before noon, Jin will cause him much pain, even if he wouldn't really do anything. The threat stands, though.
He arrives home just before midnight, only a few minutes of the official holiday left, and nearly trips over a small box that was rudely placed right on the other side of the door. Or smartly, because otherwise Jin wouldn't have found it until much, much later. The wrapping paper sparkles even in the dark, the glitter getting all over his pants and the carpet as he picks it up and takes it to his room. It's cute that one of Yamapi's women gave Jin obligation chocolates, either Keiko or Rina, unless Yamapi decided to be stupid and do it himself. The glitter wrapping paper is definitely Yamapi's style, and upon further scrutiny he recognizes the handwriting on the accompanying note.
I didn't eat any, but only because her threats are much more involved than yours. :P
Curious despite his exhaustion, Jin collapses into bed, leaning over the edge to keep from getting glitter on his covers. Inside are nine misshaped chocolates, all different and clearly handmade. They remind him of the clouds in the sky, how people can see them form certain things even if they don't resemble them at all; if Jin looks closely, he can see a fat turtle and maybe a face with a big nose, briefly entertaining the thought of someone molding chocolates into representations of his bandmates.
The letter inside is in different handwriting, flowery and decidedly girly: To Jin-kun: I am not as good at pottery as I am at drawing, but Happy Valentine's Day anyway. I put in a special ingredient to raise your genki. ;) I was at the show earlier, did you see me? ^^ You are doing well, please keep working hard but remember to have fun too! Isn't it amazing that I had already made these for you when you mentioned not getting any chocolates? I must be psychic. 8D Please enjoy them and take care of yourself. From Nishiyama Maki.
Jin's smile broadens until it's a full-out grin as he reads, then studies the remaining unidentified blobs in an attempt to figure out who is who. The crooked joker hat has to be Koki, Taguchi is a big smiley face, and another face with big lips is definitely Ueda. There are two chocolates near the bottom resembling a dog with floppy ears and a coiled snake with his tongue sticking out, which Jin realizes could be accurate symbols for Yamapi and Ryo. Which leaves a big heart and a girly face with long hair, and Jin laughs when it occurs to him that either one could be him.
Suddenly he has a second wind and bursts into Yamapi's room, turning on the light and flopping onto the bed next to his sleeping roommate. "Pi, wake up, I have chocolate."
"Choco?" Yamapi mumbles, looking not at all annoyed as he stretches and pries open his eyes. "Ah, light."
"Sorry," Jin says in a rushed voice. He knows he sounds completely unapologetic and he doesn't care. "I'll let you have one if you tell me which one looks like me."
"Which one... looks like you?" Yamapi repeats. "My eyes are not even focused, Jin. Anyway, chocolates look like chocolates, not people."
"Not these," Jin says happily, bouncing a little as he shoves the box in Yamapi's face. "Maki-chan is creative."
Yamapi yawns. "That's one word for it." He peers into the box, cringing at the light, and frowns. "They all look like deformed monsters. Oh wait, there's Nakamaru's nose."
"Yeah," Jin prompts. "And Ueda's lips and Taguchi's stupid grin and the animal forms of you, Ryo, and Kame. The joker hat is Koki, obviously, which leaves one of these two for me."
"Which one am I?" Yamapi asks, squinting more.
Jin sighs. "The dog. But these two-"
"Why am I a dog?" Yamapi pouts.
Jin pokes him in his outstretched bottom lip. "That's why."
Yamapi sucks it back into his mouth. "Oh. Woof."
"There's a heart and a girl," Jin persists, pointing to them.
Yamapi laughs. "You're asking me if you're a heart or a girl?"
"When you put it like that..." Jin narrows his eyes at his amused, sleepy roommate. "But I have long hair!"
"Bakanishi," Yamapi chides, and Jin rolls his eyes at the old nickname. "Clearly you are the heart and she is the girl because she loves you."
"No she doesn't," Jin argues, realizing that he sounds disappointed about it. "We're just friends. She was at my concert earlier."
"I know, I was here when she stopped by." Yamapi smirks. "She's crazy, but that just means her love for you is crazy too. Maybe you're falling in the crazy love~"
Jin ignores the off-tune singing and focuses on the girl face. The longer he looks, the more he sees her features in it. "The heart is in the middle of the box," he notices out loud.
"Further proof that it's you," Yamapi tells him. "The rest of us are all connected to you."
Right now, Jin feels like his own heart will break out of his chest if it gets any bigger; maybe it's a logical representation after all. "I guess I'm nice and caring or something."
"In her eyes, anyway," Yamapi teases, holding up an arm to shield Jin's inevitable swat at him. "I answered your question, now give me chocolate!"
"I should make you eat Kame," Jin grumbles, but points to the dog one. "Although eating yourself is just as weird."
Yamapi chuckles as he pops the chocolate into his mouth and chews. "Ah, I am delicious!" He looks over, sees Jin watching him intently, and raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"Nothing, just observing." Jin flashes his best, innocent grin.
Licking his lips, Yamapi swallows and fixes Jin with a hard glare. "What's in them, Jin."
"I honestly don't know," Jin tells him, producing Maki's letter from behind his back. "She said she included a special ingredient to 'raise my genki'."
"You drugged me!" Yamapi declares, pushing the box back towards him. "First you wake me up, and then you drug me. Now you have to eat one, because I will not be stoned by myself."
"Okay, okay," Jin gives in, then pops the heart-shaped chocolate into his mouth. "Ooh, this is really good."
"Isn't it?" Yamapi replies, leaning back against his pillow. "I don't feel stoned, though."
"Me neither," Jin admits. "Maybe it's slow-acting."
He plops down and steals part of Yamapi's pillow, the pair of them resigning themselves to staring at Yamapi's ceiling as they wait for whatever inserted substance to take effect. The next thing he knows, strong rays of midday sunlight are pouring through the window and Yamapi's covers are haphazardly wrapped around him, making him feel like a burrito. The remaining chocolates are still in the box that had been placed on Yamapi's nightstand with another note: A girl gives you chocolates and you end up in my bed? What an insult. :P
Jin just rolls his eyes and grabs for his phone, ignoring the business mails waiting for him and bringing up a message box to Maki. Thank you for the chocolates, they are delicious. Whatever you put in them, it knocked me right out.
A few minutes later, his phone beeps. I didn't put anything out of the ordinary in them, but a well-rested Jin-kun is a genki one, right? I'm glad you liked them. Did you recognize everybody?
The kanji swims in front of his eyes, resorting him to squinting before he just calls her. "Sorry," he says in greeting. "I just woke up. I can barely focus on the numbers."
"Woke up? It's two in the afternoon!" she exclaims, but she's laughing. "What did you think I put in them?"
"I don't know, something... mind-altering," Jin admits, then frowns at Maki's sudden explosion of hysterics. "You said 'special ingredient', what was I supposed to think?!"
"Only you, Jin-kun," she says fondly. "People are looking at me strangely. I'm at the shrine."
Jin flings his arm over his eyes, cringing in sympathetic embarrassment. "Ah, sorry."
"It's okay, I already prayed. Happy Lunar New Year to you!"
"You too. It's not your year, is it?" he asks, trying to remember how old she is.
"No, I was last year." She sighs. "Eleven more years until I can shine again, but that's depressing. So what are you doing today?"
"I have a show tonight," he tells her as he stretches, trying not to groan into the phone. "I'm still in bed - well, not my bed. Pi's bed." He almost smacks himself when he realizes what he just said. "I wanted him to tell me which chocolate was me, then we ate some and fell asleep."
Maki giggles. "Good thing Kitagawa-san wasn't there. That might have been awkward."
For a second Jin thinks she's talking about his boss, then remembers Keiko's last name. He actually thinks that Johnny would be more disturbed than her; she's been over enough to be used to Yamapi and Jin's behavior. "Yeah," is all he says.
Now he remembers why he doesn't call people; the silence is even worse over the phone. He considers actually getting up and facing the day, but it seems like too much effort to unwrap him from Yamapi's covers and he resigns himself to laying around for a little while longer.
"So which one did you think was you?" Maki asks. "I thought it was rather obvious, but other people don't usually think like me so I'm interested."
Jin feels a little sheepish at admitting it, but he tells himself at least they're not in person. "It was between the heart and the girl, and Yamapi picked the heart because I'm nice. Or something."
"That's true, you are nice~" Maki drawls. "But you are also wrong. The heart was just a heart. It's the symbol of Valentine's Day, right? The one that you thought was a girl is actually a boy, with Jin-kun's hair and Jin-kun's hand gesture."
He pulls it out of the box and stares at it, still seeing a girl with her hand covering her mouth. "Oh."
"I'll try not to be too offended," she says.
"I didn't mean-" he starts, then stops when he hears her laughing. "I thought the girl was you."
"Oh!" she cries, sounding surprised. "I didn't think to make one of myself. I wonder what form I would take."
"A bird," Jin blurts out. "One that flies in the opposite direction of the others, aimlessly and open to whatever you find."
Maki pauses for a second, then makes a happy noise. "Jin-kun, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."
"Ah, well." Jin scratches his head and pulls the covers over his face. "I'm glad."
"Oh no, I have to go," she tells him. "There is a man selling balloon animals and I hope he will teach me how to make them."
"Sounds like fun," he replies, feeling a little jealous. "I want one."
"If I learn, I'll definitely make you one." She sounds rushed, like she's chasing someone, and Jin's not sure that he wants to know. "I'm going to hang up now. Good luck tonight, I'll fly with you later."
He stares at the phone as he hangs up, the words staying in his mind and giving him images of two crazy birds soaring through the sky towards nowhere. The thought has him feeling motivated, untangling himself from the covers and stumbling into the shower, waking up completely and surprising everyone at the venue by arriving early and in a good mood.
First he has to learn how to fly.
*
The concert run ends with minimal damage, giving Jin a week of peace before he starts meetings with the other members of KAT-TUN for their new album. He thinks it's a little odd that they're going to release an album with only one single, but Johnny's been cutting back lately so he supposes he should be grateful that they get to release anything at all. Besides, after six solos and three duos, there's only a few spots left for group songs anyway.
A serious janken match pairs him with Koki, which is the best and worst thing that could have happened to him. On one hand, they like the same style of music - western hip-hop beats with a lot of rapping and offensive content. On the other, they are both very particular about their solos.
In short, Jin expects a brawl.
Get drunk and make sure it's in writing, Maki suggests. And it would be cool if you rapped about penguins. Nobody has rapped about penguins before.
Weirdness aside, it's probably the first time that a girl has actively told him to go out and drink. Usually they get all concerned about his health and act like his mother, when his own mother has given up lecturing him on alcoholic responsibility; she's just happy he doesn't fall through her door at two a.m. and pass out in the hallway anymore.
"She's not your girlfriend, of course she wouldn't give a shit," Ryo helpfully reminds him, tossing Jin's phone back across the couch. "And if you actually get Tanaka to rap about penguins, let me know what you gave him to drink so I can give it to Ma-chan. There's something I've been trying to get her to do and she keeps flaking out at the last minute."
"You know, that kind of thing isn't usually considered consensual," Keiko says gently.
Ryo takes a sip of his beer. "No offense, but it's guy night. Your opinion is invalid."
"Noted," she replies. "I'll still say it, though."
Yamapi just shrugs, completely unapologetic and a little proud.
"And for your information, she's already consented to it," Ryo says. "She just won't actually do it."
"Do I even want to know?" Jin asks.
Ryo grins. "I'll tell you."
"I have no idea how she puts up with you," Keiko tells him with a smile.
Ryo's response involves his tongue and no words, and even Jin cringes at the implication. "That's how," Ryo says.
Keiko just blinks. "I hope she has toys."
Jin makes the mistake of looking at Yamapi and they both nearly explode from trying not to laugh, which is pointless because Ryo just rolls his eyes at them all. "Funny you bring that up, being as it has a lot to do with what I want her to do."
Keiko makes a face that's a cross between disgust and interest, and Jin thinks that this is a great time to go outside for a cigarette. He doesn't mind Keiko at all, especially since she gives Ryo a run for his money in the snark department (as does Masami, but there is a much less probability of Keiko cheating by groping him), but all of this talk about sex just reminds him that he's not getting any. Even if he had been interested in something casual, he was so worn out during his solo concert run that he doubted he could have gotten it up for anyone.
Now that he has a week off, he'd ordinarily be hitting the clubs, dragging Shirota or Koki with him since his usual wingmen weren't interested in pursuing those kind of opportunities at this time. It wouldn't be hard for him to find a cute girl, maybe foreign, grind against her for an hour until she pulled him off the dance floor and into her thong. The club hos always wore thongs. Jin can't imagine that they're very comfortable but he doesn't mind if they don't.
This train of thought of course leads him to think about Maki and what kind of underwear she wears, what might have been under his shirt the night she'd slept over. He almost smacks himself to snap out of it; she's the absolute last girl that he should thinking about getting into bed (that is, other than to sleep) because he actually likes her.
He actually likes her.
"You look like you just saw a ghost," a soft female voice interrupts his internal confession. Keiko smiles warmly as he turns around to gape at her. "I lost at janken," she explains.
Jin nods. "Sorry. You can go tell the hens that there's nothing wrong."
"All right, I will," Keiko says, making no effort to leave. "Now tell me what's wrong."
Jin laughs as he takes a drag and blows it out into the night. "Keiko-chan," he says slowly. "How do girls like to be confessed to?"
He doesn't dare look over his shoulder, where Keiko is undoubtedly doing a silent victory dance and probably finger-spelling everything to Yamapi through the sliding glass door. "Ah, well, most girls like the direct approach. And it doesn't hurt to take her somewhere nice and maybe get a thoughtful gift."
The winter air seems to mock him, blowing his exhale right back in his face and making him choke. "Is that right?" he coughs out.
"Yes," Keiko says confidently. She joins Jin on the railing on which she folds her hands. "Which means that you should do the exact opposite, because Nishiyama-san isn't 'most girls'."
"That is definitely the truth," Jin says, followed by a sigh. "But it doesn't help me at all."
Keiko nudges his arm in a true guy-to-guy fashion. "Maybe you can get a clue from her messages."
It's cryptic enough to irritate him, but Keiko heads back inside before he can voice it. Besides, Jin doesn't have to look at his phone to know what to do, what he has to do to show Maki how he feels without coming out and saying it, because that's not the proper way to confess to someone who values actions higher than words.
Jin puts out his cigarette and resigns himself to spending his week of freedom working his powers of intragroup persuasion and possibly underhanded manipulation.
The first thing he does is Google penguins.
Onto Part 2
From: crystallekil
Title: Love Outside the Box (Part 1)
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Nishiyama Maki (main), Yamashita Tomohisa x Kitagawa Keiko, Nishikido Ryo x Nagasawa Masami, and Kamenashi Kazuya x Kuroki Meisa
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When you're famous, having a relationship is much like a covert operation. Jin never particularly enjoyed the emotional roller coaster... until now.
A/N: References to Maki's appearance on Cartoon KAT-TUN, where she mentions seeing "little men." You can watch it here, but you don't have to. space_sick, I do hope you like this, and that the background pairings aren't too much. I honestly couldn't decide, so I included them all.^^
Turning twenty-five was a bit of an eye-opener for one Akanishi Jin.
All around him, people are getting married and having babies while he continues to sing and dance like he has for over ten years now. Sometimes he wishes that there was a bit of truth to any of the thousands of rumors of him with countless women across the globe, because then at least he'd be getting something more than a meaningful overnight relationship.
Recently he hasn't even bothered to learn their names. They don't care what he calls him as long as he takes them home - or to his car, the bathroom, or the alley behind the club - and gives them what they came for. Sex has completely lost its appeal but he does it anyway, for that brief air of affection that seems more like a concept than a reality, especially when they leave disappointed because he's not actually the casanova that his reputation plagues him to be.
"Your problem," Ryo tells him, unsolicited as usual, "is that you're a dog sniffing around the cat farm for a bone. I shouldn't have to tell you how impossible it is to exist on the same level with people who don't have any inkling of understanding for your job."
This is Nishikido Ryo, who spends more time arguing with his girlfriend than anything that could even be construed as love. Jin's been present more than once for the uncomfortable screaming matches, because that Masami gives it back just as avidly as she gets it, and somehow it always ends in them making out and excusing themselves for the evening. Jin doesn't get them at all, which just makes him more reluctant to accept any 'helpful' advice Ryo may have on the topic.
"He's right," Yamapi speaks up, his eyes unmoving from where he's rapidly typing on his phone. There's no doubt who is on the receiving end judging by the completely smitten look on his face. "It's easy for Keiko-chan and I to be together because we know what's expected of the other. We don't get jealous or resentful that we can't spend a lot of time together."
Jin starts to open his mouth, then he thinks better of it and just nods. What he wants to say is that these two haven't actually been out of the spotlight long enough to know what life is like on the other side, or on the 'cat farm' as Ryo put it. Nothing against Masami or Keiko, but Jin prefers real women who have lived and have something to talk about other than photoshoots and material things.
His one regret about going to L.A. was that now he knows what he's missing out on.
The beep of his phone pulls him out of his self-pity, a slow shake of his head as he chuckles at the words that would make absolutely no sense if it had been from anyone other than Nishiyama Maki.
At the aquarium on a date. Saw a seahorse and it reminded me of you. ^^
Ryo snatches his phone and laughs. "Is this crazy bitch still mailing you?"
"Yeah," Jin admits. "I don't mind."
"What does a seahorse have to do with you?" Ryo asks, frowning in confusion.
"Hell if I know." Jin shrugs. "She's weird like that."
"Maybe it's because the males have the babies," Yamapi speaks up. "You're always talking about how you want kids. If you were a seahorse, you could do it yourself."
Both Ryo and Jin stare at him. "You're weird too," Jin tells him.
"And that's not entirely accurate," Ryo adds. "The female seahorse has to give the male her eggs to fertilize."
Now Jin swirls his head back to stare at Ryo. "How do you know that?"
Ryo shrugs. "Just because I didn't go to school doesn't mean that I don't know things. More importantly, why is she mailing you when she's on a date?"
"Must be a boring date," Yamapi scoffs. "I imagine the average man wouldn't hold her attention span for very long."
"There you go!" Ryo exclaims, tossing Jin back his phone before clapping him on the shoulder. "She's totally a dog whom you could go after."
"She's more like a bird," Jin thinks out loud. "A completely different species. We're not even really friends anymore. She just... randomly mails me."
"Do you ever mail her back?" Ryo asks.
Jin shakes his head. "No. That's what makes her even weirder. I haven't even seen her for over a year."
Not since the rumors, Jin amends fondly. They'd had a good laugh over Maki's supposed clinginess, back when Jin thought it was funny to get Friday'd and have people speculate about his personal life. Now it's just an annoying reminder that he's not actually seeing anybody.
"Dogs like birds too, maybe even better than bones," Yamapi says in a cryptic tone, although the smirk on his face completely negates any innocence in his statement.
For the first time in a very long while, Jin hits the 'reply' button on his phone. He's not sure if it's his mood or Ryo and Yamapi's coercion, but he types the first thing that comes to his mind and hits 'send' without any further thought.
I like blowfish better.
Five minutes later, he has a crooked phone pic of Maki puffing her cheeks and giving the peace sign next to an angry-looking blowfish. Jin laughs out loud and sets it as her assigned photo.
Yamapi drags his eyes away from his own phone long enough to exchange a knowing look with Ryo, but Jin's too amused to notice.
*
"Akanishi, are you paying attention?"
"Nope," Jin replies bluntly, feet crossed on the folding chair across from him as he types rapidly on his phone.
"New order of business," speaks up Koki, the usual malice in his voice. "Find out who Akanishi's girlfriend is."
"Haha, fuck you," Jin says, his thumbs uninterrupted. "Not a girlfriend."
"It's probably Yamashita," Kame mutters. "Can we focus, please?"
Real turtles are mute. And cuter. Jin hits 'send' with a smirk. "New order of business," he announces. "Get the stick out of Kame's ass."
"Not me," Ueda and Koki quickly call out, followed by Jin and Junno.
Nakamaru looks to the ceiling. "Dammit."
"Thanks for the concern," Kame says sarcastically. "I'm just trying to wrap up before midnight so that I can go get laid."
A beat, then Ueda stifles a noise and Koki coughs from the force of his restraint, while Jin laughs so hard that he almost falls out of his chair.
"Bullshit," calls Junno calmly.
Kame gives them a haughty look. "I don't care if you believe me or not."
Jin's phone beeps. I hear they get good distance when you punt them.
He's considering it when the device is swiped from his hand. "Oi!"
"Nishiyama Maki?" Koki reads. He gives Jin this scandalized look. "Wasn't she the crazy one?"
"I liked her," Ueda inputs. "I didn't know you were seeing her again."
"I wasn't seeing her in the first place," Jin counters, snatching his phone back. "She's been mailing me sporadically about completely random things, and the other day I decided to reply back." Jin frowns. "I don't think we've actually had a real conversation yet. Just things that pop into our heads."
This morning he'd woken up to a message that read: There's a guy in a banana costume at the train station. I gave him 100 yen because he wasn't peeled.
He doesn't think he'll ever understand her, but she's definitely entertaining. He's found himself looking forward to her mails, which are a complete contrast to the usual "what are you doing?" or reminders from various people (mostly his mother). If asked, he wouldn't be able to say what kind of project she's working on or who she's been spending time with, but he could say with certainty that she made her sashimi battle at dinner the other night (salmon won, best of three) and held an entire one-sided conversation with her fake boyfriend on her phone on the bus just so this creeper wouldn't approach her.
If I put my hair in pigtails and take off my makeup, do you think the driver will let me on for youth fare?
Jin just shakes his head and humors Kame by participating in their completely unnecessary meeting. Right at midnight, Kame's phone goes off.
Five people dive for it; Ueda just sits back and looks smug. He probably already knows.
"'I'm here, where the fuck are you?'" Junno reads, followed by his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline. "Kuroki Meisa?"
Kame grabs his phone at the same time he flips his jacket over his shoulder with a smirk. "I'll be going now."
There are whistles and catcalls in his wake, but none from Jin. He could care less about Kame sticking it to pop's latest sex kitten. Maki had attached a picture with her last message, pigtails and makeup-free as promised, and Jin could hardly take his eyes off of her long enough to type a response.
It's too late to be riding the bus. Where are you? I'll give you a ride.
*
She looks exactly the same, maybe not as glamorous but Jin likes it better that way. Maki looks around his dashboard with big eyes, flips through the CDs on the back of his visor and settles for staring out the window, curiously like she's never seen this part of town before.
"How have you been?" he asks, pretending it didn't take five whole minutes (and forty-three seconds) of silence for him to gather the nerve to speak.
One of her pigtails smacks her in the face as she spins around to face him, rubbing her eye as she responds. "Ow. I've been okay, I guess. Working and paying bills. Being an adult is boring."
"Yeah, tell me about it," Jin agrees. "It gets kind of monotonous at times."
She just nods, and they fall quiet again. Jin wants to kick himself. Usually the girls do all of the talking while he just sits there and listens, drinks and maybe smokes while they go on and on about anything and everything. Maki doesn't appear to need entertainment, though, even if she's not as chatty as she was back when they used to hang out. Even if he's not actually trying to court her.
He catches her making fish faces in the side mirror and hides a laugh.
"You know what I'm afraid of?" she asks without stopping for an answer. "Random onset insomnia."
Jin feels his forehead crease as he contemplates it. "That would be horrible."
"I could not think of a worse way to die," Maki says seriously. "It might even beat out a shark attack. I have a list."
Jin is not at all surprised.
Maki looks scared at the thought. "I love sleeping almost more than pumpkin cake."
"You're making me hungry," Jin admits with a laugh. "Dinner was forever ago."
"Green tea ice cream!" she almost shrieks, flashing him a grin. "My treat, for thwarting my age experiment."
Jin isn't going to argue. "Do you have a recommended place around here?"
"Around... here?" she repeats slowly, then frowns as she looks out the window. "I don't know this area at all."
"What?" he asks, glancing over at her in surprise before returning his eyes back to the road. "Isn't this your neighborhood?"
"Akanishi Jin-kun," Maki says in a mock-stern voice. "Did you get me mixed up with some other girl?"
Jin's hand flies to his forehead. "No! I swear I thought you lived on this next street."
He expects her to fly off the handle, but she just laughs and flops back in her seat, hugging the seat belt with both arms. "And here I was thinking you were taking me back to your place. That's what I get for assuming!"
"I don't-" Jin starts, then realizes that it's not polite to tell a girl you don't like her. "I mean, I wouldn't-"
"It's okay," Maki assures him. "I actually live an hour in the other direction from where you picked me up."
"Oh," Jin says, looking at the clock. If he took her all the way home, he wouldn't get back until nearly four a.m. "In that case, I can sleep on the couch and give you my bed. With new sheets, of course."
Maki peers at him. "You're cute when you're flustered."
Jin doesn't know what to say to that, so he slouches down in his seat and gets back on the freeway to go home. He can't remember if he did the dishes this morning, or if it was Yamapi's turn and Jin was actually supposed to take the trash. Either way, he's certain that their apartment is not up to standards for female company, even if Yamapi has no problem inviting Keiko over regardless of what it looks like.
"Tell you what," Maki interrupts his internal berating. "I'll make breakfast too, in return for your hospitality. I make a mean waffle."
Jin thinks it's a fair trade for his dignity. And possibly his heart.
*
He didn't think he was nervous until he couldn't get his key in the door due to how badly his hands were shaking.
"I'll do it," Maki offers cheerfully, relieving him of his keys as she balances the conbini bag of waffle ingredients in her arms. Jin had tried to carry them for her but she wouldn't have it, claiming that she was perfectly capable of carrying her own bag, thank you very much. "I'm coming in," she sing-song whispers as she gently pushes open the door, the light from the hallway spilling into the dim living area.
Which was occupied by Jin's roommate and his girlfriend making out on the couch. They jump apart and stare in surprise at Maki, their faces relaxing into simple annoyance when Jin follows behind.
"Welcome home," Yamapi says apologetically as he wipes his mouth. "I didn't think you were coming back."
"I'm home." Jin clears his throat awkwardly, gesturing to Maki. "You guys know Nishiyama Maki-chan."
"Actually I don't," speaks up Keiko. She lowers her head politely. "I'm Kitagawa Keiko."
Maki grins at her. "Hi! Do you like waffles?"
"Um." Keiko looks helplessly at Yamapi, who shrugs. "Yes?"
Jin jumps as Maki's elbow digs into his side. "See," she hisses. "I told you it was better to get more."
He just stands in front of the door as Maki slides off her shoes and heads to the kitchen, where she opens the fridge to put the items away. After what looks like an internal battle, Keiko pulls away from Yamapi and gets to her feet, carefully approaching the other female in the house.
"Do you want some help?" Keiko asks, then looks confused when she sees what Maki is doing.
"Oh, I'm not making them right now," Maki clarifies. "I'm kind of stranded here due to a misunderstanding, so I was going to make Jin-kun breakfast in exchange for imposing."
Yamapi raises an eyebrow at Jin, who conveniently looks elsewhere.
Keiko looks like she's trying not to laugh. "Oh, um. I'm not sleeping here. Yamashita-kun has work in the morning."
Now Jin's eyeing Yamapi, with obvious glances to his watch. Yamapi narrows his eyes and points to the door, as if to retort 'you should talk'. Jin is fully prepared for a wordless argument of epic proportions when Keiko mentions leaving her phone in Yamapi's bedroom and they both disappear under the pretense of getting it.
"Do they really think we're that stupid?" Maki asks under her breath.
Jin turns to see her biting her lip to keep from laughing. "I'll get the bed ready," he mumbles, then squeezes past her and nearly trips over his feet in his rush down the hall. Somehow having a girl in his bed without him in it is more nerve-wracking than the alternative. He has laundry all over his room but he's pretty sure it's clean; he wonders if Maki has anything to sleep in and grabs one of his oversized T-shirts just in case, sniffing it and declaring it clean before tossing it over a chair. The sheets are rumpled and it doesn't look nearly as nice as when his mother makes his bed every Sunday (after kicking him out of it), but it will have to do.
He quickly scans the room to make sure he didn't leave his porn out or anything equally as embarrassing, then tries to look casual as he saunters back out into the living room where Maki is entertaining herself with the Rubix cube that Rina got them for Christmas. Which hasn't been touched since.
"These are supposed to stimulate some kind of chemical in your brain," she tells him, frowning as she moves the pieces around. "Something about planning your moves without realizing it. I don't really remember, but I suck at it."
Jin can't help but smile as she places the cube down in defeat. "It's, um, ready."
"Thanks." She hops up and flashes him a grin, looking at him expectantly until he realizes that he's in her way and moves. "Just wake me up whenever you want waffles. I don't have any plans tomorrow. Today. Whatever."
"Good night," he calls after her, feeling out of place in his own living room. He makes a face at sleeping on the same couch that Yamapi and Keiko were just making out on, but grabs blankets and pillows from the hall closet anyway. It's not that thought that keeps him awake, although admittedly it's similar despite involving different people. One of them being in his bed right now.
He stares at the ceiling until he's not really looking at anything, spending at least an hour reliving the past couple weeks in his mind. It's not such a great time for him, releasing two singles while putting together his solo concert, but he can't deny that Maki's random messages have brightened his day, giving him little breaks from the monotony of his work. She's definitely weird but he doesn't mind, never really has and kind of likes her better that way. She's different.
Maybe this dog could catch this bird after all.
That's his last thought before a shadow materializes in his peripheral vision and he nearly jumps out of his own skin, making an embarrassing noise that chokes in his throat when he realizes that a very sleepy Maki is approaching him with her hair down and his T-shirt hanging down to mid-thigh. On bare thighs.
Jin gulps. "Are you sleepwalking?"
"Did I scare you? I'm sorry." Maki yawns and perches on the arm of the couch, giving Jin an uninterrupted view of her legs. "I can't sleep."
It's then that Jin remembers that he and Yamapi share a wall, and not everyone sleeps as hard as him. "Are they going at it? Just bang on the wall, they'll quiet down."
"Oh, um." Maki scratches her head. "I didn't hear anything. I actually think they fell asleep. Either that or they flew out the window."
Jin snorts despite himself. "Is there something wrong with my bed?"
"Don't laugh," she prefaces, and he instantly finds himself holding back his amusement. "At home I have stuffed animals all over my bed, so I'm used to there being... other things on there with me. There's nothing on your bed. It's unsettling."
"Um," Jin begins, unsure of how to handle this. "I don't have any stuffed animals-"
"No, no, no," she halts him. "I was just going to suggest switching. I might be able to sleep on something with less open space, is all."
"I can't let you sleep on the couch," he tells her firmly. "I just can't. It's a guy thing."
She gives him a sleepy glare. "So your testosterone won't let me be comfortable?"
"When you put it that way..." Jin frowns. "Maybe I can get Yamapi to sleep in my room and you can share with Keiko."
"No offense," Maki says, "but I'd rather share a bed with you than some girl I don't know."
Jin's mouth goes dry. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying if you insist on me sleeping in there, you'll need to create some clutter for me." Maki starts to stand up and nearly topples over. "The easiest way would be with your person."
"Maki-"
She offers him a sympathetic look. "Don't worry, I know you don't like me like that. I just want to sleep. That's all."
He almost refutes her. Almost. "All right."
He ends up carrying her back to his bedroom, because she really is tired and can't seem to walk in a straight line, and the pleasant noise she makes when he joins her under the sheets has him wishing that these were different circumstances. That she was more awake, for one thing, being as she lays next to his arm and instantly falls asleep. They're not even touching, just her breath on his skin, and somehow that makes him want it more.
His bedroom ceiling doesn't look much different than the other one, but this time he doesn't have to look at it for very long.
When he wakes, the space next to him is empty and he hears sounds from the kitchen, the smell of waffles wafting through his open door, and he allows himself the brief delusion that he could get used to this.
*
February brings forth a whirlwind month of concerts and appearances, performance after performance of his own songs as well as KAT-TUN's. Whoever decided that KAT-TUN should promote two songs at the same time as his solo concert needed to die in a long, burning fire, but he couldn't stay awake long enough to stay angry about it. Kame wasn't even berating him for falling asleep during rehearsals, but everybody knew that it had nothing to do with any kind of sympathy for Jin.
"Still seeing Kuroki-san, I take it," Koki teases him, only sounding a little jealous.
Kame rolls his eyes. "We're just friends."
"We'll see about that tomorrow," Junno says cryptically, returning their blank looks with a pointed one. "It's Valentine's Day!"
"Oh, it is," Jin mumbles, the first words he's spoken since he arrived.
"Kuroki-san doesn't seem like the type to make chocolates," Koki muses out loud. "Unless they have some kind of aphrodisiac in them."
Kame's eyebrows perk up in interest. Ueda pretends to be reading a magazine, and Nakamaru just looks scandalized.
Jin pays them no mind and wonders if Maki is going to give him any chocolates. He hasn't had a chance to talk to her properly since his concerts started, and after a few encouraging mails she stopped sending them entirely. He knows that she's just leaving him alone so that he can concentrate on his work, but he'd gotten used to her randomness and maybe even missed hearing about her day. There was always something completely insane for her to tell him about, no matter whether she just went to the grocery store or didn't even leave her apartment.
He milks the holiday theme at the next day's shows, pouting about nobody bringing him any chocolates even though they wouldn't have been allowed past security anyway. During the MCs he gives an impromptu speech about love, comparing it to music and probably losing his point before he gets a whole minute into it. Hopefully his fans forgive him for not making any sense; it's not like he's ever been really good at expressing himself.
The late show is much more coherent than the early one, because Jin has the next morning off and he is elated about it. No rehearsals, no stupid group meetings, just a hot date with his bed and the backs of his eyelids. He has already informed Yamapi that if he wakes him up before noon, Jin will cause him much pain, even if he wouldn't really do anything. The threat stands, though.
He arrives home just before midnight, only a few minutes of the official holiday left, and nearly trips over a small box that was rudely placed right on the other side of the door. Or smartly, because otherwise Jin wouldn't have found it until much, much later. The wrapping paper sparkles even in the dark, the glitter getting all over his pants and the carpet as he picks it up and takes it to his room. It's cute that one of Yamapi's women gave Jin obligation chocolates, either Keiko or Rina, unless Yamapi decided to be stupid and do it himself. The glitter wrapping paper is definitely Yamapi's style, and upon further scrutiny he recognizes the handwriting on the accompanying note.
I didn't eat any, but only because her threats are much more involved than yours. :P
Curious despite his exhaustion, Jin collapses into bed, leaning over the edge to keep from getting glitter on his covers. Inside are nine misshaped chocolates, all different and clearly handmade. They remind him of the clouds in the sky, how people can see them form certain things even if they don't resemble them at all; if Jin looks closely, he can see a fat turtle and maybe a face with a big nose, briefly entertaining the thought of someone molding chocolates into representations of his bandmates.
The letter inside is in different handwriting, flowery and decidedly girly: To Jin-kun: I am not as good at pottery as I am at drawing, but Happy Valentine's Day anyway. I put in a special ingredient to raise your genki. ;) I was at the show earlier, did you see me? ^^ You are doing well, please keep working hard but remember to have fun too! Isn't it amazing that I had already made these for you when you mentioned not getting any chocolates? I must be psychic. 8D Please enjoy them and take care of yourself. From Nishiyama Maki.
Jin's smile broadens until it's a full-out grin as he reads, then studies the remaining unidentified blobs in an attempt to figure out who is who. The crooked joker hat has to be Koki, Taguchi is a big smiley face, and another face with big lips is definitely Ueda. There are two chocolates near the bottom resembling a dog with floppy ears and a coiled snake with his tongue sticking out, which Jin realizes could be accurate symbols for Yamapi and Ryo. Which leaves a big heart and a girly face with long hair, and Jin laughs when it occurs to him that either one could be him.
Suddenly he has a second wind and bursts into Yamapi's room, turning on the light and flopping onto the bed next to his sleeping roommate. "Pi, wake up, I have chocolate."
"Choco?" Yamapi mumbles, looking not at all annoyed as he stretches and pries open his eyes. "Ah, light."
"Sorry," Jin says in a rushed voice. He knows he sounds completely unapologetic and he doesn't care. "I'll let you have one if you tell me which one looks like me."
"Which one... looks like you?" Yamapi repeats. "My eyes are not even focused, Jin. Anyway, chocolates look like chocolates, not people."
"Not these," Jin says happily, bouncing a little as he shoves the box in Yamapi's face. "Maki-chan is creative."
Yamapi yawns. "That's one word for it." He peers into the box, cringing at the light, and frowns. "They all look like deformed monsters. Oh wait, there's Nakamaru's nose."
"Yeah," Jin prompts. "And Ueda's lips and Taguchi's stupid grin and the animal forms of you, Ryo, and Kame. The joker hat is Koki, obviously, which leaves one of these two for me."
"Which one am I?" Yamapi asks, squinting more.
Jin sighs. "The dog. But these two-"
"Why am I a dog?" Yamapi pouts.
Jin pokes him in his outstretched bottom lip. "That's why."
Yamapi sucks it back into his mouth. "Oh. Woof."
"There's a heart and a girl," Jin persists, pointing to them.
Yamapi laughs. "You're asking me if you're a heart or a girl?"
"When you put it like that..." Jin narrows his eyes at his amused, sleepy roommate. "But I have long hair!"
"Bakanishi," Yamapi chides, and Jin rolls his eyes at the old nickname. "Clearly you are the heart and she is the girl because she loves you."
"No she doesn't," Jin argues, realizing that he sounds disappointed about it. "We're just friends. She was at my concert earlier."
"I know, I was here when she stopped by." Yamapi smirks. "She's crazy, but that just means her love for you is crazy too. Maybe you're falling in the crazy love~"
Jin ignores the off-tune singing and focuses on the girl face. The longer he looks, the more he sees her features in it. "The heart is in the middle of the box," he notices out loud.
"Further proof that it's you," Yamapi tells him. "The rest of us are all connected to you."
Right now, Jin feels like his own heart will break out of his chest if it gets any bigger; maybe it's a logical representation after all. "I guess I'm nice and caring or something."
"In her eyes, anyway," Yamapi teases, holding up an arm to shield Jin's inevitable swat at him. "I answered your question, now give me chocolate!"
"I should make you eat Kame," Jin grumbles, but points to the dog one. "Although eating yourself is just as weird."
Yamapi chuckles as he pops the chocolate into his mouth and chews. "Ah, I am delicious!" He looks over, sees Jin watching him intently, and raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"Nothing, just observing." Jin flashes his best, innocent grin.
Licking his lips, Yamapi swallows and fixes Jin with a hard glare. "What's in them, Jin."
"I honestly don't know," Jin tells him, producing Maki's letter from behind his back. "She said she included a special ingredient to 'raise my genki'."
"You drugged me!" Yamapi declares, pushing the box back towards him. "First you wake me up, and then you drug me. Now you have to eat one, because I will not be stoned by myself."
"Okay, okay," Jin gives in, then pops the heart-shaped chocolate into his mouth. "Ooh, this is really good."
"Isn't it?" Yamapi replies, leaning back against his pillow. "I don't feel stoned, though."
"Me neither," Jin admits. "Maybe it's slow-acting."
He plops down and steals part of Yamapi's pillow, the pair of them resigning themselves to staring at Yamapi's ceiling as they wait for whatever inserted substance to take effect. The next thing he knows, strong rays of midday sunlight are pouring through the window and Yamapi's covers are haphazardly wrapped around him, making him feel like a burrito. The remaining chocolates are still in the box that had been placed on Yamapi's nightstand with another note: A girl gives you chocolates and you end up in my bed? What an insult. :P
Jin just rolls his eyes and grabs for his phone, ignoring the business mails waiting for him and bringing up a message box to Maki. Thank you for the chocolates, they are delicious. Whatever you put in them, it knocked me right out.
A few minutes later, his phone beeps. I didn't put anything out of the ordinary in them, but a well-rested Jin-kun is a genki one, right? I'm glad you liked them. Did you recognize everybody?
The kanji swims in front of his eyes, resorting him to squinting before he just calls her. "Sorry," he says in greeting. "I just woke up. I can barely focus on the numbers."
"Woke up? It's two in the afternoon!" she exclaims, but she's laughing. "What did you think I put in them?"
"I don't know, something... mind-altering," Jin admits, then frowns at Maki's sudden explosion of hysterics. "You said 'special ingredient', what was I supposed to think?!"
"Only you, Jin-kun," she says fondly. "People are looking at me strangely. I'm at the shrine."
Jin flings his arm over his eyes, cringing in sympathetic embarrassment. "Ah, sorry."
"It's okay, I already prayed. Happy Lunar New Year to you!"
"You too. It's not your year, is it?" he asks, trying to remember how old she is.
"No, I was last year." She sighs. "Eleven more years until I can shine again, but that's depressing. So what are you doing today?"
"I have a show tonight," he tells her as he stretches, trying not to groan into the phone. "I'm still in bed - well, not my bed. Pi's bed." He almost smacks himself when he realizes what he just said. "I wanted him to tell me which chocolate was me, then we ate some and fell asleep."
Maki giggles. "Good thing Kitagawa-san wasn't there. That might have been awkward."
For a second Jin thinks she's talking about his boss, then remembers Keiko's last name. He actually thinks that Johnny would be more disturbed than her; she's been over enough to be used to Yamapi and Jin's behavior. "Yeah," is all he says.
Now he remembers why he doesn't call people; the silence is even worse over the phone. He considers actually getting up and facing the day, but it seems like too much effort to unwrap him from Yamapi's covers and he resigns himself to laying around for a little while longer.
"So which one did you think was you?" Maki asks. "I thought it was rather obvious, but other people don't usually think like me so I'm interested."
Jin feels a little sheepish at admitting it, but he tells himself at least they're not in person. "It was between the heart and the girl, and Yamapi picked the heart because I'm nice. Or something."
"That's true, you are nice~" Maki drawls. "But you are also wrong. The heart was just a heart. It's the symbol of Valentine's Day, right? The one that you thought was a girl is actually a boy, with Jin-kun's hair and Jin-kun's hand gesture."
He pulls it out of the box and stares at it, still seeing a girl with her hand covering her mouth. "Oh."
"I'll try not to be too offended," she says.
"I didn't mean-" he starts, then stops when he hears her laughing. "I thought the girl was you."
"Oh!" she cries, sounding surprised. "I didn't think to make one of myself. I wonder what form I would take."
"A bird," Jin blurts out. "One that flies in the opposite direction of the others, aimlessly and open to whatever you find."
Maki pauses for a second, then makes a happy noise. "Jin-kun, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."
"Ah, well." Jin scratches his head and pulls the covers over his face. "I'm glad."
"Oh no, I have to go," she tells him. "There is a man selling balloon animals and I hope he will teach me how to make them."
"Sounds like fun," he replies, feeling a little jealous. "I want one."
"If I learn, I'll definitely make you one." She sounds rushed, like she's chasing someone, and Jin's not sure that he wants to know. "I'm going to hang up now. Good luck tonight, I'll fly with you later."
He stares at the phone as he hangs up, the words staying in his mind and giving him images of two crazy birds soaring through the sky towards nowhere. The thought has him feeling motivated, untangling himself from the covers and stumbling into the shower, waking up completely and surprising everyone at the venue by arriving early and in a good mood.
First he has to learn how to fly.
*
The concert run ends with minimal damage, giving Jin a week of peace before he starts meetings with the other members of KAT-TUN for their new album. He thinks it's a little odd that they're going to release an album with only one single, but Johnny's been cutting back lately so he supposes he should be grateful that they get to release anything at all. Besides, after six solos and three duos, there's only a few spots left for group songs anyway.
A serious janken match pairs him with Koki, which is the best and worst thing that could have happened to him. On one hand, they like the same style of music - western hip-hop beats with a lot of rapping and offensive content. On the other, they are both very particular about their solos.
In short, Jin expects a brawl.
Get drunk and make sure it's in writing, Maki suggests. And it would be cool if you rapped about penguins. Nobody has rapped about penguins before.
Weirdness aside, it's probably the first time that a girl has actively told him to go out and drink. Usually they get all concerned about his health and act like his mother, when his own mother has given up lecturing him on alcoholic responsibility; she's just happy he doesn't fall through her door at two a.m. and pass out in the hallway anymore.
"She's not your girlfriend, of course she wouldn't give a shit," Ryo helpfully reminds him, tossing Jin's phone back across the couch. "And if you actually get Tanaka to rap about penguins, let me know what you gave him to drink so I can give it to Ma-chan. There's something I've been trying to get her to do and she keeps flaking out at the last minute."
"You know, that kind of thing isn't usually considered consensual," Keiko says gently.
Ryo takes a sip of his beer. "No offense, but it's guy night. Your opinion is invalid."
"Noted," she replies. "I'll still say it, though."
Yamapi just shrugs, completely unapologetic and a little proud.
"And for your information, she's already consented to it," Ryo says. "She just won't actually do it."
"Do I even want to know?" Jin asks.
Ryo grins. "I'll tell you."
"I have no idea how she puts up with you," Keiko tells him with a smile.
Ryo's response involves his tongue and no words, and even Jin cringes at the implication. "That's how," Ryo says.
Keiko just blinks. "I hope she has toys."
Jin makes the mistake of looking at Yamapi and they both nearly explode from trying not to laugh, which is pointless because Ryo just rolls his eyes at them all. "Funny you bring that up, being as it has a lot to do with what I want her to do."
Keiko makes a face that's a cross between disgust and interest, and Jin thinks that this is a great time to go outside for a cigarette. He doesn't mind Keiko at all, especially since she gives Ryo a run for his money in the snark department (as does Masami, but there is a much less probability of Keiko cheating by groping him), but all of this talk about sex just reminds him that he's not getting any. Even if he had been interested in something casual, he was so worn out during his solo concert run that he doubted he could have gotten it up for anyone.
Now that he has a week off, he'd ordinarily be hitting the clubs, dragging Shirota or Koki with him since his usual wingmen weren't interested in pursuing those kind of opportunities at this time. It wouldn't be hard for him to find a cute girl, maybe foreign, grind against her for an hour until she pulled him off the dance floor and into her thong. The club hos always wore thongs. Jin can't imagine that they're very comfortable but he doesn't mind if they don't.
This train of thought of course leads him to think about Maki and what kind of underwear she wears, what might have been under his shirt the night she'd slept over. He almost smacks himself to snap out of it; she's the absolute last girl that he should thinking about getting into bed (that is, other than to sleep) because he actually likes her.
He actually likes her.
"You look like you just saw a ghost," a soft female voice interrupts his internal confession. Keiko smiles warmly as he turns around to gape at her. "I lost at janken," she explains.
Jin nods. "Sorry. You can go tell the hens that there's nothing wrong."
"All right, I will," Keiko says, making no effort to leave. "Now tell me what's wrong."
Jin laughs as he takes a drag and blows it out into the night. "Keiko-chan," he says slowly. "How do girls like to be confessed to?"
He doesn't dare look over his shoulder, where Keiko is undoubtedly doing a silent victory dance and probably finger-spelling everything to Yamapi through the sliding glass door. "Ah, well, most girls like the direct approach. And it doesn't hurt to take her somewhere nice and maybe get a thoughtful gift."
The winter air seems to mock him, blowing his exhale right back in his face and making him choke. "Is that right?" he coughs out.
"Yes," Keiko says confidently. She joins Jin on the railing on which she folds her hands. "Which means that you should do the exact opposite, because Nishiyama-san isn't 'most girls'."
"That is definitely the truth," Jin says, followed by a sigh. "But it doesn't help me at all."
Keiko nudges his arm in a true guy-to-guy fashion. "Maybe you can get a clue from her messages."
It's cryptic enough to irritate him, but Keiko heads back inside before he can voice it. Besides, Jin doesn't have to look at his phone to know what to do, what he has to do to show Maki how he feels without coming out and saying it, because that's not the proper way to confess to someone who values actions higher than words.
Jin puts out his cigarette and resigns himself to spending his week of freedom working his powers of intragroup persuasion and possibly underhanded manipulation.
The first thing he does is Google penguins.
Onto Part 2