JE-united surprise fic for arashianelf Part 6/17
Back to Chapter 3 - Part 1
- - + MATSUMOTO JUN + - -
If Jun did not already believe that his and Ohno's encounter was fate, at least after their second fateful encounter he would be convinced of it. The saying "good things happen when you least expect them" totally applies to their situation, he thinks, overly happy to find himself and Ohno on a date in a small but romantic restaurant for lunch on a beautiful, warm Saturday.
He just met her again in a small shop for accessories, just a few streets away, by pure coincidence. After handing his business card with his number to her brother when Jun couldn't find the woman on Seijo's campus, begging him to forward it to Ohno Satoko, of course Jun didn't think that it would be that easy and that she would just call him the second she received the business card and she didn't call him. She said, she would give him her number the next time they meet after all, right? And meeting would most likely mean meeting face to face, maybe by chance again?
Well, at least this was exactly what happened. Jun is about to leave when he sees the beautiful woman standing in the shop, thinking about which necklace she should buy, and he finds it funny that he was in the shop for a similar reason, namely to find a nice accessory that he might be able to present to the girl when they meet again. Who would have thought that it would happen so soon? Not that he is complaining! He didn't show her what he bought, keeping the present safe in his pocket, but he immediately invited her for lunch and he didn't get a declination at all and this is how they ended up in this restaurant now.
After lunch, Jun asks Ohno if they will meet again and Ohno doesn't sound like she finds it a bad idea, admitting to the young journalist that she originally has played with the thought to call him soon if they haven’t met by chance. Jun's heart screams in joy, seeing that their interest for each other is still reciprocal.
"Now you'll have to keep your promise and give me your number, it's the next time we meet isn't it?" Jun points out with a smile on his lips when they are standing at the bus station together after spending the rest of the day together. They went shopping and strolling through town, and ended up here, naturally, as if this is becoming their thing, Jun guiding the girl to the bus station.
Ohno smiles cutely. "I'll give it to you. But only if..."
"Only if what?" Jun asks, almost panicking. Is Ohno still not convinced that they are meant for each other?
"Only if you give me a good night kiss," the woman whispers, her cheeks flushed red and her look is so damned cute that Jun wouldn't be able to hold back anyway.
He gets closer, his hand finding Ohno's shoulder with one hand while he reaches up the other hand to brush back a few strands of hair to free Ohno's face. He closes his eyes when he leans forward, placing his lips on Ohno's for just a few seconds, to give her a tender kiss. His heart beat rushes and he wants to pull her closer, kiss her more, deeper, wilder... but he is holding back. He might have been known as a casanova before he met this special girl but now, much more than a casanova he wants to be a gentleman.
The gentleman, after the proper good night kiss and finally receiving his princess' cell phone number, immediately makes use of his newly gained pride and with this, just about two hours later, when he's back at home, about ready to go to bed, he sends her a good night text. Not too cheesy, not too neutral, something in between that he's convinced might please her and after five minutes of waiting with an incredible fast racing heart, he gets rewarded with a super cute answer. He has to pull himself together not to kiss the screen of his cell phone, that's how happy he is. Needless to say, he needs a few more hours before finally falling asleep, his mind busy with thinking of his dream girl.
- + -
They text each other from then on over the next few days, in the mornings, during lunch break, in the evenings and every now and then in between and when their schedules allow it, they even meet for lunch or for a cup of coffee in the afternoon. Jun isn't used to it, he has been in relationships, but nothing so… innocent and exciting, nothing so grown-up as it feels. However, he obviously enjoys it, that much can also see the people around him, including his co-worker Toma, who eyes him suspiciously when the young journalist comes back from the restroom, all smiles.
"Did you," Toma starts, looking at his colleague. "Did you just text your girlfriend while you were on the toilet?"
Jun blushes and furrows his eyebrows at his friend. "It's not of your concern when I'm texting my girlfriend and what I'm doing on the toilet either, I think."
Toma bursts out laughing and turns his chair again, facing his computer screen and reaching for his nth cup of coffee to sip on it. "Don't mind me, I'm just teasing you."
"Obviously," Jun sighs and takes his place again, looking at the article he's currently working on.
"But it's nice, you call her your girlfriend," Toma points out with a smile on his face. "Does it mean, it's something serious this time?"
"Yes, it's serious," Jun agrees, convinced. At least for him it's really serious business this time.
"So she's great in bed?" Toma chuckled, reaching his finger to poke his colleague's side who just brushes him away.
"Not that it's to your concern, but I still don't know how she is in bed," Jun answers. "We're taking it slow."
Toma looks at his friend with widened eyes. "Oh my God, what did she do to you?! I don't recognize you!"
"Oh shut up, Toma, really," with this, the conversation is over for Jun.
It's not that he doesn't want to know if and how compatible he and Ohno would be also in bed, of course. He's a man with desires, surely, and of course he desires the woman of his life. But he doesn't want to rush her, doesn't want to rush them, he wants to enjoy their innocent getting to know each other for as long as possible and at least, they kiss and yeah, they kiss very often and it is very wonderful. The best kisses, Jun has ever shared.
They meet again on the next evening, it's a working day but both of them cannot wait until the weekend for their next date. With this, Jun bought two tickets of an early evening screening of a new movie that both of them find interesting and meets Ohno in front of the cinema, dressed nicely and with a warm smile decorating his face.
He reaches out to take her hand after they greeted each other properly, intertwining their fingers and he isn’t ashamed to do so in the public - well, they already kissed at a bus station anyway -, on the contrary, he's proud that Ohno allows him to sending a sign that they belong together.
After the movie is over, it is time for Ohno to go home, she says, considering that the day after there will be rehearsal for a play of the kabuki theatre but for some reasons, she waves it off and tells Jun that even if they are going for a short walk, she will be in bed early enough to cope with it. Obviously, she doesn't want to go home yet, she still wants to spend time with him, and Jun very much appreciates about this, offering her his arm with a wide, charming smile, to guide her for a walk through the city.
They end up on the pavement next to a wide river, the water splashing against the brick wall in gentle waves. On the other side of the river, they can see the wide-spread impressive skyline of Tokyo, all possible imaginable colours blending into each other, creating a surreal and oh so fabulous image, showing the coexistence of dreams and reality.
Ohno stands close to Jun, her arm circled around his elbow and she leans a little against him, her head gently touching his shoulder. Jun is quite a bit taller than her and he enjoys it for a silly reason. He feels strong next to her, able to protect her and that's what he will do for the rest of his life.
"Ne, Jun-kun," Ohno asks in a soft voice, the usage of Jun's given name causing a pleasant shiver to cover his arms. The woman leans a bit closer, her eyelashes draw small shadows on her cheeks in the light of a lantern and she looks so damned beautiful that Jun almost cannot handle it. "Do you believe in fate?"
The young journalist nods his head, heavily, convinced about his words that follow. "Of course, I do. It's fate that we met after all, isn't it?"
Ohno gives him one of her beautiful smiles. "I believe in it too. I think, that we're soulmates."
"It has to be like that," Jun whispers, agreeing with this wonderful thought. Ohno looks so happy, Jun's heart blooms.
"You know... people might find this thought ridiculous," the woman speaks, leaning her head against Jun's shoulder and darting her look straight at the dark water covered in colourful reflections from the bright buildings on the other side of the river. They can hear the water and Jun almost missed Ohno's whisper. "I'm convinced that we already lived once in this world, together, and that we belong together ever since."
"That's a really beautiful thought," the young man answers, sincerely.
Ohno reaches for Jun's hand, who intertwines their fingers and presses her hand. "Do you believe in reincarnation?" she asks, turning at him.
Jun looks at her, her beautiful face so close again that he cannot stop his heartbeat from increasing. "If I believe in fate, I should believe in reincarnation too, right?"
"You might call me crazy, but I do actually remember my past life. Our past life," Ohno says, her eyes sparkling mysteriously.
"You remember it?"
"Yes, in my dreams," she nods. "I see us living together, loving each other, it's like I live a second life in my dreams but I know it's our memories. I see your face when I'm dreaming. That's how I recognized you."
"That sounds incredible. I wished, I could say the same," Jun whispers.
"I think there are different grades of remembering our past lives. The fact that you think that I'm meant to be yours, it's proof that you unconsciously remember us, I'm sure about it," Ohno starts, sounding excited. "And maybe, one day you will remember properly. Wouldn't that be awesome? If we can actually share our joined memories?"
"It will be the best.," the young journalist agrees. "I want to remember every single bit of you. And I want to create even more beautiful memories with you from now on."
Ohno smiles genuinely, before she seems to remember something. "Ah, right, I wanted to tell you something interesting. Actually, there is someone who seems to remember us too, even if he doesn't admit it."
Jun frowns. "Someone else?"
"Yes, one of my friends… well, we're not such close friends yet but he's attending university too and I know him from after class activities," the young woman explains.
"He remembers us?"
Ohno nods. "I think he lived once too, most likely around the same time. Maybe we were acquaintances back then too. I have to admit that I don't remember any other faces clearly, only yours. But he wrote a story and told me it's based on one of his dreams. And this story actually tells our story."
Jun looks at the young woman with an astonished look. Someone else remembered their story, but he couldn't remember it? "How unfair," he pouts slightly. "Why does that guy remember you but I don't?"
Ohno chuckles sweetly, surely sensing the hint of jealousy in Jun's voice. "As I said, I think there are different grades of remembering. He doesn't clearly remember, he even denied it. But I just thought, maybe, if you read his story, you might start remembering something too?"
Jun widens his eyes. He didn't give it a second thought before, but Ohno is completely right. "I guess I should read it then! Where can I find it?"
"It got printed in a magazine of Seijo, I have a copy at home and I can bring it along the next time we meet," Ohno suggests before she blushes, turning a bit shy. "Or... if you want to know about our past life, my dreams are much more accurate and detailed. I can tell you everything you want."
Of course, this sounds like a wonderful idea in Jun's ears. He smiles, pressing Ohno's hand firmer. "Then tell me about one of your dreams, please."
"Which one do you want to hear?"
"Hm...Your favourite," the young journalist suggests.
"My favourite?" Ohno tilts her head. "That's hard to decide…"
"Then… pick the first that comes to your mind," the young man whispers, encouragingly.
"Hm…," it doesn't take long until a beautiful smile shows up on Ohno's face, her cheeks slightly blushing in a nice shade of red. "The one when you asked me to marry you. It was the first time I realized that you like me."
Their eyes meet again and they share a soft kiss before Ohno starts to tell the story.
- + -
Meeting Ohno has definitely turned Jun's life upside down, but in a good way. Just like he told his friend Toma, he has been searching for the one right woman in his life for such a long time, and he still cannot believe that he really found her, in a moment when he least expected it. That must be the funny side of fate, Jun thinks. It is interesting, that Ohno seems to think in a similar way as he does, with all the talking about fate and being meant for each other. To be exact, the woman carries this topic even further, saying that she's regularly dreaming about them, about them being a couple in ancient times and the description of her dreams seem so vivid, Jun almost feels like he can remember them himself. Just that he cannot. Not yet. But he wants to.
Jun read that short story Ohno recommended to him, "The Princess in the Flames" by a student of her university, called Ninomiya Kazunari. The ending of the story is disturbing, heart-breaking, and Jun swears to himself that if the story really tells their past, this time they will have a happy ending. However, Jun found it interesting and fascinating, how well the young man was able to capture the essence of what Ohno calls her and Jun's past life. It's a mystery to the young journalist, why that Ninomiya guy can dream about their past, but he can’t. He tried…
It's not that Jun doesn't believe Ohno's words, he trusts her and when she says those stories tell about their common past, then that's what it is like, he's sure about it. Before, Jun never thought much about reincarnation, but Ohno opened his eyes. It all seemed so clear now, so logical, so obvious. He can even feel it. But he also wants to see it with his own eyes in his own dreams. He wants to share those memories with the woman he loves, so that their love can become even deeper.
The memories don't find him and Jun wonders, if there is something he can do about it. He doesn't know much about the topic of reincarnation itself, and so in the end he decides to give it a try to do some research on it, to see what he can find and maybe, he will be able to get some tips about remembering his former life. He isn't completely sure if it's his nature as a journalist to be curious about it or if it's simply his love to Ohno that makes him feel the urge of gathering information and stories of other people. However, his curiosity and his research skills finally guide him to a seemingly interesting website, providing a platform for people believing in reincarnation and the possibility of meeting your soulmate from an earlier life again in your present life. Jun finds the thought very fascinating, especially since he's experiencing it himself at the moment and so his curiosity about the website makes him join the community.
- - - - - - - - - -
Do you believe in soulmates?
- - - - - - - - - -
This is what the website's title reads on top, white letters laying over a nice designed blue-purple patterned header which isn't too bright for the eye and gives a calming vibe. It has something mystical but comfortable with it, something charming.
- - - - - - - - - -
This is not a matchmaking site!
- - - - - - - - - -
...is written in a small info box following the header, even before the actual info text is posted.
- - - - - - - - - -
This is a website for people who are interested in the topic of soulmates and reincarnation and are searching for advice and materials dealing with the topic. Love advice included, but as stated above, this is not a matchmaking site. For the popular matchmaking site (soulmates.jp) please follow the link in parentheses.
- - - - - - - - - -
Jun scrolls down, reading the rest of the info page, before he checks the side bar for getting access to the forum platform.
- - + OHNO SATOSHI + - -
Ohno wants to call him. Matsumoto. Since the very moment he received the young journalist's business card, he cannot think about anything else, he wants to call him. But he knows that it will look... kind of desperate if he was the one contacting the young man now, after he talked so big about fate and about meeting again and everything, right? It will kill the magic. And even more than calling the other, he wants to preserve the magic between them.
The young man decides to allow himself to think about the whole thing for a little longer and just a few days later, after another dream from the past, he goes out, strolling through town, dressed as a girl. He's totally in girly mood, still thinking about the journalist and how it would be to meet him again, drawing the perfect encounter between them on the canvas of his imagination, and he has a lot of imagination.
After shopping for a few new clothes, Ohno finds himself standing in a small, cute accessory shop, looking through all the different kinds of things offered there, stuff that would make each and every girls’ hearts beat faster. There were tons of bracelets, necklaces and earrings from the most cute to the most elegant shapes, hair pins, hair bands in different colours and sizes, cell phone cases, pouches, and whatever else girls will need. Ohno wants to find a fitting necklace for his new dress, of which he dreams about to wear it one day on a date with Matsumoto. He giggles to himself when he tries holding one of the much too huge necklaces over his top. Not that he's planning to buy something like that, but it's interesting seeing the different kinds of designs people come up with.
In the end, he cannot decide between a nice silver necklace with several small blue, leaf shaped pendants, and a gold necklace with one bigger white flower in the front. Both would fit his new dress and Ohno keeps wondering which piece will please Matsumoto's taste more.
He is unexpectedly drawn out of his thoughts, when suddenly someone lays a hand on his arm, touching him softly, and making him turn. Surprised, Ohno looks at the owner of the hand and he gasps when he recognizes the one, immediately. His heart stops beating for a second.
"Matsumoto-san," he stammers, obviously surprised.
"Ohno-san, I'm so happy to meet you here!" the young journalist greets him, immediately flashing him his gorgeous smile. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, thank you," Ohno answers perplex, asking the same question back then.
"I was searching for you on Seijo's campus but I just couldn't find you!" the young man sounds a bit desperate. "Then I finally met your brother and I gave him my business card and a magazine for you, did you receive it?"
Ohno gets a little more nervous, remembering the scene vividly, or course, as well as remembering when he read the article and interview that Matsumoto wrote for his magazine. "I received it," he answers shyly, "Thank you very much. I'm sorry for not calling you..."
Matsumoto shakes his head slightly, still smiling. "No no, don't be. I guess, we were meant to meet each other here again. May I ask you out for lunch, please?"
Ohno blushes deeply, his heart beating fast at the cute invitation and how is he supposed to decline now? He cannot believe his luck, meeting the man from his dreams here, much sooner than he expected and even without having to call him. This must indeed be fate, Ohno thinks, happily. He asks Matsumoto for a few more seconds and asks him which colour he prefers, Blue or White, without showing him the necklaces he is thinking of buying. When the young journalist answers "Blue" though, Ohno quickly reaches at the respective jewellery and hurries to the cashier to buy it.
At the end of the day, Ohno finally gives his cell phone number to Matsumoto. It's just the beginning of countless text messages that they will exchange, and numerous dates on which they will go. He has never been happier in his life.
- + -
Regardless what Ohno thought to be true, reality caught up to him much faster than expected. The development of his relationship with Matsumoto, who he started to call "Jun-kun" already a few days ago, is just awesome and goes very smoothly. They take it slow but they do make progress and especially thanks to Jun's open mind regarding the whole soulmate topic, it's very easy for Ohno to get their hearts close. They share a common past after all, they are linked through fate and when Ohno tells his boyfriend about his dreams and the other listens with sharp ears and bright eyes, it's pure happiness they share. It could be so perfect…
The journalist has a very charming way of sending messages that aren't too cheesy but romantic and personal enough to make Ohno's heart beat faster. And the same can be said about their dates, it's just wonderful. Jun is a pure gentleman. He knows exactly, what women want, he knows chic restaurants, chooses the right movies, knows the most romantic places in town and just walking next to each other, their arms linked and watching the city-lights of the night, sharing tender kisses once in a while, is enough for Ohno. For now.
But the longer they are dating each other, the bigger the desire between them grows, Ohno knows it. He feels that Jun is getting more and more passionate with each kiss and he feels that he himself gets more and more hungry and he's sure it's just a question of time until one of them finally suggests spending a night together. Yeah, with this, things are getting serious. Very serious. Not only regarding their relationship, but also regarding Ohno's secret.
This very secret starts to prey on Ohno's mind more and more, up to the point that he is about to explode. It rips off the rose-tinted glasses from his eyes, pulls him out of his dream world, his comfort zone.
"I'm not a real woman, I'm a person born in the body of a man," he wants to scream it out to Jun, but at the same time, whenever he tries to approach the topic, his voice falls mute and the respective words don't leave his throat. He's scared. So scared. What if Jun will hate him? He thinks Ohno is a girl, he thinks, Ohno is his girlfriend, and Ohno is convinced once the man finds out the truth, he might be in big trouble. He wants to trust the fact that they are soulmates and meant for each other, but there are doubts, such huge doubts. He has been a woman in the past, Jun's past self was in love with a woman, just like his present self is in love with a woman, at least that's what he thinks. If he finds out that Ohno - at least physically - is a man, will this mean the end of their relationship?
In order not to really explode, Ohno finally decides to entrust his sorrows to someone, hoping that some advice will help him to deal with the situation or that he at least will feel a bit lighter about it, sharing his fears with a confident. The first people coming to his mind are his sisters of course, they are his closest friends, but he never told them about his dream diary, about his belief in reincarnation and all those things. It might be a bit complicated to explain everything to them and what if they don't believe him?
With this, Ohno finds it a better idea to try his luck with talking to his fellow student, Ninomiya, at least they already talked about reincarnation and Ninomiya must be thinking that he's crazy anyway, so why not risk it and add a little more craziness to their relationship? For some reason, Ohno thinks that he can trust the guy. He didn't seem too fond of the idea of reincarnation yet but he also doesn't seem like one who will be disgusted by finding out Ohno's secret. They don't know each other that well yet and they never met outside club activities but since their conversation, they seem to talk a bit more to each other and thankfully, Ninomiya doesn't treat him strangely. Maybe they really knew each other in the past, which will explain Ninomiya's ability to dream about Ohno and Jun's story, Maybe it means that they were friends and that they can be friends again in this life. Ohno wants to believe it.
Ohno holds Ninomiya back after a meeting of the theatre club, asking him if he has some time to spend to talk. The younger student seems a bit surprised by the sudden request, especially when Ohno confesses that he needs some advice.
"I have no idea how I am supposed to help you, Ohno-san," Ninomiya says, surprised. "But if I can help you, sure, I'll try."
They take place in a corner of the theatre clubroom, and Ohno offers the other man a can of tea which he gladly accepts. He's a bit nervous, since he knows that opening up about an issue like the one that applies to him is always risky, but he wants to trust his instincts about Ninomiya being a good guy who he can trust.
"To be honest, I have a secret that I want to share with you," Ohno starts in a low voice. "But I might have to go a bit around it to explain the situation…"
"I'm all ears," Ninomiya says, looking at his colleague with big eyes, ready to listen to everything he has to tell.
Ohno frowns for a second, not sure where exactly to start, before he picks up on their last conversation. "I told you that I met someone called Matsumoto, you remember? Just like the one in your story."
"You mean the lord from the pine trees in the north?" Ninomiya wants to confirm.
The other student nods enthusiastically. "Exactly, that one. I told you, I met a Matsumoto just a few days before reading your story, right?"
"Yeah, you told me, why?"
"In fact, we started dating shortly after," the student admits.
"Is this your secret?" Ninomiya arches an eyebrow. "That you're gay? I don't have a problem with that, you know? I already thought that you…"
Ohno chuckles softly. "Well yeah, no, it's not that I try to hide my sexual orientation, but thanks, I'm glad to know that you don't have an issue with something like that. But I'm talking about something else. I'm not sure if it came through when we talked the last time, but in fact, I do believe that he's my soulmate," Ohno explains, looking at Ninomiya closely who starts nibbling on the opening of the can.
"I remember that you said something about soulmates. Or you asked me about if I believe in them."
Ohno nods again. "I know you said you don't believe in something like that. But just let's pretend you do," he says and Ninomiya agrees a bit hesitating. "I think that Matsumoto doesn't question the assumption that we are soulmates."
"That sounds kinda good, doesn't it?" Ninomiya asks with a friendly smile on his face, leaning back in his seat.
Ohno tilts his head, troubled. "Well, it would be good, if there wasn't this problem..."
"Which problem?" Ninomiya frowns.
The older student sighs heavily, scratching his head before he faces his colleague again. He leans a bit forward on the small table between them. "Listen, I'm going to entrust something very intimate to you now and I'm really sorry to bother you with this. I know, we don't know each other that well yet, but I think, I can trust you."
Ninomiya blinks a bit confused. "Well, yes? I can keep secrets, if that's what you're worrying about."
"I'm sure, you can," Ohno says. "However, did you ever hear of the term genderqueer?"
"Genderqueer? Yeah, sure. Why are you asking?"
"You know, I'm one of those people who are called genderqueer," Ohno spills out. Ninomiya's expression doesn't change. It makes Ohno a little insecure. "Do you know what this means?"
"That you're not sure if you're a man or a woman, right?" Ninomiya states casually.
"That hits it pretty well, yeah."
"But, just to clarify this. You're a man, aren't you?" the young student eyes Ohno a bit curiously.
"I'm born as a man. I dress like a man here at university and in most occasions in life, so yeah, I'm a man officially, so to say," Ohno nods. "But there are times in which I also feel like a woman. Do you find that strange?"
The other tilts his head. "It's uncommon; you might have to admit that. But... if that's who you are, it's who you are, right?"
"I'm glad you see it like that, Ninomiya-kun."
Ninomiya doesn't look disgusted or confused, which makes Ohno really relieved, but he looks curious, interested. "Is this why you feel so connected with the woman in my story?"
"I do believe that I was this exact woman you wrote about, in a former life."
The younger student sighs slightly and lifts his hand to rub the space between his eyebrows. "The reincarnation topic again..."
"You find it ridiculous?"
Ninomiya frowns and looks at the other man, looking a bit troubled. "No... no," he shakes his head slightly. "That's not what I mean. It's just, the topic or reincarnation is giving me a bit of a headache lately. But go on… so you're a woman, reborn in the body of a man," he states as if he wants to spread the facts on the table in front of him.
"Yes. I was a woman but I got reborn as a man. My mindset is something in between, I think and I don't have a problem with it," Ohno admits.
"Well, isn't it good then? Then in fact it isn't a problem," the other wonders. "I bet, some other people similar to you are much more confused. It's a complicated topic."
"That's the problem now... it is getting complicated," Ohno sighs.
"Problem? Because you don't know about your gender any longer?"
"Up to now, I could accept myself as a man but also as a girl," the older man says. "But what do you think... might a normal man be able to love a person like me?"
Ninomiya frowns again. "Hm? What are you talking about?"
"Matsumoto...," Ohno states, his face expressionless. "I think he likes women."
"Oh, OK, now I get back on tracks. He doesn't know you're a man? Did he meet you as a woman?" Ninomiya asks, a bit surprised.
"Yes, we met on one of those days in which I dressed as a girl," Ohno lowers his head, sighing. "And to be honest, I didn't even think about the whole issue… since I don't feel strange when I'm crossdressing or anything and since I don't feel like I'm telling a lie when I'm dressing as a girl, I just didn't think about it."
"And now you're afraid that he may not like you if you tell him that you're not a woman… that's indeed complicated," Ninomiya finishes Ohno's thoughts in a sad voice. He crosses his arms and lowers his eyes, as if he's getting lost deep in thoughts. After a few seconds, he looks at Ohno again. "But you did get along when you met, didn't you?"
"Yes, very well. But...," Ohno cannot hold back his doubts any longer, feeling how his eyes threaten to get filled with tears. He can feel his heartbeat up to his throat, as if it's hammering against the lump that's forming there.
"Hey, look, Ohno-san!" Ninomiya suddenly reaches out his hand, brushing Ohno's arm, as if he's trying to cheer him up. "How can you be so sure he doesn't like you as you are? He likes you, that's a fact. Maybe, it's not so important to him which gender you have."
His eyes wet but still no tears shed, the older student looks at the young man in front of him, surprised. Well, he's right. He's right, but… "But I'm not confident," Ohno whispers.
"What do you have to lose?" the other continues, arching his eyebrows. "You have to tell him sooner or later, maybe better sooner than later… and then see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, well, then… maybe it wasn't as fated as you think?"
Ohno gulps and shakes his head. "I refuse to believe that. We're meant to be together."
Ninomiya smiles and draws his hand back to cross his arms again, confidently. "Well, that's the right attitude. That sounds more like the Ohno-san I know so far. Don't make yourself doubt your fate if you want to make others believe in it."
Ohno feels the small side blow from Ninomiya. "You don't believe me anyway, do you? Well, how could you when I'm talking about fate the one second and about my doubts about it the other…"
"I don't say that I don't believe that you believe in something and that sense of belief I respect," the young student counters and he sounds sincere.
"You're really an interesting guy," Ohno says. "Thanks for listening to my sorrows."
"It's no problem, really. I'm sorry I cannot provide any more help."
"Don't be, you already did what you can," the older replies. He pauses, before he parts his lips again to fill the sudden, a little bit awkward silence between them. "You know what, for some reason I feel like we know each other for quite a long time already."
"Really?" Ninomiya arches an eyebrow, critically, of course but Ohno doesn't care.
"Yeah, I think it's possible that we knew each other in our former lives too."
The younger man shrugs his shoulders. "Well… Maybe."
"No, I'm quite sure we were friends," Ohno grins. He's not teasing the other but it kinda feels a little like it. "I feel this strange connection."
Ninomiya chuckles. "Still, this sounds a little off to me, but it would indeed be nice, wouldn't it? I have to admit that the idea of having a confident through several lives is indeed a comforting thought."
"Right?" Ohno smiles.
"But you know what? If I didn't know you're so madly in love with that Matsumoto guy, I'd think you are trying to hit on me, Senpai," Ninomiya jokes, causing the other to break into a genuine laughter.
"I really might sound like that, I'm sorry," Ohno then says, his mouth still covered by a hand. "But I mean it. I think we were, no we are kind of friends."
Ninomiya makes a humming noise. "Well… I can live with that. Thanks for entrusting your sorrows to me. For now, everything I can do for you is wishing you good luck with Matsumoto."
"Thanks. And Ninomiya-"
"You know what?" the other cuts him with a grin on his face. "Call me Nino, please. If you already claim to be my friend."
"Alright, Nino then," Ohno smiles back. "I just want to you know that if you have something to talk about, no matter how strange it is, you can always come to me with it, OK?"
"Thanks, I'll remember that."
Chapter 4 - Part 1
- - + MATSUMOTO JUN + - -
If Jun did not already believe that his and Ohno's encounter was fate, at least after their second fateful encounter he would be convinced of it. The saying "good things happen when you least expect them" totally applies to their situation, he thinks, overly happy to find himself and Ohno on a date in a small but romantic restaurant for lunch on a beautiful, warm Saturday.
He just met her again in a small shop for accessories, just a few streets away, by pure coincidence. After handing his business card with his number to her brother when Jun couldn't find the woman on Seijo's campus, begging him to forward it to Ohno Satoko, of course Jun didn't think that it would be that easy and that she would just call him the second she received the business card and she didn't call him. She said, she would give him her number the next time they meet after all, right? And meeting would most likely mean meeting face to face, maybe by chance again?
Well, at least this was exactly what happened. Jun is about to leave when he sees the beautiful woman standing in the shop, thinking about which necklace she should buy, and he finds it funny that he was in the shop for a similar reason, namely to find a nice accessory that he might be able to present to the girl when they meet again. Who would have thought that it would happen so soon? Not that he is complaining! He didn't show her what he bought, keeping the present safe in his pocket, but he immediately invited her for lunch and he didn't get a declination at all and this is how they ended up in this restaurant now.
After lunch, Jun asks Ohno if they will meet again and Ohno doesn't sound like she finds it a bad idea, admitting to the young journalist that she originally has played with the thought to call him soon if they haven’t met by chance. Jun's heart screams in joy, seeing that their interest for each other is still reciprocal.
"Now you'll have to keep your promise and give me your number, it's the next time we meet isn't it?" Jun points out with a smile on his lips when they are standing at the bus station together after spending the rest of the day together. They went shopping and strolling through town, and ended up here, naturally, as if this is becoming their thing, Jun guiding the girl to the bus station.
Ohno smiles cutely. "I'll give it to you. But only if..."
"Only if what?" Jun asks, almost panicking. Is Ohno still not convinced that they are meant for each other?
"Only if you give me a good night kiss," the woman whispers, her cheeks flushed red and her look is so damned cute that Jun wouldn't be able to hold back anyway.
He gets closer, his hand finding Ohno's shoulder with one hand while he reaches up the other hand to brush back a few strands of hair to free Ohno's face. He closes his eyes when he leans forward, placing his lips on Ohno's for just a few seconds, to give her a tender kiss. His heart beat rushes and he wants to pull her closer, kiss her more, deeper, wilder... but he is holding back. He might have been known as a casanova before he met this special girl but now, much more than a casanova he wants to be a gentleman.
The gentleman, after the proper good night kiss and finally receiving his princess' cell phone number, immediately makes use of his newly gained pride and with this, just about two hours later, when he's back at home, about ready to go to bed, he sends her a good night text. Not too cheesy, not too neutral, something in between that he's convinced might please her and after five minutes of waiting with an incredible fast racing heart, he gets rewarded with a super cute answer. He has to pull himself together not to kiss the screen of his cell phone, that's how happy he is. Needless to say, he needs a few more hours before finally falling asleep, his mind busy with thinking of his dream girl.
- + -
They text each other from then on over the next few days, in the mornings, during lunch break, in the evenings and every now and then in between and when their schedules allow it, they even meet for lunch or for a cup of coffee in the afternoon. Jun isn't used to it, he has been in relationships, but nothing so… innocent and exciting, nothing so grown-up as it feels. However, he obviously enjoys it, that much can also see the people around him, including his co-worker Toma, who eyes him suspiciously when the young journalist comes back from the restroom, all smiles.
"Did you," Toma starts, looking at his colleague. "Did you just text your girlfriend while you were on the toilet?"
Jun blushes and furrows his eyebrows at his friend. "It's not of your concern when I'm texting my girlfriend and what I'm doing on the toilet either, I think."
Toma bursts out laughing and turns his chair again, facing his computer screen and reaching for his nth cup of coffee to sip on it. "Don't mind me, I'm just teasing you."
"Obviously," Jun sighs and takes his place again, looking at the article he's currently working on.
"But it's nice, you call her your girlfriend," Toma points out with a smile on his face. "Does it mean, it's something serious this time?"
"Yes, it's serious," Jun agrees, convinced. At least for him it's really serious business this time.
"So she's great in bed?" Toma chuckled, reaching his finger to poke his colleague's side who just brushes him away.
"Not that it's to your concern, but I still don't know how she is in bed," Jun answers. "We're taking it slow."
Toma looks at his friend with widened eyes. "Oh my God, what did she do to you?! I don't recognize you!"
"Oh shut up, Toma, really," with this, the conversation is over for Jun.
It's not that he doesn't want to know if and how compatible he and Ohno would be also in bed, of course. He's a man with desires, surely, and of course he desires the woman of his life. But he doesn't want to rush her, doesn't want to rush them, he wants to enjoy their innocent getting to know each other for as long as possible and at least, they kiss and yeah, they kiss very often and it is very wonderful. The best kisses, Jun has ever shared.
They meet again on the next evening, it's a working day but both of them cannot wait until the weekend for their next date. With this, Jun bought two tickets of an early evening screening of a new movie that both of them find interesting and meets Ohno in front of the cinema, dressed nicely and with a warm smile decorating his face.
He reaches out to take her hand after they greeted each other properly, intertwining their fingers and he isn’t ashamed to do so in the public - well, they already kissed at a bus station anyway -, on the contrary, he's proud that Ohno allows him to sending a sign that they belong together.
After the movie is over, it is time for Ohno to go home, she says, considering that the day after there will be rehearsal for a play of the kabuki theatre but for some reasons, she waves it off and tells Jun that even if they are going for a short walk, she will be in bed early enough to cope with it. Obviously, she doesn't want to go home yet, she still wants to spend time with him, and Jun very much appreciates about this, offering her his arm with a wide, charming smile, to guide her for a walk through the city.
They end up on the pavement next to a wide river, the water splashing against the brick wall in gentle waves. On the other side of the river, they can see the wide-spread impressive skyline of Tokyo, all possible imaginable colours blending into each other, creating a surreal and oh so fabulous image, showing the coexistence of dreams and reality.
Ohno stands close to Jun, her arm circled around his elbow and she leans a little against him, her head gently touching his shoulder. Jun is quite a bit taller than her and he enjoys it for a silly reason. He feels strong next to her, able to protect her and that's what he will do for the rest of his life.
"Ne, Jun-kun," Ohno asks in a soft voice, the usage of Jun's given name causing a pleasant shiver to cover his arms. The woman leans a bit closer, her eyelashes draw small shadows on her cheeks in the light of a lantern and she looks so damned beautiful that Jun almost cannot handle it. "Do you believe in fate?"
The young journalist nods his head, heavily, convinced about his words that follow. "Of course, I do. It's fate that we met after all, isn't it?"
Ohno gives him one of her beautiful smiles. "I believe in it too. I think, that we're soulmates."
"It has to be like that," Jun whispers, agreeing with this wonderful thought. Ohno looks so happy, Jun's heart blooms.
"You know... people might find this thought ridiculous," the woman speaks, leaning her head against Jun's shoulder and darting her look straight at the dark water covered in colourful reflections from the bright buildings on the other side of the river. They can hear the water and Jun almost missed Ohno's whisper. "I'm convinced that we already lived once in this world, together, and that we belong together ever since."
"That's a really beautiful thought," the young man answers, sincerely.
Ohno reaches for Jun's hand, who intertwines their fingers and presses her hand. "Do you believe in reincarnation?" she asks, turning at him.
Jun looks at her, her beautiful face so close again that he cannot stop his heartbeat from increasing. "If I believe in fate, I should believe in reincarnation too, right?"
"You might call me crazy, but I do actually remember my past life. Our past life," Ohno says, her eyes sparkling mysteriously.
"You remember it?"
"Yes, in my dreams," she nods. "I see us living together, loving each other, it's like I live a second life in my dreams but I know it's our memories. I see your face when I'm dreaming. That's how I recognized you."
"That sounds incredible. I wished, I could say the same," Jun whispers.
"I think there are different grades of remembering our past lives. The fact that you think that I'm meant to be yours, it's proof that you unconsciously remember us, I'm sure about it," Ohno starts, sounding excited. "And maybe, one day you will remember properly. Wouldn't that be awesome? If we can actually share our joined memories?"
"It will be the best.," the young journalist agrees. "I want to remember every single bit of you. And I want to create even more beautiful memories with you from now on."
Ohno smiles genuinely, before she seems to remember something. "Ah, right, I wanted to tell you something interesting. Actually, there is someone who seems to remember us too, even if he doesn't admit it."
Jun frowns. "Someone else?"
"Yes, one of my friends… well, we're not such close friends yet but he's attending university too and I know him from after class activities," the young woman explains.
"He remembers us?"
Ohno nods. "I think he lived once too, most likely around the same time. Maybe we were acquaintances back then too. I have to admit that I don't remember any other faces clearly, only yours. But he wrote a story and told me it's based on one of his dreams. And this story actually tells our story."
Jun looks at the young woman with an astonished look. Someone else remembered their story, but he couldn't remember it? "How unfair," he pouts slightly. "Why does that guy remember you but I don't?"
Ohno chuckles sweetly, surely sensing the hint of jealousy in Jun's voice. "As I said, I think there are different grades of remembering. He doesn't clearly remember, he even denied it. But I just thought, maybe, if you read his story, you might start remembering something too?"
Jun widens his eyes. He didn't give it a second thought before, but Ohno is completely right. "I guess I should read it then! Where can I find it?"
"It got printed in a magazine of Seijo, I have a copy at home and I can bring it along the next time we meet," Ohno suggests before she blushes, turning a bit shy. "Or... if you want to know about our past life, my dreams are much more accurate and detailed. I can tell you everything you want."
Of course, this sounds like a wonderful idea in Jun's ears. He smiles, pressing Ohno's hand firmer. "Then tell me about one of your dreams, please."
"Which one do you want to hear?"
"Hm...Your favourite," the young journalist suggests.
"My favourite?" Ohno tilts her head. "That's hard to decide…"
"Then… pick the first that comes to your mind," the young man whispers, encouragingly.
"Hm…," it doesn't take long until a beautiful smile shows up on Ohno's face, her cheeks slightly blushing in a nice shade of red. "The one when you asked me to marry you. It was the first time I realized that you like me."
Their eyes meet again and they share a soft kiss before Ohno starts to tell the story.
- + -
Meeting Ohno has definitely turned Jun's life upside down, but in a good way. Just like he told his friend Toma, he has been searching for the one right woman in his life for such a long time, and he still cannot believe that he really found her, in a moment when he least expected it. That must be the funny side of fate, Jun thinks. It is interesting, that Ohno seems to think in a similar way as he does, with all the talking about fate and being meant for each other. To be exact, the woman carries this topic even further, saying that she's regularly dreaming about them, about them being a couple in ancient times and the description of her dreams seem so vivid, Jun almost feels like he can remember them himself. Just that he cannot. Not yet. But he wants to.
Jun read that short story Ohno recommended to him, "The Princess in the Flames" by a student of her university, called Ninomiya Kazunari. The ending of the story is disturbing, heart-breaking, and Jun swears to himself that if the story really tells their past, this time they will have a happy ending. However, Jun found it interesting and fascinating, how well the young man was able to capture the essence of what Ohno calls her and Jun's past life. It's a mystery to the young journalist, why that Ninomiya guy can dream about their past, but he can’t. He tried…
It's not that Jun doesn't believe Ohno's words, he trusts her and when she says those stories tell about their common past, then that's what it is like, he's sure about it. Before, Jun never thought much about reincarnation, but Ohno opened his eyes. It all seemed so clear now, so logical, so obvious. He can even feel it. But he also wants to see it with his own eyes in his own dreams. He wants to share those memories with the woman he loves, so that their love can become even deeper.
The memories don't find him and Jun wonders, if there is something he can do about it. He doesn't know much about the topic of reincarnation itself, and so in the end he decides to give it a try to do some research on it, to see what he can find and maybe, he will be able to get some tips about remembering his former life. He isn't completely sure if it's his nature as a journalist to be curious about it or if it's simply his love to Ohno that makes him feel the urge of gathering information and stories of other people. However, his curiosity and his research skills finally guide him to a seemingly interesting website, providing a platform for people believing in reincarnation and the possibility of meeting your soulmate from an earlier life again in your present life. Jun finds the thought very fascinating, especially since he's experiencing it himself at the moment and so his curiosity about the website makes him join the community.
- - - - - - - - - -
Do you believe in soulmates?
- - - - - - - - - -
This is what the website's title reads on top, white letters laying over a nice designed blue-purple patterned header which isn't too bright for the eye and gives a calming vibe. It has something mystical but comfortable with it, something charming.
- - - - - - - - - -
This is not a matchmaking site!
- - - - - - - - - -
...is written in a small info box following the header, even before the actual info text is posted.
- - - - - - - - - -
This is a website for people who are interested in the topic of soulmates and reincarnation and are searching for advice and materials dealing with the topic. Love advice included, but as stated above, this is not a matchmaking site. For the popular matchmaking site (soulmates.jp) please follow the link in parentheses.
- - - - - - - - - -
Jun scrolls down, reading the rest of the info page, before he checks the side bar for getting access to the forum platform.
- - + OHNO SATOSHI + - -
Ohno wants to call him. Matsumoto. Since the very moment he received the young journalist's business card, he cannot think about anything else, he wants to call him. But he knows that it will look... kind of desperate if he was the one contacting the young man now, after he talked so big about fate and about meeting again and everything, right? It will kill the magic. And even more than calling the other, he wants to preserve the magic between them.
The young man decides to allow himself to think about the whole thing for a little longer and just a few days later, after another dream from the past, he goes out, strolling through town, dressed as a girl. He's totally in girly mood, still thinking about the journalist and how it would be to meet him again, drawing the perfect encounter between them on the canvas of his imagination, and he has a lot of imagination.
After shopping for a few new clothes, Ohno finds himself standing in a small, cute accessory shop, looking through all the different kinds of things offered there, stuff that would make each and every girls’ hearts beat faster. There were tons of bracelets, necklaces and earrings from the most cute to the most elegant shapes, hair pins, hair bands in different colours and sizes, cell phone cases, pouches, and whatever else girls will need. Ohno wants to find a fitting necklace for his new dress, of which he dreams about to wear it one day on a date with Matsumoto. He giggles to himself when he tries holding one of the much too huge necklaces over his top. Not that he's planning to buy something like that, but it's interesting seeing the different kinds of designs people come up with.
In the end, he cannot decide between a nice silver necklace with several small blue, leaf shaped pendants, and a gold necklace with one bigger white flower in the front. Both would fit his new dress and Ohno keeps wondering which piece will please Matsumoto's taste more.
He is unexpectedly drawn out of his thoughts, when suddenly someone lays a hand on his arm, touching him softly, and making him turn. Surprised, Ohno looks at the owner of the hand and he gasps when he recognizes the one, immediately. His heart stops beating for a second.
"Matsumoto-san," he stammers, obviously surprised.
"Ohno-san, I'm so happy to meet you here!" the young journalist greets him, immediately flashing him his gorgeous smile. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, thank you," Ohno answers perplex, asking the same question back then.
"I was searching for you on Seijo's campus but I just couldn't find you!" the young man sounds a bit desperate. "Then I finally met your brother and I gave him my business card and a magazine for you, did you receive it?"
Ohno gets a little more nervous, remembering the scene vividly, or course, as well as remembering when he read the article and interview that Matsumoto wrote for his magazine. "I received it," he answers shyly, "Thank you very much. I'm sorry for not calling you..."
Matsumoto shakes his head slightly, still smiling. "No no, don't be. I guess, we were meant to meet each other here again. May I ask you out for lunch, please?"
Ohno blushes deeply, his heart beating fast at the cute invitation and how is he supposed to decline now? He cannot believe his luck, meeting the man from his dreams here, much sooner than he expected and even without having to call him. This must indeed be fate, Ohno thinks, happily. He asks Matsumoto for a few more seconds and asks him which colour he prefers, Blue or White, without showing him the necklaces he is thinking of buying. When the young journalist answers "Blue" though, Ohno quickly reaches at the respective jewellery and hurries to the cashier to buy it.
At the end of the day, Ohno finally gives his cell phone number to Matsumoto. It's just the beginning of countless text messages that they will exchange, and numerous dates on which they will go. He has never been happier in his life.
- + -
Regardless what Ohno thought to be true, reality caught up to him much faster than expected. The development of his relationship with Matsumoto, who he started to call "Jun-kun" already a few days ago, is just awesome and goes very smoothly. They take it slow but they do make progress and especially thanks to Jun's open mind regarding the whole soulmate topic, it's very easy for Ohno to get their hearts close. They share a common past after all, they are linked through fate and when Ohno tells his boyfriend about his dreams and the other listens with sharp ears and bright eyes, it's pure happiness they share. It could be so perfect…
The journalist has a very charming way of sending messages that aren't too cheesy but romantic and personal enough to make Ohno's heart beat faster. And the same can be said about their dates, it's just wonderful. Jun is a pure gentleman. He knows exactly, what women want, he knows chic restaurants, chooses the right movies, knows the most romantic places in town and just walking next to each other, their arms linked and watching the city-lights of the night, sharing tender kisses once in a while, is enough for Ohno. For now.
But the longer they are dating each other, the bigger the desire between them grows, Ohno knows it. He feels that Jun is getting more and more passionate with each kiss and he feels that he himself gets more and more hungry and he's sure it's just a question of time until one of them finally suggests spending a night together. Yeah, with this, things are getting serious. Very serious. Not only regarding their relationship, but also regarding Ohno's secret.
This very secret starts to prey on Ohno's mind more and more, up to the point that he is about to explode. It rips off the rose-tinted glasses from his eyes, pulls him out of his dream world, his comfort zone.
"I'm not a real woman, I'm a person born in the body of a man," he wants to scream it out to Jun, but at the same time, whenever he tries to approach the topic, his voice falls mute and the respective words don't leave his throat. He's scared. So scared. What if Jun will hate him? He thinks Ohno is a girl, he thinks, Ohno is his girlfriend, and Ohno is convinced once the man finds out the truth, he might be in big trouble. He wants to trust the fact that they are soulmates and meant for each other, but there are doubts, such huge doubts. He has been a woman in the past, Jun's past self was in love with a woman, just like his present self is in love with a woman, at least that's what he thinks. If he finds out that Ohno - at least physically - is a man, will this mean the end of their relationship?
In order not to really explode, Ohno finally decides to entrust his sorrows to someone, hoping that some advice will help him to deal with the situation or that he at least will feel a bit lighter about it, sharing his fears with a confident. The first people coming to his mind are his sisters of course, they are his closest friends, but he never told them about his dream diary, about his belief in reincarnation and all those things. It might be a bit complicated to explain everything to them and what if they don't believe him?
With this, Ohno finds it a better idea to try his luck with talking to his fellow student, Ninomiya, at least they already talked about reincarnation and Ninomiya must be thinking that he's crazy anyway, so why not risk it and add a little more craziness to their relationship? For some reason, Ohno thinks that he can trust the guy. He didn't seem too fond of the idea of reincarnation yet but he also doesn't seem like one who will be disgusted by finding out Ohno's secret. They don't know each other that well yet and they never met outside club activities but since their conversation, they seem to talk a bit more to each other and thankfully, Ninomiya doesn't treat him strangely. Maybe they really knew each other in the past, which will explain Ninomiya's ability to dream about Ohno and Jun's story, Maybe it means that they were friends and that they can be friends again in this life. Ohno wants to believe it.
Ohno holds Ninomiya back after a meeting of the theatre club, asking him if he has some time to spend to talk. The younger student seems a bit surprised by the sudden request, especially when Ohno confesses that he needs some advice.
"I have no idea how I am supposed to help you, Ohno-san," Ninomiya says, surprised. "But if I can help you, sure, I'll try."
They take place in a corner of the theatre clubroom, and Ohno offers the other man a can of tea which he gladly accepts. He's a bit nervous, since he knows that opening up about an issue like the one that applies to him is always risky, but he wants to trust his instincts about Ninomiya being a good guy who he can trust.
"To be honest, I have a secret that I want to share with you," Ohno starts in a low voice. "But I might have to go a bit around it to explain the situation…"
"I'm all ears," Ninomiya says, looking at his colleague with big eyes, ready to listen to everything he has to tell.
Ohno frowns for a second, not sure where exactly to start, before he picks up on their last conversation. "I told you that I met someone called Matsumoto, you remember? Just like the one in your story."
"You mean the lord from the pine trees in the north?" Ninomiya wants to confirm.
The other student nods enthusiastically. "Exactly, that one. I told you, I met a Matsumoto just a few days before reading your story, right?"
"Yeah, you told me, why?"
"In fact, we started dating shortly after," the student admits.
"Is this your secret?" Ninomiya arches an eyebrow. "That you're gay? I don't have a problem with that, you know? I already thought that you…"
Ohno chuckles softly. "Well yeah, no, it's not that I try to hide my sexual orientation, but thanks, I'm glad to know that you don't have an issue with something like that. But I'm talking about something else. I'm not sure if it came through when we talked the last time, but in fact, I do believe that he's my soulmate," Ohno explains, looking at Ninomiya closely who starts nibbling on the opening of the can.
"I remember that you said something about soulmates. Or you asked me about if I believe in them."
Ohno nods again. "I know you said you don't believe in something like that. But just let's pretend you do," he says and Ninomiya agrees a bit hesitating. "I think that Matsumoto doesn't question the assumption that we are soulmates."
"That sounds kinda good, doesn't it?" Ninomiya asks with a friendly smile on his face, leaning back in his seat.
Ohno tilts his head, troubled. "Well, it would be good, if there wasn't this problem..."
"Which problem?" Ninomiya frowns.
The older student sighs heavily, scratching his head before he faces his colleague again. He leans a bit forward on the small table between them. "Listen, I'm going to entrust something very intimate to you now and I'm really sorry to bother you with this. I know, we don't know each other that well yet, but I think, I can trust you."
Ninomiya blinks a bit confused. "Well, yes? I can keep secrets, if that's what you're worrying about."
"I'm sure, you can," Ohno says. "However, did you ever hear of the term genderqueer?"
"Genderqueer? Yeah, sure. Why are you asking?"
"You know, I'm one of those people who are called genderqueer," Ohno spills out. Ninomiya's expression doesn't change. It makes Ohno a little insecure. "Do you know what this means?"
"That you're not sure if you're a man or a woman, right?" Ninomiya states casually.
"That hits it pretty well, yeah."
"But, just to clarify this. You're a man, aren't you?" the young student eyes Ohno a bit curiously.
"I'm born as a man. I dress like a man here at university and in most occasions in life, so yeah, I'm a man officially, so to say," Ohno nods. "But there are times in which I also feel like a woman. Do you find that strange?"
The other tilts his head. "It's uncommon; you might have to admit that. But... if that's who you are, it's who you are, right?"
"I'm glad you see it like that, Ninomiya-kun."
Ninomiya doesn't look disgusted or confused, which makes Ohno really relieved, but he looks curious, interested. "Is this why you feel so connected with the woman in my story?"
"I do believe that I was this exact woman you wrote about, in a former life."
The younger student sighs slightly and lifts his hand to rub the space between his eyebrows. "The reincarnation topic again..."
"You find it ridiculous?"
Ninomiya frowns and looks at the other man, looking a bit troubled. "No... no," he shakes his head slightly. "That's not what I mean. It's just, the topic or reincarnation is giving me a bit of a headache lately. But go on… so you're a woman, reborn in the body of a man," he states as if he wants to spread the facts on the table in front of him.
"Yes. I was a woman but I got reborn as a man. My mindset is something in between, I think and I don't have a problem with it," Ohno admits.
"Well, isn't it good then? Then in fact it isn't a problem," the other wonders. "I bet, some other people similar to you are much more confused. It's a complicated topic."
"That's the problem now... it is getting complicated," Ohno sighs.
"Problem? Because you don't know about your gender any longer?"
"Up to now, I could accept myself as a man but also as a girl," the older man says. "But what do you think... might a normal man be able to love a person like me?"
Ninomiya frowns again. "Hm? What are you talking about?"
"Matsumoto...," Ohno states, his face expressionless. "I think he likes women."
"Oh, OK, now I get back on tracks. He doesn't know you're a man? Did he meet you as a woman?" Ninomiya asks, a bit surprised.
"Yes, we met on one of those days in which I dressed as a girl," Ohno lowers his head, sighing. "And to be honest, I didn't even think about the whole issue… since I don't feel strange when I'm crossdressing or anything and since I don't feel like I'm telling a lie when I'm dressing as a girl, I just didn't think about it."
"And now you're afraid that he may not like you if you tell him that you're not a woman… that's indeed complicated," Ninomiya finishes Ohno's thoughts in a sad voice. He crosses his arms and lowers his eyes, as if he's getting lost deep in thoughts. After a few seconds, he looks at Ohno again. "But you did get along when you met, didn't you?"
"Yes, very well. But...," Ohno cannot hold back his doubts any longer, feeling how his eyes threaten to get filled with tears. He can feel his heartbeat up to his throat, as if it's hammering against the lump that's forming there.
"Hey, look, Ohno-san!" Ninomiya suddenly reaches out his hand, brushing Ohno's arm, as if he's trying to cheer him up. "How can you be so sure he doesn't like you as you are? He likes you, that's a fact. Maybe, it's not so important to him which gender you have."
His eyes wet but still no tears shed, the older student looks at the young man in front of him, surprised. Well, he's right. He's right, but… "But I'm not confident," Ohno whispers.
"What do you have to lose?" the other continues, arching his eyebrows. "You have to tell him sooner or later, maybe better sooner than later… and then see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, well, then… maybe it wasn't as fated as you think?"
Ohno gulps and shakes his head. "I refuse to believe that. We're meant to be together."
Ninomiya smiles and draws his hand back to cross his arms again, confidently. "Well, that's the right attitude. That sounds more like the Ohno-san I know so far. Don't make yourself doubt your fate if you want to make others believe in it."
Ohno feels the small side blow from Ninomiya. "You don't believe me anyway, do you? Well, how could you when I'm talking about fate the one second and about my doubts about it the other…"
"I don't say that I don't believe that you believe in something and that sense of belief I respect," the young student counters and he sounds sincere.
"You're really an interesting guy," Ohno says. "Thanks for listening to my sorrows."
"It's no problem, really. I'm sorry I cannot provide any more help."
"Don't be, you already did what you can," the older replies. He pauses, before he parts his lips again to fill the sudden, a little bit awkward silence between them. "You know what, for some reason I feel like we know each other for quite a long time already."
"Really?" Ninomiya arches an eyebrow, critically, of course but Ohno doesn't care.
"Yeah, I think it's possible that we knew each other in our former lives too."
The younger man shrugs his shoulders. "Well… Maybe."
"No, I'm quite sure we were friends," Ohno grins. He's not teasing the other but it kinda feels a little like it. "I feel this strange connection."
Ninomiya chuckles. "Still, this sounds a little off to me, but it would indeed be nice, wouldn't it? I have to admit that the idea of having a confident through several lives is indeed a comforting thought."
"Right?" Ohno smiles.
"But you know what? If I didn't know you're so madly in love with that Matsumoto guy, I'd think you are trying to hit on me, Senpai," Ninomiya jokes, causing the other to break into a genuine laughter.
"I really might sound like that, I'm sorry," Ohno then says, his mouth still covered by a hand. "But I mean it. I think we were, no we are kind of friends."
Ninomiya makes a humming noise. "Well… I can live with that. Thanks for entrusting your sorrows to me. For now, everything I can do for you is wishing you good luck with Matsumoto."
"Thanks. And Ninomiya-"
"You know what?" the other cuts him with a grin on his face. "Call me Nino, please. If you already claim to be my friend."
"Alright, Nino then," Ohno smiles back. "I just want to you know that if you have something to talk about, no matter how strange it is, you can always come to me with it, OK?"
"Thanks, I'll remember that."
Chapter 4 - Part 1