je_united gift fic for aleena_mokoia Part 1/2
Lovely fic for aleena_mokoia
Title: I Still See You (Even If the Light Is Stolen)
Pairing: Shintarou/Juri
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: minor character injury, body swap
Summary: Shintarou wakes up from a concussion in a parallel universe, and Juri feels like the entire universe is hazing him. Both of them have a lot to learn from each other if they want Shintarou to get home again.
Notes: Written for aleena_mokoia, who wanted ridiculous things that all turn out fine in the end, and maybe some porn. I hope you enjoy this! Title from "IN THE STORM." I haven’t seen Johnny’s Island so I’m not ultra clear on all the details, but I will say that a ton of people are injured again, just like last year, and I blame basketball. Also, I think my explanation for the name Sexy Zone is a lot more sensible, I'm just saying.
Juri saw the exact moment when Shintarou's flip went all wrong. It was just out of the corner of his eye at first, but by the time he turned his head fully he already knew that Shintarou wasn't going to land it, he was already gritting his teeth and bracing for the impact. Juri had seen Shintarou wipe out any number of times during any number of tricks, but nothing prepared him for the thick, horrible sound of Shintarou's back hitting the stage floor flat.
In the fifteen seconds it took Juri to scramble across the stage and drop to his knees beside Shintarou, all he could think was staff told you not to they told you moron why don't you ever listen we told you not to we told you in a sickening loop. Shintarou's eyes were closed, but he was breathing, and Juri grabbed one of Shintarou's hands and squeezed it so tight his own fingers started to tingle.
"Shin?" he begged, his voice catching. Panic was making it hard to breathe, filling up his chest the longer that Shintarou didn't open his eyes. "Wake up, come on, please."
"Did he hit his head?" Taiga asked, suddenly at Juri's shoulder. Jesse and Kouchi were on the other side, hands hovering over Shintarou like they wanted to check for injury but were afraid to touch him. Juri shook his head.
"I didn't see, I don't know," Juri answered. He squeezed Shintarou's hand with half-numb fingers. "Shin, please."
The backstage medic arrived just then, an ambulance already called. Juri refused to let go while the medic checked Shintarou over. When the paramedics came in with the gurney, Kouchi had to all but pry Juri away and kept a firm grip on him when Juri struggled, demanding to go along with the ambulance.
"Shh, it's okay, we'll follow them, all right?" Kouchi reassured. Angry tears had spilled over Juri's cheeks as soon as Shintarou was out of sight, and Kouchi rubbed Juri's back, trying to comfort him. "Let's go get our stuff, come on."
Juri didn't understand it at the time, but for some reason, he kept thinking I shouldn't have let go, I should have held on over and over.
Shintarou was unconscious until the next morning, and Juri couldn't remember ever living through a longer night in his entire life. The hospital had eventually sent them home, not that any of them slept; Juri stared at the ceiling for hours and saw that second just before Shintarou's impact with the ground over and over over. The others had gone back into rehearsals today, but Juri had called off and gone back to the hospital, and the manager answering his call hadn't had the heart to scold him.
Even once Shintarou was awake, it was still hours before Juri had a chance to see him. Juri spent the time in the waiting room sending and answering a constant stream of messages back and forth to friends and kouhai and senpai. Yes, he's awake. Nothing's broken. I haven't seen him yet. He doesn't even have a concussion.
"Idiots can't catch a cold after all," his mother reassured him over the phone. Juri tried to draw in a deep breath to stop another round of tears and couldn't.
"Hey," Shintarou said when Juri was finally allowed into his room. Shintarou looked exhausted and was surrounded by machines, but he held out his arms for a hug. Flopped awkwardly on Shintarou's chest to avoid the IV line, Juri listened to Shintarou's heartbeat under his cheek and drew the first full breath he'd taken in twenty-four hours. "Hey, it's okay. I'm okay."
"You're the worst," Juri said, squeezing his eyes shut. Hot tears were wicked away by Shintarou's hospital gown. Shintarou's palm settled on the back of Juri's head, fingers working through his hair.
"I know," Shintarou said quietly. "I'm so sorry."
Eventually Juri calmed enough to sit back up, scrubbing at his face and faintly embarrassed to have melted down in front of Shintarou's mother. She didn't seem to mind, though, offering Juri her chair while she went to get herself a coffee. Juri dragged the chair as close as he could to the side of Shintarou's bed. Without thinking he reached for Shintarou's hand again, and Shintarou curled their fingers together easily. They chatted quietly about work, how long Shintarou might be out, thank goodness it had happened during rehearsal instead of in front of fans, what to do about their performances, both of them pretending everything was normal even when laughing made Shintarou wince obviously.
"Hey," Shintarou said suddenly, turning their hands over to look at Juri's. "You aren't wearing your ring."
"My…ring?" Juri asked.
"Yeah, and mine's missing too." Shintarou reached up to his neck as if expecting to find a necklace there. "Did they take it off when they brought me in? Does my mom have it?"
Juri blinked. "Shin, what ring? What are you talking about?"
"Our rings, you idiot," Shintarou laughed, as if Juri were teasing him. He stopped laughing when Juri just stared at him. "Quit fucking around. The rings we got this summer for our five year anniversary?"
Something like lightning flashed through Juri's chest. "Whose-"
Shintarou's mother pushed the door open before Juri could ask any more questions, offering to drive Juri home because visiting hours were over. "Sorry, kiddo," she interrupted when both Juri and Shintarou opened their mouths to protest. "But we have to go. This idiot needs rest anyway."
"Mo-om," Shintarou whined. He accepted a last hug from his mother and then from Juri. Juri could have imagined the brush of lips against his cheek as he pulled away, maybe. "I'll call you later, yeah?"
"Yeah," Juri agreed unsteadily. Shintarou's hand was still in his, thumb rubbing idly at the spot where a ring would likely sit. Juri forced himself to let go. "Hurry up and get better. Coming here just to see you sucks."
Juri went back to work the next day, bombarded on one side by co-workers desperate to hear about Shintarou's condition, and on the other side by Shintarou himself who was bored out of his mind at the hospital. Fortunately all of his tests and scans had come back clean, so he was being released the next afternoon. Juri hadn't meant to bring a parade of morons with him over to Shintarou's house after work, but there was definitely no way to stop at least the rest of the group coming.
"Don't you boys get him all worked up, and only until dinner," Morimoto-san scolded them as she led them into the living room. She clearly hadn't expected any better, Juri saw when he followed her into the kitchen to help get drinks for everyone, given the amount of food she was halfway through preparing. He offered to stay and help, but Morimoto-san shooed him off and told him to go be with his friends.
Shintarou waved Juri over, patting the spot on the floor next to him, already surrounded by SixTONES members like a king in the middle of court.
"I don't remember anything," Shintarou was saying, shaking his head. "Everything for a couple hours before that is blank. They said from the shock, so it might come back or…" He let his hand fall, the meaning obvious.
"Wish I could forget it," Juri said, leaning into Shintarou so their shoulders pressed together.
"Yeah, it made an awful noise," Jesse put in, like they were dissecting a car crash scene in an action movie. "Like WHAPF."
"I thought a stage light fell and killed you," Taiga said matter-of-factly, ignoring the way Hokuto elbowed him. "What? Anyway, that's why staff keeps telling you not to do that."
"Nn," Shintarou said noncommittally. He was watching Taiga and Hokuto with a strange expression, but shrugged it off when he realized Juri was looking at him. "They'll probably spend all tomorrow telling me off."
"You're coming in?" Hokuto asked, perking up. Then he raised an eyebrow. "Did they really say that's all right?"
"He can't do anything but watch," his mother said crisply, appearing behind them with a stack of plates. "But he isn't getting rewarded for scaring five years off my life by getting to skip a bunch of practices, lounging around here like an unemployed slug."
"I've been home one day!" Shintarou protested. "Have some compassion, woman! Anyway I'm benched at least two weeks, so what's the point of practice when our concerts will be over by then?"
Jesse and Kouchi exchanged a glance. "Island shows go all next month too, remember?"
"Oh, right." Shintarou shook his head. "Sorry! Things are still a bit…"
"It's fine," Jesse assured, and after that Morimoto-san told them to go wash their hands so they could eat already.
Later after the others had gone home, Juri came back from his bath to find Shintarou sitting on his bed in his pajamas, but clearly not ready to sleep.
"Can we talk about something?" he asked Juri. Juri nodded, giving his hair one last rub with the towel before draping it over Shintarou's desk chair.
"You sound serious," Juri said. He tried to sit down facing Shintarou, but Shintarou tugged him by the wrist until they were shoulder-to-shoulder up against the headboard. "You're really okay, right?"
"Yeah, it's just…" Shintarou frowned. "I have to tell you something, but I don't think you'll believe me."
Juri resisted the urge to grab Shintarou's hand and link their fingers together. He shouldn't have indulged yesterday, because now it was all he could think about. "Try me, I guess."
"It's…I'm…we aren't together, right? The two of us. Like dating."
For a second, Juri couldn't speak, his chest going hot and then cold. "N-no. No! We're not-"
"See the thing is, before I woke up in the hospital, we were." Shintarou chewed on his lower lip, watching Juri's reaction. "You've been my boyfriend for five years, because it's only a month different than debut anniversary. It's like I woke up in the wrong dimension, or a different reality, or…"
"What are you talking about?" Juri whispered, heart beating crazily. Boyfriend? Debut? Five years?! "You're scaring me!"
"How do you think I feel?!" Shintarou snapped, brows knit tight together. "When I woke up and you didn't have your ring, I thought we broke up and I just didn't remember it! I was fucking terrified!" Shintarou grabbed one of his pillows to shove into his lap, twisting the corners of it anxiously. "But that's not it, huh? Stuff's different here."
"What other stuff?" Juri asked, needing a minute of distraction from any discussion about the two of them. "Let's say, just for a minute, that I believe you. You said debut. And earlier you said 'our concerts.' You're debuted?"
"You are too." Shintarou nudged Juri's shoulder with his own. "The six of us. That part didn't change at least. It's Sexy Zone's fifth anniversary, so we have concerts and everything."
"Yeah, but what's that got to do with…" Juri wrinkled his nose. "You debuted with Sexy Zone?"
"I just said, we both…why are you making that face?" Shintarou tilted his head. "That's our name, right?"
"No!" Juri burst out laughing; he couldn't help it. "There's a Sexy Zone, but it's like Nakajima and Shori and Marius. We're SixTONES, like 'six' plus 'tones' like…oh man, your face right now." Juri couldn't stop snickering now that he'd started.
"Marius?!" Shintarou looked aghast. "He's like sixteen now! When we debuted he must have been…ugh, what the fuck. And that doesn't even make sense! They named us that because six is sex, like sextuplets or whatever."
"I'm pretty sure they named you Sexy because sexy, buddy," Juri snickered, trying to pull himself together before Shintarou's mother came to yell at them. "We named ourselves, last year. Taiga came up with it."
"Only last year?" Shintarou asked. "What did they call you all that time before that?"
"Nothing, because we weren't a group for most of it. Jesse and Hokuto did a lot of solo stuff, you refused to sing for like two years." Juri smiled, all of the awkward parts fond memories now that they were in the past. Shintarou looked horrified. "Hey, it's okay. It turned out all right in the end. I mean, debut would be nice, but for now I'm happy we're a group."
"But we aren't…" Shintarou twisted the pillow more tightly. "Sorry, I keep forgetting and reaching to touch you."
"It's all right," Juri assured. He reached over to undo the tight clench of Shintarou's hand from the pillow and squeezed it in his own. He wasn't exactly over the need for reassurance himself that Shintarou was right here, that he was all right.
Maybe a little bit insane, but whatever. He worked for Johnny's after all. If the entry form had a checkbox for 'basically normal' probably none of them would be here.
"Do you really not…" Shintarou trailed off. He was staring at his hand in Juri's. "This is really hard. I can't even think about what not being with you could be like."
Juri could. He knew exactly what it had been like because he'd been pushing down how much he loved Shintarou for years at that point, and he'd mostly learned to cope with it. But the look on Shintarou's face right now was the same look Juri saw on his own face still sometimes, scared and tired and sad. That was the thing that convinced him, at least a little, that maybe somehow his Shintarou had gotten switched with this one. He'd never seen Shintarou look anything like that before, certainly not about him.
"Let's say," Juri licked his lips, which felt dry, "that I believe you. Just for now. What do we do?"
"Fuck if I know," Shintarou answered. "I was hoping it would have just worn off by now. What if I need to hit my head again?"
"NO," Juri snapped, his vehemence making Shintarou smile. "Don't even say that, ugh. I-" Juri interrupted himself with a huge yawn and Shintarou apologized sheepishly for keeping him up when he'd been at practice all day.
"Let's just sleep," he said, and both of them shuffled under the blankets awkwardly. "Oh, sorry, dammit. I probably…futon…"
"Nah, your bed's big enough, we don't bother," Juri said. "We sleep over too much, it's a pain."
"I might touch you this way," Shintarou said cautiously. "You know, in my sleep. It's just that we usually. Uh."
"That's all right," Juri said, trying to sound casual and not like all of his skin was prickling with the hope that it might. "I mean, I get it. We touch a lot, honestly." More than entirely platonic friends would, Juri was sure, but he was equally sure that was entirely his fault and just counted himself lucky that Shintarou had never been freaked out or pushed him away. After so long, though, it had turned into just a normal part of their friendship.
They tried to sleep, but neither of them could. Juri tried everything, counting sheep, going over step counts, thinking through the Island setlist…beside him, he could hear that Shintarou wasn't asleep either, just trying to stay still. That was the dead-giveaway actually, that Shintarou was neither snoring nor kicking him. Juri rolled onto his side and wasn't surprised to find Shintarou watching him, enough light to tell once his eyes had adjusted.
"All I've done for three days is lie around, what's your excuse?" Shintarou whispered, making Juri snort a soft laugh. "You have stuff tomorrow, though. Want me to go away so you can jerk off? It'd help."
Juri went very still. "…No."
"No, you don't want to?" Shintarou asked. "Or no, I shouldn't go away?" Juri's breath hitched, and Shintarou sat up, jostling the bed with the suddenness of it. "Fuck, sorry. It's just, you're right here, and you're you, and the last time I went three days without kissing you was when Mom dragged me to Hawaii to see Ryutarou for a week. I shouldn't have asked you that."
"Stay, I don't mind," Juri said in a rush, because he was stupid and exhausted and not over watching Shintarou nearly kill himself. Plus he'd been in love with this moron since he was sixteen and now the whole universe was hazing him by handing him a Shintarou who said he loved Juri too. "Stay, just…just do it." He rolled over to push himself against Shintarou's side, breathing too fast from fear that Shintarou would push him off, even faster when Shintarou curled an arm around him to hug him closer.
"That's not okay, right?" Shintarou's voice was gentle and deep. If Juri was wrong and this was just regular Shintarou with a brain injury, Juri was going to kill himself. "I don't want to mess it up for when he comes back."
"There's nothing to mess up," Juri snapped, more harshly than he meant to. "If he wanted me, he'd have said already. Five years ago, apparently."
"There's no me who doesn't want you," Shintarou assured. Juri made a derisive noise. "And it's you who told me, anyway. I never would have said anything on my own. You haven't ever told him, have you?"
It was more than Juri could take, the sudden revelation that he was the coward here, and he couldn't bear any more. "Shut up. Are we gonna do it or what?" Juri paused, because he was angry, but not an asshole. "Will that guy get mad at you for this?"
"You tell me," Shintarou answered. He sounded amused at the idea somehow, and it made Juri want to grind his teeth. "If they're doing it right now, does that make you angry?"
No. The idea of Shintarou kissing another him was mostly just hot, barely different than fantasizing about doing it himself. "No." Juri gave a small laugh that hurt a little. "Guess I'm just glad some Juri somewhere is getting it."
"Shh, come here." Shintarou pulled Juri as close as they could get, kissing Juri's cheek and then his temple. His familiarity with Juri's body was obvious from the way his hands unerringly found sensitive spots, and Juri let himself melt into it, sick of thinking about things. Shintarou palmed the back of Juri's neck, fingertips circling points of warmth, and his other hand dragged a warm trail across the small of Juri's back that made him gasp. Shintarou kissed him and it was all Juri could do to clutch at his T-shirt and kiss back.
Shintarou didn't pull back until Juri's lips were tingling and they were both hard, rocking against each other gently. Juri didn't want gentle. Juri wanted Shintarou's hand on his dick right now.
"Tell me if it's not all right," Shintarou said. His hand was between them suddenly, tugging at the drawstring of Juri's pajama pants to undo the bow. "If you want me to stop, say."
"I don't want you to-ahh." Juri's heart skipped several beats in a row as Shintarou's hand circled him suddenly, then stroked firmly. He wound arms around Shintarou's neck for leverage and pushed his hips into the touch without bothering to hold back, lips pressed tight together against the noises trying to spill out of his mouth.
Shintarou's thumb slid over Juri's tip, slick with precome, and Juri writhed because oh, that wasn't even fair.
"Yeah, uh-huh," Shintarou encouraged, voice low in this throat. His other hand was still against the small of Juri's back, digging in with more pressure now, and Juri had had no idea this whole time that his lower back was some kind of sex sweet spot. "Come on, yeah."
Juri fell apart in Shintarou's hands, the rush of coming making everything sweet for three or four blissful seconds. Other Juri gets to do this all the time, he thought, which killed most of his temporary high before he was even done shivering. Other Juri is a dick.
"What do you want?" Juri asked to distract himself; Shintarou was still hard and grinding lightly against Juri's thigh.
"Anything," Shintarou said, sounding out of breath himself. "Or if you don't want to, that's fine."
Juri didn't bother answering, just shoved Shintarou over, onto his back, because if this was going to be fantasy fulfillment night, then there was one thing in particular that Juri had always wanted to do. He shoved Shintarou's sweatpants roughly down, just enough to be out of the way. He'd seen Shintarou's dick any number of times as they changed or got into the bath, but never like this, never flushed and hard and only for him.
He licked Shintarou's tip, fingers wrapped around the base to hold it steady, and the quiet groan it wrung out of Shintarou curled right around the base of Juri's spine. Juri wasn't some innocent virgin, and he had no problems showing Shintarou exactly how good he could be with his mouth. Shintarou was big enough that Juri had to work for it as he slid his mouth further down over him, dragging his lips down as far as he could before pulling back up again to suck messily at his tip. Juri's jaw started to ache after a bit, but he ignored it, in no rush for this to end.
"Hey," Shintarou said, touching the top of Juri's head lightly, but Juri already knew. He could feel how close Shintarou was in the bunched muscles of his thighs under Juri's palm, the way Shintarou's breaths were so shallow, so quick. He lifted his head to look Shintarou over before he finished, wanting to remember every detail: the flush spread down Shintarou's neck and the tightness of his fist in the sheets and the dark of his eyes as he watched his dick sliding through Juri's fingers. As he watched Juri.
Juri lowered his head to put his mouth back on Shintarou and finished him off without any more fooling around. Shintarou tasted sharp on the back of Juri's tongue, but Juri kind of liked it. He swallowed, at any rate, because he liked doing that for Shintarou too, and if that made him kind of a freak, well, fuck everybody. When he lifted his head, Shintarou was still watching him, lit up with afterglow and affection. For a second, Juri forgot everything that made this weird and felt instead how good it was to have everything he wanted all at once.
"I love when you do that," Shintarou whispered, as if it were a thing Juri did all the time. Juri started to shake, feeling amazing and horrible at the same time, and Shintarou hugged him tightly until the worst of it passed. They didn't talk about it, for which Juri was glad. He rubbed Juri's back in slow circles until Juri fell asleep on him.
In the morning they went again, Shintarou's hand wrapped around both of their dicks while Juri thrust against him helplessly, lips and teeth pressing against Shintarou's shoulder, leaving a scatter of red marks.
"We do it, right?" Juri asked as they were coming down, tangled under the blankets, sticky and too warm. "The whole way, I mean. Who's on top?"
"Who do you think is?" Shintarou asked. He was tracing the shell of Juri's ear with his thumb over and over. It felt amazing; it made Juri want to pierce every piece of his skin possible.
"You," Juri answered, unashamed. That was how he always thought about it, ever since Shintarou had gotten taller, strong enough to pin Juri to the floor when they wrestled.
"Hmm, sometimes," Shintarou murmured, then laughed at the shiver that ran through Juri.
Shintarou's mother offered to drive them to work, but Shintarou insisted on taking the train in like usual, fed up with being fussed over. Juri hid a smile behind his sleeve when Shintarou had to stop mid-complaint to ask sheepishly if his mother knew where his wallet was.
Most of the ride in was companionably silent, Shintarou scrolling through his feeds on his phone, Juri stuck on a Puzzles and Dragons dungeon on his own.
"So I've been thinking," Shintarou spoke up eventually. "Maybe i'm supposed to fix stuff. Maybe that's why I'm still here."
Juri snorted. "What?"
"Like you!" Shintarou beamed at him, face clearly saying look what a great idea I'm having. "When the other one comes back, you can confess and everything will be fine. See, fixed!"
"Oh yeah?" Juri challenged, raising an eyebrow. "If things are so fixed, genius, then why are you still here?"
"Clearly I haven't fixed everything yet," Shintarou scoffed. "Maybe I'm supposed to fix your group, too, huh? I'll watch until I figure out what you guys are doing wrong, then you can debut and I can go home. Solved!"
Juri was torn between laughing at Shintarou's idiot plan and being indignant. "There's nothing wrong with my group, you." Their station was next, cutting off the conversation. Juri shrugged it off; Shintarou wasn't going to be allowed to do anything but watch practice for at least a couple weeks anyway, so if that was how he wanted to entertain himself, that was fine by Juri.
Just before they went through the doorway to the practice room, where Juri could hear people laughing and carrying on, Juri stopped Shintarou by putting a hand to his chest.
"Hey, let's not tell anybody else yet," Juri said. He was already feeling silly for believing Shintarou's crazy explanations, and he wasn't in a hurry to try and explain it to the others, only to be laughed at. "For now. I guess if you're stuck here a while we might have to eventually but…maybe let's just pretend things are back to normal for a few days."
"All right," Shintarou agreed easily. He reached up to tug on Juri's hair where the hoodie had flattened it. Juri batted his hand away.
"None of that either!" Juri warned. "We're touchy but it's not like that, remember?"
"Sure, sure." Shintarou held up his hands in surrender. "I can be normal."
"Like anybody around here can do that," Juri said under his breath, but he pushed the door open and waved Shintarou inside.
It lasted two seconds.
"Holy SHIT," Shintarou said, loud enough to make half the room look. "What's Tai-chan doing in the front?!"
Juri slapped a hand to his forehead. "Kyomocchan!" He hissed to Shintarou. "You can't call him that! Do you want to die?"
"Eh?" Shintarou asked.
Taiga put a hand on his hip to glare as he and Jesse turned around from their frontman position in front of the mirrors. Jesse was grinning, amused as always by any hint of chaos. "I haven't missed THAT many practices, fuck you very much," Taiga snapped, apparently taking Shintarou's comment to only be about missed rehearsals. "You wanna come up here and fight me for it?"
"He's got a head injury, just ignore him," Juri said busily, pushing Shintarou past him. He hissed at Shintarou, "Stop giggling!"
"I can't!" Shintarou cackled. "He's so fucking blond, I can't get over it! Who let him DO that?!"
Rolling his eyes, Juri steered Shintarou towards Kouchi. Kouchi would fuss over the group baby, everyone would forget about his outburst in a minute, and Juri could focus on practice.
"Sou-chan!" Shintarou exclaimed happily, slipping out of Juri's grip. When Juri turned around, Shintarou was flopped heavily on Sexy Zone's second youngest member, ruffling his hair. Sou looked like he was reasonably alarmed but trying not to look it.
"H-hi, Shintarou-kun," Sou said politely. "Are you feeling better?"
"Eh? Since when are you so…" Shintarou caught Juri's eye and Juri made a tense face. Shintarou loosened his grip enough to be more casual. "Uh, yeah. I'm all right. Sorry for making you guys worry and fill in for me."
"It's all right." Sou offered Shintarou a smile now that he wasn't being squished half to death. "But I have to go, I came in with Fuma-kun just to visit Shori today." Sou slipped out from Shintarou's arm, not noticing Shintarou's shocked face. Shintarou turned to Juri, mouth open, but no words came out.
"What?" Juri prompted. "And what's with you and Sou?"
"We had a drama together…well, guess we didn't, here. That sucks." Shintarou was still looking slightly shell-shocked. "Kikuchi's still here?"
Juri nodded. "He ought to be, since he's debuted…oh right. He's Sexy Zone. Didn't I say that?"
"You definitely did not!" Shintarou hissed. "Is he…shit, what's he even like now? Are he and Hokuto still friends? Is he popular?"
"He's Fuma, I don't know, he has a lot of solos? He's the same as he's ever been," Juri tried to shrug off Shintarou's questions. "Yeah, I guess they're friends, sure. Hoku was sad when Fuma and Kento left him behind, but he's got us, he's fine. Fuma hangs out with like Sanada and…"
"Sanada?!" Shintarou exclaimed. Juri put hands on Shintarou's shoulders and squeezed hard.
"Listen, I have to practice," Juri said, looking Shintarou in the eye. "Just sit on the mats and watch and try to answer some of your crazy questions for yourself, okay?" Shintarou bit his lip and nodded, and Juri recognized right away the way that Shintarou tried to make himself look smaller sometimes. More gently, he added, "I'm not mad at you. This is just making me kind of uncomfortable, but it's fine. Go get Kouchi to hug you for a minute. Sexy Zone's Kouchi still does that, right?"
"Yeah, of course," Shintarou said, shoulders relaxing. Juri squeezed his shoulders again and sent him on his way.
"Of course," Juri repeated to himself, feeling slightly better too. He tried to shake off whatever he was feeling as he came over to Jesse and Taiga, talking by the mirrors.
"Is he really okay?" Taiga asked. "Because 'Tai-chan?' What the fuck."
"I'm not sure," Juri said, not wanting to lie even if he didn't tell them the whole truth. "He doesn't have amnesia or anything, but he remembers things kind of different. He's probably gonna say more weird stuff. Just try to correct him?"
"Sure, dude." Jesse eyed Juri as he took a few swallows from his water bottle. "Are you okay? 'Cause you look just as freaked out as him."
"Yeah, I just…" Juri glanced over to find Shintarou's cheek resting on Kouchi's shoulder, but his eyes on Juri. He gave Juri a slow blink, and Juri looked away. "I'll be fine."
Practice was a welcome distraction, the physical exertion clearing Juri's head. It wasn't easy to quickly sort out the choreography to cover Shintarou's absence, and they were still working on fixing the many places where Shintarou being gone had been leaving an obvious hole. It wasn't like they had the luxury of an off-day to fix it either, so using up all their energy before the 13:00 show would have been even more of a moronic move. They had to settle for mirrors and half-energy choreography and just hope it would be enough.
Juri kept half an eye on Shintarou, glad to see other guys were dropping in and out to say hello to him and to find out about his condition for themselves. Juri had to suppress a smile at Shintarou's shocked face when Prince came by and Genki dropped down practically in his lap with his usual lack of personal space awareness. Serves him right, Juri thought, going back to his blocking. Ten minutes later Morohoshi descended like a small but noisy firework, as always, and Juri snickered at Kouchi shouting at them to knock it off when Morohoshi's hug threatened to knock Shintarou right off the mats he was sitting on.
"He has a head injury, you boob!" Kouchi hollered. "No shoving!"
"Yes, mom," Morohoshi answered, long-suffering. Shintarou slapped at Morohoshi's grabby hands with question marks practically blinking above his head.
Mostly Shintarou just watched, more and more fidgety as the morning went on. By the time lunch rolled around, Juri flopped down next to Shintarou, feeling like he could tolerate more of Shintarou's strange questions as he rubbed his towel over his head and cooled down.
"It's so fucking weird here," Shintarou hissed before Juri even got comfortable. Juri made a noise to show he was listening, glancing around to make sure nobody was paying any attention to them. "Why does Taiga sound like that?!"
"What's that supposed to mean? He sounds fine," Juri said, feeling defensive.
"He sounds fucking awesome," Shintarou breathed, making Juri frown. "It's nuts! When did that happen?"
"During Elisabeth, idiot, when he took all those…" Juri chuckled at Shintarou's blank look. "Voice lessons. Your Taiga didn't get the musical, huh? Tell me some more about how my group needs to be fixed."
"Well, you aren't debuted, for a start," Shintarou huffed. "And your formation looked pretty fucked. Are you just sticking Hokuto in the back because I'm out? Because replacing him with Jesse makes the height thing weird as shit. And you're so out-of-sync, it's-"
"Listen, you," Juri cut in, patience already gone. "Where Hokuto is has nothing to do with you, since you sure as fuck aren't in the front ever, and what's more both of you fucking like it that way, so you can just fuck right off."
"I…what?" Shintarou took a second to pick up the thread of the conversation, sheepish under Juri's glare. "Juri? Hey, don't get mad. I'm sorry?"
"I'm not mad," Juri snapped, and then took a deep breath and willed it to be true. "It really isn't you in there, is it? Because you don't understand anything."
"I keep telling you I'm not him," Shintarou pointed out. He clenched and loosened his fists where they were resting on his knees. "And no, I don't understand. But maybe an outside opinion wouldn't hurt? Because my group looks like it's been dancing together for five years, and yours looks like every person is doing a different song that didn't even start at the same time."
It hurt Juri a little to say it, but he had to admit, "Yeah, that part. We don't work on that part enough."
"I just want to help," Shintarou said, some hurt still lurking underneath. "I just want to go home."
"Me too." Juri swallowed the deep sigh that his chest ached to give. "Let's go get some food."
Juri still had two shows to get through that afternoon and evening, and no choice but to keep his head firmly in the game since they were already a man down. He spotted Shintarou watching them from the wings every now and again, but Juri tried mostly to ignore it, focused on just carrying on and getting through it. They brought Shintarou out during the MCs both shows, just to show the fans he wasn't dead, and Juri enjoyed Shintarou's flustered confusion when both Watanabe and Iwamoto complained that Shintarou hadn't come to their dressing rooms to greet them like a proper kouhai.
"After I wrote about you in my Jweb and everything!" Watanabe teased. "Hmph!" Shintarou whined softly, going pink across the nose, but couldn't exactly argue.
Juri was liquidated from exhaustion by the end of the second show, and it must have shown on his face because the rest of SixTONES all squeezed or patted his shoulders on the way by, easy but near if he wanted them. It was all Juri could do to make it back to their dressing room and sit down, trying not to think about how he had to do this all again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. The others gave him some space, but Shintarou came to sit next to him.
"I'm gonna hug you, if that's all right," he asked quietly, Hokuto's hairdryer covering his words for anyone except for them. Juri nodded and let Shintarou wrap strong arms around him and squeeze tightly. It felt so comforting to lean in there, tucked close against the heat radiating from Shintarou's skin. "Hey. You looked great out there. I wished I could have been out there with you."
"Uh-huh." It wasn't this Shintarou that Juri wanted on stage with him, but it felt close enough for at least the minute longer he let Shintarou hug him.
Juri crashed the minute he got home, barely managing to strip off his clothes before collapsing into his bed. In the morning he felt like his body was made of lead, but his head was clearer. He thought about what Shintarou had said to him, and by the time he arrived at the theater, he'd decided to at least give him a chance.
"I'm not saying everything you said was true," Juri warned when he pulled Shintarou aside first thing. "But you were right. About the outside opinion. At first it was enough that we just got to be together, but I guess we've been kind of stuck at that stage, so. Please take care of us, I guess."
"What are you two whispering about over here?" Jesse wanted to know, popping up behind Shintarou suddenly enough to make him jump. Shintarou and Juri exchanged a look, silently working out who was going to tell the others.
"I've been watching," Shintarou blurted first. He was trying for casual a little too hard, it looked like to Juri, but Jesse didn't seem to think it was strange. "Since I can't do anything else. It looks…"
"We're not in sync at all," Juri cut in, ready to address the problem bluntly. "We've been talking about how to fix it."
"You think it needs fixed?" Jesse asked. He sounded like he was torn between teasing and realizing they were talking about something serious, caught by surprise.
"Yes," Shintarou said firmly, at the same time as Juri said, "Maybe." They exchanged another glance, Juri giving Shintarou a narrow look until he dropped his gaze.
"It isn't up to just us," Juri reminded. Jesse nodded, chewing on his lower lip. "I'm not saying we need to go full throttle Kpop or whatever. But, just. Maybe not so much 6-member KAT-TUN. yeah? What do you think?"
Jesse frowned. "Geez, we're in the middle of a thing. Isn't there enough trouble already?"
"We're always in the middle of a thing," Shintarou pointed out. "Exactly when is there not going to be a show or a concert or backing or Shounen Club? We should try right now, when there's still a bunch of stuff left to do!"
"What's got you all in a bunch?" Jesse grumbled. He looked exhausted too, Juri noticed suddenly, in a deep way that his usual bouncing around and grin covered up easily. Island had been tough on all of them this year, and they weren't even halfway through.
"I can't do anything," Shintarou ground out in frustration. "I just want to fix it, so that-"
"It isn't broken," Juri cut in harshly, afraid that Shintarou was about to shoot off his mouth about debut again in front of Jesse, of all people. "We're not the same and we don't do the same shit. We're called SixTONES because it takes different kinds of notes to make a song, remember?"
It wasn't fair, because Shintarou didn't remember, but Shintarou snapped his mouth shut and furrowed his brow, processing that. Juri guessed it would have been better to have explained it properly yesterday, instead of just snapping at Shintarou, but it was too late now.
"Maybe he's right, sort of," Jesse said, surprising Juri and Shintarou out of their staring contest. "Just standing next to each other isn't enough, is that what you mean? And there never is the perfect time to try doing it differently. I think it's great how we're all ourselves, but I want to belong too. I mean," Jesse scratched his head, shrugging helplessly. "It might be better to look more like we belonged together."
Shintarou grabbed Jesse in a sudden, fierce hug. Jesse's eyes were wide over Shintarou's shoulder even as his hands came up to hug Shintarou back, twisting tight in his T-shirt.
Kouchi was amenable to trying if the others wanted, but Hokuto and Taiga were more resistant, surprisingly so in Hokuto's case.
"I like us the way we are," he said, brow knit together.
"Right?" Taiga agreed with him. The two of them shared a look which seemed to satisfy them, even though Juri couldn't read it. "Whatever, though, let's hurry up and get it over with, whatever you're going to try."
"Ehh, when he was in the back, he sure wanted to try different stuff," Shintarou hissed in an undertone to Juri, who had to pretend his snort was a cough when Taiga turned around to eyeball them.
Shintarou stood in front of them, back against the mirror, and filmed them with his phone. It was easier, he said, when he could replay it, to show them what he meant while they weren't all trying to watch themselves. Juri had to admit, when they were gathered up to watch, that even on the small screen he could have censored out everyone's face and still known exactly who was who. Jesse and Taiga standing right next to each other were a study in contrasting styles, Jesse all hips and arms spread wide, Taiga's movements precise as if keeping his center of gravity perfectly level were the key to his vocals. Kouchi was understated where Hokuto was come-hither glances over his shoulder, and Juri made any hand motion look somehow like a gang sign.
"Okay, maybe it's…" Hokuto trailed off. "Not optimal. From an outside perspective."
"I think you and me look great," Taiga told him casually. "Now, if we had those chains again…" Taiga reached back to brush the back of his hand down Hokuto's cheek and neck in a brief reminder of their "Rocking Party" duet choreography.
"Behave," Hokuto brushed him off, but he smiled while he said it, and Taiga straightened up with a small, self-satisfied smile of his own.
Juri had to stifle a laugh at Shintarou's expression of "What the actual fuck?"
"Yeah, well." Shintarou cleared his throat. "Sorry to say, but if Jesse and T…Kyomocchan matched up their styles better, the rest wouldn't be as obvious. Start again? Think about it, though, don't just do what pleases yourself."
"Who made you such an expert?" Taiga sighed, overdramatic, as they shuffled back to start position. "As if your style isn't like 'this ballad is now my breakdance.'"
"I've only known you since fucking forever," Shintarou retorted, busily resetting the camera function on his phone. "It ought to be good for something. Ready? Wait, no, Hoku and Kouchi spread out just a little, it'll make it stop looking like you're trying to hide back there. You guys have the whole stage, you know. Okay, go."
They made it less than a minute before Shintarou started laughing hard enough that his phone's footage would obviously be useless.
"What the fuck, asshole?" Juri called as they all fizzled to a stop.
"Sorry!" Shintarou said, but not very sincerely because he was still giggling. "Now it looks like you're all doing an impression of Jesse…" Shintarou tilted his head. "Actually, do it. Just once. You're Jesse. All of you."
"Is he still on drugs?" Hokuto turned to ask Juri. Juri shook his head, amused despite himself.
"Shut up, please!" Shintarou scolded Hokuto. "Close your eyes and think about it. You're tall and weird and take up all the space because your arms can reach the moon and you think you're a walking Showa medley and you don't give a single fuck that you stand out because nothing can stop that happening anyway. Jesse you just do whatever."
"Welcome to my life," Jesse replied. "Also, fuck you very much."
"I'm starting the music over," Shintarou announced, ignoring Jesse. "Don't open your eyes until I say go. Go!"
Part 2
Title: I Still See You (Even If the Light Is Stolen)
Pairing: Shintarou/Juri
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: minor character injury, body swap
Summary: Shintarou wakes up from a concussion in a parallel universe, and Juri feels like the entire universe is hazing him. Both of them have a lot to learn from each other if they want Shintarou to get home again.
Notes: Written for aleena_mokoia, who wanted ridiculous things that all turn out fine in the end, and maybe some porn. I hope you enjoy this! Title from "IN THE STORM." I haven’t seen Johnny’s Island so I’m not ultra clear on all the details, but I will say that a ton of people are injured again, just like last year, and I blame basketball. Also, I think my explanation for the name Sexy Zone is a lot more sensible, I'm just saying.
Juri saw the exact moment when Shintarou's flip went all wrong. It was just out of the corner of his eye at first, but by the time he turned his head fully he already knew that Shintarou wasn't going to land it, he was already gritting his teeth and bracing for the impact. Juri had seen Shintarou wipe out any number of times during any number of tricks, but nothing prepared him for the thick, horrible sound of Shintarou's back hitting the stage floor flat.
In the fifteen seconds it took Juri to scramble across the stage and drop to his knees beside Shintarou, all he could think was staff told you not to they told you moron why don't you ever listen we told you not to we told you in a sickening loop. Shintarou's eyes were closed, but he was breathing, and Juri grabbed one of Shintarou's hands and squeezed it so tight his own fingers started to tingle.
"Shin?" he begged, his voice catching. Panic was making it hard to breathe, filling up his chest the longer that Shintarou didn't open his eyes. "Wake up, come on, please."
"Did he hit his head?" Taiga asked, suddenly at Juri's shoulder. Jesse and Kouchi were on the other side, hands hovering over Shintarou like they wanted to check for injury but were afraid to touch him. Juri shook his head.
"I didn't see, I don't know," Juri answered. He squeezed Shintarou's hand with half-numb fingers. "Shin, please."
The backstage medic arrived just then, an ambulance already called. Juri refused to let go while the medic checked Shintarou over. When the paramedics came in with the gurney, Kouchi had to all but pry Juri away and kept a firm grip on him when Juri struggled, demanding to go along with the ambulance.
"Shh, it's okay, we'll follow them, all right?" Kouchi reassured. Angry tears had spilled over Juri's cheeks as soon as Shintarou was out of sight, and Kouchi rubbed Juri's back, trying to comfort him. "Let's go get our stuff, come on."
Juri didn't understand it at the time, but for some reason, he kept thinking I shouldn't have let go, I should have held on over and over.
Shintarou was unconscious until the next morning, and Juri couldn't remember ever living through a longer night in his entire life. The hospital had eventually sent them home, not that any of them slept; Juri stared at the ceiling for hours and saw that second just before Shintarou's impact with the ground over and over over. The others had gone back into rehearsals today, but Juri had called off and gone back to the hospital, and the manager answering his call hadn't had the heart to scold him.
Even once Shintarou was awake, it was still hours before Juri had a chance to see him. Juri spent the time in the waiting room sending and answering a constant stream of messages back and forth to friends and kouhai and senpai. Yes, he's awake. Nothing's broken. I haven't seen him yet. He doesn't even have a concussion.
"Idiots can't catch a cold after all," his mother reassured him over the phone. Juri tried to draw in a deep breath to stop another round of tears and couldn't.
"Hey," Shintarou said when Juri was finally allowed into his room. Shintarou looked exhausted and was surrounded by machines, but he held out his arms for a hug. Flopped awkwardly on Shintarou's chest to avoid the IV line, Juri listened to Shintarou's heartbeat under his cheek and drew the first full breath he'd taken in twenty-four hours. "Hey, it's okay. I'm okay."
"You're the worst," Juri said, squeezing his eyes shut. Hot tears were wicked away by Shintarou's hospital gown. Shintarou's palm settled on the back of Juri's head, fingers working through his hair.
"I know," Shintarou said quietly. "I'm so sorry."
Eventually Juri calmed enough to sit back up, scrubbing at his face and faintly embarrassed to have melted down in front of Shintarou's mother. She didn't seem to mind, though, offering Juri her chair while she went to get herself a coffee. Juri dragged the chair as close as he could to the side of Shintarou's bed. Without thinking he reached for Shintarou's hand again, and Shintarou curled their fingers together easily. They chatted quietly about work, how long Shintarou might be out, thank goodness it had happened during rehearsal instead of in front of fans, what to do about their performances, both of them pretending everything was normal even when laughing made Shintarou wince obviously.
"Hey," Shintarou said suddenly, turning their hands over to look at Juri's. "You aren't wearing your ring."
"My…ring?" Juri asked.
"Yeah, and mine's missing too." Shintarou reached up to his neck as if expecting to find a necklace there. "Did they take it off when they brought me in? Does my mom have it?"
Juri blinked. "Shin, what ring? What are you talking about?"
"Our rings, you idiot," Shintarou laughed, as if Juri were teasing him. He stopped laughing when Juri just stared at him. "Quit fucking around. The rings we got this summer for our five year anniversary?"
Something like lightning flashed through Juri's chest. "Whose-"
Shintarou's mother pushed the door open before Juri could ask any more questions, offering to drive Juri home because visiting hours were over. "Sorry, kiddo," she interrupted when both Juri and Shintarou opened their mouths to protest. "But we have to go. This idiot needs rest anyway."
"Mo-om," Shintarou whined. He accepted a last hug from his mother and then from Juri. Juri could have imagined the brush of lips against his cheek as he pulled away, maybe. "I'll call you later, yeah?"
"Yeah," Juri agreed unsteadily. Shintarou's hand was still in his, thumb rubbing idly at the spot where a ring would likely sit. Juri forced himself to let go. "Hurry up and get better. Coming here just to see you sucks."
Juri went back to work the next day, bombarded on one side by co-workers desperate to hear about Shintarou's condition, and on the other side by Shintarou himself who was bored out of his mind at the hospital. Fortunately all of his tests and scans had come back clean, so he was being released the next afternoon. Juri hadn't meant to bring a parade of morons with him over to Shintarou's house after work, but there was definitely no way to stop at least the rest of the group coming.
"Don't you boys get him all worked up, and only until dinner," Morimoto-san scolded them as she led them into the living room. She clearly hadn't expected any better, Juri saw when he followed her into the kitchen to help get drinks for everyone, given the amount of food she was halfway through preparing. He offered to stay and help, but Morimoto-san shooed him off and told him to go be with his friends.
Shintarou waved Juri over, patting the spot on the floor next to him, already surrounded by SixTONES members like a king in the middle of court.
"I don't remember anything," Shintarou was saying, shaking his head. "Everything for a couple hours before that is blank. They said from the shock, so it might come back or…" He let his hand fall, the meaning obvious.
"Wish I could forget it," Juri said, leaning into Shintarou so their shoulders pressed together.
"Yeah, it made an awful noise," Jesse put in, like they were dissecting a car crash scene in an action movie. "Like WHAPF."
"I thought a stage light fell and killed you," Taiga said matter-of-factly, ignoring the way Hokuto elbowed him. "What? Anyway, that's why staff keeps telling you not to do that."
"Nn," Shintarou said noncommittally. He was watching Taiga and Hokuto with a strange expression, but shrugged it off when he realized Juri was looking at him. "They'll probably spend all tomorrow telling me off."
"You're coming in?" Hokuto asked, perking up. Then he raised an eyebrow. "Did they really say that's all right?"
"He can't do anything but watch," his mother said crisply, appearing behind them with a stack of plates. "But he isn't getting rewarded for scaring five years off my life by getting to skip a bunch of practices, lounging around here like an unemployed slug."
"I've been home one day!" Shintarou protested. "Have some compassion, woman! Anyway I'm benched at least two weeks, so what's the point of practice when our concerts will be over by then?"
Jesse and Kouchi exchanged a glance. "Island shows go all next month too, remember?"
"Oh, right." Shintarou shook his head. "Sorry! Things are still a bit…"
"It's fine," Jesse assured, and after that Morimoto-san told them to go wash their hands so they could eat already.
Later after the others had gone home, Juri came back from his bath to find Shintarou sitting on his bed in his pajamas, but clearly not ready to sleep.
"Can we talk about something?" he asked Juri. Juri nodded, giving his hair one last rub with the towel before draping it over Shintarou's desk chair.
"You sound serious," Juri said. He tried to sit down facing Shintarou, but Shintarou tugged him by the wrist until they were shoulder-to-shoulder up against the headboard. "You're really okay, right?"
"Yeah, it's just…" Shintarou frowned. "I have to tell you something, but I don't think you'll believe me."
Juri resisted the urge to grab Shintarou's hand and link their fingers together. He shouldn't have indulged yesterday, because now it was all he could think about. "Try me, I guess."
"It's…I'm…we aren't together, right? The two of us. Like dating."
For a second, Juri couldn't speak, his chest going hot and then cold. "N-no. No! We're not-"
"See the thing is, before I woke up in the hospital, we were." Shintarou chewed on his lower lip, watching Juri's reaction. "You've been my boyfriend for five years, because it's only a month different than debut anniversary. It's like I woke up in the wrong dimension, or a different reality, or…"
"What are you talking about?" Juri whispered, heart beating crazily. Boyfriend? Debut? Five years?! "You're scaring me!"
"How do you think I feel?!" Shintarou snapped, brows knit tight together. "When I woke up and you didn't have your ring, I thought we broke up and I just didn't remember it! I was fucking terrified!" Shintarou grabbed one of his pillows to shove into his lap, twisting the corners of it anxiously. "But that's not it, huh? Stuff's different here."
"What other stuff?" Juri asked, needing a minute of distraction from any discussion about the two of them. "Let's say, just for a minute, that I believe you. You said debut. And earlier you said 'our concerts.' You're debuted?"
"You are too." Shintarou nudged Juri's shoulder with his own. "The six of us. That part didn't change at least. It's Sexy Zone's fifth anniversary, so we have concerts and everything."
"Yeah, but what's that got to do with…" Juri wrinkled his nose. "You debuted with Sexy Zone?"
"I just said, we both…why are you making that face?" Shintarou tilted his head. "That's our name, right?"
"No!" Juri burst out laughing; he couldn't help it. "There's a Sexy Zone, but it's like Nakajima and Shori and Marius. We're SixTONES, like 'six' plus 'tones' like…oh man, your face right now." Juri couldn't stop snickering now that he'd started.
"Marius?!" Shintarou looked aghast. "He's like sixteen now! When we debuted he must have been…ugh, what the fuck. And that doesn't even make sense! They named us that because six is sex, like sextuplets or whatever."
"I'm pretty sure they named you Sexy because sexy, buddy," Juri snickered, trying to pull himself together before Shintarou's mother came to yell at them. "We named ourselves, last year. Taiga came up with it."
"Only last year?" Shintarou asked. "What did they call you all that time before that?"
"Nothing, because we weren't a group for most of it. Jesse and Hokuto did a lot of solo stuff, you refused to sing for like two years." Juri smiled, all of the awkward parts fond memories now that they were in the past. Shintarou looked horrified. "Hey, it's okay. It turned out all right in the end. I mean, debut would be nice, but for now I'm happy we're a group."
"But we aren't…" Shintarou twisted the pillow more tightly. "Sorry, I keep forgetting and reaching to touch you."
"It's all right," Juri assured. He reached over to undo the tight clench of Shintarou's hand from the pillow and squeezed it in his own. He wasn't exactly over the need for reassurance himself that Shintarou was right here, that he was all right.
Maybe a little bit insane, but whatever. He worked for Johnny's after all. If the entry form had a checkbox for 'basically normal' probably none of them would be here.
"Do you really not…" Shintarou trailed off. He was staring at his hand in Juri's. "This is really hard. I can't even think about what not being with you could be like."
Juri could. He knew exactly what it had been like because he'd been pushing down how much he loved Shintarou for years at that point, and he'd mostly learned to cope with it. But the look on Shintarou's face right now was the same look Juri saw on his own face still sometimes, scared and tired and sad. That was the thing that convinced him, at least a little, that maybe somehow his Shintarou had gotten switched with this one. He'd never seen Shintarou look anything like that before, certainly not about him.
"Let's say," Juri licked his lips, which felt dry, "that I believe you. Just for now. What do we do?"
"Fuck if I know," Shintarou answered. "I was hoping it would have just worn off by now. What if I need to hit my head again?"
"NO," Juri snapped, his vehemence making Shintarou smile. "Don't even say that, ugh. I-" Juri interrupted himself with a huge yawn and Shintarou apologized sheepishly for keeping him up when he'd been at practice all day.
"Let's just sleep," he said, and both of them shuffled under the blankets awkwardly. "Oh, sorry, dammit. I probably…futon…"
"Nah, your bed's big enough, we don't bother," Juri said. "We sleep over too much, it's a pain."
"I might touch you this way," Shintarou said cautiously. "You know, in my sleep. It's just that we usually. Uh."
"That's all right," Juri said, trying to sound casual and not like all of his skin was prickling with the hope that it might. "I mean, I get it. We touch a lot, honestly." More than entirely platonic friends would, Juri was sure, but he was equally sure that was entirely his fault and just counted himself lucky that Shintarou had never been freaked out or pushed him away. After so long, though, it had turned into just a normal part of their friendship.
They tried to sleep, but neither of them could. Juri tried everything, counting sheep, going over step counts, thinking through the Island setlist…beside him, he could hear that Shintarou wasn't asleep either, just trying to stay still. That was the dead-giveaway actually, that Shintarou was neither snoring nor kicking him. Juri rolled onto his side and wasn't surprised to find Shintarou watching him, enough light to tell once his eyes had adjusted.
"All I've done for three days is lie around, what's your excuse?" Shintarou whispered, making Juri snort a soft laugh. "You have stuff tomorrow, though. Want me to go away so you can jerk off? It'd help."
Juri went very still. "…No."
"No, you don't want to?" Shintarou asked. "Or no, I shouldn't go away?" Juri's breath hitched, and Shintarou sat up, jostling the bed with the suddenness of it. "Fuck, sorry. It's just, you're right here, and you're you, and the last time I went three days without kissing you was when Mom dragged me to Hawaii to see Ryutarou for a week. I shouldn't have asked you that."
"Stay, I don't mind," Juri said in a rush, because he was stupid and exhausted and not over watching Shintarou nearly kill himself. Plus he'd been in love with this moron since he was sixteen and now the whole universe was hazing him by handing him a Shintarou who said he loved Juri too. "Stay, just…just do it." He rolled over to push himself against Shintarou's side, breathing too fast from fear that Shintarou would push him off, even faster when Shintarou curled an arm around him to hug him closer.
"That's not okay, right?" Shintarou's voice was gentle and deep. If Juri was wrong and this was just regular Shintarou with a brain injury, Juri was going to kill himself. "I don't want to mess it up for when he comes back."
"There's nothing to mess up," Juri snapped, more harshly than he meant to. "If he wanted me, he'd have said already. Five years ago, apparently."
"There's no me who doesn't want you," Shintarou assured. Juri made a derisive noise. "And it's you who told me, anyway. I never would have said anything on my own. You haven't ever told him, have you?"
It was more than Juri could take, the sudden revelation that he was the coward here, and he couldn't bear any more. "Shut up. Are we gonna do it or what?" Juri paused, because he was angry, but not an asshole. "Will that guy get mad at you for this?"
"You tell me," Shintarou answered. He sounded amused at the idea somehow, and it made Juri want to grind his teeth. "If they're doing it right now, does that make you angry?"
No. The idea of Shintarou kissing another him was mostly just hot, barely different than fantasizing about doing it himself. "No." Juri gave a small laugh that hurt a little. "Guess I'm just glad some Juri somewhere is getting it."
"Shh, come here." Shintarou pulled Juri as close as they could get, kissing Juri's cheek and then his temple. His familiarity with Juri's body was obvious from the way his hands unerringly found sensitive spots, and Juri let himself melt into it, sick of thinking about things. Shintarou palmed the back of Juri's neck, fingertips circling points of warmth, and his other hand dragged a warm trail across the small of Juri's back that made him gasp. Shintarou kissed him and it was all Juri could do to clutch at his T-shirt and kiss back.
Shintarou didn't pull back until Juri's lips were tingling and they were both hard, rocking against each other gently. Juri didn't want gentle. Juri wanted Shintarou's hand on his dick right now.
"Tell me if it's not all right," Shintarou said. His hand was between them suddenly, tugging at the drawstring of Juri's pajama pants to undo the bow. "If you want me to stop, say."
"I don't want you to-ahh." Juri's heart skipped several beats in a row as Shintarou's hand circled him suddenly, then stroked firmly. He wound arms around Shintarou's neck for leverage and pushed his hips into the touch without bothering to hold back, lips pressed tight together against the noises trying to spill out of his mouth.
Shintarou's thumb slid over Juri's tip, slick with precome, and Juri writhed because oh, that wasn't even fair.
"Yeah, uh-huh," Shintarou encouraged, voice low in this throat. His other hand was still against the small of Juri's back, digging in with more pressure now, and Juri had had no idea this whole time that his lower back was some kind of sex sweet spot. "Come on, yeah."
Juri fell apart in Shintarou's hands, the rush of coming making everything sweet for three or four blissful seconds. Other Juri gets to do this all the time, he thought, which killed most of his temporary high before he was even done shivering. Other Juri is a dick.
"What do you want?" Juri asked to distract himself; Shintarou was still hard and grinding lightly against Juri's thigh.
"Anything," Shintarou said, sounding out of breath himself. "Or if you don't want to, that's fine."
Juri didn't bother answering, just shoved Shintarou over, onto his back, because if this was going to be fantasy fulfillment night, then there was one thing in particular that Juri had always wanted to do. He shoved Shintarou's sweatpants roughly down, just enough to be out of the way. He'd seen Shintarou's dick any number of times as they changed or got into the bath, but never like this, never flushed and hard and only for him.
He licked Shintarou's tip, fingers wrapped around the base to hold it steady, and the quiet groan it wrung out of Shintarou curled right around the base of Juri's spine. Juri wasn't some innocent virgin, and he had no problems showing Shintarou exactly how good he could be with his mouth. Shintarou was big enough that Juri had to work for it as he slid his mouth further down over him, dragging his lips down as far as he could before pulling back up again to suck messily at his tip. Juri's jaw started to ache after a bit, but he ignored it, in no rush for this to end.
"Hey," Shintarou said, touching the top of Juri's head lightly, but Juri already knew. He could feel how close Shintarou was in the bunched muscles of his thighs under Juri's palm, the way Shintarou's breaths were so shallow, so quick. He lifted his head to look Shintarou over before he finished, wanting to remember every detail: the flush spread down Shintarou's neck and the tightness of his fist in the sheets and the dark of his eyes as he watched his dick sliding through Juri's fingers. As he watched Juri.
Juri lowered his head to put his mouth back on Shintarou and finished him off without any more fooling around. Shintarou tasted sharp on the back of Juri's tongue, but Juri kind of liked it. He swallowed, at any rate, because he liked doing that for Shintarou too, and if that made him kind of a freak, well, fuck everybody. When he lifted his head, Shintarou was still watching him, lit up with afterglow and affection. For a second, Juri forgot everything that made this weird and felt instead how good it was to have everything he wanted all at once.
"I love when you do that," Shintarou whispered, as if it were a thing Juri did all the time. Juri started to shake, feeling amazing and horrible at the same time, and Shintarou hugged him tightly until the worst of it passed. They didn't talk about it, for which Juri was glad. He rubbed Juri's back in slow circles until Juri fell asleep on him.
In the morning they went again, Shintarou's hand wrapped around both of their dicks while Juri thrust against him helplessly, lips and teeth pressing against Shintarou's shoulder, leaving a scatter of red marks.
"We do it, right?" Juri asked as they were coming down, tangled under the blankets, sticky and too warm. "The whole way, I mean. Who's on top?"
"Who do you think is?" Shintarou asked. He was tracing the shell of Juri's ear with his thumb over and over. It felt amazing; it made Juri want to pierce every piece of his skin possible.
"You," Juri answered, unashamed. That was how he always thought about it, ever since Shintarou had gotten taller, strong enough to pin Juri to the floor when they wrestled.
"Hmm, sometimes," Shintarou murmured, then laughed at the shiver that ran through Juri.
Shintarou's mother offered to drive them to work, but Shintarou insisted on taking the train in like usual, fed up with being fussed over. Juri hid a smile behind his sleeve when Shintarou had to stop mid-complaint to ask sheepishly if his mother knew where his wallet was.
Most of the ride in was companionably silent, Shintarou scrolling through his feeds on his phone, Juri stuck on a Puzzles and Dragons dungeon on his own.
"So I've been thinking," Shintarou spoke up eventually. "Maybe i'm supposed to fix stuff. Maybe that's why I'm still here."
Juri snorted. "What?"
"Like you!" Shintarou beamed at him, face clearly saying look what a great idea I'm having. "When the other one comes back, you can confess and everything will be fine. See, fixed!"
"Oh yeah?" Juri challenged, raising an eyebrow. "If things are so fixed, genius, then why are you still here?"
"Clearly I haven't fixed everything yet," Shintarou scoffed. "Maybe I'm supposed to fix your group, too, huh? I'll watch until I figure out what you guys are doing wrong, then you can debut and I can go home. Solved!"
Juri was torn between laughing at Shintarou's idiot plan and being indignant. "There's nothing wrong with my group, you." Their station was next, cutting off the conversation. Juri shrugged it off; Shintarou wasn't going to be allowed to do anything but watch practice for at least a couple weeks anyway, so if that was how he wanted to entertain himself, that was fine by Juri.
Just before they went through the doorway to the practice room, where Juri could hear people laughing and carrying on, Juri stopped Shintarou by putting a hand to his chest.
"Hey, let's not tell anybody else yet," Juri said. He was already feeling silly for believing Shintarou's crazy explanations, and he wasn't in a hurry to try and explain it to the others, only to be laughed at. "For now. I guess if you're stuck here a while we might have to eventually but…maybe let's just pretend things are back to normal for a few days."
"All right," Shintarou agreed easily. He reached up to tug on Juri's hair where the hoodie had flattened it. Juri batted his hand away.
"None of that either!" Juri warned. "We're touchy but it's not like that, remember?"
"Sure, sure." Shintarou held up his hands in surrender. "I can be normal."
"Like anybody around here can do that," Juri said under his breath, but he pushed the door open and waved Shintarou inside.
It lasted two seconds.
"Holy SHIT," Shintarou said, loud enough to make half the room look. "What's Tai-chan doing in the front?!"
Juri slapped a hand to his forehead. "Kyomocchan!" He hissed to Shintarou. "You can't call him that! Do you want to die?"
"Eh?" Shintarou asked.
Taiga put a hand on his hip to glare as he and Jesse turned around from their frontman position in front of the mirrors. Jesse was grinning, amused as always by any hint of chaos. "I haven't missed THAT many practices, fuck you very much," Taiga snapped, apparently taking Shintarou's comment to only be about missed rehearsals. "You wanna come up here and fight me for it?"
"He's got a head injury, just ignore him," Juri said busily, pushing Shintarou past him. He hissed at Shintarou, "Stop giggling!"
"I can't!" Shintarou cackled. "He's so fucking blond, I can't get over it! Who let him DO that?!"
Rolling his eyes, Juri steered Shintarou towards Kouchi. Kouchi would fuss over the group baby, everyone would forget about his outburst in a minute, and Juri could focus on practice.
"Sou-chan!" Shintarou exclaimed happily, slipping out of Juri's grip. When Juri turned around, Shintarou was flopped heavily on Sexy Zone's second youngest member, ruffling his hair. Sou looked like he was reasonably alarmed but trying not to look it.
"H-hi, Shintarou-kun," Sou said politely. "Are you feeling better?"
"Eh? Since when are you so…" Shintarou caught Juri's eye and Juri made a tense face. Shintarou loosened his grip enough to be more casual. "Uh, yeah. I'm all right. Sorry for making you guys worry and fill in for me."
"It's all right." Sou offered Shintarou a smile now that he wasn't being squished half to death. "But I have to go, I came in with Fuma-kun just to visit Shori today." Sou slipped out from Shintarou's arm, not noticing Shintarou's shocked face. Shintarou turned to Juri, mouth open, but no words came out.
"What?" Juri prompted. "And what's with you and Sou?"
"We had a drama together…well, guess we didn't, here. That sucks." Shintarou was still looking slightly shell-shocked. "Kikuchi's still here?"
Juri nodded. "He ought to be, since he's debuted…oh right. He's Sexy Zone. Didn't I say that?"
"You definitely did not!" Shintarou hissed. "Is he…shit, what's he even like now? Are he and Hokuto still friends? Is he popular?"
"He's Fuma, I don't know, he has a lot of solos? He's the same as he's ever been," Juri tried to shrug off Shintarou's questions. "Yeah, I guess they're friends, sure. Hoku was sad when Fuma and Kento left him behind, but he's got us, he's fine. Fuma hangs out with like Sanada and…"
"Sanada?!" Shintarou exclaimed. Juri put hands on Shintarou's shoulders and squeezed hard.
"Listen, I have to practice," Juri said, looking Shintarou in the eye. "Just sit on the mats and watch and try to answer some of your crazy questions for yourself, okay?" Shintarou bit his lip and nodded, and Juri recognized right away the way that Shintarou tried to make himself look smaller sometimes. More gently, he added, "I'm not mad at you. This is just making me kind of uncomfortable, but it's fine. Go get Kouchi to hug you for a minute. Sexy Zone's Kouchi still does that, right?"
"Yeah, of course," Shintarou said, shoulders relaxing. Juri squeezed his shoulders again and sent him on his way.
"Of course," Juri repeated to himself, feeling slightly better too. He tried to shake off whatever he was feeling as he came over to Jesse and Taiga, talking by the mirrors.
"Is he really okay?" Taiga asked. "Because 'Tai-chan?' What the fuck."
"I'm not sure," Juri said, not wanting to lie even if he didn't tell them the whole truth. "He doesn't have amnesia or anything, but he remembers things kind of different. He's probably gonna say more weird stuff. Just try to correct him?"
"Sure, dude." Jesse eyed Juri as he took a few swallows from his water bottle. "Are you okay? 'Cause you look just as freaked out as him."
"Yeah, I just…" Juri glanced over to find Shintarou's cheek resting on Kouchi's shoulder, but his eyes on Juri. He gave Juri a slow blink, and Juri looked away. "I'll be fine."
Practice was a welcome distraction, the physical exertion clearing Juri's head. It wasn't easy to quickly sort out the choreography to cover Shintarou's absence, and they were still working on fixing the many places where Shintarou being gone had been leaving an obvious hole. It wasn't like they had the luxury of an off-day to fix it either, so using up all their energy before the 13:00 show would have been even more of a moronic move. They had to settle for mirrors and half-energy choreography and just hope it would be enough.
Juri kept half an eye on Shintarou, glad to see other guys were dropping in and out to say hello to him and to find out about his condition for themselves. Juri had to suppress a smile at Shintarou's shocked face when Prince came by and Genki dropped down practically in his lap with his usual lack of personal space awareness. Serves him right, Juri thought, going back to his blocking. Ten minutes later Morohoshi descended like a small but noisy firework, as always, and Juri snickered at Kouchi shouting at them to knock it off when Morohoshi's hug threatened to knock Shintarou right off the mats he was sitting on.
"He has a head injury, you boob!" Kouchi hollered. "No shoving!"
"Yes, mom," Morohoshi answered, long-suffering. Shintarou slapped at Morohoshi's grabby hands with question marks practically blinking above his head.
Mostly Shintarou just watched, more and more fidgety as the morning went on. By the time lunch rolled around, Juri flopped down next to Shintarou, feeling like he could tolerate more of Shintarou's strange questions as he rubbed his towel over his head and cooled down.
"It's so fucking weird here," Shintarou hissed before Juri even got comfortable. Juri made a noise to show he was listening, glancing around to make sure nobody was paying any attention to them. "Why does Taiga sound like that?!"
"What's that supposed to mean? He sounds fine," Juri said, feeling defensive.
"He sounds fucking awesome," Shintarou breathed, making Juri frown. "It's nuts! When did that happen?"
"During Elisabeth, idiot, when he took all those…" Juri chuckled at Shintarou's blank look. "Voice lessons. Your Taiga didn't get the musical, huh? Tell me some more about how my group needs to be fixed."
"Well, you aren't debuted, for a start," Shintarou huffed. "And your formation looked pretty fucked. Are you just sticking Hokuto in the back because I'm out? Because replacing him with Jesse makes the height thing weird as shit. And you're so out-of-sync, it's-"
"Listen, you," Juri cut in, patience already gone. "Where Hokuto is has nothing to do with you, since you sure as fuck aren't in the front ever, and what's more both of you fucking like it that way, so you can just fuck right off."
"I…what?" Shintarou took a second to pick up the thread of the conversation, sheepish under Juri's glare. "Juri? Hey, don't get mad. I'm sorry?"
"I'm not mad," Juri snapped, and then took a deep breath and willed it to be true. "It really isn't you in there, is it? Because you don't understand anything."
"I keep telling you I'm not him," Shintarou pointed out. He clenched and loosened his fists where they were resting on his knees. "And no, I don't understand. But maybe an outside opinion wouldn't hurt? Because my group looks like it's been dancing together for five years, and yours looks like every person is doing a different song that didn't even start at the same time."
It hurt Juri a little to say it, but he had to admit, "Yeah, that part. We don't work on that part enough."
"I just want to help," Shintarou said, some hurt still lurking underneath. "I just want to go home."
"Me too." Juri swallowed the deep sigh that his chest ached to give. "Let's go get some food."
Juri still had two shows to get through that afternoon and evening, and no choice but to keep his head firmly in the game since they were already a man down. He spotted Shintarou watching them from the wings every now and again, but Juri tried mostly to ignore it, focused on just carrying on and getting through it. They brought Shintarou out during the MCs both shows, just to show the fans he wasn't dead, and Juri enjoyed Shintarou's flustered confusion when both Watanabe and Iwamoto complained that Shintarou hadn't come to their dressing rooms to greet them like a proper kouhai.
"After I wrote about you in my Jweb and everything!" Watanabe teased. "Hmph!" Shintarou whined softly, going pink across the nose, but couldn't exactly argue.
Juri was liquidated from exhaustion by the end of the second show, and it must have shown on his face because the rest of SixTONES all squeezed or patted his shoulders on the way by, easy but near if he wanted them. It was all Juri could do to make it back to their dressing room and sit down, trying not to think about how he had to do this all again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. The others gave him some space, but Shintarou came to sit next to him.
"I'm gonna hug you, if that's all right," he asked quietly, Hokuto's hairdryer covering his words for anyone except for them. Juri nodded and let Shintarou wrap strong arms around him and squeeze tightly. It felt so comforting to lean in there, tucked close against the heat radiating from Shintarou's skin. "Hey. You looked great out there. I wished I could have been out there with you."
"Uh-huh." It wasn't this Shintarou that Juri wanted on stage with him, but it felt close enough for at least the minute longer he let Shintarou hug him.
Juri crashed the minute he got home, barely managing to strip off his clothes before collapsing into his bed. In the morning he felt like his body was made of lead, but his head was clearer. He thought about what Shintarou had said to him, and by the time he arrived at the theater, he'd decided to at least give him a chance.
"I'm not saying everything you said was true," Juri warned when he pulled Shintarou aside first thing. "But you were right. About the outside opinion. At first it was enough that we just got to be together, but I guess we've been kind of stuck at that stage, so. Please take care of us, I guess."
"What are you two whispering about over here?" Jesse wanted to know, popping up behind Shintarou suddenly enough to make him jump. Shintarou and Juri exchanged a look, silently working out who was going to tell the others.
"I've been watching," Shintarou blurted first. He was trying for casual a little too hard, it looked like to Juri, but Jesse didn't seem to think it was strange. "Since I can't do anything else. It looks…"
"We're not in sync at all," Juri cut in, ready to address the problem bluntly. "We've been talking about how to fix it."
"You think it needs fixed?" Jesse asked. He sounded like he was torn between teasing and realizing they were talking about something serious, caught by surprise.
"Yes," Shintarou said firmly, at the same time as Juri said, "Maybe." They exchanged another glance, Juri giving Shintarou a narrow look until he dropped his gaze.
"It isn't up to just us," Juri reminded. Jesse nodded, chewing on his lower lip. "I'm not saying we need to go full throttle Kpop or whatever. But, just. Maybe not so much 6-member KAT-TUN. yeah? What do you think?"
Jesse frowned. "Geez, we're in the middle of a thing. Isn't there enough trouble already?"
"We're always in the middle of a thing," Shintarou pointed out. "Exactly when is there not going to be a show or a concert or backing or Shounen Club? We should try right now, when there's still a bunch of stuff left to do!"
"What's got you all in a bunch?" Jesse grumbled. He looked exhausted too, Juri noticed suddenly, in a deep way that his usual bouncing around and grin covered up easily. Island had been tough on all of them this year, and they weren't even halfway through.
"I can't do anything," Shintarou ground out in frustration. "I just want to fix it, so that-"
"It isn't broken," Juri cut in harshly, afraid that Shintarou was about to shoot off his mouth about debut again in front of Jesse, of all people. "We're not the same and we don't do the same shit. We're called SixTONES because it takes different kinds of notes to make a song, remember?"
It wasn't fair, because Shintarou didn't remember, but Shintarou snapped his mouth shut and furrowed his brow, processing that. Juri guessed it would have been better to have explained it properly yesterday, instead of just snapping at Shintarou, but it was too late now.
"Maybe he's right, sort of," Jesse said, surprising Juri and Shintarou out of their staring contest. "Just standing next to each other isn't enough, is that what you mean? And there never is the perfect time to try doing it differently. I think it's great how we're all ourselves, but I want to belong too. I mean," Jesse scratched his head, shrugging helplessly. "It might be better to look more like we belonged together."
Shintarou grabbed Jesse in a sudden, fierce hug. Jesse's eyes were wide over Shintarou's shoulder even as his hands came up to hug Shintarou back, twisting tight in his T-shirt.
Kouchi was amenable to trying if the others wanted, but Hokuto and Taiga were more resistant, surprisingly so in Hokuto's case.
"I like us the way we are," he said, brow knit together.
"Right?" Taiga agreed with him. The two of them shared a look which seemed to satisfy them, even though Juri couldn't read it. "Whatever, though, let's hurry up and get it over with, whatever you're going to try."
"Ehh, when he was in the back, he sure wanted to try different stuff," Shintarou hissed in an undertone to Juri, who had to pretend his snort was a cough when Taiga turned around to eyeball them.
Shintarou stood in front of them, back against the mirror, and filmed them with his phone. It was easier, he said, when he could replay it, to show them what he meant while they weren't all trying to watch themselves. Juri had to admit, when they were gathered up to watch, that even on the small screen he could have censored out everyone's face and still known exactly who was who. Jesse and Taiga standing right next to each other were a study in contrasting styles, Jesse all hips and arms spread wide, Taiga's movements precise as if keeping his center of gravity perfectly level were the key to his vocals. Kouchi was understated where Hokuto was come-hither glances over his shoulder, and Juri made any hand motion look somehow like a gang sign.
"Okay, maybe it's…" Hokuto trailed off. "Not optimal. From an outside perspective."
"I think you and me look great," Taiga told him casually. "Now, if we had those chains again…" Taiga reached back to brush the back of his hand down Hokuto's cheek and neck in a brief reminder of their "Rocking Party" duet choreography.
"Behave," Hokuto brushed him off, but he smiled while he said it, and Taiga straightened up with a small, self-satisfied smile of his own.
Juri had to stifle a laugh at Shintarou's expression of "What the actual fuck?"
"Yeah, well." Shintarou cleared his throat. "Sorry to say, but if Jesse and T…Kyomocchan matched up their styles better, the rest wouldn't be as obvious. Start again? Think about it, though, don't just do what pleases yourself."
"Who made you such an expert?" Taiga sighed, overdramatic, as they shuffled back to start position. "As if your style isn't like 'this ballad is now my breakdance.'"
"I've only known you since fucking forever," Shintarou retorted, busily resetting the camera function on his phone. "It ought to be good for something. Ready? Wait, no, Hoku and Kouchi spread out just a little, it'll make it stop looking like you're trying to hide back there. You guys have the whole stage, you know. Okay, go."
They made it less than a minute before Shintarou started laughing hard enough that his phone's footage would obviously be useless.
"What the fuck, asshole?" Juri called as they all fizzled to a stop.
"Sorry!" Shintarou said, but not very sincerely because he was still giggling. "Now it looks like you're all doing an impression of Jesse…" Shintarou tilted his head. "Actually, do it. Just once. You're Jesse. All of you."
"Is he still on drugs?" Hokuto turned to ask Juri. Juri shook his head, amused despite himself.
"Shut up, please!" Shintarou scolded Hokuto. "Close your eyes and think about it. You're tall and weird and take up all the space because your arms can reach the moon and you think you're a walking Showa medley and you don't give a single fuck that you stand out because nothing can stop that happening anyway. Jesse you just do whatever."
"Welcome to my life," Jesse replied. "Also, fuck you very much."
"I'm starting the music over," Shintarou announced, ignoring Jesse. "Don't open your eyes until I say go. Go!"
Part 2