New Year's Resolution....Update LJ.

Dec 30, 2009 15:15

It's been forever and a day since I wrote in this.  Longer since I actually checked my friends page ( Read more... )

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phillipalden December 30 2009, 18:39:09 UTC
We love you too. I'm sure you'll find your passion at some point, and that passion will motivate you to complete whatever project you decide to take on.

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

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je_regret_riens December 31 2009, 00:51:57 UTC
I don't...know if I have one any more. I...really can't be bothered. And even the things that seem amazing and wonderful to me... I can't be bothered with.

It's like somewhere along the line I gave up on being able to care, and I never found out how to again.

My hair gets greasy but I can't be bothered to take a bath...the dishes all get dirty and I can't be bothered to eat because I'd have to wash something...people my age usually have a dream or a purpose they're working towards, I stay up all night on the internet because I don't have anything....

I'm...supposed to be doing something grand with my life, and...I don't care...I can't care...

More like I =do= care that I'm not doing it, but I don't actually care enough to DO it. Walking contradiction, I am.

*shakes head* I'll go in circles if I keep going.

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phillipalden December 31 2009, 01:27:02 UTC
Sometimes when I've been traveling, maybe hiking in South Island, New Zealand with Erik, or riding in a zodiac in Chile to look at a penguin island - I think to myself; I could be happy just exploring the world. Not writing stories or books about it, or photographing it for anyone other than myself, just enjoying life without any goal in mind.

I sometimes feel that way when I'm hiking with friends around here, or just petting our cats and listening to them purr, that I don't have to do anything.

Then my OCD kicks in and I'm back at work on some project. I think that's just the way I'm built.

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je_regret_riens December 31 2009, 03:08:42 UTC
I have to do -something- though...eventually...I'm supposed to... I always thought all normal human beings had dreams and aspirations. I have...none.

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phillipalden December 31 2009, 17:31:56 UTC
The wonderful thing about our universe is that things change. You may not have any aspirations now, but I doubt that will be a life-long condition.

I would say just enjoy life. Direction will come to you at some point.

As my spiritual mentor used to say; "You are not a human doing, you are a human being."

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je_regret_riens December 31 2009, 21:58:57 UTC
Art imitates life....

I'm in an online role-playing game, of the more character-development sort than the monster killing sort, and that's....exactly where she is in her life. Ahahaha, I never thought we were this similar.

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phillipalden January 1 2010, 01:55:55 UTC
I find as I get older that we are more alike than we are different. I've played an RPG campaign with a group of friends for over 25 years now, even though we now play online because we are no longer all in the Bay Area, they remain my closest and dearest friends.

One of them is also my next-oldest brother.

I won't play World of WarCraft, even though my brother, nephew and my partner all play the game for hours. It's not because I have anything against the game itself, more that I know my addictive nature.

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je_regret_riens January 2 2010, 02:49:23 UTC
I know I'm somewhat addicted to my pasttime, but I don't struggle to go to work in spite of it, so I think I'm all right.

But yeah...for all I fuss that Becca isn't a self-insert, I find myself following in her footsteps a lot.

Not bad considering she's fifteen and I'm in my twenties. >_

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