Gift fic for shatteredtenshi
Title: Motor Control (2/2)
Pairing/Group: Ryo/Kame (NEWS/KAT-TUN)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: AU. Some non-graphic medical description and terminology. Ryo wangst and foul language prerequisite, of course.
Notes: My BETA and co-author was incredible throughout the entire process. Elements of the story were dreamed up and written by her. I couldn’t have finished without her help.
Summary: One night, famous baseball player Kamenashi Kazuya falls asleep at the wheel.
Kame is an extremely sneaky person when he wants to be. Ryo keeps his phone on the night stand beside his bed, out in the open where anyone can see it. One day Kame skips out on a counseling session to steal it, slipping into Ryo’s room after Koyama.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Koyama asks, despite the grin that crosses his face. “It isn’t like Nishikido-kun sits around all day sulking with his journal or anything.”
Kame feels wicked, touching Ryo’s phone screen with the little stylus. It’s almost too easy, really, pulling up Ryo’s phone contacts. There are a ton, but Ryo’s gone and organized them into “Friends” categories and “Work” categories.
Kame notes the names that include pictures next to them, and decides they must be the people Ryo is closest to. He dials a guy simply referred to as Pi, heart thrumming excitedly against his chest, phone put on speaker.
“Ryo?” a guy’s voice answers. “Holy shit, where have you been? We have been scared out of our minds!”
“It’s not Ryo,” Kame says. “This is Kamenashi Kazuya.”
The guy on the other line is silent for a few seconds before he asks, “Um, the famous one, or the not-famous one?”
Kame smiles, and Koyama waits with hands clasped at his chin. “I’m the famous one,” Kame says. “I’m calling because I think Ryo would really like it if you visited him.”
“Ryo like something?” Pi asks, but Kame can hear the happiness in his voice. “Hmmm, I don’t know about that.”
++
Ryo and Kame are playing a rather hopeless game of sudoku when a person Kame thinks he can identify as Pi shows up with an entire legion of visitors. They make their way into the courtyard, arms laden with presents and balloons and ugly grocery store flowers and, in one interesting looking guy’s case, a stack of adult magazines.They’re all a little bit tentative at first, but obviously excited to see Ryo.
Ryo looks up just as the group arrives at Ryo’s back, and Kame points over Ryo’s shoulder. Ryo turns and the most exquisite expression of shock crosses his face, eyes gone huge and wide, and he lets out a squawk like a bird. Everyone stands around staring at each other tentatively until Ryo turns back to Kame.
“GOD DAMNIT, KAMENASHI, DON’T DO THIS TO ME,” he roars, and he holds his hands out to one of the people nearest to him. “Will somebody help me here?” Ryo snarls, and then he’s engulfed in hugs and back-slaps.
It’s all awkward and cautious at first, especially because Ryo has so much difficulty understanding what’s going on, but they muddle through. Ryo’s friends are obviously disconcerted with Ryo’s hearing loss, but it’s understandable; they look like rock stars, and Kame can see how Ryo might be worried they’d lose connection with one another without their music. It’s pretty clear, though, that this isn’t the case at all; one guy, Uchi, keeps stuffing sheet music into Ryo’s hand, demanding that even if he can’t hear their new songs with his ears, he might as well read them with his mind. A couple of the guys converge on Kame, too, asking him all kinds of questions; asking for autographs.
Ryo hangs onto Kame like a life line throughout the entire afternoon. Once the initial shock of the situation subsides, he starts showing Kame off like a toy, like nobody else in the world could possibly be cool enough to befriend Kamenashi Kazuya. Kame lets him do and say as he pleases, because watching Ryo smile is like watching the sun break through storm clouds. He’s brash and abrasive at one point, childish and goofy the next, but Kame’s never seen him quite as animated.
Pi keeps shooting Kame furtive glances, and he’s a bit more reserved than the rest of them about the whole business. It’s odd-despite being the first of Ryo’s friends to hear the news that Ryo is back in the hospital, his hearing gone completely, he’s having the hardest time dealing with it.
Kame rolls over at one point while Shirota Yuu and some guy named Jin are trying to tell Ryo a story about a lawn ornament they stole, stopping where Pi is watching over all of them.
“He’s going to be alright,” Kame says, watching Ryo sway a little bit as Jin starts gesticulating in huge, arching lines. Subaru catches him, steadying him and startling him simultaneously. Ryo tells him off immediately after.
“I don’t get why he didn’t want to tell you guys,” Kame marvels.
“We were there after the accident,” Pi says. “We didn’t think he’d get worse; only better.”
“His mom doesn’t know he was in an accident at all,” Kame says. It’s still a foreign concept to him, keeping something so huge from his parents.
“He probably won’t tell them until he’s forced to,” Pi replies. He shrugs. “Thanks for letting us know where to find him.”
“Of course,” Kame inclines his head. “I couldn’t be alone in a position like his, you know?”
“I don’t think he’s alone,” Pi says, and smiles at Kame in a gentle, enigmatic way. “He’s in good hands here.”
++
Once Ryo’s friends have left (and not without near-violent promises of invitations back), Kame and Ryo begin making their way back to the long-term patients' ward. Koyama and Tanaka are waiting for them at the door, ready with water bottles and medication. Ryo, exhausted and a little out of it, is taken to his room first.
“I can’t believe you’d pull a stunt like that. Don’t ever do that to me again,” Ryo says to Kame. Kame rolls his eyes, but then Ryo bends to kiss him again, slow and sweet and in front of everybody (or at least their nurses). “Thanks,” Ryo says afterwards, and ruffles Kame’s hair.
Kame wraps a few fingers around Ryo’s for a just a moment, squeezing lightly.
“You’ll have them back, right?” Kame asks.
Ryo shrugs. “Well, I’m never lonely,” he says. “If that’s what you’re worried about.” Then he grins ruefully. “Mom.”
++
Kame has his first private interview for a major magazine eleven months after waking up. He's worked with the journalist before-Kame likes him because he doesn't care a thing about baseball and asks a lot of questions none of the other interviewers do-and Kame has been looking forward to it for weeks. He misses the limelight.
They're near the end of the interview when the journalist asks, "So what do you feel has been the best motivation for you during these last few months? Beyond the organizations you will be supporting in coming years, what personally motivates you when you wake up in the morning?"
"All of the normal things. Being alive, being hopeful." Kame says, grinning. "Talking to my friends, getting back to the team. You know, my parents. My family." Then he smiles to himself. "And Ryo."
"Who's Ryo?" the journalist presses, cocking his head to the side.
"He's one of the other patients here," Kame says. "He's sort of in a similar situation. He's a really strong guy! When I was really upset at the beginning, he was the one who told me to get my act together. He's really brave."
His interviewer smirks, rolling his eyes. "And what of the allegations that you were driving drunk on the night of the accident?"
"My medical records will tell you otherwise," Kame says politely. He has to talk about this, of course, and probably will for the rest of his life. "I fell asleep at the wheel. Everyone should be very careful of this. It's dangerous!"
"Right," the interviewer nods. "Rumor has it that the other driver involved was hospitalized here as well. Did you have any interaction with the him? Have you spoken at all?"
Kame shoots a look at his publicist, who shrugs. Tell the truth, he mouths back.
"I didn't know they were," Kame replies. "I never heard that."
"Really?" the interviewer actually goes a bit wide-eyed. "That rumor's been circulating for a good week now."
"Well," Kame grins a bit wryly at his publicist, "I don't get out much these days."
"So you've had no interaction, then," the interviewer smiles.
"Nope," Kame smiles as calmly as he can. "Obviously not."
++
Kame calls Kato-san a few hours later, only slightly furious.
“Shige,” he spits, “is this true? Was Nico here?”
“You couldn’t exactly talk to him,” Kato-san points out.
“Who was he? How long was he here for?”
“I told you,” Kato-san says patiently, “he legally reserves the right not to reveal himself.”
“No, Shige…this stuff is public record! Don’t they have pictures of him anywhere?!!”
“Not that anyone has access to,” Kato-san says.
“I have to find him,” Kame insists. “I almost-I could’ve killed him. You can’t just…accept that kind of thing.”
“You were doing fine until that interview,” Kato-san scoffs.
Kame grits his teeth, rolling back and forth for a few seconds, before saying, “I legally reserve the right to know who I hit with my car. Say I want to collect more insurance.”
Kato-san breathes quietly for a few moments, considering. “Well,” he says, “the accident is on record.”
“I’m going to find out who he is,” Kame snaps, “and I’m going to make sure he understands that I will do anything in my power to make this up to him.”
“Kamenashi,” Kato-san says, “he really wouldn’t like that.”
“How do you know? All you did was keep him off my back for-”
“No, I didn’t,” Kato-san says quietly, almost guiltily. “He’s my friend.”
++
That night Koyama and Tanaka accompany Ryo and Kame on a little trip down the street to a cream puff shop. It’s easier to forget problems like Nico when Ryo is around. It’s the first time Kame has been out and about since the team came to film him, and there are paparazzi in every bush, every corner. At one point, Kame actually stops to wave, and Ryo has a minor conniption.
"I told you," Ryo whines. "I told you we shouldn't've gone out."
"I want cream puffs," Kame insists, itching to thread his fingers through Ryo's. “It’s been a sucky day.”
"This is so gay," Ryo moans. "Everyone in the world is going to think I'm your boyfriend."
"You're not?" Kame smiles, and Ryo does that cute thing where he turns purple. "I don't care anymore. Maybe I would've cared three months ago, but I don't now."
"Think of all the mothers you'll be pissing off," Ryo snaps.
"Ryo," Kame grunts. "Nobody's going to think you're my boyfriend. Course, they might if you keep going on about it. You're really loud sometimes, aren't you?"
"I don't know, am I?" snaps Ryo, and Kame apologizes. Ryo's been more sensitive than usual about his hearing since the surgery date was set.
"I want to go back," Ryo says, and Kame stops his wheelchair.
"Really?" Kame frowns. Tanaka and Koyama, who are chatting blithely behind them, stop as well, falling silent.
"Yeah," Ryo says flatly. "Let's just. Let's just go back. I don't like all these people following us, okay?"
Kame nods. "Okay, Ryo. It's okay, whatever. Let's just go."
Ryo nods, and they turn back around. From this angle, silhouetted against the sunset, the hospital looks like a hotel instead, ambulances and doctors hidden around the other side of the building. It looks peaceful.
Staying in does have its advantages. Even though Kame’s room is about as glamorous and romantic as the inside of a cardboard box, at least they can be alone without paparazzi or the nurses. It isn’t as though they don’t have time to themselves every day, but somehow, tonight, alone feels different; more significant.
Ryo is completely closed-off by the time he finally closes the door behind them. Kame spins the wheelchair around to face him, patting his legs.
“Come here,” he says, waggling a finger in Ryo’s direction. Ryo rolls his eyes, but obeys, carefully lowering himself into Kame’s lap, legs angled awkwardly to accommodate Kame‘s arm rests. His weight shoots angry pins and needles up into Kame’s torso, but it doesn’t matter. Having Ryo close is worth it.
“What’s wrong?” Kame asks, Ryo’s warmth seeping into him through layers of gauzy lounge clothes. It feels like Ryo might be running a fever.
Ryo shrugs; remains silent. Kame pries at him for a while, but Ryo won’t say anything. In the end, Ryo just asks him to leave. Kame presses him a bit further, but nothing gets Ryo talking. He’s done for the night, and Kame can’t figure out what could be bothering him.
++
The next morning, Kame realizes why. Their faces are all over the gossip pages, and they aren’t exactly friendly gossip pages, either. In fact, they’re sort of horrible.
Kamenashi Kazuya, age 23, reads one, former pitcher for the Giants, was spotted strolling the streets outside Kitagawa Memorial Hospital in Tokyo last night with a very interesting stranger. Reliable sources report that he was accompanied by two nurses and a fellow patient, Nishikido Ryo (25) -the very patient rumored to be the second driver, more commonly known to the public as bestselling author Nico, involved in the crash that ruined Kamenashi’s career in late 2007.
++
Kame has nine browser windows open and every single one of them is about Nico, and every one of them is linked to Kame’s newspaper article, and every single article is linked to Akanishi Jin’s blog.
“sup everyone,” his blog reads.
“just got back from the hospital to visit my good friend NICO~~
don’t worry fans, he’s feeling better
it was a good day. NICO is also bff with KAMENASHI KAZUYA now.
he’s a cool guy. they do hospital things together. just proves friendship really does overcome any situation.
we hung out and ate bad hospital food too. gross. anyway, FEEL BETTER NICO”
It even includes a photograph of a familiar Mylar balloon.
The sick, heavy weight of disbelief Kame feels staring at the simple black text is like nothing he’s ever felt before. For a few moments he sits at the computer screen, bug eyed and frozen, but he snaps out of it the moment one Nico fan’s webpage finishes loading. There, staring out at him are his very own words from his own interview:
What keeps you motivated, Kamenashi-san?
"All of the normal things…Talking to my friends, getting back to the team, my family. And Ryo…he's one of the other patients here. [He and I are] in a similar situation. He's a really strong guy! When I was really upset at the beginning, he was the one who told me to get my act together. He's really brave."
Rumor has it NICO has been hospitalized at this very facility. Do you know him?.
“I didn’t know [he was]…I don’t get out much, now.
NICO HAS A FACE! One girl writes, and right below the headline is a picture of Ryo’s band, Akanishi and Pi flanking him on either side where he’s rocking out with a guitar. Ryo looks maybe three or four years younger, and he’s goofy and happy looking. One fan even goes so far as to compare an excerpt of Ryo’s lyrics to an excerpt of his prose, and even Kame can spot the resemblance.
He won’t even touch the links that take him to information (or worse…Nico fan opinions) on himself.
He doesn’t cry when he hears Ryo’s band playing in the background, Ryo’s voice gruff and slightly out of key against Akanishi’s, but he does call Kato-san.
“Shige?” he says into the phone, hands shaking so hard he has to set the phone down, setting it to speaker. “Hi, Shige. This is Kamenashi. Listen. Um. Let’s schedule a meeting. Call me as soon as you can.”
++
When Kame arrives at Ryo’s door, Ryo is still asleep, and Koyama asks Kame to come back later. Kame won‘t have it, though. After playing the “I’m famous and in the newspapers, boohoo, please let me see my friend” card, Koyama reluctantly lets him in, asking that he not upset Ryo.
“More than I usually do?” Kame smiles tightly.
“Yeah,” Koyama sighs, and shuts the door on them.
Kame watches Ryo for a little while, counting the number of times his chest rises and falls. He’s got three gray hairs streaking back over his right ear that weren’t there when Kame first met him, and he’s thinner than before, too. Kame deliberates all of the ways he might go about handling this, but draws a blank. Bottom line is, all Kame sees when he looks at Ryo is the handsome, bad-tempered little musician that can’t hear anymore; the person who has come to mean the most to him. He doesn’t want any of that to change.
It’s too late, though. It already has.
Kame leaves before Ryo wakes up.
++
Kato-san takes one step into Kame’s room and pales. Kame is sitting in the corner, slumped in his wheelchair, hair a mess, clothes sloppier than usual. He’s staring out the window like a man condemned to the gallows.
Kato-san says awkwardly, “You know.”
Kame gives a half-hearted bounce of the shoulders. “Yeah,” he says, and Kato-san kneels down beside him.
“What are you going to do, Kamenashi?” Kato-san asks, concern etched into every bit of him.
“I don’t know,” Kame replies, empty. He wheels toward the window. “Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t you say anything? I mean, he asked you not to, but…how can you think not telling me was the best idea?”
“I didn’t,” Kato-san points out. “Ryo did.”
“I just don’t know what to do,” Kame shakes his head. “I mean, everything he’s ever told me…is any of it true?”
Kato-san hesitates, hands stuffed in his pockets. He looks more like a kid than a lawyer, standing like that. “Are you going to talk to him?”
“Of course,” Kame nods emphatically. “Of course, I mean, that’s not even a question. I just…when do I do it? How do you go about handling something like this?”
Kato-san sits on the edge of Kame’s bed and beckons Kame over. “I’m going to be realistic here,” he says, and turns a serious, weary frown on Kame. “If he doesn’t make it through this surgery--”
Kame stops him dead. “What? Excuse me?”
“It’s a complicated process,” Kato-san says slowly. “It’s brain surgery, Kame. Even if he does make it out, there can be serious consequences.”
Kame gapes at him. “I know that,“ he stammers, “but he told me they were just--it’s just relieving pressure--”
“What do you think that involves? What do you think causes pressure inside of a person‘s head? Think of the risk factors. The complications.” Kato-san asks, arms folded over his chest. “Why would he trouble you with all of that?”
“Why would he trouble me? How stupid is he?” Kame sits there shaking his head in horror, a thousand thoughts--all terrifying--racing through his head. “I can’t believe this is happening,” Kame says.
“You have to,” Kato-san says, and he grips Kame’s shoulder. It’s stupid and dramatic, but it’s what Kame needs to anchor himself, to put himself back in a place where he can deal with the situation realistically.
Kame dashes a limp hand across his eyes. “God damnit, Shige, we really are going to be the death of each other. Literally.”
++
Ryo isn’t doing very well. When he does wake up, his fever has spiked, and his left pupil is contracting and dilating slower than his right. Koyama watches him with concern, making a call on the landline to Takeuchi-sensei. Ryo sighs and reaches for his own mobile phone, rolling his eyes when he sees that Kato-san has texted him.
Instead of the usual legal mumbo-jumbo Kato-san usually writes, however, there is a tiny message left for him, no more than a single line.
“kame knows”
“Oh, fuck me,” Ryo groans, and buries his face in a pillow.
++
Ryo has three days before surgery, and the doctors have scaled back his food intake, monitoring all of his vitals more closely than usual. He hasn’t been to physical therapy in a week, and everything he does is slow and measured. No matter what happens, he’ll just be glad when all of this is over…that is, if it ever is over.
Kame comes to visit him after spending a day hidden away. Not even Takizawa has been able to reach him, he’s so shut off, and Ryo is terrified. Kame is pretty terrified, too.
“Hi,” Ryo says awkwardly, when Kame rolls into his room. The sun is bright, but it’s a cold, frosty morning, and Kame’s got a blanket in his lap.
Kame doesn’t look or feel very well himself. He’s pale and he seems to be having more trouble than usual gripping things, but his eyes are sharp and clear. Kame can’t say the same for Ryo’s, though.
Ryo’s just begun to ramble about something stupid and inconsequential when Kame shuts him up. “Ryo,” he says angrily, “we need to talk.”
“I know,” Ryo says.
“But we’re not going to do it now,” Kame snaps. “We’re going to deal with this after you get better.”
Ryo bites down on a lip, blood draining from his cheeks. “Kame, you know I--”
“I don’t know anything right now,” Kame says. “I’m not sure of anything.”
Ryo doesn’t say anything to that.
“You lied to me,” Kame breathes. “Over and over again.”
“Not telling you the truth isn’t the same as twisting it, Kame,” Ryo says back, annoyed.
“Fine,” Kame says. “Fine, you didn’t lie. You just shut me out. You didn’t trust me with the truth.”
“Well, you did hit me with your car.”
“That is so not funny. That is so not funny right now.” He stares into Ryo’s eyes. “How serious is this surgery?”
Ryo’s jaw twitches. “Fuck off, Kame, I’ll be fine.”
“How serious.”
Ryo hesitates for a good three seconds, but Kame is terrifying when he’s this angry. “It’s serious,” he says.
“What will it do to you?”
“They’re…they’re draining the fluid that’s built up over the last few months,” Ryo says slowly. “There. There are constricted blood vessels, and…and hairline fractures to my skull that weren’t apparent when I was first admitted.”
“They didn’t know you had hairline fractures in your skull?“
“Well, I was so swollen at first--”
“What, did you just stop going to the doctor or something?” Kame demands. “When you were first out? When you were getting better?”
Ryo averts his eyes.
“Don’t you dare look away, Ryo. You are not doing this to me anymore,” Kame says, grabbing Ryo’s arm and yanking him forward, catching his gaze. “Why are you getting worse?”
“I told you, they don’t know,” Ryo snaps, and goes to turn away again. Kame won’t let him.
“I put you here,” Kame snarls, “and you didn’t even let me try and fix it.”
“Fix it? Ha! What the hell could you do? Are you a brain surgeon, Kame?” Ryo spits back. “Not even the doctors can control this! There’s just something wrong with my head now, okay? They’ll drain the stuff and fix my blood vessels or whatever and maybe it’ll fix everything; maybe it won’t. It doesn’t matter, this is the way things are--”
“Don’t just decide these things on your own, Ryo!” Kame says back. “You can’t just block people out all the time! Especially not me!”
“Oh, because you’re so entitled.”
“I am!” Kame snarls. “I am responsible for you!”
“You are such a control freak! You are not responsible for me! Everybody fucks up, it was just a fucking accident--”
Kame grabs Ryo‘s jaw and holds him in his gaze, eyes narrowed. “I am responsible for you,” Kame says, “because I love you, you moron.”
Ryo doesn’t say anything, but he does sort of look like he’s been kicked.
“So when you get out of this thing, we’re going to handle this,” Kame growls, “and we are going to fix things, and live happily ever after whether you like it or not.”
And then he pulls Ryo to him, cheek smashed against Ryo‘s mess of a temple.
++
The day of Ryo’s surgery dawns bright and cold, and Kame sits beside him in his room after the doctors brief him on the upcoming procedures. He’s weak and exhausted from fasting, glazed and spacey from the pre-procedure drugs and the constant dull headache.
Kame still can’t believe the circumstances he’s in. It’s still so surreal, what’s happened to both of them, what Ryo’s become to him, what Ryo’s about to go through. Ryo still hasn’t contacted his mother. The only people who know he’s going in for surgery today are Pi, Kame, and Shige.
It’s pretty ridiculous.
“I want pork bone ramen when this is done,” Ryo tells Kame, words a garbled mess. “And I want you to pay for it.”
“Okay,” Kame says, and pushes fingertips through Ryo’s hair. It’ll be gone this time tomorrow.
“Hey,” Ryo says, “I wrote you a song the other day. I didn’t tell you cuz you just got crazy and pissed off before I could.”
“You wrote me a song?” Kame asks, and Ryo flops a lazy hand in the direction of his journal.
“Can’t check the chords or anything so it probably sucks. You can’t read music though, so like, maybe you should just appreciate all the effort I put in.” He stops. “Yeah, it’s like. An I’m sorry. Sort of. Whatever.”
Kame touches the little book, the leather binding bumpy and worn down, and then he drops his hand.
“Nope,” Kame says. “You’re gonna give it to me after you apologize for not telling me about Nico.”
“You ungrateful bitch,” Ryo replies, smiling. “You’re not gonna let this drop, are you?”
“No,” Kame says, except he thinks maybe he can. Maybe he can when this is all over and Ryo’s okay and he doesn’t feel like such a horrible person anymore.
“Fine,” Ryo says, and then presses a hand against Kame’s chest. “Mmmm. You’d better bust outta this place soon too, mister, because I’m tired of Koyama walking in every time I want to make out. So nosey.”
“I’m tired of playing Takizawa’s pet project,” Kame smiles. “Let’s move to a house in Osaka, with red tile roofing. We can live next door to nice old people who’ll make soup for us.”
Ryo just blinks at him, not comprehending what he’s said at all.
“See you soon?” Ryo asks sleepily, eyelids fluttering shut.
“Yeah,” Kame says, and presses his lips to Ryo’s forehead.
++
Ryo’s surgery lasts for ten hours. Kame sits in the waiting room the entire time, Koyama, Tanaka, and Takizawa checking on him every so often, bringing him pain killer or water or issues of Ryo’s stupid girlie manga. Kame prays and prays until the moment the doctor leaves the room to tell him they’ve finished.
++
Kame spends the day following Ryo’s surgery keeping as busy as possible. Pi comes to visit with Akanishi, who looks pretty torn up about the whole business; he’s actually a pretty sweet guy. Shige stops by for a few hours before returning to the law firm. Subaru and Uchi come later, both bitching about Pi and Jin with-holding information from them, and they’ve brought a tiny little woman with them as well. Kame realizes this is Ryo’s mother, and he sees immediately where Ryo got his personality. She takes one look at her son and yells at him for being an ass, how could he pull a stunt like this?, and then tells Kame everyone would have been better off if Kame’d just taken him out, Ryo’s such a hazard to the world. After that she lets Kame know in a very matter-of-fact tone that she hates him for ruining her son’s body, but she’s so grateful that he’s been taking care of him that she’s just glad somebody with half a brain was around to keep Ryo in order. (This is when she shoots scathing looks at Akanishi and Pi, and even the doctor.) Then, after that, she throws her arms around Kame’s neck and bawls into his shoulder.
“I guess you put in a good word for me,” Kame says to Pi over Nishikido-san’s shoulder.
Pi nods in a pretty self-satisfied way, and then goes back to chatting with Tanaka and Koyama.
Twenty six hours pass before anybody is let in Ryo’s room. Kame hates intensive care, but this is where Ryo is now stationed, faint heart beats nothing but steady blips on a monitor. Visiting hours are long, long over, but Kame has his sway. He abuses it.
Ryo's room is quiet, city lights misted over in fog through the window. Everything is bathed in a muted, fuzzy grey light from the bulb over Ryo’s bed. Ryo looks tiny in his bed, head all wrapped in bandages.
"Hi, Ryo," Kame says, and reaches out with his stiff hand to card through what little hair Ryo has left. "Surgery's over, and we're all waiting to see you."
Ryo doesn't stir save for the steady rise and fall of his chest.
“So my publicist contacted me on doing an awareness gig for public radio next month,” Kame says. “Want to guest star? Nico, famous Nico, best friends with Kamenashi,who ruined his top-secret singing career? I mean, you owe me, right? The world already thinks you’re Ryo anyway, and if you’re gonna stick with me, you’re stuck with the paparazzi too, Being famous isn’t so bad, really.”
He strokes along Ryo's forehead; grazes a fingertip over the dent above Ryo's right eye. "My publicist thinks a nose job is a great idea, so if I ever have to undergo this stuff too, you’ll be glad to know they’ll straighten that out for me as well.” Ryo’s heart monitor blips quietly, like a soft drum beat. Kame almost finds it pretty. When Ryo wakes up, he’ll tell him about it.
“You know,” Kame whispers, fingers trailing down Ryo’s neck to rest at his collar bones, “I’ve been thinking, and…well. I don’t care who you are, as long as I can be near you. I just hope…I just hope you forgive me, really, for what I’ve done to you.” He pauses. “And that’s not why I love you, okay? I love you because you call me stupid even though I’m smarter than you are, and because you think I’m hot even though I’m not anymore. Okay. Not as hot.” Kame stops. “Those are just the shallow reasons. I’m not really that shallow.”
Ryo goes on breathing, completely unchanged.
“Mostly I love you because you’re you,” Kame says. “And at the end of the day…nothing changes that.”
++
"Oi," says a gruff, deep voice. "Oi."
Kame's eyes flutter open. There are cold, clammy fingers pawing at his neck, blunt nails digging into his skin.
"Ryo," Kame smiles sleepily, picking his head up from the mattress. "You're awake."
Ryo’s eye sockets are bruised, and his left lid droops a little, but he’s beautiful anyway and alive and talking. Kame exhales for what feels like the first time in days.
“Hey,” Kame adjusts himself so that Ryo can see his mouth move, “your mom came.”
“She did?” Ryo smiles fondly. “Crazy woman. Did she yell at me?”
“Yeah,” Kame nods, caressing Ryo’s cheek, and he feels the back of his eyes stinging. “Yeah, but I guess I’m okay in the end. You? Not so much.”
Ryo’s eyes slide closed.
“What else happened?” he asks, chuckling.
Kame’s breath catches in his throat. Ryo’s humming. Ryo is humming.
“Hey. Don’t stop talking, Kame,” Ryo whispers. It’s the first time Kame’s heard him speak so softly, and it’s so tender, just as Kame imagined it would be. “Your voice…” Ryo goes on, eyes squeezed shut. “It’s so much prettier than your face.”
And in that moment, no matter what happens from here on out, Kame knows everything will be okay.
Back to Part 1
Pairing/Group: Ryo/Kame (NEWS/KAT-TUN)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: AU. Some non-graphic medical description and terminology. Ryo wangst and foul language prerequisite, of course.
Notes: My BETA and co-author was incredible throughout the entire process. Elements of the story were dreamed up and written by her. I couldn’t have finished without her help.
Summary: One night, famous baseball player Kamenashi Kazuya falls asleep at the wheel.
Kame is an extremely sneaky person when he wants to be. Ryo keeps his phone on the night stand beside his bed, out in the open where anyone can see it. One day Kame skips out on a counseling session to steal it, slipping into Ryo’s room after Koyama.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Koyama asks, despite the grin that crosses his face. “It isn’t like Nishikido-kun sits around all day sulking with his journal or anything.”
Kame feels wicked, touching Ryo’s phone screen with the little stylus. It’s almost too easy, really, pulling up Ryo’s phone contacts. There are a ton, but Ryo’s gone and organized them into “Friends” categories and “Work” categories.
Kame notes the names that include pictures next to them, and decides they must be the people Ryo is closest to. He dials a guy simply referred to as Pi, heart thrumming excitedly against his chest, phone put on speaker.
“Ryo?” a guy’s voice answers. “Holy shit, where have you been? We have been scared out of our minds!”
“It’s not Ryo,” Kame says. “This is Kamenashi Kazuya.”
The guy on the other line is silent for a few seconds before he asks, “Um, the famous one, or the not-famous one?”
Kame smiles, and Koyama waits with hands clasped at his chin. “I’m the famous one,” Kame says. “I’m calling because I think Ryo would really like it if you visited him.”
“Ryo like something?” Pi asks, but Kame can hear the happiness in his voice. “Hmmm, I don’t know about that.”
++
Ryo and Kame are playing a rather hopeless game of sudoku when a person Kame thinks he can identify as Pi shows up with an entire legion of visitors. They make their way into the courtyard, arms laden with presents and balloons and ugly grocery store flowers and, in one interesting looking guy’s case, a stack of adult magazines.They’re all a little bit tentative at first, but obviously excited to see Ryo.
Ryo looks up just as the group arrives at Ryo’s back, and Kame points over Ryo’s shoulder. Ryo turns and the most exquisite expression of shock crosses his face, eyes gone huge and wide, and he lets out a squawk like a bird. Everyone stands around staring at each other tentatively until Ryo turns back to Kame.
“GOD DAMNIT, KAMENASHI, DON’T DO THIS TO ME,” he roars, and he holds his hands out to one of the people nearest to him. “Will somebody help me here?” Ryo snarls, and then he’s engulfed in hugs and back-slaps.
It’s all awkward and cautious at first, especially because Ryo has so much difficulty understanding what’s going on, but they muddle through. Ryo’s friends are obviously disconcerted with Ryo’s hearing loss, but it’s understandable; they look like rock stars, and Kame can see how Ryo might be worried they’d lose connection with one another without their music. It’s pretty clear, though, that this isn’t the case at all; one guy, Uchi, keeps stuffing sheet music into Ryo’s hand, demanding that even if he can’t hear their new songs with his ears, he might as well read them with his mind. A couple of the guys converge on Kame, too, asking him all kinds of questions; asking for autographs.
Ryo hangs onto Kame like a life line throughout the entire afternoon. Once the initial shock of the situation subsides, he starts showing Kame off like a toy, like nobody else in the world could possibly be cool enough to befriend Kamenashi Kazuya. Kame lets him do and say as he pleases, because watching Ryo smile is like watching the sun break through storm clouds. He’s brash and abrasive at one point, childish and goofy the next, but Kame’s never seen him quite as animated.
Pi keeps shooting Kame furtive glances, and he’s a bit more reserved than the rest of them about the whole business. It’s odd-despite being the first of Ryo’s friends to hear the news that Ryo is back in the hospital, his hearing gone completely, he’s having the hardest time dealing with it.
Kame rolls over at one point while Shirota Yuu and some guy named Jin are trying to tell Ryo a story about a lawn ornament they stole, stopping where Pi is watching over all of them.
“He’s going to be alright,” Kame says, watching Ryo sway a little bit as Jin starts gesticulating in huge, arching lines. Subaru catches him, steadying him and startling him simultaneously. Ryo tells him off immediately after.
“I don’t get why he didn’t want to tell you guys,” Kame marvels.
“We were there after the accident,” Pi says. “We didn’t think he’d get worse; only better.”
“His mom doesn’t know he was in an accident at all,” Kame says. It’s still a foreign concept to him, keeping something so huge from his parents.
“He probably won’t tell them until he’s forced to,” Pi replies. He shrugs. “Thanks for letting us know where to find him.”
“Of course,” Kame inclines his head. “I couldn’t be alone in a position like his, you know?”
“I don’t think he’s alone,” Pi says, and smiles at Kame in a gentle, enigmatic way. “He’s in good hands here.”
++
Once Ryo’s friends have left (and not without near-violent promises of invitations back), Kame and Ryo begin making their way back to the long-term patients' ward. Koyama and Tanaka are waiting for them at the door, ready with water bottles and medication. Ryo, exhausted and a little out of it, is taken to his room first.
“I can’t believe you’d pull a stunt like that. Don’t ever do that to me again,” Ryo says to Kame. Kame rolls his eyes, but then Ryo bends to kiss him again, slow and sweet and in front of everybody (or at least their nurses). “Thanks,” Ryo says afterwards, and ruffles Kame’s hair.
Kame wraps a few fingers around Ryo’s for a just a moment, squeezing lightly.
“You’ll have them back, right?” Kame asks.
Ryo shrugs. “Well, I’m never lonely,” he says. “If that’s what you’re worried about.” Then he grins ruefully. “Mom.”
++
Kame has his first private interview for a major magazine eleven months after waking up. He's worked with the journalist before-Kame likes him because he doesn't care a thing about baseball and asks a lot of questions none of the other interviewers do-and Kame has been looking forward to it for weeks. He misses the limelight.
They're near the end of the interview when the journalist asks, "So what do you feel has been the best motivation for you during these last few months? Beyond the organizations you will be supporting in coming years, what personally motivates you when you wake up in the morning?"
"All of the normal things. Being alive, being hopeful." Kame says, grinning. "Talking to my friends, getting back to the team. You know, my parents. My family." Then he smiles to himself. "And Ryo."
"Who's Ryo?" the journalist presses, cocking his head to the side.
"He's one of the other patients here," Kame says. "He's sort of in a similar situation. He's a really strong guy! When I was really upset at the beginning, he was the one who told me to get my act together. He's really brave."
His interviewer smirks, rolling his eyes. "And what of the allegations that you were driving drunk on the night of the accident?"
"My medical records will tell you otherwise," Kame says politely. He has to talk about this, of course, and probably will for the rest of his life. "I fell asleep at the wheel. Everyone should be very careful of this. It's dangerous!"
"Right," the interviewer nods. "Rumor has it that the other driver involved was hospitalized here as well. Did you have any interaction with the him? Have you spoken at all?"
Kame shoots a look at his publicist, who shrugs. Tell the truth, he mouths back.
"I didn't know they were," Kame replies. "I never heard that."
"Really?" the interviewer actually goes a bit wide-eyed. "That rumor's been circulating for a good week now."
"Well," Kame grins a bit wryly at his publicist, "I don't get out much these days."
"So you've had no interaction, then," the interviewer smiles.
"Nope," Kame smiles as calmly as he can. "Obviously not."
++
Kame calls Kato-san a few hours later, only slightly furious.
“Shige,” he spits, “is this true? Was Nico here?”
“You couldn’t exactly talk to him,” Kato-san points out.
“Who was he? How long was he here for?”
“I told you,” Kato-san says patiently, “he legally reserves the right not to reveal himself.”
“No, Shige…this stuff is public record! Don’t they have pictures of him anywhere?!!”
“Not that anyone has access to,” Kato-san says.
“I have to find him,” Kame insists. “I almost-I could’ve killed him. You can’t just…accept that kind of thing.”
“You were doing fine until that interview,” Kato-san scoffs.
Kame grits his teeth, rolling back and forth for a few seconds, before saying, “I legally reserve the right to know who I hit with my car. Say I want to collect more insurance.”
Kato-san breathes quietly for a few moments, considering. “Well,” he says, “the accident is on record.”
“I’m going to find out who he is,” Kame snaps, “and I’m going to make sure he understands that I will do anything in my power to make this up to him.”
“Kamenashi,” Kato-san says, “he really wouldn’t like that.”
“How do you know? All you did was keep him off my back for-”
“No, I didn’t,” Kato-san says quietly, almost guiltily. “He’s my friend.”
++
That night Koyama and Tanaka accompany Ryo and Kame on a little trip down the street to a cream puff shop. It’s easier to forget problems like Nico when Ryo is around. It’s the first time Kame has been out and about since the team came to film him, and there are paparazzi in every bush, every corner. At one point, Kame actually stops to wave, and Ryo has a minor conniption.
"I told you," Ryo whines. "I told you we shouldn't've gone out."
"I want cream puffs," Kame insists, itching to thread his fingers through Ryo's. “It’s been a sucky day.”
"This is so gay," Ryo moans. "Everyone in the world is going to think I'm your boyfriend."
"You're not?" Kame smiles, and Ryo does that cute thing where he turns purple. "I don't care anymore. Maybe I would've cared three months ago, but I don't now."
"Think of all the mothers you'll be pissing off," Ryo snaps.
"Ryo," Kame grunts. "Nobody's going to think you're my boyfriend. Course, they might if you keep going on about it. You're really loud sometimes, aren't you?"
"I don't know, am I?" snaps Ryo, and Kame apologizes. Ryo's been more sensitive than usual about his hearing since the surgery date was set.
"I want to go back," Ryo says, and Kame stops his wheelchair.
"Really?" Kame frowns. Tanaka and Koyama, who are chatting blithely behind them, stop as well, falling silent.
"Yeah," Ryo says flatly. "Let's just. Let's just go back. I don't like all these people following us, okay?"
Kame nods. "Okay, Ryo. It's okay, whatever. Let's just go."
Ryo nods, and they turn back around. From this angle, silhouetted against the sunset, the hospital looks like a hotel instead, ambulances and doctors hidden around the other side of the building. It looks peaceful.
Staying in does have its advantages. Even though Kame’s room is about as glamorous and romantic as the inside of a cardboard box, at least they can be alone without paparazzi or the nurses. It isn’t as though they don’t have time to themselves every day, but somehow, tonight, alone feels different; more significant.
Ryo is completely closed-off by the time he finally closes the door behind them. Kame spins the wheelchair around to face him, patting his legs.
“Come here,” he says, waggling a finger in Ryo’s direction. Ryo rolls his eyes, but obeys, carefully lowering himself into Kame’s lap, legs angled awkwardly to accommodate Kame‘s arm rests. His weight shoots angry pins and needles up into Kame’s torso, but it doesn’t matter. Having Ryo close is worth it.
“What’s wrong?” Kame asks, Ryo’s warmth seeping into him through layers of gauzy lounge clothes. It feels like Ryo might be running a fever.
Ryo shrugs; remains silent. Kame pries at him for a while, but Ryo won’t say anything. In the end, Ryo just asks him to leave. Kame presses him a bit further, but nothing gets Ryo talking. He’s done for the night, and Kame can’t figure out what could be bothering him.
++
The next morning, Kame realizes why. Their faces are all over the gossip pages, and they aren’t exactly friendly gossip pages, either. In fact, they’re sort of horrible.
Kamenashi Kazuya, age 23, reads one, former pitcher for the Giants, was spotted strolling the streets outside Kitagawa Memorial Hospital in Tokyo last night with a very interesting stranger. Reliable sources report that he was accompanied by two nurses and a fellow patient, Nishikido Ryo (25) -the very patient rumored to be the second driver, more commonly known to the public as bestselling author Nico, involved in the crash that ruined Kamenashi’s career in late 2007.
++
Kame has nine browser windows open and every single one of them is about Nico, and every one of them is linked to Kame’s newspaper article, and every single article is linked to Akanishi Jin’s blog.
“sup everyone,” his blog reads.
“just got back from the hospital to visit my good friend NICO~~
don’t worry fans, he’s feeling better
it was a good day. NICO is also bff with KAMENASHI KAZUYA now.
he’s a cool guy. they do hospital things together. just proves friendship really does overcome any situation.
we hung out and ate bad hospital food too. gross. anyway, FEEL BETTER NICO”
It even includes a photograph of a familiar Mylar balloon.
The sick, heavy weight of disbelief Kame feels staring at the simple black text is like nothing he’s ever felt before. For a few moments he sits at the computer screen, bug eyed and frozen, but he snaps out of it the moment one Nico fan’s webpage finishes loading. There, staring out at him are his very own words from his own interview:
What keeps you motivated, Kamenashi-san?
"All of the normal things…Talking to my friends, getting back to the team, my family. And Ryo…he's one of the other patients here. [He and I are] in a similar situation. He's a really strong guy! When I was really upset at the beginning, he was the one who told me to get my act together. He's really brave."
Rumor has it NICO has been hospitalized at this very facility. Do you know him?.
“I didn’t know [he was]…I don’t get out much, now.
NICO HAS A FACE! One girl writes, and right below the headline is a picture of Ryo’s band, Akanishi and Pi flanking him on either side where he’s rocking out with a guitar. Ryo looks maybe three or four years younger, and he’s goofy and happy looking. One fan even goes so far as to compare an excerpt of Ryo’s lyrics to an excerpt of his prose, and even Kame can spot the resemblance.
He won’t even touch the links that take him to information (or worse…Nico fan opinions) on himself.
He doesn’t cry when he hears Ryo’s band playing in the background, Ryo’s voice gruff and slightly out of key against Akanishi’s, but he does call Kato-san.
“Shige?” he says into the phone, hands shaking so hard he has to set the phone down, setting it to speaker. “Hi, Shige. This is Kamenashi. Listen. Um. Let’s schedule a meeting. Call me as soon as you can.”
++
When Kame arrives at Ryo’s door, Ryo is still asleep, and Koyama asks Kame to come back later. Kame won‘t have it, though. After playing the “I’m famous and in the newspapers, boohoo, please let me see my friend” card, Koyama reluctantly lets him in, asking that he not upset Ryo.
“More than I usually do?” Kame smiles tightly.
“Yeah,” Koyama sighs, and shuts the door on them.
Kame watches Ryo for a little while, counting the number of times his chest rises and falls. He’s got three gray hairs streaking back over his right ear that weren’t there when Kame first met him, and he’s thinner than before, too. Kame deliberates all of the ways he might go about handling this, but draws a blank. Bottom line is, all Kame sees when he looks at Ryo is the handsome, bad-tempered little musician that can’t hear anymore; the person who has come to mean the most to him. He doesn’t want any of that to change.
It’s too late, though. It already has.
Kame leaves before Ryo wakes up.
++
Kato-san takes one step into Kame’s room and pales. Kame is sitting in the corner, slumped in his wheelchair, hair a mess, clothes sloppier than usual. He’s staring out the window like a man condemned to the gallows.
Kato-san says awkwardly, “You know.”
Kame gives a half-hearted bounce of the shoulders. “Yeah,” he says, and Kato-san kneels down beside him.
“What are you going to do, Kamenashi?” Kato-san asks, concern etched into every bit of him.
“I don’t know,” Kame replies, empty. He wheels toward the window. “Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t you say anything? I mean, he asked you not to, but…how can you think not telling me was the best idea?”
“I didn’t,” Kato-san points out. “Ryo did.”
“I just don’t know what to do,” Kame shakes his head. “I mean, everything he’s ever told me…is any of it true?”
Kato-san hesitates, hands stuffed in his pockets. He looks more like a kid than a lawyer, standing like that. “Are you going to talk to him?”
“Of course,” Kame nods emphatically. “Of course, I mean, that’s not even a question. I just…when do I do it? How do you go about handling something like this?”
Kato-san sits on the edge of Kame’s bed and beckons Kame over. “I’m going to be realistic here,” he says, and turns a serious, weary frown on Kame. “If he doesn’t make it through this surgery--”
Kame stops him dead. “What? Excuse me?”
“It’s a complicated process,” Kato-san says slowly. “It’s brain surgery, Kame. Even if he does make it out, there can be serious consequences.”
Kame gapes at him. “I know that,“ he stammers, “but he told me they were just--it’s just relieving pressure--”
“What do you think that involves? What do you think causes pressure inside of a person‘s head? Think of the risk factors. The complications.” Kato-san asks, arms folded over his chest. “Why would he trouble you with all of that?”
“Why would he trouble me? How stupid is he?” Kame sits there shaking his head in horror, a thousand thoughts--all terrifying--racing through his head. “I can’t believe this is happening,” Kame says.
“You have to,” Kato-san says, and he grips Kame’s shoulder. It’s stupid and dramatic, but it’s what Kame needs to anchor himself, to put himself back in a place where he can deal with the situation realistically.
Kame dashes a limp hand across his eyes. “God damnit, Shige, we really are going to be the death of each other. Literally.”
++
Ryo isn’t doing very well. When he does wake up, his fever has spiked, and his left pupil is contracting and dilating slower than his right. Koyama watches him with concern, making a call on the landline to Takeuchi-sensei. Ryo sighs and reaches for his own mobile phone, rolling his eyes when he sees that Kato-san has texted him.
Instead of the usual legal mumbo-jumbo Kato-san usually writes, however, there is a tiny message left for him, no more than a single line.
“kame knows”
“Oh, fuck me,” Ryo groans, and buries his face in a pillow.
++
Ryo has three days before surgery, and the doctors have scaled back his food intake, monitoring all of his vitals more closely than usual. He hasn’t been to physical therapy in a week, and everything he does is slow and measured. No matter what happens, he’ll just be glad when all of this is over…that is, if it ever is over.
Kame comes to visit him after spending a day hidden away. Not even Takizawa has been able to reach him, he’s so shut off, and Ryo is terrified. Kame is pretty terrified, too.
“Hi,” Ryo says awkwardly, when Kame rolls into his room. The sun is bright, but it’s a cold, frosty morning, and Kame’s got a blanket in his lap.
Kame doesn’t look or feel very well himself. He’s pale and he seems to be having more trouble than usual gripping things, but his eyes are sharp and clear. Kame can’t say the same for Ryo’s, though.
Ryo’s just begun to ramble about something stupid and inconsequential when Kame shuts him up. “Ryo,” he says angrily, “we need to talk.”
“I know,” Ryo says.
“But we’re not going to do it now,” Kame snaps. “We’re going to deal with this after you get better.”
Ryo bites down on a lip, blood draining from his cheeks. “Kame, you know I--”
“I don’t know anything right now,” Kame says. “I’m not sure of anything.”
Ryo doesn’t say anything to that.
“You lied to me,” Kame breathes. “Over and over again.”
“Not telling you the truth isn’t the same as twisting it, Kame,” Ryo says back, annoyed.
“Fine,” Kame says. “Fine, you didn’t lie. You just shut me out. You didn’t trust me with the truth.”
“Well, you did hit me with your car.”
“That is so not funny. That is so not funny right now.” He stares into Ryo’s eyes. “How serious is this surgery?”
Ryo’s jaw twitches. “Fuck off, Kame, I’ll be fine.”
“How serious.”
Ryo hesitates for a good three seconds, but Kame is terrifying when he’s this angry. “It’s serious,” he says.
“What will it do to you?”
“They’re…they’re draining the fluid that’s built up over the last few months,” Ryo says slowly. “There. There are constricted blood vessels, and…and hairline fractures to my skull that weren’t apparent when I was first admitted.”
“They didn’t know you had hairline fractures in your skull?“
“Well, I was so swollen at first--”
“What, did you just stop going to the doctor or something?” Kame demands. “When you were first out? When you were getting better?”
Ryo averts his eyes.
“Don’t you dare look away, Ryo. You are not doing this to me anymore,” Kame says, grabbing Ryo’s arm and yanking him forward, catching his gaze. “Why are you getting worse?”
“I told you, they don’t know,” Ryo snaps, and goes to turn away again. Kame won’t let him.
“I put you here,” Kame snarls, “and you didn’t even let me try and fix it.”
“Fix it? Ha! What the hell could you do? Are you a brain surgeon, Kame?” Ryo spits back. “Not even the doctors can control this! There’s just something wrong with my head now, okay? They’ll drain the stuff and fix my blood vessels or whatever and maybe it’ll fix everything; maybe it won’t. It doesn’t matter, this is the way things are--”
“Don’t just decide these things on your own, Ryo!” Kame says back. “You can’t just block people out all the time! Especially not me!”
“Oh, because you’re so entitled.”
“I am!” Kame snarls. “I am responsible for you!”
“You are such a control freak! You are not responsible for me! Everybody fucks up, it was just a fucking accident--”
Kame grabs Ryo‘s jaw and holds him in his gaze, eyes narrowed. “I am responsible for you,” Kame says, “because I love you, you moron.”
Ryo doesn’t say anything, but he does sort of look like he’s been kicked.
“So when you get out of this thing, we’re going to handle this,” Kame growls, “and we are going to fix things, and live happily ever after whether you like it or not.”
And then he pulls Ryo to him, cheek smashed against Ryo‘s mess of a temple.
++
The day of Ryo’s surgery dawns bright and cold, and Kame sits beside him in his room after the doctors brief him on the upcoming procedures. He’s weak and exhausted from fasting, glazed and spacey from the pre-procedure drugs and the constant dull headache.
Kame still can’t believe the circumstances he’s in. It’s still so surreal, what’s happened to both of them, what Ryo’s become to him, what Ryo’s about to go through. Ryo still hasn’t contacted his mother. The only people who know he’s going in for surgery today are Pi, Kame, and Shige.
It’s pretty ridiculous.
“I want pork bone ramen when this is done,” Ryo tells Kame, words a garbled mess. “And I want you to pay for it.”
“Okay,” Kame says, and pushes fingertips through Ryo’s hair. It’ll be gone this time tomorrow.
“Hey,” Ryo says, “I wrote you a song the other day. I didn’t tell you cuz you just got crazy and pissed off before I could.”
“You wrote me a song?” Kame asks, and Ryo flops a lazy hand in the direction of his journal.
“Can’t check the chords or anything so it probably sucks. You can’t read music though, so like, maybe you should just appreciate all the effort I put in.” He stops. “Yeah, it’s like. An I’m sorry. Sort of. Whatever.”
Kame touches the little book, the leather binding bumpy and worn down, and then he drops his hand.
“Nope,” Kame says. “You’re gonna give it to me after you apologize for not telling me about Nico.”
“You ungrateful bitch,” Ryo replies, smiling. “You’re not gonna let this drop, are you?”
“No,” Kame says, except he thinks maybe he can. Maybe he can when this is all over and Ryo’s okay and he doesn’t feel like such a horrible person anymore.
“Fine,” Ryo says, and then presses a hand against Kame’s chest. “Mmmm. You’d better bust outta this place soon too, mister, because I’m tired of Koyama walking in every time I want to make out. So nosey.”
“I’m tired of playing Takizawa’s pet project,” Kame smiles. “Let’s move to a house in Osaka, with red tile roofing. We can live next door to nice old people who’ll make soup for us.”
Ryo just blinks at him, not comprehending what he’s said at all.
“See you soon?” Ryo asks sleepily, eyelids fluttering shut.
“Yeah,” Kame says, and presses his lips to Ryo’s forehead.
++
Ryo’s surgery lasts for ten hours. Kame sits in the waiting room the entire time, Koyama, Tanaka, and Takizawa checking on him every so often, bringing him pain killer or water or issues of Ryo’s stupid girlie manga. Kame prays and prays until the moment the doctor leaves the room to tell him they’ve finished.
++
Kame spends the day following Ryo’s surgery keeping as busy as possible. Pi comes to visit with Akanishi, who looks pretty torn up about the whole business; he’s actually a pretty sweet guy. Shige stops by for a few hours before returning to the law firm. Subaru and Uchi come later, both bitching about Pi and Jin with-holding information from them, and they’ve brought a tiny little woman with them as well. Kame realizes this is Ryo’s mother, and he sees immediately where Ryo got his personality. She takes one look at her son and yells at him for being an ass, how could he pull a stunt like this?, and then tells Kame everyone would have been better off if Kame’d just taken him out, Ryo’s such a hazard to the world. After that she lets Kame know in a very matter-of-fact tone that she hates him for ruining her son’s body, but she’s so grateful that he’s been taking care of him that she’s just glad somebody with half a brain was around to keep Ryo in order. (This is when she shoots scathing looks at Akanishi and Pi, and even the doctor.) Then, after that, she throws her arms around Kame’s neck and bawls into his shoulder.
“I guess you put in a good word for me,” Kame says to Pi over Nishikido-san’s shoulder.
Pi nods in a pretty self-satisfied way, and then goes back to chatting with Tanaka and Koyama.
Twenty six hours pass before anybody is let in Ryo’s room. Kame hates intensive care, but this is where Ryo is now stationed, faint heart beats nothing but steady blips on a monitor. Visiting hours are long, long over, but Kame has his sway. He abuses it.
Ryo's room is quiet, city lights misted over in fog through the window. Everything is bathed in a muted, fuzzy grey light from the bulb over Ryo’s bed. Ryo looks tiny in his bed, head all wrapped in bandages.
"Hi, Ryo," Kame says, and reaches out with his stiff hand to card through what little hair Ryo has left. "Surgery's over, and we're all waiting to see you."
Ryo doesn't stir save for the steady rise and fall of his chest.
“So my publicist contacted me on doing an awareness gig for public radio next month,” Kame says. “Want to guest star? Nico, famous Nico, best friends with Kamenashi,who ruined his top-secret singing career? I mean, you owe me, right? The world already thinks you’re Ryo anyway, and if you’re gonna stick with me, you’re stuck with the paparazzi too, Being famous isn’t so bad, really.”
He strokes along Ryo's forehead; grazes a fingertip over the dent above Ryo's right eye. "My publicist thinks a nose job is a great idea, so if I ever have to undergo this stuff too, you’ll be glad to know they’ll straighten that out for me as well.” Ryo’s heart monitor blips quietly, like a soft drum beat. Kame almost finds it pretty. When Ryo wakes up, he’ll tell him about it.
“You know,” Kame whispers, fingers trailing down Ryo’s neck to rest at his collar bones, “I’ve been thinking, and…well. I don’t care who you are, as long as I can be near you. I just hope…I just hope you forgive me, really, for what I’ve done to you.” He pauses. “And that’s not why I love you, okay? I love you because you call me stupid even though I’m smarter than you are, and because you think I’m hot even though I’m not anymore. Okay. Not as hot.” Kame stops. “Those are just the shallow reasons. I’m not really that shallow.”
Ryo goes on breathing, completely unchanged.
“Mostly I love you because you’re you,” Kame says. “And at the end of the day…nothing changes that.”
++
"Oi," says a gruff, deep voice. "Oi."
Kame's eyes flutter open. There are cold, clammy fingers pawing at his neck, blunt nails digging into his skin.
"Ryo," Kame smiles sleepily, picking his head up from the mattress. "You're awake."
Ryo’s eye sockets are bruised, and his left lid droops a little, but he’s beautiful anyway and alive and talking. Kame exhales for what feels like the first time in days.
“Hey,” Kame adjusts himself so that Ryo can see his mouth move, “your mom came.”
“She did?” Ryo smiles fondly. “Crazy woman. Did she yell at me?”
“Yeah,” Kame nods, caressing Ryo’s cheek, and he feels the back of his eyes stinging. “Yeah, but I guess I’m okay in the end. You? Not so much.”
Ryo’s eyes slide closed.
“What else happened?” he asks, chuckling.
Kame’s breath catches in his throat. Ryo’s humming. Ryo is humming.
“Hey. Don’t stop talking, Kame,” Ryo whispers. It’s the first time Kame’s heard him speak so softly, and it’s so tender, just as Kame imagined it would be. “Your voice…” Ryo goes on, eyes squeezed shut. “It’s so much prettier than your face.”
And in that moment, no matter what happens from here on out, Kame knows everything will be okay.
Back to Part 1