Gift fic for quinnsan
To: quinnsan
From: fragileday
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title: In Different Contexts
Pairing/Group: Taguchi Junnosuke/Ueda Tatsuya
Rating: PG
Warnings: Tiniest amount of violence. KAT-TUN failing at making cookies.
Notes: This space is reserved to thank my awesome beta.
Summary: For Junno, Christmas always represented a certain aspect of love.
2001: Friendship
The large banquet was filled with Christmas decorations. Colorful strands of paper chains hung loosely from the surrounding walls while the red and green lights glowed in paper lanterns dangling from the ceiling above. A bare nine-foot Christmas tree sat in the corner of the room, looking so lonely and unhappy in this room filled with chattering and laughter.
The tree looked exactly how Junno was feeling at the moment. It was the first time he went on an outing with his fellow Johnny’s boys since he auditioned not too long before. Everyone already seemed to have paired off in their own little groups, not interested in the tall, lanky boy who could only offer puns and exhibits of tap dancing. So he decided to sit alone at one of the empty tables, munching on a random dessert from the small variety on his plate. A wide grin was on his face, a sign of welcome for anyone else who wanted to join him at the empty table.
Junno didn’t know why he spotted Ueda so quickly in the mass of boys his age. Perhaps it was the blonde hair and black clothing in the sea of Christmas colors. No, it definitely had to be his expression. Junno could read it so easily. The loneliness and the hint of fear in the mass of strangers. He understood it completely. Part of him wanted to go to the other boy. Would he break the ice with a pun? Or would a simple introduction suffice?
It really didn’t matter in the end, because Junno was glued to his seat from his insecurity. Hopefully that other boy would have better luck.
Later on in the evening a deep voice called everyone to the Christmas tree and assigned each young boy a small box filled with a couple sparkling ornaments. When it was Junno’s turn to decorate the tree he gasped softly when he noted that he was right beside the blonde boy from earlier.
“Hi!” Junno waved at the other, who only smiled politely.
“I’m Tatsuya Ueda,” Ueda bowed slightly, making this encounter seem more formal than anything else. Junno suddenly felt uncomfortable.
“Hey, who’s your friend?” a new boy jogged up to the pair and wrapped his arm around Ueda’s shoulders easily. Junno was slightly jealous of how easy it was to be comfortable with him.
“This is... um...” Ueda paused and stared at the golden star that he grasped tightly in his hand.
“Oi, you forgot his name already?” the stranger hit the sitting man across the back of his head lightly and smirked when he received a large frown. “You’re terrible with names.”
“I know,” Ueda huffed, rolling his eyes slightly.
“I didn’t tell him my name. Call me Junno.”
“Junno,” he nodded, repeating the name to himself. Junno enjoyed how it sounded coming from his new friend, with a slightly breathy voice.
“Junno is such an odd nickname!” the stranger grinned widely, teasing the other boy slightly.
“Hana,” Ueda muttered, causing the unknown boy to instantly reach up and cover his nose.
“My name is Nakamaru Yuichi, but everyone calls me Maru,” he stressed his name, hoping his future coworkers and friends didn’t make it a habit of teasing him about one of his biggest attributes.
The three began to take their time decorating the tree, Junno trying to ignore the giddiness rising inside of him while they moved up from small talk to random anecdotes that lead to jokes. Ueda didn’t laugh as often as the two taller boys, but he seemed to be having a good time and that pleased Junno.
Maru soon left to get something to drink leaving the two alone at the tree. “Do you want to come over to my apartment to play some video games Uepi?” Junno found himself asking, shocked by his sudden outgoingness and by how badly he messed up his name.
“Nicknames already? You think we’re friends? It’s Tatsuya or Ueda,” the other boy said darkly.
Junno frowned widely. “Ueda,” he repeated politely, his hand moving shakily as he placed the tinsel on a stray branch. He just couldn’t describe the feelings he was having talking to this new boy. He felt nervous yet comfortable at the same time. He felt dizzy yet stable.
“You know, I was only kidding. You can give me a nick name. And I hope you have some good games, because I tend to get bored easily” Ueda grinned widely and for a moment Junno wanted nothing more than to capture the image and hang it on the tree.
He felt it would illuminate the entire building.
“Merry Christmas,” Ueda rolled his eyes, as if he was being forced to recite this by his parents, before he smiled and tossed an inexpensive ornament at the taller boy.
Junno caught it smoothly and smiled down at the glittering enlarged snowflake. “Merry Christmas,” he repeated wistfully, silently wishing for plenty of others.
2004: Crush
The fireplace in the dining room was working overtime during this time of year. Junno watched it intently while he sat in the unfamiliar home of his now friend Ueda. There was an occasional spark escaping from the log, releasing a muffled popping noise. Junno wanted to do nothing more than sit in front of it all day with his hands reaching out for the radiating heat and remain hypnotized by the dancing flames. Hopefully there would also be some body heat beside him in the form of the owner of the home.
Junno’s face instantly flushed as he looked over at Ueda. Could he consider the feelings he had for him a crush? An indescribable warmth always spread in his stomach when the older man smiled at him, or even laughed at a pun. He would constantly find himself placing his hand on the shorter boy’s shoulder as the group listened to directions from their manager without realizing he was doing it. He always wanted to put the moody boy in a slightly better mood. Was he confusing friendship with a crush?
“Where are your parents?” Kame question, running his hand across the expensive tablecloth, tracing the pattern with his finger. It was a big house and beautiful as well. Yet it seemed cold and the young boys were slightly bored inside. Didn’t big houses like these have arcades or bowling alleys inside?
“A Christmas party with some of their friends,” Ueda shrugged, drawing his knees up to his chin. Junno noted that his boots were half on the seat cushion yet the other boy didn’t care if it got dirty. He seemed nonchalant about a lot of his personal items here.
“And your sister?” Jin asked, leaning back on the back to legs of his own chair with his hand folded leisurely behind his head.
Ueda blinked, confused for a moment before glaring at the mischievous leer his friend was giving him. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business- oh.” With a glare Ueda kicked Jin’s seat causing the other boy to topple backwards on the carpeted floor beneath.
The silent room was filled with loud laughter and the whining fallen boy. Jin slowly stood up and rubbed the back of his head with a sour look on his face.
“Stupid!” Kame cried out, trying hard to muffle his fits of giggles.
“You don’t talk about a man’s sister that way,” Koki continued, before burying his face in his folded arms on the table.
“Shut up! Everyone was thinking it!” Jin stomped, earning a dark look from Ueda once more. “Fine. It was stupid.”
“What do you guys want to do?” Maru asked after he caught his breath once more. He slowly stood up from his seat and began to walk around the large dining hall, before turning his attention to the resident of the home. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m hungry,” Koki whined, resting his hand on his chin and looking at Ueda expectantly. “Do you have a personal chef here?”
Ueda shrugged. “Probably. The food is usually just on the table when I come down for dinner. I’m pretty sure my mother doesn’t cook it though.” If they did have a personal cook, they were probably taking the day off. Not only because it was a holiday but because he was the only one home.
“Let’s just go make something ourselves,” Kame offered, standing up and walking over to the door. “You should come with us to find the kitchen though. We’ll get lost.”
“My house isn’t that big,” Ueda sighed, missing the shared looks by his fellow group members. “What do you want to eat? I can’t really cook anything.”
“Cookies!” Junno exclaimed, pumping his fist into the air.
Maru playfully smacked the taller man across the back of his head. “It’s dinner time stupid.”
With an exaggerated pout, Junno turned over to Ueda, knowing that because it was his house he would end up having the final word. “It’s a holiday. We can have whatever we want today.”
“Bad influence,” Kame muttered under his breath.
“Cookies,” a small smirk spread across Ueda’s mouth.
The boys made their way into the kitchen, Ueda constantly ignoring their cries of how awesome his house was. Junno noted how he never seemed to agree with them, he would only nod along slowly. Unsurely.
“What kind of cookies are we having?” Kame asked, warming up to the idea of only having sweets for dinner. Perhaps Junno did make a point, yet the younger boy would never admit it.
Ueda shrugged and watched as his friends walked around his large kitchen.
”This is bigger than my apartment!”
“Everything is steel in here. I can see my reflection!”
“What’s the point of having two refrigerators? Do you really eat all that much?”
Ueda brushed off all these comments and questions as he searched through the finely carved wooden cabinets to find the ingredients. Before he realized that he had no idea what was really in a cookie, aside from the obvious chocolate chips.
“Do you have flour?” Junno walked over to his side and searched as well.
Ueda could only blink. “I’m not sure.”
“Come on group, it looks like we’re hunting for food!” Koki grinned, and Ueda could only widen his eyes as he watched his friends rummage through his kitchen for the ingredients to set them on the island in the center of the room. His mother would kill him if she saw this. Yet all he could really do was smile.
“Fun. I’m having fun,” Ueda murmured, piquing Junno’s attention once more as the taller boy set eggs down on the counter.
“It’s a holiday so the rule is you have to have fun,” Junno gave him a small smile.
“Really?” Ueda tore his attention off of Jin, who was attempting to set the oven but was obviously confused by all the dials and buttons.
“Of course.”
The older boy could only nod slowly before the pair was interrupted by the complaints coming from Jin (“Why can’t he have a normal oven like the rest of us?” “It’s easy, you’re just stupid.”).
The boys began to break the eggs into a large bowl and dumping unmeasured amounts of flour before the six of them realized that no one knew how to make cookies. “It shouldn’t be that hard. Come on,” Koki urged on, his stomach growling.
Kame winced when he looked down at the finished dough. There was definitely too much chocolate chips compared to the actual batter and overall, it looked lumpy. “This is going to be gross.”
“Just pour some more sugar on it. We wont even tell,” Jin proceeded to dump half the bag of sugar inside causing the room to groan in unison.
Jin was in charge of watching the cookies in the oven while the other’s got milk ready at the table. However, when Junno and Ueda came back to the kitchen they found the pair missing and smoke escaping from the oven.
Ueda gasped and grabbed the fire extinguisher in the corner of the room while Junno grabbed a towel and opened the door.
“How do I use this thing?” Ueda asked panicked, holding the red device upside down.
Junno didn’t bother trying to explain, as he quickly ripped the extinguisher from his grip and instantly shot it in the direction of the oven. Ueda could only watch in awe as the smoke slowly vanished, replaced by a tray filled with black cookies and the residue from the extinguisher covering it.
“It looks like snow,” he commented absently.
“Look you guys, I just bought cookies instead. The other ones looked terrible-” Jin walked into the room and his eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw the scenery in front of him.
“Moron! You forgot to turn off the oven!” Ueda cried out, marching over to Jin and shoving him.
“Hey, no one got hurt,” Junno attempted, placing a soothing hand on the shoulder of the seething boy. “It should be fairly easy to clean it up anyways.”
“I’ll clean it up,” Jin offered weakly, knowing he wouldn’t be able to afford to get a new oven.
Ueda only shook his head. “Someone else can take care of that and get paid for it. This is what my parents get for leaving me home alone anyways,” he said with a wicked smile, before snatching the bag of cookies in Jin’s hand and running towards the living room with the other boys.
The group stayed up late into the night, complaining about work schedules and certain members of other groups. And wondering aloud how things would be different if they debuted. What would be different.
Maru was the first one to fall asleep, snoring gently against the armrest of the extremely large couch. The rest of the members spread out around the living room to claim a space to rest.
Junno took the spot closest to another fireplace, staring at it intently once more. Today was a fun day. His group was becoming closer and working harder. He would definitely wish them luck for the new year.
Ueda sat down quietly beside him and yawned deeply. “I’m glad today happened. It was a fun way to to rebel against my parents. The holidays normally suck.”
Junno looked away from the flames and over at Ueda. “Why?”
“My holidays are usually pretty lonely. I don’t like them very much,” Ueda continued sleepily, resting his head on the other’s shoulder.
“They shouldn’t be,” he commented, ignored the redness spreading across his face.
“They should be fun,” Ueda echoed Junno’s comment from earlier. The taller boy glanced down and noticed that the other was covering them with a small blanket. He looked around the room and realized that the rest of the group was also curling up on the large couch, preparing to go to sleep. “Make sure that the future holidays will be fun as well. Merry Christmas.”
It wasn’t until the older boy was asleep when Junno could finally get his voice back. “Merry Christmas,” he managed to croak, watching the figure against him stir only slightly.
2006: Longing
The tiny Christmas tree in the corner of the dressing room looked utterly pathetic. The room was quite bare, and this small symbol of the holiday was the only reminder for the boys that there was a life outside of their career. KAT-TUN debuted that year and the group was insanely busy with photo-shoots, concerts and other appearances. Then shortly afterwards, Jin decided it was time to study English. Amidst all the chaos he just left. At first the group felt angry and betrayed. But soon their work load could only make them exhausted.
They didn’t know whose idea it was to meet at the dressing room for a small Christmas get-together but everyone was late. Aside from Junno that is, who was only staring at the tree.
“Merry Christmas!” Junno exclaimed cheerfully as the door behind him opened. For a split second, he expected to see the whole group there. Including Jin. For a split second, he believed that Jin didn’t run off to America during the holidays.
Instead he was greeted by an annoyed looking Ueda. His hair was disheveled underneath a brown wooly cap and a large pair of sunglasses were slowly sliding down his nose. “It’s next week,” he commented, as he hastily walked into the room and dropped his bag on top of the couch. Pulling off his sunglasses, he gazed around and narrowed his eyes. “Where is everyone?”
“Late. Kame is finishing some paperwork with his manager. Koki had some errands and Maru... well he’s always late,” Junno explained at a quick tempo. He watched as the other blinked and tried to soak in the information.
“I want this day to end already. When can we stop pretending we like this stupid holiday anyways?” Ueda said grumpily, sitting down beside his bag and pulling out a notebook.
Junno watched as the other absently leafed through the pages. “What’s wrong with Christmas?”
“I just think it’s stupid that we have to pretend to be happy on a holiday,” he clucked his tongue gently as a stared at a specific page.
“We always have to pretend to happy. It’s our job, remember?” Kame stormed into the dressing room in the same manner Ueda previously did.
“Merry Christmas!” Junno attempted once more, only earning getting eyes rolled at him.
“I have a photo-shoot the day after Christmas. Even after asking for that day off. What’s so merry about it?” Kame huffed, slumping in his seat beside Ueda.
Junno didn’t even bother wishing Koki or Maru a happy holiday as the two briskly walked into the dressing room, already telling from their expression that their reaction would not be any different from the others.
He frowned at the group as they sat around in the circle. They all looked so very tired. Sure, their workload was the same as it has always been, but something had changed. KAT-TUN lost their cheerleader, their fighting force, when Jin decided to go to America. He was the one who encouraged the others to work their hardest.
He would tease Maru until the older one was too annoyed to realize that he didn’t sleep the night before. He would joke around with Koki so that through their laughter they would forget that they were working at three in the morning. He would pick on Kame so the younger man would vent on him, rather than the photographer when he was grumpy. He would argue with Ueda so that the other man would forget how depressed he was that he couldn’t get the choreography quite right from the day before. He would make fun of Junno, enough so the rest of the group could join in and unite. And Junno allowed this because he was willing to sacrifice an image of coolness for the sanity of his group.
“What’s the point of doing this?” Koki questioned, no annoyance cloaked in his voice. Only the honesty.
“To hang out,” Maru offered, yawning from his seat on the floor.
“Let’s go somewhere else. I need to get out of this building. Let’s go to the bar or something. Anywhere,” Kame pleaded, not that it was falling on deaf ears.
“Bar it is!” Koki pumped his fist in the air, finally showing some life. The rest of the group seemed to have agreed, as they began to put on their jackets once more in unison.
“I’m going to have to break from the group. I just really need some sleep,” Ueda started, emphasizing his point with a slight stretch.
“You sure?” Kame blinked, pausing from wrapping his scarf around his neck. The older man only nodded.
“I’ll see you guys later,” Ueda shuffled past the group, leaving everyone to stare at the shutting door behind him.
“That kid needs to get laid,” Koki commented absently, causing Maru’s mouth to drop and slap him across the back of his head.
“You okay?” Kame asked Junno curiously, after seeing the forlorn expression the taller man was giving in the direction of the door.
“He forgot his notebook,” was all the older man could murmur, before grabbing it off the couch and following him out.
The group watched as the tall figure left the dressing room and Maru gave Koki a smug look. “What?”
“That is the kid that needs to get laid,” Maru mimicked, earning a pair of hands slapping the back of his head.
Junno wandered through the empty hallways of the building. Apparently other groups had lives outside of the company. He paused at a dim dressing room when he heard a sharp gasp.
“Uepi, your notebook-” Junno began until he heard two pairs of shoes shuffling against the dressing room floor. He peered in through the cracked door and had to cover his mouth to muffle his surprised gasp. It was Ueda and Nikishido Ryo, who was currently being pinned to the wall. Ueda’s dark expression as he held onto Ryo’s shirt tightly caused Junno to shiver.
“You’re in love with me aren’t you?” Ryo commented offhandedly with a smirk on his face. His head rolled to the side and he waited for the other to reply.
Ueda’s jaw dropped and his grip on the other’s shirt loosened. “That’s- No.”
Ryo chuckled darkly as he fixed his shirt calmly, “I’m right aren’t I? You’re in love with me. Pathetic.” Junno was confused. Where was this all coming from? Sure, he wasn’t completely blind to their mini-feud during certain shows and appearances together, but he was certain that it was all an act. Or that Ryo was simply just a prick.
Ueda shoved him back against the wall with a stoic face. “I’m not. Don’t be so disgusting,” he sneered.
“This crush you have on me is disgusting,” Ryo replied, laughter evident in his voice. He knew that this was torturing the other man and he was enjoying it.
Instead of a verbal reply Ueda decided to resort to a harsh punch in the gut. Ryo doubled over and blindly swung his arm, catching the side of the other’s torso. Ueda stumbled back against the opposite wall and slumped against it. Sure, he was a boxer but he was unprepared with the other man.
Junno was about to walk into the room and break this fight but Ryo strode out, pausing in front of him. Although Junno was much taller than Ryo, he was speechless as the other man shot him a silencing glare. Never before had Junno felt so small.
When Ryo left, he knelt beside Ueda and was conflicted. Part of him wanted to try to say something soothing and make Ueda’s problems vanish. The other wanted to wrap his arm around his shoulders and pull him into a tight embrace. Wipe away all the feelings Ueda had for the sharped tongue Osaka man (if those statements were even true) and finally notice him. Wait. Where did that come from?
Before he had a chance to do either of these Ueda made his own choice. Snapping out of his trance, Ueda shoved the taller man and shot him a dark look. He slowly stood up and frowned at the figure sprawled on the floor below. “Stay out of my business. And if you tell anyone-”
“I won’t,” Junno said shakily below, trying to regain his composure. Never had he felt so out of place. Never before had Junno felt so small.
“Good,” Ueda didn’t bother offering a hand to help the taller man up, instead he walked towards the door. Junno watched as the other paused for a moment, obviously conflicted. “Merry Christmas.”
Junno watched as the figure disappeared from the door frame and slumped against the wall behind him. “Merry Christmas,” he murmured into the darkness.
2007: Lust
The Christmas party was held at Maru’s apartment this year, mainly because he tended to be the one who cared for the group’s hangovers the day afterwards. Junno liked Maru’s apartment. The simple decorations of hanging strings of lights and randomly placed snowglobes filled the small living room, while the six men sat around the coffee table. They took sips of their beverages (spiked, of course) leisurely and discussed simple matters going on at work. And because they had just finished rehearsal the very same morning, they all had brought along their bags filled with extra clothing so they planned on sleeping over. Ueda had even brought his guitar, which he was now strumming the cords leisurely. Junno watched the older man sitting beside him on the couch and how content he looked with that instrument.
“You should play a Christmas song,” Koki mentioned offhandedly, still attempting to make himself comfortable on the couch.
“No,” the word came out slightly jumbled, having finished his drink earlier than the rest of the group and working on his third one.
The other shrugged, knowing it to be a wise decision not to push Ueda when he was drunk.
Junno couldn’t help but grin at the warmth he felt from the smaller man sitting beside him. Occasionally their thighs would brush against each other and although Ueda seemed to never notice it, Junno’s face would always heat up. What was his problem? He shouldn’t have had these feelings for his friend. But whenever their shoulders gently bumped against each other he couldn’t help but close his eyes gently and daydream. Daydream of bare skin and soft gasps-
“Junno thinking about someone he likes,” Jin burst Junno’s bubble, smirking wickedly as the other man’s eyes snapped open and his jaw dropped.
“Where did that come from?” Junno questioned, a slight squeak in his voice.
“It’s obvious. You’ve got that stupid little smile on your face that doesn’t annoy me as much as your other stupid little smiles. Because I can tell you’re thinking about sex,” Jin took a sip of his egg nog and almost spit it out at the other’s expression. “Is it someone we know?”
Junno wanted to curl up and die when he felt all eyes on him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Ueda only looked a bit curious. “I’m not-”
“Come on! Is it someone at Johnny’s? Or a girl?” Koki prodded on, loving how uncomfortable the other was.
Junno could only look at the group with a scared expression and almost sighed aloud in relief when Jin announced that this was boring and changed the topic once more. Junno stood up slowly and made his way back into the kitchen to grab another drink, freezing slightly when he heard the slight patter of footsteps behind him.
“Is it someone we know?” Ueda repeated seriously, causing Junno to hang his head at the tone of his voice before turning around.
“No.”
“Okay then. Merry Christmas,” Ueda slurred, kissing the taller man sloppily on the corner of his mouth before stumbling back onto the couch.
Junno just rubbed the spot slowly as he remained frozen in his spot. “Merry Christmas,” he mumbled, noting that his face was probably the same shade of red as Santa’s outfit.
2008: Love
Once again, the group celebrated Christmas in Maru’s apartment. Mainly because he was the one that invited them, because also because he tended to forgive for messes in his home a lot easier than the other members.
Junno couldn’t help but allow his gaze to float around the apartment, which seemed to be carefully decorated. Figures cut out from cardboard were painted like snowmen and taped to the walls. Snowflakes made of paper hung up on the ceiling, moving slightly with the breeze. Candy canes scattered random areas in the apartment and Junno’s attention finally rested on Ueda, who was spinning one on his finger as he watched the others in the kitchen.
“Spiked egg nog?” Koki raised an eyebrow. Stupid Jin and his stupid American products.
“Not everything needs to be Christmas themed,” Ueda commented absently only be glared at not only by Jin but by Maru as well, who had spent he whole previous night decorating his apartment for this party.
“Where are the glasses?” Kame asked the oldest man, trying to advert the whining that would ensue.
Maru sighed and pulled several out from his cupboard.
A ring tone with an unfamiliar guitar solo broke through the kitchen and Ueda lifted his cell phone, only to glare at it when he saw the screen. “What the hell?!” he gritted through his teeth, his hands clenching tightly around the phone.
“What’s wrong?” Kame questioned, taking a step forward as the rest of the group watched curiously.
Ueda did not reply, rather stormed off and muttering under his breath.
Any other person would have kept their distance, let Ueda compose himself and come back to the party on his own. Any other person would have read the atmosphere and stayed away. Junno wasn’t like the others though. He needed conflicts resolved and quickly.
“Come on you guys, you can’t keep calling me the stupid one if Junno’s going to do stuff like this!” Jin’s voice followed the taller man down the hallway as he followed Ueda into the bedroom.
“Damn them,” he heard Ueda cursing on the other side of the door. When Junno walked into the room he found the older man glaring at his glowing phone. “Damn them.”
“Everything okay?” Junno asked lightly.
Ueda only gave the other his signature “are-you-kidding?” look, causing Junno to shrink in his spot. “Look at this.”
Junno walked over to the other slowly and hovered over his shoulder, looking at the slightly blurred picture on the phone. It was three people, standing in front of a very large Christmas tree. Junno recognized the parents, instantly. They were Ueda’s family. “I don’t get it.”
“My family. They went to Germany for the holidays without me again,” Ueda harshly closed his phone and sat down on the bed.
“So? You’re old enough to do what you want,” he offered.
“I know it’s just,” Ueda looked away, probably inwardly battling how foolish he sounded, “they went to Germany without me!”
“Are you having fun with us?”
“I do have fun with you guys. It’s just that I thought holidays were meant to be shared with your family,” Ueda finished sheepishly, finally exposing the observations he kept hidden for so long.
“You’ve been spending your holidays with us,” Junno patted him on the shoulder and before walking over to the wall to lean against it.
Ueda stood up and stretched slightly, now a bit exhausted by his frustration. “And I’m thankful for that-”
“It’s like we’re your family.”
“Don’t say that,” Ueda smiled darkly, taking a step in the other man’s direction.
“Why not?”
“Because incest is gross,” he finished, lunging in for a kiss.
Junno almost sighed as their lips connect, bending slightly to pull the other man into his arms. It felt as though a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders, now that he no longer had a doubt what kind of relationship he wanted with Ueda. Something more than friendship, that was certain. Yet something was nagging at him. Something forced him to pull away. “What about Ryo? Is there something going on between the two of you.”
Ueda huffed and pulled away from Junno, settling on the couch once more. “It was just a stupid remark I made when I was younger. I said he had beautiful eyes. It wasn’t a come on or anything,”
Junno nodded in agreement, not really sure of where this was going.
“I didn’t even like him or anything. But the more he snapped at me the harder I worked for his approval. Then I kissed him. I was so annoyed with him one night that I shoved him against the wall and kissed him,” he continued with an unreadable expression. “I don’t even know why. Still don’t.”
Junno could only remain silent, as an unknown emotion swarmed over him. Was this anger? Jealousy?
“It was that Christmas a couple years ago,” Ueda bit his lower lip gently as the memory played in his head. “You came into the room when Ryo and I began to fight.”
“Do you know why you kissed me?” Junno questioned in a hushed tone, afraid of the answer.
“Because you make me appreciate the relationships I have,” the older man answered honestly.
It wasn’t an ‘I love you’ but Junno was willing to take it. Walking over to the bed, he slowly straddled Ueda’s lap and pressed their lips together once more while lowering him onto the comforter.
The clothes lay in a pile at the foot of Maru’s bed, and although he knew the older man would be very annoyed by the mess, Junno was only wrapped with the sensations and murmurs that surrounded him in the form of Ueda. Never before had Junno felt the warmth he did that was covering his whole body as he felt Ueda’s lips gently kiss his jawline. Was it love? Could it be?
------------------------
Junno found himself alone on the unfamiliar bed when he awoke on Christmas morning, before he saw the figure standing next to the large window, watching the snow slowly collect on the paved street below. Ueda only wore his black boxers and Maru’s slippers that were comically too large for him. He tried to ignore the warmth that was pooling in his stomach as he saw the other. He thought for a moment that this could be something familiar to both of them.
As if he could hear his thoughts, Ueda turned his focus to the other man, almost like he knew that he was there the whole time.
This had to be the part where things got awkward. Junno held his breath and waited for the moment to pass. For Ueda to advert his gaze and walk out of the room, ignoring the night before. Instead the older man smiled widely and beckoned him over.
“Me?” Junno pointed to himself and blinked. He knew that they were they only people in the room. Still, that was not enough encouragement.
Ueda rolled his eyes and waited patiently for the taller man to walk up to him before wrapping his arms around the other’s torso. “I’m beginning to like Christmas,” he muttered into Junno’s robes.
Junno brushed hair out of his face and grinned widely. “It’s my favorite holiday.”
“I’m beginning to like Christmas because of Junno,” Ueda yawned, before turning his attention back to the scenery at the window.
The random memory of the Johnny’s Christmas banquet seven years before flashed through Junno’s head and how a holiday that practically forced them to socialized brought them close enough to friendship. And soon their relationship would develop into more. What were they now? Junno didn’t know how to define their newfound relationship. They were no longer just friends, but they weren’t only lovers.
“Merry Christmas,” the older man tore Junno from his thoughts.
“Merry Christmas,” he echoed, wondering what their relationship during the following Christmas would be like. He hoped that he would have the same warmth he had at that very moment during the cold holiday.
From: fragileday
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title: In Different Contexts
Pairing/Group: Taguchi Junnosuke/Ueda Tatsuya
Rating: PG
Warnings: Tiniest amount of violence. KAT-TUN failing at making cookies.
Notes: This space is reserved to thank my awesome beta.
Summary: For Junno, Christmas always represented a certain aspect of love.
2001: Friendship
The large banquet was filled with Christmas decorations. Colorful strands of paper chains hung loosely from the surrounding walls while the red and green lights glowed in paper lanterns dangling from the ceiling above. A bare nine-foot Christmas tree sat in the corner of the room, looking so lonely and unhappy in this room filled with chattering and laughter.
The tree looked exactly how Junno was feeling at the moment. It was the first time he went on an outing with his fellow Johnny’s boys since he auditioned not too long before. Everyone already seemed to have paired off in their own little groups, not interested in the tall, lanky boy who could only offer puns and exhibits of tap dancing. So he decided to sit alone at one of the empty tables, munching on a random dessert from the small variety on his plate. A wide grin was on his face, a sign of welcome for anyone else who wanted to join him at the empty table.
Junno didn’t know why he spotted Ueda so quickly in the mass of boys his age. Perhaps it was the blonde hair and black clothing in the sea of Christmas colors. No, it definitely had to be his expression. Junno could read it so easily. The loneliness and the hint of fear in the mass of strangers. He understood it completely. Part of him wanted to go to the other boy. Would he break the ice with a pun? Or would a simple introduction suffice?
It really didn’t matter in the end, because Junno was glued to his seat from his insecurity. Hopefully that other boy would have better luck.
Later on in the evening a deep voice called everyone to the Christmas tree and assigned each young boy a small box filled with a couple sparkling ornaments. When it was Junno’s turn to decorate the tree he gasped softly when he noted that he was right beside the blonde boy from earlier.
“Hi!” Junno waved at the other, who only smiled politely.
“I’m Tatsuya Ueda,” Ueda bowed slightly, making this encounter seem more formal than anything else. Junno suddenly felt uncomfortable.
“Hey, who’s your friend?” a new boy jogged up to the pair and wrapped his arm around Ueda’s shoulders easily. Junno was slightly jealous of how easy it was to be comfortable with him.
“This is... um...” Ueda paused and stared at the golden star that he grasped tightly in his hand.
“Oi, you forgot his name already?” the stranger hit the sitting man across the back of his head lightly and smirked when he received a large frown. “You’re terrible with names.”
“I know,” Ueda huffed, rolling his eyes slightly.
“I didn’t tell him my name. Call me Junno.”
“Junno,” he nodded, repeating the name to himself. Junno enjoyed how it sounded coming from his new friend, with a slightly breathy voice.
“Junno is such an odd nickname!” the stranger grinned widely, teasing the other boy slightly.
“Hana,” Ueda muttered, causing the unknown boy to instantly reach up and cover his nose.
“My name is Nakamaru Yuichi, but everyone calls me Maru,” he stressed his name, hoping his future coworkers and friends didn’t make it a habit of teasing him about one of his biggest attributes.
The three began to take their time decorating the tree, Junno trying to ignore the giddiness rising inside of him while they moved up from small talk to random anecdotes that lead to jokes. Ueda didn’t laugh as often as the two taller boys, but he seemed to be having a good time and that pleased Junno.
Maru soon left to get something to drink leaving the two alone at the tree. “Do you want to come over to my apartment to play some video games Uepi?” Junno found himself asking, shocked by his sudden outgoingness and by how badly he messed up his name.
“Nicknames already? You think we’re friends? It’s Tatsuya or Ueda,” the other boy said darkly.
Junno frowned widely. “Ueda,” he repeated politely, his hand moving shakily as he placed the tinsel on a stray branch. He just couldn’t describe the feelings he was having talking to this new boy. He felt nervous yet comfortable at the same time. He felt dizzy yet stable.
“You know, I was only kidding. You can give me a nick name. And I hope you have some good games, because I tend to get bored easily” Ueda grinned widely and for a moment Junno wanted nothing more than to capture the image and hang it on the tree.
He felt it would illuminate the entire building.
“Merry Christmas,” Ueda rolled his eyes, as if he was being forced to recite this by his parents, before he smiled and tossed an inexpensive ornament at the taller boy.
Junno caught it smoothly and smiled down at the glittering enlarged snowflake. “Merry Christmas,” he repeated wistfully, silently wishing for plenty of others.
2004: Crush
The fireplace in the dining room was working overtime during this time of year. Junno watched it intently while he sat in the unfamiliar home of his now friend Ueda. There was an occasional spark escaping from the log, releasing a muffled popping noise. Junno wanted to do nothing more than sit in front of it all day with his hands reaching out for the radiating heat and remain hypnotized by the dancing flames. Hopefully there would also be some body heat beside him in the form of the owner of the home.
Junno’s face instantly flushed as he looked over at Ueda. Could he consider the feelings he had for him a crush? An indescribable warmth always spread in his stomach when the older man smiled at him, or even laughed at a pun. He would constantly find himself placing his hand on the shorter boy’s shoulder as the group listened to directions from their manager without realizing he was doing it. He always wanted to put the moody boy in a slightly better mood. Was he confusing friendship with a crush?
“Where are your parents?” Kame question, running his hand across the expensive tablecloth, tracing the pattern with his finger. It was a big house and beautiful as well. Yet it seemed cold and the young boys were slightly bored inside. Didn’t big houses like these have arcades or bowling alleys inside?
“A Christmas party with some of their friends,” Ueda shrugged, drawing his knees up to his chin. Junno noted that his boots were half on the seat cushion yet the other boy didn’t care if it got dirty. He seemed nonchalant about a lot of his personal items here.
“And your sister?” Jin asked, leaning back on the back to legs of his own chair with his hand folded leisurely behind his head.
Ueda blinked, confused for a moment before glaring at the mischievous leer his friend was giving him. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business- oh.” With a glare Ueda kicked Jin’s seat causing the other boy to topple backwards on the carpeted floor beneath.
The silent room was filled with loud laughter and the whining fallen boy. Jin slowly stood up and rubbed the back of his head with a sour look on his face.
“Stupid!” Kame cried out, trying hard to muffle his fits of giggles.
“You don’t talk about a man’s sister that way,” Koki continued, before burying his face in his folded arms on the table.
“Shut up! Everyone was thinking it!” Jin stomped, earning a dark look from Ueda once more. “Fine. It was stupid.”
“What do you guys want to do?” Maru asked after he caught his breath once more. He slowly stood up from his seat and began to walk around the large dining hall, before turning his attention to the resident of the home. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m hungry,” Koki whined, resting his hand on his chin and looking at Ueda expectantly. “Do you have a personal chef here?”
Ueda shrugged. “Probably. The food is usually just on the table when I come down for dinner. I’m pretty sure my mother doesn’t cook it though.” If they did have a personal cook, they were probably taking the day off. Not only because it was a holiday but because he was the only one home.
“Let’s just go make something ourselves,” Kame offered, standing up and walking over to the door. “You should come with us to find the kitchen though. We’ll get lost.”
“My house isn’t that big,” Ueda sighed, missing the shared looks by his fellow group members. “What do you want to eat? I can’t really cook anything.”
“Cookies!” Junno exclaimed, pumping his fist into the air.
Maru playfully smacked the taller man across the back of his head. “It’s dinner time stupid.”
With an exaggerated pout, Junno turned over to Ueda, knowing that because it was his house he would end up having the final word. “It’s a holiday. We can have whatever we want today.”
“Bad influence,” Kame muttered under his breath.
“Cookies,” a small smirk spread across Ueda’s mouth.
The boys made their way into the kitchen, Ueda constantly ignoring their cries of how awesome his house was. Junno noted how he never seemed to agree with them, he would only nod along slowly. Unsurely.
“What kind of cookies are we having?” Kame asked, warming up to the idea of only having sweets for dinner. Perhaps Junno did make a point, yet the younger boy would never admit it.
Ueda shrugged and watched as his friends walked around his large kitchen.
”This is bigger than my apartment!”
“Everything is steel in here. I can see my reflection!”
“What’s the point of having two refrigerators? Do you really eat all that much?”
Ueda brushed off all these comments and questions as he searched through the finely carved wooden cabinets to find the ingredients. Before he realized that he had no idea what was really in a cookie, aside from the obvious chocolate chips.
“Do you have flour?” Junno walked over to his side and searched as well.
Ueda could only blink. “I’m not sure.”
“Come on group, it looks like we’re hunting for food!” Koki grinned, and Ueda could only widen his eyes as he watched his friends rummage through his kitchen for the ingredients to set them on the island in the center of the room. His mother would kill him if she saw this. Yet all he could really do was smile.
“Fun. I’m having fun,” Ueda murmured, piquing Junno’s attention once more as the taller boy set eggs down on the counter.
“It’s a holiday so the rule is you have to have fun,” Junno gave him a small smile.
“Really?” Ueda tore his attention off of Jin, who was attempting to set the oven but was obviously confused by all the dials and buttons.
“Of course.”
The older boy could only nod slowly before the pair was interrupted by the complaints coming from Jin (“Why can’t he have a normal oven like the rest of us?” “It’s easy, you’re just stupid.”).
The boys began to break the eggs into a large bowl and dumping unmeasured amounts of flour before the six of them realized that no one knew how to make cookies. “It shouldn’t be that hard. Come on,” Koki urged on, his stomach growling.
Kame winced when he looked down at the finished dough. There was definitely too much chocolate chips compared to the actual batter and overall, it looked lumpy. “This is going to be gross.”
“Just pour some more sugar on it. We wont even tell,” Jin proceeded to dump half the bag of sugar inside causing the room to groan in unison.
Jin was in charge of watching the cookies in the oven while the other’s got milk ready at the table. However, when Junno and Ueda came back to the kitchen they found the pair missing and smoke escaping from the oven.
Ueda gasped and grabbed the fire extinguisher in the corner of the room while Junno grabbed a towel and opened the door.
“How do I use this thing?” Ueda asked panicked, holding the red device upside down.
Junno didn’t bother trying to explain, as he quickly ripped the extinguisher from his grip and instantly shot it in the direction of the oven. Ueda could only watch in awe as the smoke slowly vanished, replaced by a tray filled with black cookies and the residue from the extinguisher covering it.
“It looks like snow,” he commented absently.
“Look you guys, I just bought cookies instead. The other ones looked terrible-” Jin walked into the room and his eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw the scenery in front of him.
“Moron! You forgot to turn off the oven!” Ueda cried out, marching over to Jin and shoving him.
“Hey, no one got hurt,” Junno attempted, placing a soothing hand on the shoulder of the seething boy. “It should be fairly easy to clean it up anyways.”
“I’ll clean it up,” Jin offered weakly, knowing he wouldn’t be able to afford to get a new oven.
Ueda only shook his head. “Someone else can take care of that and get paid for it. This is what my parents get for leaving me home alone anyways,” he said with a wicked smile, before snatching the bag of cookies in Jin’s hand and running towards the living room with the other boys.
The group stayed up late into the night, complaining about work schedules and certain members of other groups. And wondering aloud how things would be different if they debuted. What would be different.
Maru was the first one to fall asleep, snoring gently against the armrest of the extremely large couch. The rest of the members spread out around the living room to claim a space to rest.
Junno took the spot closest to another fireplace, staring at it intently once more. Today was a fun day. His group was becoming closer and working harder. He would definitely wish them luck for the new year.
Ueda sat down quietly beside him and yawned deeply. “I’m glad today happened. It was a fun way to to rebel against my parents. The holidays normally suck.”
Junno looked away from the flames and over at Ueda. “Why?”
“My holidays are usually pretty lonely. I don’t like them very much,” Ueda continued sleepily, resting his head on the other’s shoulder.
“They shouldn’t be,” he commented, ignored the redness spreading across his face.
“They should be fun,” Ueda echoed Junno’s comment from earlier. The taller boy glanced down and noticed that the other was covering them with a small blanket. He looked around the room and realized that the rest of the group was also curling up on the large couch, preparing to go to sleep. “Make sure that the future holidays will be fun as well. Merry Christmas.”
It wasn’t until the older boy was asleep when Junno could finally get his voice back. “Merry Christmas,” he managed to croak, watching the figure against him stir only slightly.
2006: Longing
The tiny Christmas tree in the corner of the dressing room looked utterly pathetic. The room was quite bare, and this small symbol of the holiday was the only reminder for the boys that there was a life outside of their career. KAT-TUN debuted that year and the group was insanely busy with photo-shoots, concerts and other appearances. Then shortly afterwards, Jin decided it was time to study English. Amidst all the chaos he just left. At first the group felt angry and betrayed. But soon their work load could only make them exhausted.
They didn’t know whose idea it was to meet at the dressing room for a small Christmas get-together but everyone was late. Aside from Junno that is, who was only staring at the tree.
“Merry Christmas!” Junno exclaimed cheerfully as the door behind him opened. For a split second, he expected to see the whole group there. Including Jin. For a split second, he believed that Jin didn’t run off to America during the holidays.
Instead he was greeted by an annoyed looking Ueda. His hair was disheveled underneath a brown wooly cap and a large pair of sunglasses were slowly sliding down his nose. “It’s next week,” he commented, as he hastily walked into the room and dropped his bag on top of the couch. Pulling off his sunglasses, he gazed around and narrowed his eyes. “Where is everyone?”
“Late. Kame is finishing some paperwork with his manager. Koki had some errands and Maru... well he’s always late,” Junno explained at a quick tempo. He watched as the other blinked and tried to soak in the information.
“I want this day to end already. When can we stop pretending we like this stupid holiday anyways?” Ueda said grumpily, sitting down beside his bag and pulling out a notebook.
Junno watched as the other absently leafed through the pages. “What’s wrong with Christmas?”
“I just think it’s stupid that we have to pretend to be happy on a holiday,” he clucked his tongue gently as a stared at a specific page.
“We always have to pretend to happy. It’s our job, remember?” Kame stormed into the dressing room in the same manner Ueda previously did.
“Merry Christmas!” Junno attempted once more, only earning getting eyes rolled at him.
“I have a photo-shoot the day after Christmas. Even after asking for that day off. What’s so merry about it?” Kame huffed, slumping in his seat beside Ueda.
Junno didn’t even bother wishing Koki or Maru a happy holiday as the two briskly walked into the dressing room, already telling from their expression that their reaction would not be any different from the others.
He frowned at the group as they sat around in the circle. They all looked so very tired. Sure, their workload was the same as it has always been, but something had changed. KAT-TUN lost their cheerleader, their fighting force, when Jin decided to go to America. He was the one who encouraged the others to work their hardest.
He would tease Maru until the older one was too annoyed to realize that he didn’t sleep the night before. He would joke around with Koki so that through their laughter they would forget that they were working at three in the morning. He would pick on Kame so the younger man would vent on him, rather than the photographer when he was grumpy. He would argue with Ueda so that the other man would forget how depressed he was that he couldn’t get the choreography quite right from the day before. He would make fun of Junno, enough so the rest of the group could join in and unite. And Junno allowed this because he was willing to sacrifice an image of coolness for the sanity of his group.
“What’s the point of doing this?” Koki questioned, no annoyance cloaked in his voice. Only the honesty.
“To hang out,” Maru offered, yawning from his seat on the floor.
“Let’s go somewhere else. I need to get out of this building. Let’s go to the bar or something. Anywhere,” Kame pleaded, not that it was falling on deaf ears.
“Bar it is!” Koki pumped his fist in the air, finally showing some life. The rest of the group seemed to have agreed, as they began to put on their jackets once more in unison.
“I’m going to have to break from the group. I just really need some sleep,” Ueda started, emphasizing his point with a slight stretch.
“You sure?” Kame blinked, pausing from wrapping his scarf around his neck. The older man only nodded.
“I’ll see you guys later,” Ueda shuffled past the group, leaving everyone to stare at the shutting door behind him.
“That kid needs to get laid,” Koki commented absently, causing Maru’s mouth to drop and slap him across the back of his head.
“You okay?” Kame asked Junno curiously, after seeing the forlorn expression the taller man was giving in the direction of the door.
“He forgot his notebook,” was all the older man could murmur, before grabbing it off the couch and following him out.
The group watched as the tall figure left the dressing room and Maru gave Koki a smug look. “What?”
“That is the kid that needs to get laid,” Maru mimicked, earning a pair of hands slapping the back of his head.
Junno wandered through the empty hallways of the building. Apparently other groups had lives outside of the company. He paused at a dim dressing room when he heard a sharp gasp.
“Uepi, your notebook-” Junno began until he heard two pairs of shoes shuffling against the dressing room floor. He peered in through the cracked door and had to cover his mouth to muffle his surprised gasp. It was Ueda and Nikishido Ryo, who was currently being pinned to the wall. Ueda’s dark expression as he held onto Ryo’s shirt tightly caused Junno to shiver.
“You’re in love with me aren’t you?” Ryo commented offhandedly with a smirk on his face. His head rolled to the side and he waited for the other to reply.
Ueda’s jaw dropped and his grip on the other’s shirt loosened. “That’s- No.”
Ryo chuckled darkly as he fixed his shirt calmly, “I’m right aren’t I? You’re in love with me. Pathetic.” Junno was confused. Where was this all coming from? Sure, he wasn’t completely blind to their mini-feud during certain shows and appearances together, but he was certain that it was all an act. Or that Ryo was simply just a prick.
Ueda shoved him back against the wall with a stoic face. “I’m not. Don’t be so disgusting,” he sneered.
“This crush you have on me is disgusting,” Ryo replied, laughter evident in his voice. He knew that this was torturing the other man and he was enjoying it.
Instead of a verbal reply Ueda decided to resort to a harsh punch in the gut. Ryo doubled over and blindly swung his arm, catching the side of the other’s torso. Ueda stumbled back against the opposite wall and slumped against it. Sure, he was a boxer but he was unprepared with the other man.
Junno was about to walk into the room and break this fight but Ryo strode out, pausing in front of him. Although Junno was much taller than Ryo, he was speechless as the other man shot him a silencing glare. Never before had Junno felt so small.
When Ryo left, he knelt beside Ueda and was conflicted. Part of him wanted to try to say something soothing and make Ueda’s problems vanish. The other wanted to wrap his arm around his shoulders and pull him into a tight embrace. Wipe away all the feelings Ueda had for the sharped tongue Osaka man (if those statements were even true) and finally notice him. Wait. Where did that come from?
Before he had a chance to do either of these Ueda made his own choice. Snapping out of his trance, Ueda shoved the taller man and shot him a dark look. He slowly stood up and frowned at the figure sprawled on the floor below. “Stay out of my business. And if you tell anyone-”
“I won’t,” Junno said shakily below, trying to regain his composure. Never had he felt so out of place. Never before had Junno felt so small.
“Good,” Ueda didn’t bother offering a hand to help the taller man up, instead he walked towards the door. Junno watched as the other paused for a moment, obviously conflicted. “Merry Christmas.”
Junno watched as the figure disappeared from the door frame and slumped against the wall behind him. “Merry Christmas,” he murmured into the darkness.
2007: Lust
The Christmas party was held at Maru’s apartment this year, mainly because he tended to be the one who cared for the group’s hangovers the day afterwards. Junno liked Maru’s apartment. The simple decorations of hanging strings of lights and randomly placed snowglobes filled the small living room, while the six men sat around the coffee table. They took sips of their beverages (spiked, of course) leisurely and discussed simple matters going on at work. And because they had just finished rehearsal the very same morning, they all had brought along their bags filled with extra clothing so they planned on sleeping over. Ueda had even brought his guitar, which he was now strumming the cords leisurely. Junno watched the older man sitting beside him on the couch and how content he looked with that instrument.
“You should play a Christmas song,” Koki mentioned offhandedly, still attempting to make himself comfortable on the couch.
“No,” the word came out slightly jumbled, having finished his drink earlier than the rest of the group and working on his third one.
The other shrugged, knowing it to be a wise decision not to push Ueda when he was drunk.
Junno couldn’t help but grin at the warmth he felt from the smaller man sitting beside him. Occasionally their thighs would brush against each other and although Ueda seemed to never notice it, Junno’s face would always heat up. What was his problem? He shouldn’t have had these feelings for his friend. But whenever their shoulders gently bumped against each other he couldn’t help but close his eyes gently and daydream. Daydream of bare skin and soft gasps-
“Junno thinking about someone he likes,” Jin burst Junno’s bubble, smirking wickedly as the other man’s eyes snapped open and his jaw dropped.
“Where did that come from?” Junno questioned, a slight squeak in his voice.
“It’s obvious. You’ve got that stupid little smile on your face that doesn’t annoy me as much as your other stupid little smiles. Because I can tell you’re thinking about sex,” Jin took a sip of his egg nog and almost spit it out at the other’s expression. “Is it someone we know?”
Junno wanted to curl up and die when he felt all eyes on him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Ueda only looked a bit curious. “I’m not-”
“Come on! Is it someone at Johnny’s? Or a girl?” Koki prodded on, loving how uncomfortable the other was.
Junno could only look at the group with a scared expression and almost sighed aloud in relief when Jin announced that this was boring and changed the topic once more. Junno stood up slowly and made his way back into the kitchen to grab another drink, freezing slightly when he heard the slight patter of footsteps behind him.
“Is it someone we know?” Ueda repeated seriously, causing Junno to hang his head at the tone of his voice before turning around.
“No.”
“Okay then. Merry Christmas,” Ueda slurred, kissing the taller man sloppily on the corner of his mouth before stumbling back onto the couch.
Junno just rubbed the spot slowly as he remained frozen in his spot. “Merry Christmas,” he mumbled, noting that his face was probably the same shade of red as Santa’s outfit.
2008: Love
Once again, the group celebrated Christmas in Maru’s apartment. Mainly because he was the one that invited them, because also because he tended to forgive for messes in his home a lot easier than the other members.
Junno couldn’t help but allow his gaze to float around the apartment, which seemed to be carefully decorated. Figures cut out from cardboard were painted like snowmen and taped to the walls. Snowflakes made of paper hung up on the ceiling, moving slightly with the breeze. Candy canes scattered random areas in the apartment and Junno’s attention finally rested on Ueda, who was spinning one on his finger as he watched the others in the kitchen.
“Spiked egg nog?” Koki raised an eyebrow. Stupid Jin and his stupid American products.
“Not everything needs to be Christmas themed,” Ueda commented absently only be glared at not only by Jin but by Maru as well, who had spent he whole previous night decorating his apartment for this party.
“Where are the glasses?” Kame asked the oldest man, trying to advert the whining that would ensue.
Maru sighed and pulled several out from his cupboard.
A ring tone with an unfamiliar guitar solo broke through the kitchen and Ueda lifted his cell phone, only to glare at it when he saw the screen. “What the hell?!” he gritted through his teeth, his hands clenching tightly around the phone.
“What’s wrong?” Kame questioned, taking a step forward as the rest of the group watched curiously.
Ueda did not reply, rather stormed off and muttering under his breath.
Any other person would have kept their distance, let Ueda compose himself and come back to the party on his own. Any other person would have read the atmosphere and stayed away. Junno wasn’t like the others though. He needed conflicts resolved and quickly.
“Come on you guys, you can’t keep calling me the stupid one if Junno’s going to do stuff like this!” Jin’s voice followed the taller man down the hallway as he followed Ueda into the bedroom.
“Damn them,” he heard Ueda cursing on the other side of the door. When Junno walked into the room he found the older man glaring at his glowing phone. “Damn them.”
“Everything okay?” Junno asked lightly.
Ueda only gave the other his signature “are-you-kidding?” look, causing Junno to shrink in his spot. “Look at this.”
Junno walked over to the other slowly and hovered over his shoulder, looking at the slightly blurred picture on the phone. It was three people, standing in front of a very large Christmas tree. Junno recognized the parents, instantly. They were Ueda’s family. “I don’t get it.”
“My family. They went to Germany for the holidays without me again,” Ueda harshly closed his phone and sat down on the bed.
“So? You’re old enough to do what you want,” he offered.
“I know it’s just,” Ueda looked away, probably inwardly battling how foolish he sounded, “they went to Germany without me!”
“Are you having fun with us?”
“I do have fun with you guys. It’s just that I thought holidays were meant to be shared with your family,” Ueda finished sheepishly, finally exposing the observations he kept hidden for so long.
“You’ve been spending your holidays with us,” Junno patted him on the shoulder and before walking over to the wall to lean against it.
Ueda stood up and stretched slightly, now a bit exhausted by his frustration. “And I’m thankful for that-”
“It’s like we’re your family.”
“Don’t say that,” Ueda smiled darkly, taking a step in the other man’s direction.
“Why not?”
“Because incest is gross,” he finished, lunging in for a kiss.
Junno almost sighed as their lips connect, bending slightly to pull the other man into his arms. It felt as though a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders, now that he no longer had a doubt what kind of relationship he wanted with Ueda. Something more than friendship, that was certain. Yet something was nagging at him. Something forced him to pull away. “What about Ryo? Is there something going on between the two of you.”
Ueda huffed and pulled away from Junno, settling on the couch once more. “It was just a stupid remark I made when I was younger. I said he had beautiful eyes. It wasn’t a come on or anything,”
Junno nodded in agreement, not really sure of where this was going.
“I didn’t even like him or anything. But the more he snapped at me the harder I worked for his approval. Then I kissed him. I was so annoyed with him one night that I shoved him against the wall and kissed him,” he continued with an unreadable expression. “I don’t even know why. Still don’t.”
Junno could only remain silent, as an unknown emotion swarmed over him. Was this anger? Jealousy?
“It was that Christmas a couple years ago,” Ueda bit his lower lip gently as the memory played in his head. “You came into the room when Ryo and I began to fight.”
“Do you know why you kissed me?” Junno questioned in a hushed tone, afraid of the answer.
“Because you make me appreciate the relationships I have,” the older man answered honestly.
It wasn’t an ‘I love you’ but Junno was willing to take it. Walking over to the bed, he slowly straddled Ueda’s lap and pressed their lips together once more while lowering him onto the comforter.
The clothes lay in a pile at the foot of Maru’s bed, and although he knew the older man would be very annoyed by the mess, Junno was only wrapped with the sensations and murmurs that surrounded him in the form of Ueda. Never before had Junno felt the warmth he did that was covering his whole body as he felt Ueda’s lips gently kiss his jawline. Was it love? Could it be?
------------------------
Junno found himself alone on the unfamiliar bed when he awoke on Christmas morning, before he saw the figure standing next to the large window, watching the snow slowly collect on the paved street below. Ueda only wore his black boxers and Maru’s slippers that were comically too large for him. He tried to ignore the warmth that was pooling in his stomach as he saw the other. He thought for a moment that this could be something familiar to both of them.
As if he could hear his thoughts, Ueda turned his focus to the other man, almost like he knew that he was there the whole time.
This had to be the part where things got awkward. Junno held his breath and waited for the moment to pass. For Ueda to advert his gaze and walk out of the room, ignoring the night before. Instead the older man smiled widely and beckoned him over.
“Me?” Junno pointed to himself and blinked. He knew that they were they only people in the room. Still, that was not enough encouragement.
Ueda rolled his eyes and waited patiently for the taller man to walk up to him before wrapping his arms around the other’s torso. “I’m beginning to like Christmas,” he muttered into Junno’s robes.
Junno brushed hair out of his face and grinned widely. “It’s my favorite holiday.”
“I’m beginning to like Christmas because of Junno,” Ueda yawned, before turning his attention back to the scenery at the window.
The random memory of the Johnny’s Christmas banquet seven years before flashed through Junno’s head and how a holiday that practically forced them to socialized brought them close enough to friendship. And soon their relationship would develop into more. What were they now? Junno didn’t know how to define their newfound relationship. They were no longer just friends, but they weren’t only lovers.
“Merry Christmas,” the older man tore Junno from his thoughts.
“Merry Christmas,” he echoed, wondering what their relationship during the following Christmas would be like. He hoped that he would have the same warmth he had at that very moment during the cold holiday.