(no subject)
Quite a bit has happened over the past few days. Once again I've been up all day, since like 10am something - it feels like I'm making significant progress on that front.
I spent quite a bit of the day texting with Alicia today, except for a lapse of four hours, when, by a mishap due to the nature of texting (some never going through at all), neither one of us thought the other was around - bummer. It snowed throughout this morning, and most of the day yesterday, thankfully it wasn't too much, though, and wasn't wet, either. I was able to get everything shoveled rather promptly.
Yesterday was one year since my Sister passed away. Oh man, it just feels weird to even write those words. ::sigh:: I've been super anxious about it for a long, long time, as I know her husband has been, as well - he mentioned it to me about a month or two ago. I really, really wasn't looking forward to the day, at all. Like... ugh, what a heck of a reality to face, oof. I started out the morning with a supportive text from Alicia, which was wonderful. I felt a bit lost during the day, it didn't help that it was the first major snowfall of the season - so, that deterred me from the idea of going out. I wanted to get some long-overdue legal and financial things taken care of with my Dad, but decided to wait until another time. Earlier on, around 2pm, Alicia asked if I'd be around at 7-7:30. Initially, I thought she might be surprising me with a visit, but she said it wasn't that - she just told me to be home. Interesting, I thought. By the time 7 rolled around, I made sure to have the front walk shoveled. I heard someone out front, looked to see who it was, and it was a dude with coming up the walk bearing a lot of items. I was a bit baffled. He handed me a receipt and asked me to sign it, at which point I asked him who he was with. He told me, then asked "Didn't you place an order?". I laughed, then he asked if someone else here ordered. I told him I didn't, but that it was in fact for me. It turns out Alicia had food sent to my house, what a sweetheart! I thought it was dinner for me, which was amazing, but then when I brought it into the kitchen, I started to understand the scope of the situation - it was a lot of food, like... a lot - like, enough for both of us to eat dinner... for, three nights. I immediately texted her to thank her, then started taking a look. It was two really large dishes - chicken Parmesan and grilled chicken and broccoli penne with garlic and oil, a large Caeser salad, a bunch of bread, cannolis, tiramisu and chocolate mousse cake - whaaat. I had no idea that restaurant even made that sort of food. I told my Dad how much food there was and when he saw, we were a bit overwhelmed, in a good way - we don't often allow ourself much choice in what we eat and like, we didn't know where to start. He kept asking me what I would "let" him eat, because he said it was "my food". I was texting a bit with Alicia, and she said we should go eat - wow, I was actually going to eat dinner with my Dad for a change. Nice! So, we did... it wasn't exactly optimal, but we made it work, we ate great food and talked, on what would otherwise be an awful, awful night. Alicia ended up bringing some real magic into our lives... it wasn't just food, it was an act done out of love, and it was a nice surprise on a day we could use one, and for us, who don't often experience nice surprises and don't have a whole lot of change in our eating routines - it was just a delight. She is undeniably, the absolute best.
Dinner was probably an hour or an hour and a half, and since we were already spending time together, I figured we should do something else nice. I was going to put on a movie, but my Dad had turned Jurassic World on, on TV, and he hadn't seen it before, so we ended up watching it together. We rarely watch movies together, so, even that in itself was nice. Just the whole day ended up going from this super shitty thing I wasn't looking forward to experiencing, to being something legitimately nice. I don't know if that would've happened without Alicia, so, huge thanks to her.
After the movie, I spoke to my Sister's husband on the phone for probably the first time this year, which is awful, in that, the year is almost over, but on the positive side, we ended up talking longer than we ever have - probably an hour and a half - about all sorts of things. I learned some things about my Sister that I don't know if I knew or not, but it reinforced how amazing she was, and just talking with him, reinforced how amazing of a person he is, as well. I'm so glad we got to spend that amount of time talking. And, thankfully he and the kids were able to have a really nice day, too. I'm hoping to see them in the spring.
Friday, after all sorts of waiting, we finally got the septic done. Thank goodness... we won't have to worry about it for a long time, now. I got some work done outside in preparation for the impending snow that was going to start the next day. To be honest, I was pretty pensive most of the day... feeling pretty meh from having experienced Ross's second birthday without him here the day before, and totally unsure and anxious how the following day would go - I was just in rough shape. It was the first time knowing I would experience two difficult anniversaries in a row, that close together. Alicia and I ended up talking for about an hour in the early evening, then my Brother called around dinner time, and I got to talk with him and the kids for quite a while. Apparently he legit doesn't eat meat on any Friday for observance reasons, except that Friday, as it was a holy feast day. Toward the end of the conversation he pointed out it was exactly 52 weeks since our Sister passed, which, I didn't really think of in that perspective before... it wasn't making me feel better about the upcoming day. Still, though, it was great to hear from him and his family.
Later at night, after running some errands, I drove by Ross's house - knowing it's been for sale, I just wanted to see it around his birthday and reflect, when I noticed there was a "Sold" sign in front of it. What a bummer, seriously. Okay, so, like many things in my life, I didn't say a thing to Ross's parents about it - but, had things been different, I would've loved to have bought that house. I've pretty much always thought that. It has so much meaning to me. It was the place to be, growing up. I have so many good memories there, so many of our friends would hang out there. I slept over there more than any other place - I think I've kind of idealized it. In my mind, it's like the perfect house for having people over. Okay, the way the house is placed on the yard I'm not a fan of, and I really don't know how much I would be able to deal with the sadness of knowing Ross is gone, but I'm still legit bummed about it. I was first in it in 1992, and last in it last year, with him. So many amazing times there... man.
Thursday would've been his 36th birthday, and it was tough. I also had the doctor's appointment that in some ways had been 30 years in the making. Alicia helped me with it quite a bit via text, just as she did during the appointment in mid-June, it was sort of full circle. I'm so glad I have her. Eventually I got called back, waited in the exam room for a while, then the doctor enlightened me to at least one thing I haven't known for three decades, which is good - but unfortunately there weren't many more answers yet after that. I'll need to follow up in a few months to see where things are at, at that point. I'm glad to at least find out the one thing, though. It was a relief to find out things weren't obviously worse as of yet.
When I got home, I decided to tackle some gnarly plumbing that's been overdue to be done for like... at least a month. I did it a completely different way than I've ever seen done before - my Dad wasn't sure about it, but thankfully trusted my instinct that I've honed having worked on things with him in the past. I took a part the kitchen sink and manually cleaned 25 feet of pipe from the top, as all of it was filled with unholy water, so doing it from underneath would've been unbelievably more unpleasant. I made surprisingly quick (albeit still very dirty) work of it, put the sink back together, and everything's working fine. Dude... it was pretty okay. Afterward, I intensely scrubbed myself, ran a few errands, then ended up talking with Alicia for about an hour after she got out of work. We've been talking like, every day recently - it's been really nice to hear her voice so much.
I spent quite a bit of the day texting with Alicia today, except for a lapse of four hours, when, by a mishap due to the nature of texting (some never going through at all), neither one of us thought the other was around - bummer. It snowed throughout this morning, and most of the day yesterday, thankfully it wasn't too much, though, and wasn't wet, either. I was able to get everything shoveled rather promptly.
Yesterday was one year since my Sister passed away. Oh man, it just feels weird to even write those words. ::sigh:: I've been super anxious about it for a long, long time, as I know her husband has been, as well - he mentioned it to me about a month or two ago. I really, really wasn't looking forward to the day, at all. Like... ugh, what a heck of a reality to face, oof. I started out the morning with a supportive text from Alicia, which was wonderful. I felt a bit lost during the day, it didn't help that it was the first major snowfall of the season - so, that deterred me from the idea of going out. I wanted to get some long-overdue legal and financial things taken care of with my Dad, but decided to wait until another time. Earlier on, around 2pm, Alicia asked if I'd be around at 7-7:30. Initially, I thought she might be surprising me with a visit, but she said it wasn't that - she just told me to be home. Interesting, I thought. By the time 7 rolled around, I made sure to have the front walk shoveled. I heard someone out front, looked to see who it was, and it was a dude with coming up the walk bearing a lot of items. I was a bit baffled. He handed me a receipt and asked me to sign it, at which point I asked him who he was with. He told me, then asked "Didn't you place an order?". I laughed, then he asked if someone else here ordered. I told him I didn't, but that it was in fact for me. It turns out Alicia had food sent to my house, what a sweetheart! I thought it was dinner for me, which was amazing, but then when I brought it into the kitchen, I started to understand the scope of the situation - it was a lot of food, like... a lot - like, enough for both of us to eat dinner... for, three nights. I immediately texted her to thank her, then started taking a look. It was two really large dishes - chicken Parmesan and grilled chicken and broccoli penne with garlic and oil, a large Caeser salad, a bunch of bread, cannolis, tiramisu and chocolate mousse cake - whaaat. I had no idea that restaurant even made that sort of food. I told my Dad how much food there was and when he saw, we were a bit overwhelmed, in a good way - we don't often allow ourself much choice in what we eat and like, we didn't know where to start. He kept asking me what I would "let" him eat, because he said it was "my food". I was texting a bit with Alicia, and she said we should go eat - wow, I was actually going to eat dinner with my Dad for a change. Nice! So, we did... it wasn't exactly optimal, but we made it work, we ate great food and talked, on what would otherwise be an awful, awful night. Alicia ended up bringing some real magic into our lives... it wasn't just food, it was an act done out of love, and it was a nice surprise on a day we could use one, and for us, who don't often experience nice surprises and don't have a whole lot of change in our eating routines - it was just a delight. She is undeniably, the absolute best.
Dinner was probably an hour or an hour and a half, and since we were already spending time together, I figured we should do something else nice. I was going to put on a movie, but my Dad had turned Jurassic World on, on TV, and he hadn't seen it before, so we ended up watching it together. We rarely watch movies together, so, even that in itself was nice. Just the whole day ended up going from this super shitty thing I wasn't looking forward to experiencing, to being something legitimately nice. I don't know if that would've happened without Alicia, so, huge thanks to her.
After the movie, I spoke to my Sister's husband on the phone for probably the first time this year, which is awful, in that, the year is almost over, but on the positive side, we ended up talking longer than we ever have - probably an hour and a half - about all sorts of things. I learned some things about my Sister that I don't know if I knew or not, but it reinforced how amazing she was, and just talking with him, reinforced how amazing of a person he is, as well. I'm so glad we got to spend that amount of time talking. And, thankfully he and the kids were able to have a really nice day, too. I'm hoping to see them in the spring.
Friday, after all sorts of waiting, we finally got the septic done. Thank goodness... we won't have to worry about it for a long time, now. I got some work done outside in preparation for the impending snow that was going to start the next day. To be honest, I was pretty pensive most of the day... feeling pretty meh from having experienced Ross's second birthday without him here the day before, and totally unsure and anxious how the following day would go - I was just in rough shape. It was the first time knowing I would experience two difficult anniversaries in a row, that close together. Alicia and I ended up talking for about an hour in the early evening, then my Brother called around dinner time, and I got to talk with him and the kids for quite a while. Apparently he legit doesn't eat meat on any Friday for observance reasons, except that Friday, as it was a holy feast day. Toward the end of the conversation he pointed out it was exactly 52 weeks since our Sister passed, which, I didn't really think of in that perspective before... it wasn't making me feel better about the upcoming day. Still, though, it was great to hear from him and his family.
Later at night, after running some errands, I drove by Ross's house - knowing it's been for sale, I just wanted to see it around his birthday and reflect, when I noticed there was a "Sold" sign in front of it. What a bummer, seriously. Okay, so, like many things in my life, I didn't say a thing to Ross's parents about it - but, had things been different, I would've loved to have bought that house. I've pretty much always thought that. It has so much meaning to me. It was the place to be, growing up. I have so many good memories there, so many of our friends would hang out there. I slept over there more than any other place - I think I've kind of idealized it. In my mind, it's like the perfect house for having people over. Okay, the way the house is placed on the yard I'm not a fan of, and I really don't know how much I would be able to deal with the sadness of knowing Ross is gone, but I'm still legit bummed about it. I was first in it in 1992, and last in it last year, with him. So many amazing times there... man.
Thursday would've been his 36th birthday, and it was tough. I also had the doctor's appointment that in some ways had been 30 years in the making. Alicia helped me with it quite a bit via text, just as she did during the appointment in mid-June, it was sort of full circle. I'm so glad I have her. Eventually I got called back, waited in the exam room for a while, then the doctor enlightened me to at least one thing I haven't known for three decades, which is good - but unfortunately there weren't many more answers yet after that. I'll need to follow up in a few months to see where things are at, at that point. I'm glad to at least find out the one thing, though. It was a relief to find out things weren't obviously worse as of yet.
When I got home, I decided to tackle some gnarly plumbing that's been overdue to be done for like... at least a month. I did it a completely different way than I've ever seen done before - my Dad wasn't sure about it, but thankfully trusted my instinct that I've honed having worked on things with him in the past. I took a part the kitchen sink and manually cleaned 25 feet of pipe from the top, as all of it was filled with unholy water, so doing it from underneath would've been unbelievably more unpleasant. I made surprisingly quick (albeit still very dirty) work of it, put the sink back together, and everything's working fine. Dude... it was pretty okay. Afterward, I intensely scrubbed myself, ran a few errands, then ended up talking with Alicia for about an hour after she got out of work. We've been talking like, every day recently - it's been really nice to hear her voice so much.