does your partner hold up these red flags?
Jealousy
Wants to be with you constantly
Accuses you of cheating all the time
Follows you around or frequently calls during the day
Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you
Controlling Behavior
Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time
Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions
Becomes extremely angry when late
Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went
Makes you ask permission to do certain things
Quick Involvement
6 months or less before living together/engaged
Claims of love at first sight
Says you are the only one who can make her/him feel this way
Pressure for commitment
Unrealistic Expectations
Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman
Very dependent for all needs
Expects you to be perfect
Says things like, I am all you need. You are all I need
Isolation
Tries to cut off all your resources
Puts down everyone you know
Friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them
Family is too controlling, don't really love you, or you are too dependent on them
Refuse to let you use car or talk on the phone
Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work
Blames Others for Problems
If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else's fault
You're at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
Blames Others for Feelings
Makes you responsible for how they feel:
You made me mad.
You're hurting me by not doing what I ask.
I can't help being angry.
You make me happy.
You control how I feel.
Hypersensitivity
Easily insulted
Sees everything as personal attacks
Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them
Totally goes off about small irritations
Looks for fights
Blows things out of proportion
Disrespectful or Cruel to Others
Punishes animals/children cruelly
Insensitive to pain and suffering
High expectations of children beyond their abilities
Tease children or younger sibling until they cry
Doesn't treat other people with respect
Playful Use of Force During Sex
Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance
Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you
Rigid Sex Roles
Believes women are inferior to men
Unable to be a whole person without a relationship
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
Sudden mood changes--like they have two different personalities
One minute nice/next minute exploding
One minute happy/next minute sad
Past Battering
You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn't that bad
Breaking or Striking Objects
Used as punishment
Breaks cherished possessions
May beat on tables with fist
Throws objects at/around/or near you
Any Force during an Argument
Physically restrains you from leaving the room
Pushes or shoves you
Questions to Ask
Are you in a relationship in which you have been physically hurt or threatened by your partner?
Are you in a relationship in which you felt you were treated badly? In what ways?
Has your partner ever destroyed things that you care about?
Has your partner ever threatened or abused your children?
Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn't want to?
What happens when you and your partner disagree?
Do you ever feel afraid of your partner?
Has your partner ever prevented you from leaving the house, seeing friends, getting a job or continuing your education?
If your partner uses drugs/alcohol, how does he act? Is he ever verbally or physically abusive?
Do you have guns in your home? Has your partner ever threatened to use them when he was angry?
Wants to be with you constantly
Accuses you of cheating all the time
Follows you around or frequently calls during the day
Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you
Controlling Behavior
Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time
Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions
Becomes extremely angry when late
Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went
Makes you ask permission to do certain things
Quick Involvement
6 months or less before living together/engaged
Claims of love at first sight
Says you are the only one who can make her/him feel this way
Pressure for commitment
Unrealistic Expectations
Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman
Very dependent for all needs
Expects you to be perfect
Says things like, I am all you need. You are all I need
Isolation
Tries to cut off all your resources
Puts down everyone you know
Friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them
Family is too controlling, don't really love you, or you are too dependent on them
Refuse to let you use car or talk on the phone
Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work
Blames Others for Problems
If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else's fault
You're at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
Blames Others for Feelings
Makes you responsible for how they feel:
You made me mad.
You're hurting me by not doing what I ask.
I can't help being angry.
You make me happy.
You control how I feel.
Hypersensitivity
Easily insulted
Sees everything as personal attacks
Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them
Totally goes off about small irritations
Looks for fights
Blows things out of proportion
Disrespectful or Cruel to Others
Punishes animals/children cruelly
Insensitive to pain and suffering
High expectations of children beyond their abilities
Tease children or younger sibling until they cry
Doesn't treat other people with respect
Playful Use of Force During Sex
Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance
Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you
Rigid Sex Roles
Believes women are inferior to men
Unable to be a whole person without a relationship
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
Sudden mood changes--like they have two different personalities
One minute nice/next minute exploding
One minute happy/next minute sad
Past Battering
You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn't that bad
Breaking or Striking Objects
Used as punishment
Breaks cherished possessions
May beat on tables with fist
Throws objects at/around/or near you
Any Force during an Argument
Physically restrains you from leaving the room
Pushes or shoves you
Questions to Ask
Are you in a relationship in which you have been physically hurt or threatened by your partner?
Are you in a relationship in which you felt you were treated badly? In what ways?
Has your partner ever destroyed things that you care about?
Has your partner ever threatened or abused your children?
Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn't want to?
What happens when you and your partner disagree?
Do you ever feel afraid of your partner?
Has your partner ever prevented you from leaving the house, seeing friends, getting a job or continuing your education?
If your partner uses drugs/alcohol, how does he act? Is he ever verbally or physically abusive?
Do you have guns in your home? Has your partner ever threatened to use them when he was angry?