what is wrong.
So last night was one if the most dramatic nights ever. I find that I am one of those people who keep everything bottled in. Everything that gets on my nerves, everything that i feel. Everything. Maybe I shouldn't, no I know that I probably shouldn't. I am just too much of a coward, or whatever... I'm just not one for confrontation. Last night I got pretty intoxicated, actually that doesn't even describe how I was. I ended up having an emotional breakdown because of all the shit that I've been going through lately, and pretty much my whole life.
First off let me just say this...I know that most of you already know, and some of you don't but let me just put it out there. Yes I am gay. I know most of you are thinking, what the hell is he posting this for, but honestly it may seem that everything is AOkay with me about being gay, but it is one of the biggest things I stuggle with. I honestly can say, I don't like being gay. I know that most of you are just gonna say, "It's ok Jeremy, be who you are, gay is OK!" but growing up the way I have, its not. I know that you all accept me, or atleast you say you do, or I hope you do, but most of the time, i don't accept myself.
I have gained so many friendships this past year, with really great people. I wouldn't trade them for the world, which would be all the more reaason for me not to be depressed I suppose, but lately I just seeing everything that I have gained with them going to shit. I don't really know where they will go, the only thing i can do is hope for the best.
I also I have come to find out that I am way to optimistic about everything. Guys, school, career, everything. I put way too much faith in people too. I try so hard to find the good in people that I forget that a lot of people are sinister assholes, or shallow, fake, whatever. I need to learn that not everyone is a friend.
I suppose I am done, I have so much more to say, but as most of you know, I'm not very good at expressing things. I heard these lyrics today which I thought were quite fitting...thanks JT.
"And it's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself
Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way"
First off let me just say this...I know that most of you already know, and some of you don't but let me just put it out there. Yes I am gay. I know most of you are thinking, what the hell is he posting this for, but honestly it may seem that everything is AOkay with me about being gay, but it is one of the biggest things I stuggle with. I honestly can say, I don't like being gay. I know that most of you are just gonna say, "It's ok Jeremy, be who you are, gay is OK!" but growing up the way I have, its not. I know that you all accept me, or atleast you say you do, or I hope you do, but most of the time, i don't accept myself.
I have gained so many friendships this past year, with really great people. I wouldn't trade them for the world, which would be all the more reaason for me not to be depressed I suppose, but lately I just seeing everything that I have gained with them going to shit. I don't really know where they will go, the only thing i can do is hope for the best.
I also I have come to find out that I am way to optimistic about everything. Guys, school, career, everything. I put way too much faith in people too. I try so hard to find the good in people that I forget that a lot of people are sinister assholes, or shallow, fake, whatever. I need to learn that not everyone is a friend.
I suppose I am done, I have so much more to say, but as most of you know, I'm not very good at expressing things. I heard these lyrics today which I thought were quite fitting...thanks JT.
"And it's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself
Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way"