LONG RANT!!! FED UP!!! TIRED!!! STRESSED!!!
My moment to rant for a minute before returning to the madness that is my life:
- I am pushing myself way to thin. I hate when people say, “I am so ‘busy’ I don’t have time for friends”. K that is bullshit, friends are so important, and you should always make time for people you care about! That may be a large part of my problem, I hate when people say that to me, and there by I NEVER say it to others, and I always seem to find time for people when they need me to be there for them.
- I have so much work to do it is not even funny, I have yet another huge term paper due on Tuesday, I have a Spanish skit due tomorrow, that I still have to revise, and study, not to mention I have to study for my THREE-DAY final exam in Spanish.
- I am studying for these god damn GRE’S, they are so hard, and I dread going to the class, which is every Tuesday for three hours, which means I have it tonight, and God knows I don’t want to go, nor do I really have the time to go, but I paid $1,200 for the class, so I feel obligated to go!
- I’m tired and stressed (hahaha that one was easy)
- I am trying to plan this trip the Rochester of the Bandits game on Friday (like I have time for that, but if I don’t do it, no one will, and it will all be left to last minute)
- I hate going home now, I miss my dog so much it hurts, and I am still not really used to the fact that he is not there anymore.
- I have three papers to write for people, the papers are not even mine, but I have this tendency not to be able to say no. I have this fear that if I say no, then that person will get pissed at me, or will not like me. My problem goes to the extent where I just let people use me, because for some fucked up reason I think then they will like me more.
- You disappointed me, and it hurt, and now that is bothering me
Ø (dramatics on that one, sorry guys, back to the real world things pissing me off)
- My IPOD will not play video anymore, and I cannot find a fucking ride to the mall to have it fixed, and I do not drive (thanks for that one dear lord, really gave me the old one/two there) so with out a ride I cannot fix it, there by it remains broken!
- I am trying to find an apartment. For some reason everyone wants to move into the damn thing, but no one wants to do anything to help find it! So there again I am stuck trying to make all the arrangements, and everyone just follows suite. Getting everyone on the same page is impossible, to the point now where I say fuck it, and go it alone, but then I want to be with my friends, maybe it is that they do not want to be with me! (hhhhmmmmm that is an interesting thought, never put it that way before, and may ponder on that for a while)
- It seems as though nothing is going right (AGAIN), when will this madness stop, ever? I am trying to get independent study with this amazing, and ingenious professor, but he is really giving me the run around, and working my ass off, I think I am going to get, if it does not kill me first.
- I graduate in twenty more days, which in its self is scary, cause that means it is time to move on to the next level, which I think I can handle, cause it seems as though going to class is quit possibly the only thing I do good!
“Failure is an expectation of life, while companionship is for the few”
Ø Ha, that is the truest statement I have ever read. Maybe it is true, maybe the ones we are supposed to be able to count on really aren’t all they are cracked up to be, maybe ‘I’ need to figure out away of avoiding these stresses. I just need to relax, I need to have that one person stand up for me, and by my side, and take my hand, and say that they are here for me through thick and thin, good and bad, and not just when they need to rant on me, or complain or need something from me. It would be nice to take the reverse mode for a while. Dramatics are in the soul, not on the lips, meaning that life is dramatic, it is what it is, and everyone needs to rant every now and again, but it is nice to have someone to rant to, non-judgmental, and just listen. Sure, you could go to therapy, though why would someone pay to rant to a person who only cares about the check that they are getting, they do not really care about you, right. Nevertheless, there in lies my true problem, I suppose. Perhaps I entrust too much in people, and count on them to much. I don’t need people for financial or materialistic things, I don’t need them to go all out for me, the only thing I need, is to know that someone cares, and to know that they are there. Words are only as good as the paper they are written on! I only need people for a bit of emotional support, and that could come mainly from the idea that my ideals on friendship are based on support. I do put a lot of trust into people, mostly because the people that I allow in my life are there and few, meaning that I don’t trust many, so when I do decide to trust you, I count on you, and when I am let down, I fall hard, REALLY HARD! (So that was interesting and heart felt, not sure really where it came from though, I guess pent up energy in the form of emotion.)
Ok well, that was a good rant, for those of you who made it to the end; I thank you for your patience! It is good to just bitch online every now and then, in fact in some slight way, I feel better, now I am going to sleep for an hour, and dream of life on an island, alone, with no one to worry about, how can one get hurt if one is alone!