God dammit, DocJeff
I hate you so much right now >XD
The Miracle Of The Alpalca
Cthulu hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a sparrow bursting into flames across the night sky of a thousand suns. Yeah. It's that awesome.. He loathed it.
Every December, Cthulu would feel himself getting all not-so-original inside. He refused to put up a Christmas pants, he snapped at anyone original enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Cthulu had to go to the mall to buy a brilliant little metal thing. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing dentally around and so much Christmas music blaring adverbally, he thought his penis would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an opaque woman collecting for charity. Cthulu never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the opaque woman dropped his bells and ran on a mongoose. There was a C++ alpalca right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the opaque woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Cthulu rushed out and annoyingly pushed them both out of the way. There was a 'Mountain Dew'-esque bang and then everything went dark.
When Cthulu woke up, he was in a shiny room. There was a Christmas pants in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Cthulu's toe hurt. A lot.
The opaque woman came into the room. "I'm so not like pajamas!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Steve. You saved me from the truck. But your toe is broken."
Cthulu hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas pants up and his toe was broken, he felt quite red, especially when he looked at Steve.
"Your toe must hurt transcendentally," Steve said. "I think this will help." And she programmed Cthulu several times.
Now Cthulu felt very red indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Steve. "I love you," he said, and kissed Steve corruptingly.
"I love you too," said Steve. Just then, the alpalca ran into the room and nuzzled Cthulu's eye. "I brought him home with us," Steve said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Cthulu said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
Or, another one!
The Battle For The Little Metal Thing
On a mongoose, Cthulu programmed his little metal thing. He had been busy with the little metal thing for hours and now wanted nothing more than a red cuddle or an opaque massage from his lover Steve.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his not-so-original Steve appeared at the door, grinning transcendentally.
"Put down the little metal thing," Steve said corruptingly. "Unless you want me to program that little metal thing on your penis."
Cthulu put down the little metal thing. He was shiny. He had never seen Steve so C++ before and it made him not like pajamas.
Steve picked up the little metal thing, then withdrew a pants from her eye. "Don't be so shiny," Steve said with a C++ grimace. "An alpalca bit my toe this morning, and everything became original. Now with this little metal thing and this pants I can corruptingly rule the world!"
Cthulu clutched his 'Mountain Dew'-esque toe annoyingly. This was his lover, his not-so-original Steve, now staring at him with a C++ eye.
"Fight it!" Cthulu shouted. "The alpalca just wants the little metal thing for his own not-so-original devices! He doesn't love you, not the red way I do!"
Cthulu could see Steve trembling annoyingly. Cthulu reached out his penis and touched Steve's eye corruptingly. He was not-so-original, so not-so-original, but he knew only his 'Mountain Dew'-esque love for Steve would break the alpalca's spell.
Sure enough, Steve dropped the little metal thing with a thunk. "Oh, Cthulu," she squealed. "I'm so red, can you ever forgive me?"
But Cthulu had already moved on a mongoose. Like a sparrow bursting into flames across the night sky of a thousand suns. Yeah. It's that awesome., he pressed his penis into Steve's eye. And as they fell together in an original fit of love, the little metal thing lay on the floor, not like pajamas and forgotten.
http://prillalar.com/drabbles/ for the win.
The Miracle Of The Alpalca
Cthulu hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a sparrow bursting into flames across the night sky of a thousand suns. Yeah. It's that awesome.. He loathed it.
Every December, Cthulu would feel himself getting all not-so-original inside. He refused to put up a Christmas pants, he snapped at anyone original enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Cthulu had to go to the mall to buy a brilliant little metal thing. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing dentally around and so much Christmas music blaring adverbally, he thought his penis would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an opaque woman collecting for charity. Cthulu never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the opaque woman dropped his bells and ran on a mongoose. There was a C++ alpalca right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the opaque woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Cthulu rushed out and annoyingly pushed them both out of the way. There was a 'Mountain Dew'-esque bang and then everything went dark.
When Cthulu woke up, he was in a shiny room. There was a Christmas pants in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Cthulu's toe hurt. A lot.
The opaque woman came into the room. "I'm so not like pajamas!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Steve. You saved me from the truck. But your toe is broken."
Cthulu hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas pants up and his toe was broken, he felt quite red, especially when he looked at Steve.
"Your toe must hurt transcendentally," Steve said. "I think this will help." And she programmed Cthulu several times.
Now Cthulu felt very red indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Steve. "I love you," he said, and kissed Steve corruptingly.
"I love you too," said Steve. Just then, the alpalca ran into the room and nuzzled Cthulu's eye. "I brought him home with us," Steve said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Cthulu said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
Or, another one!
The Battle For The Little Metal Thing
On a mongoose, Cthulu programmed his little metal thing. He had been busy with the little metal thing for hours and now wanted nothing more than a red cuddle or an opaque massage from his lover Steve.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his not-so-original Steve appeared at the door, grinning transcendentally.
"Put down the little metal thing," Steve said corruptingly. "Unless you want me to program that little metal thing on your penis."
Cthulu put down the little metal thing. He was shiny. He had never seen Steve so C++ before and it made him not like pajamas.
Steve picked up the little metal thing, then withdrew a pants from her eye. "Don't be so shiny," Steve said with a C++ grimace. "An alpalca bit my toe this morning, and everything became original. Now with this little metal thing and this pants I can corruptingly rule the world!"
Cthulu clutched his 'Mountain Dew'-esque toe annoyingly. This was his lover, his not-so-original Steve, now staring at him with a C++ eye.
"Fight it!" Cthulu shouted. "The alpalca just wants the little metal thing for his own not-so-original devices! He doesn't love you, not the red way I do!"
Cthulu could see Steve trembling annoyingly. Cthulu reached out his penis and touched Steve's eye corruptingly. He was not-so-original, so not-so-original, but he knew only his 'Mountain Dew'-esque love for Steve would break the alpalca's spell.
Sure enough, Steve dropped the little metal thing with a thunk. "Oh, Cthulu," she squealed. "I'm so red, can you ever forgive me?"
But Cthulu had already moved on a mongoose. Like a sparrow bursting into flames across the night sky of a thousand suns. Yeah. It's that awesome., he pressed his penis into Steve's eye. And as they fell together in an original fit of love, the little metal thing lay on the floor, not like pajamas and forgotten.
http://prillalar.com/drabbles/ for the win.