(no subject)
So I've been strong.
Riding down the expressway a few months ago, I saw a tow truck. Nothing special about this truck, just your standard work horse. It's cargo, however, was something I had never seen before. Latched to the rear of the tow truck was...another tow truck. Yes, the beacon of light, the savior in times of auto related distress, he too must rely on another in his own time of need. I, reading a lot into the analogy unfolding in front of me, smiled approvingly. It was almost as if the universe was saying things would be alright. That even though I am that even-tempered, cool-headed smooth operator, I don't have to be forever. There will be a time when I can lean on someone else. Until then, I keep it together, for my own sake and for theirs. One day instead of being the tower, I will be the towee.
So I've been strong.
Adopting a new mind state has put me in interesting situations. A smile to the right person gained me a smile in return, where I thought I would never receive one. Now leave it to me to read too much into this. There's a quote, in all it's eloquence, that stuck with me from my childhood: Never go down the same road twice. Advice from the big homie, Ice Cube. Truly inspiring words. I've been thinking more and more about her lately, it's irritating to say the least. Irritating because she would've done anything for me at one point. She loved me, I could say, but I don't know what that means. She said she loved me, and I guess that's the word you use to describe wanting to be with someone all the time. I've made mistakes, and I admit them, but I never admitted this one, because I didn't know I was wrong. I never gave her what she needed. I never showed her that I cared. I was a boy, at 23 years old, I was a boy. Being a man of 25, I have these urges to right all of the wrongs of my childish past, which is futile, of course, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. Maybe being out of the game for so long is beginning to get to me, and I'm just thinking about the last one to show me attention. Maybe I actually miss her. Does it matter? NO. Negative. For so many reasons, it does not. I cut contact with her for a reason, just because I'm feeling a little lonely that doesn't mean I'm going to bother with her. Honestly, I did miss that smile, that attitude. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Bah. I will not say I'm weak for her still.
So, I've been strong.
Riding down the expressway a few months ago, I saw a tow truck. Nothing special about this truck, just your standard work horse. It's cargo, however, was something I had never seen before. Latched to the rear of the tow truck was...another tow truck. Yes, the beacon of light, the savior in times of auto related distress, he too must rely on another in his own time of need. I, reading a lot into the analogy unfolding in front of me, smiled approvingly. It was almost as if the universe was saying things would be alright. That even though I am that even-tempered, cool-headed smooth operator, I don't have to be forever. There will be a time when I can lean on someone else. Until then, I keep it together, for my own sake and for theirs. One day instead of being the tower, I will be the towee.
So I've been strong.
Adopting a new mind state has put me in interesting situations. A smile to the right person gained me a smile in return, where I thought I would never receive one. Now leave it to me to read too much into this. There's a quote, in all it's eloquence, that stuck with me from my childhood: Never go down the same road twice. Advice from the big homie, Ice Cube. Truly inspiring words. I've been thinking more and more about her lately, it's irritating to say the least. Irritating because she would've done anything for me at one point. She loved me, I could say, but I don't know what that means. She said she loved me, and I guess that's the word you use to describe wanting to be with someone all the time. I've made mistakes, and I admit them, but I never admitted this one, because I didn't know I was wrong. I never gave her what she needed. I never showed her that I cared. I was a boy, at 23 years old, I was a boy. Being a man of 25, I have these urges to right all of the wrongs of my childish past, which is futile, of course, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. Maybe being out of the game for so long is beginning to get to me, and I'm just thinking about the last one to show me attention. Maybe I actually miss her. Does it matter? NO. Negative. For so many reasons, it does not. I cut contact with her for a reason, just because I'm feeling a little lonely that doesn't mean I'm going to bother with her. Honestly, I did miss that smile, that attitude. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Bah. I will not say I'm weak for her still.
So, I've been strong.