Ehem.
I've traveled all through the major social networking sites...and now I'm back home.
I miss the times when words were important. When ideas and stories and jokes were all we needed to show ourselves off. No picture galleries of us in interesting poses, or in interesting places, trying desperately to show the world that we are alive. Hoping that someone will notice how important we are.
I haven't posted anything here, because I had no need. I had disgustingly vague Myspace journal entries as an outlet, and I wondered why I never felt relieved. I wrote verses and poems, rants and drunken babble, but none of it felt complete. Now I'm home.
God have a grown. I wouldn't exactly say I've been living it up, but I have grown through my experiences. Through catching feelings for hookups, through attracting a girlfriend to whom I never gave 100%, then being depressed when she left. I've grown to the point that I know exactly what I want, and I've (finally) figured out that I don't need the band aid.
The band aid has been the thing I've been searching for since day one(day one being the day this journal came to be). Any story about any girl or any crush(read: obsession) that was written here, was a band aid solution. I wanted to feel important, I wanted to feel appreciated, I wanted to be loved, and what's the best way to gain those? A relationship. What happened when I was in a relationship? I was not content, and I didn't know why, but fuck, I was close enough. Now though...now I have done a complete 180. I don't want a relationship, at all. I want to be the best I possibly can before I even think of pursuing a significant other. Or at least partly down the road.
I feel as if we throw caution and logic to the wind when in love, never stopping to ask ourselves if we are actually the person that our lovers see us being. I've spoken with many people fresh out of relationships, and I've told them flat out...it's time to work on yourself. Get to know who you are, what you want. Be an individual, cast off the old rags of the vagabond you were. You were approval seeking and needy, you were defined by your love for someone else, it was only a matter of time before you were cut loose. I have learned by going over my exploits with a fine toothed comb how to act appropriately.
No more flying off the handle for this man.
Now this is not without it's side effects, mind you. As a result, I feel even more disconnected from people, because I have taken something so simple and made it into data, into findings, into studies...into science. I've almost stifled my emotions in order to harness them, but I believe I've gone a bit too far. Just a little bit more work to do.
I could honestly write here all night. I'm feeling that old spark again. Let's save some for later, shall we?
I miss the times when words were important. When ideas and stories and jokes were all we needed to show ourselves off. No picture galleries of us in interesting poses, or in interesting places, trying desperately to show the world that we are alive. Hoping that someone will notice how important we are.
I haven't posted anything here, because I had no need. I had disgustingly vague Myspace journal entries as an outlet, and I wondered why I never felt relieved. I wrote verses and poems, rants and drunken babble, but none of it felt complete. Now I'm home.
God have a grown. I wouldn't exactly say I've been living it up, but I have grown through my experiences. Through catching feelings for hookups, through attracting a girlfriend to whom I never gave 100%, then being depressed when she left. I've grown to the point that I know exactly what I want, and I've (finally) figured out that I don't need the band aid.
The band aid has been the thing I've been searching for since day one(day one being the day this journal came to be). Any story about any girl or any crush(read: obsession) that was written here, was a band aid solution. I wanted to feel important, I wanted to feel appreciated, I wanted to be loved, and what's the best way to gain those? A relationship. What happened when I was in a relationship? I was not content, and I didn't know why, but fuck, I was close enough. Now though...now I have done a complete 180. I don't want a relationship, at all. I want to be the best I possibly can before I even think of pursuing a significant other. Or at least partly down the road.
I feel as if we throw caution and logic to the wind when in love, never stopping to ask ourselves if we are actually the person that our lovers see us being. I've spoken with many people fresh out of relationships, and I've told them flat out...it's time to work on yourself. Get to know who you are, what you want. Be an individual, cast off the old rags of the vagabond you were. You were approval seeking and needy, you were defined by your love for someone else, it was only a matter of time before you were cut loose. I have learned by going over my exploits with a fine toothed comb how to act appropriately.
No more flying off the handle for this man.
Now this is not without it's side effects, mind you. As a result, I feel even more disconnected from people, because I have taken something so simple and made it into data, into findings, into studies...into science. I've almost stifled my emotions in order to harness them, but I believe I've gone a bit too far. Just a little bit more work to do.
I could honestly write here all night. I'm feeling that old spark again. Let's save some for later, shall we?