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[jdfrommv]

i am back after a long time and way and no reason to post i am back to this once thriving community i don't know if my friends have this anymore i don't know if anyone reads this but i just don't care sometimes you just gotta write shit down and move on ya know? been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things one of them is the fact that i never write anymore. i used to write all the time and it didn't matter what it was songs, poetry, journal entries, anything everything. right now i am bored and alone. the apartment is empty the dishes are clean the floors have been vacuumed i have showered the roommates gone a movies on and i feel just so restless or maybe anxious. i would do what i normally do which is play a game but somehow i have a pop up problem so i am getting rid of the virus problem then maybe i will tool around on the game some more but it just seems so arbitrary and unimportant to me. Also i really don't understand the day to day grind it just all seems to be a means to an end i see the same close minded unimportant people on a daily basis learn nothing new and do it all over again. i just want to have my lab have my research have the perfect girl and live my life college is supposed to be fun and exciting. personally i find it boring, intellectually challenged, filled with profs that are want to be geniuses and disgruntled because their research never worked out. everyone knows it when they see me the way i act the way i talk my mannerisms that i am bound for great things, because i will die before i fail i will do something great. so i am done sitting around in class rooms talking about shit other people did once upon a time i am ready for my time. I also feel so alone. like i don't really spend time with anyone around here cause i guess I'm just not that important to anyone. which in a fact is a little bit sad. but i guess some people must make sacrifices and i guess love/companionship is the one that i have made. i don't know if i like that though because at times it breaks me down to a point which i just cant take ya know? i just wish i just wish someone cared, i don't require much but a call a little while to hang out a stop by just to say hi. little things i guess. so i guess thanks for no calling and not caring. i guess its true you might see me in the street but you don't know me. oh well wrestling is over which is a bit disappointing but that means i have time to get in the weight room and gain some hardcore mass which i am excited about i feel really good after i beat the hell out of my body. i want to look like a sculpture of a the perfect body its going to take a while and a lot of sacrifice but i think i can do it. really thats one of the only things that satisfies me anymore. which is kinda sad in its own special way cause i used to be really passionate about a million things but i guess that lifes little routine is slowly beating me into submission and shitty things have a way of happening to me and my loves ones, (your in my heart brother forever and always) and i guess its just about enough...... oh well i guess thats enough ranting for an entry.

i am not here to be liked, nor am i here to party, i am here to become a champion, through god and sacrifice this dream shall become my destiny.