scared stiff

[jdancer87]

life is very scary and im not sure how everyone is able to handle it so well im going insane...im 18 years old why is it that people seem to forget this fact...i just want to fast forward through these next 3 years but thats impossible...the unknown is the scariest thing of all time, im afraid if things dont work out the way i want them to then i will be alone forever. I HATE BEING ALONE! i cant spend time by myself with out getting anxious or semi depressed. it doesnt need to be intimate company. anyone around spending time with me will be fine, just so im not alone with my thoughts. when alone im forced to contemplate my life thus far which even though i try leans toward the negative same as when i view my future. is it just easier to assume the worst? im not sure its why i constantly try and surround myself with people who care and love me. its not that im ok when i am with someone and i am not when without,its that when im with that person i competly vent to them which isnt cool either but i am exactly the same person so its not that. i have an extremly good sense of self awareness, so why is it that im not ok now? its not matt although it does stress me out sometimes, its not school even though i wish i werent here, and its not work even though occasionaly it makes me want to put my head through a wall, its me. its my unstable sense of whats going to happen, its my fear taking over that makes me this way. all i want in life right now is to be with the person who loves me for me and spend more time on that but life isnt allowing that to happen which blows. from now on i will just focus on myself as selfish as it seems.
good luck and goodnight all