The Creation Account
In the beginning, God created tummies. Now the tummy was formless and empty.
And God said, "Let there be lollies," and there was lollies.
God saw that the lollies were good, and the tummies did grow.
And God said, "Let there be bellies," And it was so.
Then God said, "Let the bellies produce body hair." And it was so.
The belly produced spouts and tufts of hair.
And God said, "Let there be beach weather."
And the belly had reason to be exposed, and God saw that it was good.
And God said, "Let the beach teem with living creatures, girlfriends and ice-cream"
And for some reason, somewhere along the line God created hair-clippers.
For the most part creation was pretty good.
God blessed them and said enjoy the ice cream.
The man and the woman were both naked, and they felt no shame.
The Fall of Man
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made.
He said to Jesse "Trim your body hair, you'll look hot"
Jesse seemed to remember that either God or someone on television warned against this,
but couldn't resist temptation nevertheless
So Jesse began trimming his body hair with the hair-clippers
before he knew it, all his hair was gone and he looked stupid.
He realised that previously his belly hair hid any flabby-ness.
Then the eyes of Jesse (and presumably his girlfriend when she gets back from holiday) were opened,
and Jesse realised he looked stupid; so he sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for his belly.
God cursed Jesse so that his girlfriend would laugh at him
and Jesse was banished from the beach to work on his abs and grow his hair back.
And God said, "Let there be lollies," and there was lollies.
God saw that the lollies were good, and the tummies did grow.
And God said, "Let there be bellies," And it was so.
Then God said, "Let the bellies produce body hair." And it was so.
The belly produced spouts and tufts of hair.
And God said, "Let there be beach weather."
And the belly had reason to be exposed, and God saw that it was good.
And God said, "Let the beach teem with living creatures, girlfriends and ice-cream"
And for some reason, somewhere along the line God created hair-clippers.
For the most part creation was pretty good.
God blessed them and said enjoy the ice cream.
The man and the woman were both naked, and they felt no shame.
The Fall of Man
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made.
He said to Jesse "Trim your body hair, you'll look hot"
Jesse seemed to remember that either God or someone on television warned against this,
but couldn't resist temptation nevertheless
So Jesse began trimming his body hair with the hair-clippers
before he knew it, all his hair was gone and he looked stupid.
He realised that previously his belly hair hid any flabby-ness.
Then the eyes of Jesse (and presumably his girlfriend when she gets back from holiday) were opened,
and Jesse realised he looked stupid; so he sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for his belly.
God cursed Jesse so that his girlfriend would laugh at him
and Jesse was banished from the beach to work on his abs and grow his hair back.