Times they are a changin'
I don't write in this thing nearly enough, but I guess it's not too dire since most the people I have on here hear from me one way or another. Things are getting really hectic in a slow paced way if that makes sense. There just feels like there's so much to do, so many people to tell these profound and meaningful things to to tie up any loose anything, packing, appts, document retrevial, just everything. I'm getting a little scared right now. I don't know if you could call it self-doubt or if it's just knowing I'm going to miss a lot of things about this place, this life. Marybeth will be there so that is a small amount of solice I would have not had otherwise. I think we will really have to get eachother through this really awkward transition. I just don't understand why it's coming up so hard when this is what I've said I've wanted for much too long now. The more I read about the school, the more excited I get to be a part of it. The more I focus on the fact that I will be living life in this amazing city, the more thrilled I get. The more I focus on the fact that I'm going to do this with no one but me, the more terrified things become. I'll admit it again, my mom and dad are a big part of my life and I've come to depend on that stability. I guess everyone goes through the same transition after turning 18, some people even earlier. It's normal, it's life, but there's homesickness for a reason right? It's a hard adjustment to make, and it doesn't make it too much easier with my sisters getting all crazy about me leaving, even though it's pretty cute heh. I wish daddy were coming to send me off, but he will only be going as far as the airport drop off station, which means I will probably spend a good portion of the plane ride crying my eyes out because I'm going to miss him so damn much. And just to compensate for that, I will end up crying a lot for my mom when she leaves too. I'm hoping by term's end Bran will be convinced New York is the place to be. But that's something I don't want to pressure him into, I want him to come to that conclusion on his own, otherwise he'll come for a bit and realize that it wasn't for him, it was for us. I want him to be there to be there for good, or at least a long while. Ahh well, I'm hoping once I get settled and people have lots of free time and nothing to do with it, they will consider flying their asses over to me to hang in true style. Wow, nomatter how much I pump it up it still ends up the same. I'm really going to miss it here.