I haven't lost all of my humor.
People find these amusing. I just like being utterly and unapologetically obnoxious.
I usually do these things under the influence of copious amounts of caffine, but the Franzia from last night is limiting me to water for the time being. Can I just make a recommendation right quick- Franzia's chillable red or sangria. Both are like kool-aid on steroids, and I'm pretty much in love with them equally. Yeah, it feels like my head asked for and recieved elves on loan from Santa whose only job is to punch me in the frontal lobe, but hey, kool-aid, steroids, $2/litre.
If you haven't put it together, I'm a classy bitch.
And also, I gave up on the 'no caffine, only water thing' before I finished that first paragraph.
1) Favorite object in your room?
You.
2) Have you ever smoked heroin?
I ate a ground beef omelet for breakfast yesterday. Ask me if I can afford heroin.
3) Do you own guns?
Did you get your tickets?
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
I get strawberry limeade because I am growing a vagina.
5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Probably, esp. if I had House for a doctor. He'd likely diagnose me with penisfallsoff disease or something fun like that.
6) What do you think about hot dogs?
Someone get them a dang fan already!
7) Favorite song?
"Fruit Salad" by the Wiggles. Runners up currently include all seven songs on my profile and a random assortment of mid-90's Cranberries, the Breeders, and indie chick rock. Like I said, growing vagina.
8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Mimosas.. yummmmmmmmmm.
9) Can you do push ups?
You know, one of these days I'm going to answer every bulletin question honestly and succinctly and if it doesn't blow your mind it'll leave you absolutely bored pantyless.
10) Can you do a chin up?
Like a push-up with my chin? Yes.
11) What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
During the straight ballin' days of junior high, around the rise of Master P and Mystikal, I coveted this faux-diamond crusted watch. My mother would have nothing of that.
12) Do you like blue cheese?
Never had it. I think it's because cheese with a blue hue sounds like something you throw out of the fridge, not put on your hot wings.
13) Ever been in a car wreck?
Twice in a month when I got the Ocho, the new Lancer. I think it's because they were too busy thinking, "dang, papi, that car is muey calienta, holmes". Oh, mexican'ts...
16) Middle name?
Michael.
Love the bible much, parents?
17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
-Holy shit, I'm going to Deridder, Memphis, and Chicago in a little over two weeks
-Is it bad that I'm this excited about authentic Memphis barbeque and Chicago deepdish pizza? Nah, I'm just a fattie, but it's cool, I'll just jog more.
-If I get stuck in the snow, could I make an igloo? I bet my ancestors could. I really need to work on being more Native American, but it's not as easy as those Irish. Geez, all they have to do is drink. Ok, this is sounding like a Family Guy monologue.
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday
-Edamame
-Sapporo Light
-Franzia!
20) Current worry?
How to make a dish out of this elephant-sized can of baked beans I bought a few years ago. I don't throw food away. There are starving kids in my kitchen.
21) Current hate right now?
Those people who incorporate their significant other into every bulletin question, even when it has no connection to them whatsoever. Can I just take a second to address this with something I wrote a few weeks back? Ok, good, let's call this halftime. Scroll the Budweiser commercials.
Everyone has those 34 friends or so who are madly infatuated with their spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, neighbor, or kid who sits next to them in AA or kindergarden story-telling circle, and you must know about it. But really, how much can we really grasp from one, two, or four mentions of this person in a MySpace survey? Not much. That's why it's imperative that 70-90% of your responses lay some mention to them.
Let's view some examples using Elmo as our stand-in boyfriend:
-How's your day going so far?
Pretty swell.
Elmo didn't kick me out of the bed again! :) Grief!
-If you had a Brewster's Millions, how would you spend it?
I'd get the parents out of the Houma Highrise and then buy an island with Elmo bc I <3333333333 himmmm and wanna liv wit him faeva!!1!
-If you could spend the day with MacGuyver, what would you do?
Let him fashion an engagement ring that Elmo can give me because we've been 2getha for 8 months next week and that's like 6 years, really.
-Have you ever gone upside someone's head in the past 3 months?
Idk, my bff Elmo!@
-What was the wildly popular red must-have Christmas gift in 1996?
Gigapets?
Done. Soapbox over and out.
23) How did you bring in the New Year?
Sober, listening to Amanda's rationale for redheads mating to save their species. Coincidentally, that night marked the beginning of her falling in love with a dark-haired Native American. Take that, gingers.
24) Where would you like to be right now?
Illinois with Elena and Eric and Stacy and deepdish pizza.
25) Name three people who will complete this?
Complete it? You should get a tropy and Cici's Pizza gift certificate for even reading down this much.
26) Do you own slippers?
Big fuzzy black ones that I have actually worn to class. Yes, I was "that guy".
27) What's your favorite shirt?
The one that Barack is going to take off my back to give to people who don't want to work (they just want to bang on the drum all day).
28) Do you sleep on satin sheets?
The funny thing is, I can't decide if that's uber 60's pimp or uber gay.
29) Can you whistle?
Only while I twerk.
30) Double stuffed or regular oreos?
The only candy satan gives out on Halloween --> oreos.
31) Would you be a pirate?
I already am- guh, I'm always on the hunt fa booty, fa sho.
Sometimes, I really shouldn't talk.
32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever classic rock is playing on the radio at the time. I really am that southern. I wore wife-beaters as an early teen.
33) Favorite girl's name?
Ask Tiana or Cherie. They're like cute-baby-naming machines.
34) Favorite boy's name?
Jacob Michael Trosclar. Name your son that.
Or Luke (see, Bev, I kinda mentioned you!)
35) What's in your pocket?
One hand, and the other one is givin' a high-five.
36) Last thing that made you laugh?
That painfully lame pirate joke a few lines back.
37) Best bed sheets as a child?
NFL, definitely. I had to have the Saints and the Cowboys at the head of the bed or the world was just not right.
38 Worst injury you've ever had?
I shot myself in the hand with an arrow when I was eight. I know, I know, I bled irony.
39) Do you love where you live?
I wore beach clothes on Wednesday.
It snowed on Thursday, Someone put this weather on lithium already!
40) How many TVs do you have in your house?
Three, and I live in a one-bedroom apartment. That bad.
41) Who is your loudest friend?
Does family count? I don't know how Joseph hasn't been banned from Terrebonne Parish libraries : )
42) How many dogs do you have?
None. I refuse to become the old dog bachelor just yet.
43) Does someone have a crush on you?
If they do, keep them away from Easter eggs because they sure can hide things well.
46) What is your favorite candy?
You know those pastel mints that old people eat? Those. I'm seriously not kidding. I could eat them by the bag.
47) Favorite College Football team?
My alma mater, LSU!!! I delete people who dislike LSU from my friends list. If you don't believe me, ask Lindsey Cook about this bulletin.
48)Where do you want to travel to?
Where ever Rachel McAdams is. You know, to shoot the breeze, crack some jokes, ask her to marry me, etc.
49) What were you doing at 12:00am last night?
Watching Aqua Teen and telling myself that losing 15 minutes of sleep is really ok.
50) What was the first thing you did this morning?
Skip breakfast for another 15 minutes of sleep.
..and back I go to the land of Bjork, College Bowl Pick'em, and varieties of solitaire..
I usually do these things under the influence of copious amounts of caffine, but the Franzia from last night is limiting me to water for the time being. Can I just make a recommendation right quick- Franzia's chillable red or sangria. Both are like kool-aid on steroids, and I'm pretty much in love with them equally. Yeah, it feels like my head asked for and recieved elves on loan from Santa whose only job is to punch me in the frontal lobe, but hey, kool-aid, steroids, $2/litre.
If you haven't put it together, I'm a classy bitch.
And also, I gave up on the 'no caffine, only water thing' before I finished that first paragraph.
1) Favorite object in your room?
You.
2) Have you ever smoked heroin?
I ate a ground beef omelet for breakfast yesterday. Ask me if I can afford heroin.
3) Do you own guns?
Did you get your tickets?
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
I get strawberry limeade because I am growing a vagina.
5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Probably, esp. if I had House for a doctor. He'd likely diagnose me with penisfallsoff disease or something fun like that.
6) What do you think about hot dogs?
Someone get them a dang fan already!
7) Favorite song?
"Fruit Salad" by the Wiggles. Runners up currently include all seven songs on my profile and a random assortment of mid-90's Cranberries, the Breeders, and indie chick rock. Like I said, growing vagina.
8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Mimosas.. yummmmmmmmmm.
9) Can you do push ups?
You know, one of these days I'm going to answer every bulletin question honestly and succinctly and if it doesn't blow your mind it'll leave you absolutely bored pantyless.
10) Can you do a chin up?
Like a push-up with my chin? Yes.
11) What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
During the straight ballin' days of junior high, around the rise of Master P and Mystikal, I coveted this faux-diamond crusted watch. My mother would have nothing of that.
12) Do you like blue cheese?
Never had it. I think it's because cheese with a blue hue sounds like something you throw out of the fridge, not put on your hot wings.
13) Ever been in a car wreck?
Twice in a month when I got the Ocho, the new Lancer. I think it's because they were too busy thinking, "dang, papi, that car is muey calienta, holmes". Oh, mexican'ts...
16) Middle name?
Michael.
Love the bible much, parents?
17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
-Holy shit, I'm going to Deridder, Memphis, and Chicago in a little over two weeks
-Is it bad that I'm this excited about authentic Memphis barbeque and Chicago deepdish pizza? Nah, I'm just a fattie, but it's cool, I'll just jog more.
-If I get stuck in the snow, could I make an igloo? I bet my ancestors could. I really need to work on being more Native American, but it's not as easy as those Irish. Geez, all they have to do is drink. Ok, this is sounding like a Family Guy monologue.
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday
-Edamame
-Sapporo Light
-Franzia!
20) Current worry?
How to make a dish out of this elephant-sized can of baked beans I bought a few years ago. I don't throw food away. There are starving kids in my kitchen.
21) Current hate right now?
Those people who incorporate their significant other into every bulletin question, even when it has no connection to them whatsoever. Can I just take a second to address this with something I wrote a few weeks back? Ok, good, let's call this halftime. Scroll the Budweiser commercials.
Everyone has those 34 friends or so who are madly infatuated with their spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, neighbor, or kid who sits next to them in AA or kindergarden story-telling circle, and you must know about it. But really, how much can we really grasp from one, two, or four mentions of this person in a MySpace survey? Not much. That's why it's imperative that 70-90% of your responses lay some mention to them.
Let's view some examples using Elmo as our stand-in boyfriend:
-How's your day going so far?
Pretty swell.
Elmo didn't kick me out of the bed again! :) Grief!
-If you had a Brewster's Millions, how would you spend it?
I'd get the parents out of the Houma Highrise and then buy an island with Elmo bc I <3333333333 himmmm and wanna liv wit him faeva!!1!
-If you could spend the day with MacGuyver, what would you do?
Let him fashion an engagement ring that Elmo can give me because we've been 2getha for 8 months next week and that's like 6 years, really.
-Have you ever gone upside someone's head in the past 3 months?
Idk, my bff Elmo!@
-What was the wildly popular red must-have Christmas gift in 1996?
Gigapets?
Done. Soapbox over and out.
23) How did you bring in the New Year?
Sober, listening to Amanda's rationale for redheads mating to save their species. Coincidentally, that night marked the beginning of her falling in love with a dark-haired Native American. Take that, gingers.
24) Where would you like to be right now?
Illinois with Elena and Eric and Stacy and deepdish pizza.
25) Name three people who will complete this?
Complete it? You should get a tropy and Cici's Pizza gift certificate for even reading down this much.
26) Do you own slippers?
Big fuzzy black ones that I have actually worn to class. Yes, I was "that guy".
27) What's your favorite shirt?
The one that Barack is going to take off my back to give to people who don't want to work (they just want to bang on the drum all day).
28) Do you sleep on satin sheets?
The funny thing is, I can't decide if that's uber 60's pimp or uber gay.
29) Can you whistle?
Only while I twerk.
30) Double stuffed or regular oreos?
The only candy satan gives out on Halloween --> oreos.
31) Would you be a pirate?
I already am- guh, I'm always on the hunt fa booty, fa sho.
Sometimes, I really shouldn't talk.
32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever classic rock is playing on the radio at the time. I really am that southern. I wore wife-beaters as an early teen.
33) Favorite girl's name?
Ask Tiana or Cherie. They're like cute-baby-naming machines.
34) Favorite boy's name?
Jacob Michael Trosclar. Name your son that.
Or Luke (see, Bev, I kinda mentioned you!)
35) What's in your pocket?
One hand, and the other one is givin' a high-five.
36) Last thing that made you laugh?
That painfully lame pirate joke a few lines back.
37) Best bed sheets as a child?
NFL, definitely. I had to have the Saints and the Cowboys at the head of the bed or the world was just not right.
38 Worst injury you've ever had?
I shot myself in the hand with an arrow when I was eight. I know, I know, I bled irony.
39) Do you love where you live?
I wore beach clothes on Wednesday.
It snowed on Thursday, Someone put this weather on lithium already!
40) How many TVs do you have in your house?
Three, and I live in a one-bedroom apartment. That bad.
41) Who is your loudest friend?
Does family count? I don't know how Joseph hasn't been banned from Terrebonne Parish libraries : )
42) How many dogs do you have?
None. I refuse to become the old dog bachelor just yet.
43) Does someone have a crush on you?
If they do, keep them away from Easter eggs because they sure can hide things well.
46) What is your favorite candy?
You know those pastel mints that old people eat? Those. I'm seriously not kidding. I could eat them by the bag.
47) Favorite College Football team?
My alma mater, LSU!!! I delete people who dislike LSU from my friends list. If you don't believe me, ask Lindsey Cook about this bulletin.
48)Where do you want to travel to?
Where ever Rachel McAdams is. You know, to shoot the breeze, crack some jokes, ask her to marry me, etc.
49) What were you doing at 12:00am last night?
Watching Aqua Teen and telling myself that losing 15 minutes of sleep is really ok.
50) What was the first thing you did this morning?
Skip breakfast for another 15 minutes of sleep.
..and back I go to the land of Bjork, College Bowl Pick'em, and varieties of solitaire..