Rattling around in my head
Got a lot of things going on in my head right now. Things bouncing all around. Should I shouldn't I, could I couldn't I. Small fragments slowly driving me insane with wondering. I have the words they're just not in the right order, its just not the right time. Trying to re-learn a part of life after cutting myself off from it for so long. Finding myself attracted to someone/something and not really knowing what to do about it or if I even really want to pursue it, or even say anything, if its even real.
That's pretty much a whole new deal, it was never like that before. I'm not sure I like this new awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach, the bubbling in my chest, this lightness in my head. I'm practical, logical, and analytical but on the other hand dreamy, illogical, and flighty. I feel crazed, as if reality is just a bit out of sight, caught by the lens of my mind's eye in soft focus.
I'm not even sure if its worth it, there are a ton of extenuating circumstances and I'm not even sure if this is just me seeing something that's not even there. I find myself thinking of things to say and never saying them when usually its the first thing to come out of my mouth. "Tongue tied and shy" is the perfect way to describe it. I've never been the one to blush and standby, I've always been the one in your face, cracking jokes and telling it "like it is". The funny thing is I'm still like that with everything else just not this facet of my life.
I have decided I have got to do something, say something or I'll slowly drive myself insane. When, where, how and what are all up for grabs.