I am so utterly confused...
*sigh* why do I always have to be on an emotional rollar coaster?? Last night at youth group I was feeling pretty good. Until Paola, who sat next to me, broke down sobbing to another girl. Then she ran out of the sanctuary. For the next 15 minutes I was worried and depressed.
She finally came back, but by then I was feeling sad anyway...
When we went back to worship, Paola moved across the room to sit by her other friends. I’ll admit...that did bother me...but I tried to let it go. The first song came up with...a waterfall as the powerpoint background.
Water....reminded me of tears.
The words that went through my head. “And the rain streaming down to take place of the tears...” I started to cry.
“Aloneliness...to be alone but not lonely....” <--those are from Mysta’s poem, Aloneliness...and they were the words that made me cry harder.
I glanced up and saw Paola looking at me. I don’t know what was going through my head but I was breaking.
A minute later, Paola ran over to me and hugged me, then grabbed my hand and led me to the stairs at the back of the stage. “Okay, what’s going on?” she asked.
I told her a bunch of stuff. Something in my throat really hurts and might be displaced...that I’ve been lonely, rejected, depressed...etc.
And then she said. “I know exactly what you’re talking about.” She shared that she’s been feeling the same way...plus other things. I was shocked. I mean, she has so many friends, yet she still feels lonely??
So, we prayed for each other and “us”. I...I wish I could say that I’m fine....but that would just add to my fake life. I need help. I need God’s help. I haven’t been turning to Him..I’ve been running away...as usual.
But that is still one reminder that, He still cares...about us.
She finally came back, but by then I was feeling sad anyway...
When we went back to worship, Paola moved across the room to sit by her other friends. I’ll admit...that did bother me...but I tried to let it go. The first song came up with...a waterfall as the powerpoint background.
Water....reminded me of tears.
The words that went through my head. “And the rain streaming down to take place of the tears...” I started to cry.
“Aloneliness...to be alone but not lonely....” <--those are from Mysta’s poem, Aloneliness...and they were the words that made me cry harder.
I glanced up and saw Paola looking at me. I don’t know what was going through my head but I was breaking.
A minute later, Paola ran over to me and hugged me, then grabbed my hand and led me to the stairs at the back of the stage. “Okay, what’s going on?” she asked.
I told her a bunch of stuff. Something in my throat really hurts and might be displaced...that I’ve been lonely, rejected, depressed...etc.
And then she said. “I know exactly what you’re talking about.” She shared that she’s been feeling the same way...plus other things. I was shocked. I mean, she has so many friends, yet she still feels lonely??
So, we prayed for each other and “us”. I...I wish I could say that I’m fine....but that would just add to my fake life. I need help. I need God’s help. I haven’t been turning to Him..I’ve been running away...as usual.
But that is still one reminder that, He still cares...about us.