Growing up...
Growing up...
So I did I similar blog to this the other day, but I double posted it, so i tried to delete one, but apparrently they both went away...and so I'm going to try this again...although I dont totally remember what I said. whatever.
So yesterday I turned 24. 24? In some ways that seems kinda old. In other ways I still feel like a kid cuz many of my friends are a couple years older than I am. Thats the thing, as long as we're alive, I'll always be younger and never catch up to them. That doesn't bother me though. It is what it is.
When I was a kid and even a teenager I sometimes had trouble sleeping at night. Once in awhile in those times I would close my eyes and try to imagine where I would be in 10 years. I'd try to imagine what I'd be doing for a job, and where I'd be living. Did I have a girlfriend? A wife? Kids?
I'm trying to remember what I would have thought that I would be like in ten years, ten years ago (when I was 14...'lil confusing maybe). Hmmm. That summer was the summer before I went into highschool. I was kinda obsessed with soccer. I listened to cheesy mtv pop music and several months later i would try to start dressing "preppy". I had dreams of becoming a pro soccer player and playing in the world cup, and i was serious about that. In case that didn't work out, I'd go to college for business or something like that...much like my dad. He worked with people all over the world, and that appealed to me. Other cultures have interested me for quite some time.
Back then my goal was to get married at around 20-22 and so by now I should be married, have a good job, and maybe a kid or two. Things don't always turn out like you might expect! I don't think 10 years ago I would have believed you if you told me that I'd have dreadlocks, a beard, l'd be living in one of the very worst cities in the country pursuing ideals of urban agriculture, and working 2 days a week removing junk from peoples homes to pay the bills. I wouldn't have believed that most of my food came from either the dumpster or the food bank. I wouldn't believe that I would ride a bike instead of driving a car. I would have been really sad if you told me that I'd still be single. So I guess that I didn't meet my dreams and expectations that I laid out years ago.
Its funny when I look at my friends from highschool and what they're doing now. Many are "successful" and have acheived most of their dreams. Most of them are done with college by now. Most have decent jobs, or at the least permanent jobs. Many have a house and cars and gizmos and gadgets and all those things of the American dream or whatever. Many are married. Many have kids.
In many ways I'm glad that I haven't exactly had much "success" with the ladies. Its taught me so many lessons about God and about life. Its also kept me free to experience so much. Hopefully if I do meet someone that is authenically suitable to be my other half, I now will have the maturity (especially emotionally) to actually pursue a healthy and mature adult relationship. I feel like I have a much better understanding of what I'm looking for now. And besides, I know so many great people my age...2 years older...5 years older...20 years older than me that are still single and doing quite well. Also, I may be poor, but I dont have any debt. For that I am thankful. I've never really been in need. I'm not a wage slave, with leases and rent and a wife, or ex-wives, kids, child support, insurance and all those things (some of them are good, and some I hope to avoid forever!) If I want to go somewhere, I go. I've gotten to go to almost all of the states now and meet some of the best people this world has to offer. I'm sure there may still be some great ones out there, but Im eternally grateful for the incredible people who have become family to me...scattered all over the country, but mostly concentrated in Michigan and Minneapolis. I've exceeded my dreams in many ways and done things far cooler and stranger than I ever imagined. I'm glad things dont turn out quite like we expect some times. I dont envy my highschool friends at all, though I dont look down on them neither. hopefully theyre happy with where they're at.
And I do hope to settle down one day. I have some of the ethics of a nomad, but I highly romantacize the ethics of a farmer. I want to be connected to people. I want to be connected to place. I want to be connected to the land that I live on and I want to work it so that it can sustain me and those whom I love. I want a wife eventually. I want kids. I want to hopefully leave behind some sort of legacy besides just traveling around and doing all sorts of neat things. Thats great, but thats not my hearts desire for the rest of my life
Life is a crazy journey, and its been an enjoyable ride. I've been in a dark desert of confusion and obscurity for going on two years, but that doesnt mean that I havent learned a ton or had a lot of really bright spots. Its been really up and down, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Its been really hard and sometimes depressing and borderline unbearable, but it has given me a certain measure of wisdom and understanding that I wouldn't have other wise.
In continuing the tradition...I'm closing my eyes and trying to imagine what I will look like in ten years. 34. Will I have a stable job? Will I have a house? Will I be Married? Will I have kids? Will I sell out from all my ideals and radical dreams and visions, or will they come full circle and become a reality? Who knows? not I? Onward in the journey called life. Onward.
So I did I similar blog to this the other day, but I double posted it, so i tried to delete one, but apparrently they both went away...and so I'm going to try this again...although I dont totally remember what I said. whatever.
So yesterday I turned 24. 24? In some ways that seems kinda old. In other ways I still feel like a kid cuz many of my friends are a couple years older than I am. Thats the thing, as long as we're alive, I'll always be younger and never catch up to them. That doesn't bother me though. It is what it is.
When I was a kid and even a teenager I sometimes had trouble sleeping at night. Once in awhile in those times I would close my eyes and try to imagine where I would be in 10 years. I'd try to imagine what I'd be doing for a job, and where I'd be living. Did I have a girlfriend? A wife? Kids?
I'm trying to remember what I would have thought that I would be like in ten years, ten years ago (when I was 14...'lil confusing maybe). Hmmm. That summer was the summer before I went into highschool. I was kinda obsessed with soccer. I listened to cheesy mtv pop music and several months later i would try to start dressing "preppy". I had dreams of becoming a pro soccer player and playing in the world cup, and i was serious about that. In case that didn't work out, I'd go to college for business or something like that...much like my dad. He worked with people all over the world, and that appealed to me. Other cultures have interested me for quite some time.
Back then my goal was to get married at around 20-22 and so by now I should be married, have a good job, and maybe a kid or two. Things don't always turn out like you might expect! I don't think 10 years ago I would have believed you if you told me that I'd have dreadlocks, a beard, l'd be living in one of the very worst cities in the country pursuing ideals of urban agriculture, and working 2 days a week removing junk from peoples homes to pay the bills. I wouldn't have believed that most of my food came from either the dumpster or the food bank. I wouldn't believe that I would ride a bike instead of driving a car. I would have been really sad if you told me that I'd still be single. So I guess that I didn't meet my dreams and expectations that I laid out years ago.
Its funny when I look at my friends from highschool and what they're doing now. Many are "successful" and have acheived most of their dreams. Most of them are done with college by now. Most have decent jobs, or at the least permanent jobs. Many have a house and cars and gizmos and gadgets and all those things of the American dream or whatever. Many are married. Many have kids.
In many ways I'm glad that I haven't exactly had much "success" with the ladies. Its taught me so many lessons about God and about life. Its also kept me free to experience so much. Hopefully if I do meet someone that is authenically suitable to be my other half, I now will have the maturity (especially emotionally) to actually pursue a healthy and mature adult relationship. I feel like I have a much better understanding of what I'm looking for now. And besides, I know so many great people my age...2 years older...5 years older...20 years older than me that are still single and doing quite well. Also, I may be poor, but I dont have any debt. For that I am thankful. I've never really been in need. I'm not a wage slave, with leases and rent and a wife, or ex-wives, kids, child support, insurance and all those things (some of them are good, and some I hope to avoid forever!) If I want to go somewhere, I go. I've gotten to go to almost all of the states now and meet some of the best people this world has to offer. I'm sure there may still be some great ones out there, but Im eternally grateful for the incredible people who have become family to me...scattered all over the country, but mostly concentrated in Michigan and Minneapolis. I've exceeded my dreams in many ways and done things far cooler and stranger than I ever imagined. I'm glad things dont turn out quite like we expect some times. I dont envy my highschool friends at all, though I dont look down on them neither. hopefully theyre happy with where they're at.
And I do hope to settle down one day. I have some of the ethics of a nomad, but I highly romantacize the ethics of a farmer. I want to be connected to people. I want to be connected to place. I want to be connected to the land that I live on and I want to work it so that it can sustain me and those whom I love. I want a wife eventually. I want kids. I want to hopefully leave behind some sort of legacy besides just traveling around and doing all sorts of neat things. Thats great, but thats not my hearts desire for the rest of my life
Life is a crazy journey, and its been an enjoyable ride. I've been in a dark desert of confusion and obscurity for going on two years, but that doesnt mean that I havent learned a ton or had a lot of really bright spots. Its been really up and down, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Its been really hard and sometimes depressing and borderline unbearable, but it has given me a certain measure of wisdom and understanding that I wouldn't have other wise.
In continuing the tradition...I'm closing my eyes and trying to imagine what I will look like in ten years. 34. Will I have a stable job? Will I have a house? Will I be Married? Will I have kids? Will I sell out from all my ideals and radical dreams and visions, or will they come full circle and become a reality? Who knows? not I? Onward in the journey called life. Onward.