(no subject)
I feel like things are so torn.... I love being home and seeing all my friends, but the madness of my household makes me miss living in a dorm room. I feel like when I'm away I'm consistently more happy with the life I made for myself, but here I am only happy when i am anywhere but my house.
The "family" I returned to is no family at all. We all exist under one roof. One who's miserable and wants everyone else to be, another who doesn't have a care in the world besides his own wants and desires, another who seems to only find satisfaction in visiting the bar numerous times a week and spending time with the "woman". People may say he's lonely and needs a companion, but he's the one who joined a dating service 3 months after she was gone, and he's teh one who took off his wedding band only after about teh smae time... then in all of this, where do I fit in? Honestly, I feel like a hypocrit for doing this, since I can't stand the lonely attention seeking people who consume their lives with needing attentiuon from others. But in all honesty, I don't know how else to talk about it, or let alone try to get feedback.
I try to talk about it, and I feel I am without words and can never truly speak what i intend to say. I wish I could be solely on my own... without the worries and complaints of these people.
Things were going downhill for a while, but in all honesty, the day my mom died was the day my family died as well. I just hope that I can one day feel a similar love that my mom made me feel. Not a day goes by that I think of her, and get angry and upset with teh situation that happend. Why my mom? She had just gotten apromotion, she was doing well, I had the best relationship with her, and then she got sick. I hate cancer, I hate doctors, I hate treatments. I hate what they all did to her and to my family. I hate that stuipid oncologists who said it was my fault my mom almost died the day she was rushed to teh hospital with blood clotts. I hate that she will never be able to fullfill her dreams of seeing all of her kids graduate, or that she will never play with her grandkids. I don't ever want my kids to call some other woman "grandma" or "nanny". I hate that she's gone.
The "family" I returned to is no family at all. We all exist under one roof. One who's miserable and wants everyone else to be, another who doesn't have a care in the world besides his own wants and desires, another who seems to only find satisfaction in visiting the bar numerous times a week and spending time with the "woman". People may say he's lonely and needs a companion, but he's the one who joined a dating service 3 months after she was gone, and he's teh one who took off his wedding band only after about teh smae time... then in all of this, where do I fit in? Honestly, I feel like a hypocrit for doing this, since I can't stand the lonely attention seeking people who consume their lives with needing attentiuon from others. But in all honesty, I don't know how else to talk about it, or let alone try to get feedback.
I try to talk about it, and I feel I am without words and can never truly speak what i intend to say. I wish I could be solely on my own... without the worries and complaints of these people.
Things were going downhill for a while, but in all honesty, the day my mom died was the day my family died as well. I just hope that I can one day feel a similar love that my mom made me feel. Not a day goes by that I think of her, and get angry and upset with teh situation that happend. Why my mom? She had just gotten apromotion, she was doing well, I had the best relationship with her, and then she got sick. I hate cancer, I hate doctors, I hate treatments. I hate what they all did to her and to my family. I hate that stuipid oncologists who said it was my fault my mom almost died the day she was rushed to teh hospital with blood clotts. I hate that she will never be able to fullfill her dreams of seeing all of her kids graduate, or that she will never play with her grandkids. I don't ever want my kids to call some other woman "grandma" or "nanny". I hate that she's gone.