"Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 15] Fin.

[jcapzona]

Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 15]

Author: JCapzona

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Callie/Arizona

Disclaimer: All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

Summary: The beginning of the end. [Part B]. “B” for “the Beginning”.

Author’s Note: It’s been a long run…and I mean a really, REALLY, long run. I had an amazing time writing this and this ending is one that I’ve had running through my mind since the introduction of Nadia. For those of you who also write, you’ll know the amount of hours that is poured into every chapter, which takes approximately six hours to muster up and only offers ten minutes of a read…so I just wanted to dedicate this last chapter to all the hardworking fanfickers out there who spend eons typing and typing just so we have something to entertain ourselves with. And also, to the loyal readers, who avidly followed each chapter with frenzy, thank you guys for pushing me to update (some even threatening me to do so)…because when I update for you guys, I update for myself, as I am forced to think of the next twist, the next dimpled smile, the next surprise. It’s kinda creepy but it’s kinda  great… As promised, this is the finale of “Because of You I’m Breaking”, or more affectionately abbreviated as BOYIB… I guess one last shout out to everyone for being so SUPER and stickin’ it out till the end =) You guys are…McAwesome!


***Arizona’s Voiceover: ***Love is forgiving. Love is pure. Love is unconditional…these are the expectations we live by, the lines we swear by and the standards we adhere to. But more often than not, we forget, we slip, we crash. We lose track of our promises, we forget the definition and we give up on the people. The people we fall in love with, the people we are in love with, the people we used to be in love with.  We walk in head over heels and we walk out confused and broken. We can’t do it. It’s too hard. We’re just not strong enough. We start to see the flaws, the faults, the blame…and before we know it…we break.

“Calliope…I think it’s better if we stay as….as…friends…” She finished, averting her eyes from my gaze. I swallowed, suddenly my throat felt parch. Like someone had shoved the sandpaper sheets I was sleeping on down my throat…

“Is it because of Mark? Is it because of…of Nadia? Arizona I…” I rambled, desperate to feel her fingers in my clutch again, needful of her smile in my life…

“No….no it’s not…I’m…sorry…it’s me…it’s….me...I just need some time…some time to do some thinking…” Arizona returned her gaze towards me and I saw the brittleness behind those crystal blue orbs.

“Ok.” I whispered. Not being able to muster any more of a response as she swiftly turned towards the door, I could hear her sobbing as she left me sitting there, dumbstruck and numb.

*                              *                              *

It’s been three weeks. Three excruciating weeks of dubious hospital Jello. Three weeks of aggravating interns dropping by to see me crippled on the hospital bed, encased in my own embarrassment as they whispered and pointed to my state of being. Three weeks of barely moving despite the fact that my limbs were healing fairly quickly. Three harrowing Arizona-less weeks…since…since she had sentenced that awful decree of death. Death by Heelys… the let’s just be friends.

Ever since the night of our talk Arizona had been distant. She would come in and drop by at the end of her shifts but she would always cautiously maintain a respectable distance between us. She would flash a weakly dimpled smile, ask me how I was doing and swiftly leave before things could get awkward. It was torture. It IS torture. I miss Arizona, her strawberry scent that wafted through her hair, her cutesy dimpled grin and…and…her touch. The simple touch of her hands…the way she would rub patterns onto the small of my back to console me whenever things got bad…the feeling of her skin on mine…the proximity…the closeness of our bodies…I…I just…

I miss her.

Lucky for me though, I had Torres blood and sturdy bones which allowed me to recover fairly quickly. Today I was getting discharged and I was sporting nothing but crutches to support my still healing leg.

So here I was, slouched against the edge of the hospital bed which had been covered with sheets from home, sheets that Arizona had brought me after she realized my intense hatred for the itchy hospital sheets… I stood there breathing deeply as I surveyed my surroundings, waiting for my miracle...waiting for any sign of the blonde peds surgeon. Who was I kidding? Arizona wasn’t going to come. She had a shift today. Sure, if we were still dating, Arizona would easily take a day off and come to my rescue, but we’re not dating. We’re not. And it’s stupid for me to think otherwise.

As I slumped onto the edge of my bed, I ran the well-developed trail of thoughts through my head, thoughts that I had surged through time and time again during my three weeks of incarceration. She wanted to be friends. Arizona wanted to be friends. Despite everything, all this Nadia drama, all the Joanne and Mark, she wanted to be friends. She wanted to work stuff out… obviously not with me cause that would involve talking to me which she had avoided doing these last three weeks.

I wished I was a little kid, then the head of pediatrics couldn’t avoid me…but then again, this was a big hospital, and if Arizona wanted to she probably could still avoid me….she’s been doing such a SUPER job of it anyways.

She wasn’t coming. Get it through your head Torres. She’s just…a friend…and friends don’t HAVE to come and see you out of the hospital… in fact, the operative term of being a friend gave her the right to do the bare minimum…I chuckled dryly to myself as I took one pouting glance towards my bag of belongings. It was plopped beside my crutches that were leaning lazily against the side of the bed.

The black duffle bag had all the get-well cards and teddy bears that I had received over the span of three weeks packed inside. I zipped open the bag of hospital souvenirs and rustled past a collection of polite get-well cards and dug out one with a chicken driving a black sports car on the cover of it. It was kinda ridiculous, but then again, Arizona always had a thing for chickens so I’m not surprised. On top of the image were the words “Why did the chicken cross the street?” I tenderly opened the cartoonish card and read the words inside it for the ten billionth time.

“To drive away your sickness! Get well soon!” I whispered and I couldn’t help but give a sardonic chuckle to the fact that I had treasured this card for three weeks, gripping on it during the night when I needed to feel Arizona close to me. Cause this is what I’ve been reduced to. This is all that I have of Arizona. A chicken card. Yeap. A Chicken card.

Oh but there’s more, I retorted mentally to myself as I looked at Arizona’s bubbly writing that had been inscribed below the card’s lame attempt at a joke. It read “Can’t wait for you to get better Callie!~ Arizona”

Yay. That meant as much to me as “take care now”. She even called me Callie, I mean, I guess it WOULD be weird if she went all Calliope on me, since we’re not together and everything…but still…CALLIE?! Callie? It’s like, she’s making it official in every way, her deliberate positioning whenever she walks into my room, making sure we always have a metre of air to separate us, the way she flashes her smile at me in the utmost upright way, it’s like she’s defining herself as a friend. And ONLY a friend. I grimaced bitterly as I hung onto the card limply. I didn’t think we could ever be just friends…but obviously she was okay with it.

I kicked my bandaged foot against the metal bed frame in annoyance and felt a retaliation of pain span through my leg sadistically.

“OWWW!!” I screamed out as I was momentarily blinded by the searing pain.

“Good try Callie, but I think that when you’re discharged, you have to go home regardless of your feeble attempts to make them let you stay.” A deep voice crooned from the smug figure leaning against the frame of the door.

“MARK! Oh my god you’re back!” I screamed out in delight as I hastily shoved the card back into my duffle bag.

“Yeah, just got off the plane, Italy is a cool place, but I think I like Seattle more.” Mark laughed as he made his way towards me, plopping down rather unceremoniously as he sat beside me, causing the mattress to groan under the weight of the both of us.

“You went to…what…you went to ITALY?!” I let out a gasp of disbelief, as I scanned Marks’ features, all of which had been returned to its former glory. So he’s healed.

“Yeah, figured, might as well, since I took a month off, and besides, whenever people need to think, they go to Europe, it’s the unsaid rule of society, the thinking spot continent, besides…it’s cool to go to Europe. Like, backpacking across Western Europe type of thing…” Mark’s chuckle fell as he saw me twitch from the word “backpacking” It was silly…but anything that reminded me of Arizona had that effect on me nowadays, it used to give me a spark of hope, but after three long weeks in the hospital…it was just depressing, that’s all.

Mark seemed to sense the tears threateningly build up in my eyes as I bit my quivering bottom lip. I tried to look away and towards the door but it just reminded me of the fact that Arizona wasn’t coming. The finality of the situation seemed to finally break into my halo of denial that I had been sheltering in for the past three weeks. She wasn’t coming. It wasn’t because of Nadia…or Mark…or even Joanne…she wasn’t coming because she doesn’t want me. I felt Mark’s concerned look blur before me as tears drenched my vision, I let out a sob as I leaned into Mark’s shoulder, tears soaking his black jacket as I wept silently.

“She…she just wants to be friends….and….and there’s nothing I can do about it…” I whimpered as tears suffocated the coherency of my speech. Mark gently patted me on the back with one hand as I pushed my tears deeper into his jacket.

“Hey…what’s up with this! You’re hardcore, you’re TORRES the orthopedic badass, don’t do this…not for Blondie…don’t do this…” he consoled teasingly as I felt my feelings collapse under the weight of reality for the first time in weeks. It was relieving, to finally let out the gasp of air, to finally accept that Arizona and I were over…that we were done.

“I’m….I’m sorry about before Mark…I’m sorry about messing you and Lexie up….” My voice cracked as I spoke through my tears and I felt Mark chuckle smugly beneath me, his shoulders rising up and down slowly.

“Hey hey…no I’m the one who’s sorry….I’m the one who dragged you into this mess cause I was all confused about Lexie…I got my feelings confused and well, and well, after clearing my head out in Europe, I know. I know that we’re not meant for each other that way but it’s okay…it’s okay now…I’m actually seeing Teddy this weekend, just asked her out before I came to see you actually…”

I instantly yanked myself off his shoulders as my tears were pulled to an abrupt stop by the effect of his words. My eyes widened in shock as I gave a sly grin at the rather embarrassed look on Mark’s face.

“Wait. Wait… so you went to ask someone on a date before visiting your DYING best friend whom you have yet to speak to for the past MONTH that she’s been suffering in the hospital for?!” I feigned a look of anger as I raised my eyebrows threateningly.

Mark saw through my façade instantly but reddened nonetheless “Well, she was just there…and I just….you know…been thinking about her for a while now…”

I let out a roar of laughter as I grinned smugly at the relief dawning on Mark’s face.

“I’m just kidding Mark. I’m happy for you. Really, I am…” I beamed at him brightly as I wiped away the tears from the breakdown I had just now. “I’m happy that …at least one of us is happy…” I finished awkwardly as Arizona floated back into my mind.

“She loves you Callie. I know it. And if she’s still going to go on with this crap about you guys just being friends then….well I can ask Teddy to punch her out, cause you know…I’m a guy and all and I don’t beat women.” Mark puffed up his chest a little as he gruffly finished his pathetic threat.

“You’re just scared of her cause she kicked your ass last time Mark.” I teased as Mark opened his mouth to retaliate, clearly offended by my accusation. Before he could say anything though, I had him in a rib-crunching hug again.

“I’m just glad you’re back Mark.” I whispered as I felt his chin tug in a smile on top of my shoulders. I breathed deeply as I felt the weight slide off my shoulders. Mark may seem like a jerk sometimes (and act like one too) but when all’s said and done, he’s been the best friend I’ve ever had.

As I closed my eyes in the serenity of the hug and the re-connection of our friendship, I heard a cough at the door of my room. I could recognize that cough anywhere.

“Um… Callie?” Arizona whispered hesitantly as I swiftly pulled away from Mark.

“Oh, look at the time, better head out to my…uh…surgeries….cause you know, I’ve got places to go and….” Mark stuttered off as he headed out of the room, not before turning around and giving me a very indiscreet wink. Oh Mark, I’ve missed that guy. But at this moment, not so much.

“Um…Hey! I….uh…didn’t know you would be dropping by…you’re here for the sheets aren’t you? Oh…um…I didn’t rip them off yet, cause yeah…I didn’t know you were coming and…and…” I mumbled off embarrassingly as I watched Arizona raise one of her eyebrows, clearly seeing through my pathetic façade of not expecting her.

“Calliope.”

“Yeah?” I whispered, having just been cut off my rant from Arizona’s calming voice. It had been so long since she last called me that…the exclusive label I reserved for Arizona. The way the name dances on her tongue just makes me fall in love with her again and again.

“I’m not here for the sheets.”

“No…no…it’s okay…I’ll have them off I a jiffy…”

“I’m not here for the sheets Calliope…I’m here for you.” Arizona chuckled softy at the look of utter shock that was now spread across my face and for the first time since her interruption, I looked at her. I mean, really looked at her. She looked…jaw-dropping and not just typical Arizona Robbins breathtaking, but like….REALLY REALLY jaw-dropping.

I was glad that I was sitting down because I would’ve fainted had the bed not been keeping me in touch with reality.

Arizona was wearing her hair up in an intricately-messy ponytail, with lose curls flying in the front. Her trademark look. Her grin reflected two teasing dimples as she watched me brazenly check her out. Arizona had a black leather jacket on, and if I thought I looked good in one, it paled in comparison to Arizona, who was wearing a dark red tank-top underneath. She was wearing tight black jeans and had her hands stuffed in her pockets as she rolled on the balls of her leather boots. Wow. She looked badass. Like really badass.

My eyes eventually made their way back up to the brilliant blue ones above Arizona’s smug grin. It was the so-you-like-what-you-see grin. I
felt myself blush as I stammered “um…what…what do you mean?”

“Come on, let’s go, I don’t want to spend my entire day off here.” Arizona simply replied as she walked towards me swiftly, clicking her heels as she tossed the bag on her shoulder, grabbed my crutches and lifted me off the bed. I felt my breath hitch as her hands grazed the small of my back, helping me up gently but strongly. I felt a little buzzed as I took in a whiff of her hair, which smelled like strawberry crepes, hmm…

*                              *                              *

“I can’t see you. Or your car Arizona.” I pouted silently as I muttered into my cell phone, Arizona had told me to wait at the entrance of SGMW for her to drive up, but it’s been quite a bit and there’s been no sign of her forest green Jeep.

“Uh huh, I’m right here Calliope.” Arizona’s voice chirped through my cell phone and I couldn’t help but feel a little drunk on the sound of my name through her vocals.

“I really don’t see you Arizona!” I retorted, frustration setting back in as I tried to balance the phone between my neck and shoulder while supporting myself clumsily with the crutches. The late afternoon sun was setting and it was getting dark, thank you winter, friend of all injured people trying to make their way across a slippery and wet pavement. Thank you.

“Calliope. I’m right here.”

“Uh. NO You’re not. I don’t see you any…”

“Calliope!” my head twisted towards Arizona’s voice and once-again I almost dropped my jaw onto the pavement. Arizona had just stepped out of a sleek white Audi…a white R8 Audi.

“Soooo are you getting in?” Arizona grinned her dimply smirk at the sight of my disbelief, her car was so sexy I wanted to cry. It was almost as sexy as the blonde who was now leaning casually on the side of it, arms crossed and fully pleased at the look on my face. Calendar shoot much?

“Where…how…when did you get this!?” I stammered, slowly making my way towards it with my crutches. This car…Was THE car. If I had to choose between surgery and this car, this car would win hands down….okay maybe not, but it was still extremely sexy, and coupled with Arizona in her leather jacket, it was just….badass.

“I’ve always had it. I just don’t drive it out much anymore. Keep it in a garage downtown.” Arizona’s blue eyes sparkled teasingly as I slowly ran my fingers along the hood of it, awe written across my face.

“Haha, Calliope you want to get IN the car instead?” Arizona laughed rather seductively as she tantalizingly flashed her dimples, opening the door for me as I got in slowly, like a kid seeing Disneyland for the first time.

“This car is…wow…it’s just….wow.” I muttered, feeling the black leather two-seater jealously as Arizona placed her hand on the stick and shifting it to gear.

“We’ve got a bit of a ride ahead of us, just so you know. This date is going to be SUPER. Just super!” Arizona chirped.

I swallowed rather audibly…did she just use the word date?

“Uhh…date? Aren’t we just…” I began muttering, feeling a warm glow burn on my face. Don’t get your hopes up Torres…don’t get your hopes up…

“Uh huh….yeap, okay…uh…yeah we’re just going as friends. Like a celebratory YAY! You’re out of the hospital! Just…YAY! Type of thing you know? You’re going to LOVE me at the end of this!” Arizona grinned a cutesy smile as she turned towards me and gave an affirmative little nod.

“I already do.” I whispered to myself, horror setting over me as I realized that I had ACTUALLY said it out loud.

If Arizona heard it under the rumble of the engine starting she said nothing to acknowledge it. But as she tore the car towards the exit of the parking lot, I swear I saw a faint grin spread across her face and a glimmer of excitement in her eyes.

*                              *                              *

I could hear the slow hum of the spinning CD disc whirling as I blinked in the darkness, barely taking in the dark surroundings as I blinked a couple more times, stirring from my sleep. I felt myself shuffle under the restraining seat-belt as I stared out at the passing streetlights, each glowing lazily like fireflies in the fog.

“Calliope, you’re awake.” Arizona whispered softly as she continued to drive with only one hand straightened out against the very topmost part of the steering wheel, the other hand resting casually on speakers.

There's a piece of me you can't have
And I know it's driving you mad

A smirk spread slowly and revealed one teasing dimple on her face, a silent acknowledgement of our song…Arizona didn’t say anything though, she simply continued her calm, cool, collected stare towards the street outside, confidently driving as she drummed her fingers on her lap. She still had her hair messily tugged into a ponytail, but for some reason it looked so perfectly wild, as if every twisted strand was purposely twirled. Her leather jacket and red tank-top made her look so devilish, not evil devilish, but…suggestive sexy alluring devilish. She looked…stunning. And hot. Very hot.

There's a part inside you can't reach
I'm afraid that's the way its gonna be

“Um…uhm…” I coughed, feeling my voice crack from its lack of use the last couple hours, “Yeah…where exactly are we going? How long have I been out? I mean…” I squinted my eyes as I peered out the tinted black windows, trying to decipher road signs, store signs, anything… “I don’t even know where we’re going and…and…”

I fear my feelings won’t speak
words are already taken upon the breeze

“Oooh…wait….” Arizona cut off my rant calmly, pushing her palm forward along the beat of the music…

wind is always blowing…

“And. here. It. Comes!…”

pieces falling from me
you can have them for free
now it felt so complete
pieces falling from me

I watched wordlessly as I tried to suppress the grin that was dominating my features. Arizona was breaking out into a dance, our dance, right in-front of me, closing her eyes momentarily as she soaked up the beat of the music pulsating through the speakers. Her blonde curls dangled and swayed as she beamed cheerily, perkiness filling up the cool space that had been the atmosphere earlier. I chuckled softly as I joined in, swaying my body along with the beat and pumping both my fists in front of me.

Arizona’s car swayed dangerously as we danced through the song, finally breaking out in a fit of laughter as the lyrics ended. Arizona was laughing heartily now and I couldn’t help but stare at her… her blue eyes sparkling in glee, her dimples flashing brightly as she resumed her one-hand race car grip on the steering wheel, her head dancing still to the music that had pre-occupied us for a solid three minutes.

“God. You’re so….” I whispered before I could stop myself.

“So what?” Arizona asked, pausing her head-bopping action and staring at me with piercing blue eyes.

Shut up Torres. Don’t say it. Don’t make this awkward…

“…beautiful.” I whispered before I could stop myself.

Bravo Torres. Way to NOT make this awkward. BRA-freakin’-VO.

I felt my cheeks burn as Arizona abruptly pulled the stick of the car, throwing us into a stop. I could feel myself sweating profusely as I realized just how small of a space this car encapsulated us in. There was no place to run…I was stuck here to face the tongue-tied tension that had spread.

I expected to hear a rant about how we were just friends…friends that were going out as friends…friends that shouldn’t be enchanted by the other….friends that shouldn’t blurt things out like “you’re so beautiful”….

But instead, Arizona just grinned, continuing her stare in-front of us, her dimples deepening into her smile. Her eyes shimmering as she gave an affirmative little nod, indicating towards the pack of drunken people cheering wildly in-front of us.

“We’re here.” Arizona whispered as she slammed on her gas pedal while keeping the car motionless, revving the Audi strenuously, roaring the engine brazenly as she tugged off her pony-tail and flicked her curls out. Instantly, a guy showed up beside her window grinning from ear to ear.

Arizona slid open the window with a flick of the button and an energetic guy with spiky blue hair and a diamond nose-ring came into view. He was wearing a black jacket that had numerous metal spikes but he pulled it off well… he was extremely good-looking and I felt myself blush a little when he looked at me with a raised eye-brow. He was that good looking. I was secretly thankful for the fact that Arizona was not  into guys…because this guy…he would be tough competition.

The guy was in his late-twenties and his attention quickly darted back to Arizona.

“Well, well, well….AZ…it’s been awhile.” The guy chuckled as he leaned with his forearm against the roof of the car.

“I’ve been busy Tom. Who’s out today?” Arizona replied coolly. It was her no muss no fuss attitude that she adopted sometimes when Mark was being a bit of an idiot.

“Oh just some big-shot who’s been winning all the races lately. His name’s JD. Bit of a cock really, thinks he can fuck everyone in his black Nissan. He’s won like eight races already, half the girls here are rooting for him.”

“Ha. Well, we’ll just have to change that won’t we?” Arizona whispered, shifting the stick expertly and driving up towards the black Nissan as Tom cleared out the screaming group in-front of us. There must’ve been…HUNDREDS of people here.

I looked out towards the headlights and saw the slim path that lay ahead of us. The black Nissan beside us was already angled towards the edge of the street which was hauntingly gloomy beyond the headlights of the cars surrounding us. Arizona screeched her breaks to a stop once we were perfectly beside the black challenger and as if on cue, both the driver of the car beside us and Arizona slid open their windows, drawing in the fresh night air into the car.

Comprehension slowly dawned on me as I saw the screaming mob that had previously blocked our path jump into their respective cars, each switched on their headlights, lighting the cemented road before us. I could tell that we were no longer surrounded by buildings, but instead, it seemed like we were at the edge of the city. The road stretched into the darkness which was tinged on the side with trees.

Oh my god. This was…a street race. Arizona races?! She always drives on the speed limit…this…this can’t be real.

“Hey Blondie! This ain’t Chuckie Cheese’s, maybe you should take your driving there instead where you’re less prone to getting your ass kicked” The driver sneered as he revved his engine challengingly. He was wearing a black sweater and shades that were totally not meant for blocking out the UV rays. He wore a slanted hat which pushed out a couple strands of blonde hair, for a guy wearing a black hoody, he looked quite menacing. The type of burly guy you wouldn’t want to be caught in a dark alley with. “Hey babe! If you wanna switch teams, my seats still open for a sexy lady like you!” he grinned cockily as he yelled towards me, nodding his head towards the empty passenger seat beside him. I felt Arizona bristle beside me as anger flared across her features fleetingly before they returned to its cool composure. Arizona pursed her lip in a sexy pout as she continued to look forward, lazily gripping the wheel with her right arm which was stuck straight out.

“Your idea of trash talk is almost as pathetic as your set of wheels. I thought they stopped letting dicks like you hit the streets here. Fucking pathetic.” Arizona whispered and shrugged coolly as the other driver grinded his teeth in offense. I couldn’t believe Arizona just swore. I know that sounds really grade two but having dated her for almost a year now, I have never, EVER heard her break out a curse. This was…intense….and…and…hot. Her complete disregard for the gaping idiot beside us, her steadily concentrated glare towards the front of the car, her seductively nonchalant pursing of her lips…it was taking everything out of me not to jump on her right now…

Tom ran out from between the rolls of cars that were angled towards the path before us, lighting up the race-track….this was so Tokyo Drift…it was unbelievable. Wait…but if this was Tokyo Drift where’s the…

A skinny girl walked up towards the centre of the road, standing with her arms up looking rather bored in her leather jacket and tight black skirt plus heeled boots ensemble. She looked like someone who could jump and knife you in ten seconds flat and I opened my mouth in shock when she winked at Arizona, who simply nodded in return. Something tells me they were once more than just friends.

What the…

Tom was hyping up the crowd now, screaming out in reception to the increasingly louder hoots from the sidelines, the girl yelled out “THREE!”

“Oh… one more thing…” Arizona disrupted my thoughts with her icy tone, turning finally to look at the furious driver beside us.

“TWO!”

“Don’t ever try to get my girlfriend to switch teams…cause she already did once and she’s staying on my team.” Arizona grinned at the confused look on the guy’s face as I blushed deeply…did she just call me her….

“ONE! … GO!”

Before I even began to take in what was happening, Arizona had floored the gas pedal and screeched in-front of the other car. As we streaked out into the darkness I felt myself hurled into my seat from the gaining momentum of the race. Grabbing hold to the door as well as the side of the seat, I closed my eyes as Arizona narrowly cut through the turns in the road, slamming on the break and gas pedal occasionally to drift the car around a bend in the road. The black Nissan was hot in pursuit of us and I felt my guts floating around dangerously within me.

The road plunged deeper and deeper between trees of some sort as we raced through a trail that was lined with tall evergreens. I watched as Arizona continued to look kind of bored as she laid back and drifted around a particularly tight corner, exerting little to no effort in the race.

This was insane.

“Arizona. I think I’m going to barf” I mumbled as she swerved the car around some road kill that the Nissan behind us drove through obliviously.

“No… you’re not. I don’t have barf bags but I know you’re not going to barf.” Arizona smiled as she grinned, peering into the distance that was clouded in darkness. Only then did I realize the ascent and the slope of the car, we were going up some sort of mountain and I could see the top of it nearing us as Arizona blazed through the track. Once again, she squinted her eyes and peered in-front of us, almost as if she was expecting something to happen.

“Arizona….I really think I need to barf….” I gulped as I felt my stomach pulsate in agreement. I felt myself paling slightly.

“Calliope… I’m here…you’re fine.” Arizona smiled as she dropped her hand from the wheel. Before I could object to the fact that no one was steering and we were going 200 billion miles per hour, she soothingly grazed my thigh with her right hand as her other hand jumped back onto the wheel expertly.

I felt my breath hitch at her touch and my heart raced out of my chest as she gripped my thigh gently, relaxingly calming me down with gentle pressure.

A dimpled grin spread across her face as she looked into her rear-view mirror at the black Nissan tail-gating us furiously.

“Right. We’re done. Yeap.” Arizona smiles, a smug look of victory taking over her features as her eyes twinkled mischievously.

“But doesn’t the race end at the bottom of the valley?” I asked, seeing the distant glow of people at the foot of the mountain.

“Nope. We’re done.” Arizona replied simply, as she pulled the car to an abrupt stop, driving towards the side of the road near the trees.

The Nissan behind us sped past us as the driver honked his horn maniacally.

We were at the top of the valley now and Arizona turned on the CD player nonchalantly, a smirk clearly present as she pursed her lips. “Little Pieces” began to play again as Arizona and I watched the black Nissan plunge down the hill, making its descent towards the finishing line.

“Arizona! What are you doing!? We’re going to loose!” I yelled as I strained to see where the car was and whether or not we could catch up. Sure I felt like I was going to barf my intestines out any time now, but I still wanted to win.

There's a piece of me you can't have
And I know it's driving you mad

Arizona simply continued to stare rather bored towards the car speeding down the hill making its way through several turns. Arizona blew out a puff of air upwards towards her bangs as they danced over her twinkling blue eyes.

“ARIZONA! COME ON! WE can totally catch up to that jerk! Do that….that thing! Where you shift the gear and go all fast and stuff!” I screamed as I craned my neck to see how far the damage was.

I fear my feelings wont speak
words are already taken upon the breeze

“Oooh…wait….” Arizona cut off my rant for the second time today, pushing her palm forward along the beat of the music…

wind is always blowing…

“And. here. It. Comes!…” Arizona nodded her head along and pointed towards the car that was nearing the bottom of the valley. As if on cue, a cop car lit up out of nowhere and began chasing the Nissan, halting it to a stop as it pulled over beside it.

pieces falling from me
you can have them for free
now it felt so complete
pieces falling from me

“Busteddddd” Arizona sang out as I watched incredulously.

“What…but…how…how did you know?” I whispered, completely and totally impressed by her perfect timing.

Arizona simply unbuckled her seat-belt and leaned over towards me, her lips hovering barely an inch away from mine  as her soft hands trailed down the small of my waist…I felt my breath hitch as I gulped, watching as her sparkling blue eyes danced over the smirk that was tugging across her face.

“Guess I’m just that good.” She whispered as I felt the warmness of her breath touch my lips, I felt my breathing become more uneven and deeper as she slid her hand lower and lower down my back and unbuckled my seat belt swiftly before pulling away, smiling broadly as she popped open her door and stepped out into the night.

“You know…you should be arrested for doing things like that.” I whispered as I stepped out of my door (after freezing in shock for a couple minutes). Arizona was sitting on the hood of her car and not to sound redundant or anything…but she was hot.

There was a gentle breeze in the night air and Arizona’s hair fluttered stunningly as she crossed her legs and leaned back onto the hood of her car. I sat beside her and supported myself up with both hands propping behind me just like her.

“Soooo….that was…” I spoke awkwardly, looking towards her as I bit my lower lip.

“Was what?” Arizona chuckled as she turned to look at me, her lips playfully pursed as she raised one of her eyebrows.

“Hot.” I responded truthfully. I could still feel my heart pounding across my chest as I controlled my breathing with difficulty.

Arizona grinned as she returned to stare at the driver of the Nissan, who was stepping out of the car and being frisked by the police in the far distance. For a long couple of minutes we just sat there in silence, enjoying the brisk night air that was swallowing the pounding heat radiating from my body at the thought of Arizona driving….she was….amazing.

“I wanted to show you.” Arizona whispered.

“Show me what?” I asked, confusion setting over my eyes as I watched Arizona hesitantly pick out her words.

“Who I was…who I was before I met you….because…I realized how stupid it was. How stupid I was and how unfair I was being towards you.” Arizona turned towards me and I could see the ferocious determination in her eyes. I sat there wordlessly as Arizona continued with utmost concentration.

“You asked me who I was…you asked me who I was…and I am a person who…has a past that I’m not proud of…which is awful I know…but I…well I wasn’t honest with you. I hid things from you. I…” Arizona opened her mouth wordlessly as she searched to find the next words, “ I…I hid things from you cause I was scared. I didn’t want you to see who I was…the things I did…the people I….well…the way I was.” Arizona finished, anxiety dominating her features as she bit her lip.

“Okayyyy….why not?” I asked as I tried to take in her confession.

Arizona narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth wordlessly yet again, she looked away into the distance as she shrugged gently, “I didn’t want you to judge me for the way I was…I was raised to be a good man in a storm…but there was a time…when I was different…and…and here I was…getting all….all mad at you for not telling me about Mark…not telling me everything…not being honest with me…when…when I’m the one who has been dishonest the whole time…I’m the one who has this past where I was…where I was….”

“Hot.” I answered. My lips curling into a teasing smile as I saw the nervous chuckle escape her lips.

“Calliope…” Arizona began, with a serious tone.

“What?! You were hot! AZ the legend…I have to say…it is all…very…VERY hot. And you still ARE hot… I mean the driving….the SWEARING…the speed….the adrenaline….the danger…” before I could finish, Arizona had lunged towards me and plunged her lips against mine.

I felt all the breath in my lungs sucked out of me as Arizona tangled her hands in my hair, pushing roughly against me as her lips pressed onto mine hungrily. Pushing every thought out of my brain as she slammed her body onto mine.

“Wait…wait…wait.” I whispered, pushing her away from me as a look of fear flickered through her eyes at my rejection.

“I’m sorry…I know I shouldn’t have…and I know…I know it’s too soon…and if you want, we can be friends…just be friends and…” Arizona began to mumble rather embarrassingly.

“No….NO…I don’t want to be just friends it’s just…” I began, comprehension dawning slowly as I racked my memory for something that would answer my suspicions.  Arizona simply squinted her eyes and shook her head once in confusion.

“Um…okay…so…what…why did you just… push….me…away.” she asked as she continued her look of bewilderment, angling her head away and piercing me with her eyes.

“No… I just…wait. Driving. Swearing….speed…adrenaline…danger…THAT was your 3KO wasn’t it! Oh my god. That’s right. This has to be the danger. The sense of risk. The danger part of your 3KO.” I feigned a look of anger as I looked to the shocked Arizona standing before me.

“Um…uh…how…how do you know about the 3KO….I mean…I’m not 3KO-ing you Callie…I just….” Arizona began to rant, obviously thrown off by my knowledge of her moves.

“So you think you can just use…use ONE move in your 3KO and just 3KO me? Like…like…some sort of girl you can just wow and sleep with? Oh god. You sleep with them in your car don’t you! In…in…that car I just sat in it…ugh..gross!” I yelled, keeping a straight face as I fought hard not to laugh at the look of complete terror that was dominating her fearful features. She shook her head vigorously as I turned to leave. I’m so going to hell for doing this.

“No…No…CALLIOPE!” Arizona yelled as she grabbed my arm, holding me back from leaving. I was actually thankful for the darkness now, because I was grinning. Literally grinning. But obviously Arizona couldn’t see since I was facing the other way.

“What?” I answered with frustration lacing my voice. I should win a Tony Award for my acting skills. Even I was surprised at the coldness that protruded from my retort.

“Calliope…this  is my 3KO. And…and I know...I know you’re not one of the girls that I can just go and smile with my dimples in full view and just…and just WOW off their feet…I know…I know because they’re nothing compared to you and I just…I just thought that if I could show you my 3KO you could get to know me. The REAL me. The Arizona AND the AZ. And then we can move on and we can have no secrets and we can move past all this and…and have a future…a future with a big house and a nice yard and a fence and lots and lots of chickens because I…I have this thing for chickens...” Arizona gulped as she took a breath, not wanting to pass out from her rant. She stood there breathless with tears began to well in her eyes. She bit her lower lip hesitantly as she held her grip firmly locking me in place.

I couldn’t do it anymore. Goodbye Tony Award.

“Arizona…I don’t care about who you were before. I love you. I love. You. And I love everything about you…your smile…your sexy secret double life where you moonlight as an intense drift racer….your dimples…your blue eyes…your kindness…your ability to mend my broken heart even though yours needed help fixing too …you’re…hot…and….and…stunning…and…breath-taking. You’re… amazing. And…if being with you…means that I have to be with this AZ then…so be it. Besides…it’s super sexy to see you swear and look all badass in your leather jacket.” I finished with a smile, looking at the still hesitant blonde before me.

“Really?” She whispered softly, the returning sense of hope evident in her tone.

“Wait…wait…” I started, looking at her rather sternly.

“I’m sorry Calliope. I’m soo… sooo…” Arizona began, insecurity and fear flickering over her eyes yet again.

“What do you mean this is your 3KO?” I asked, raising my eyebrow as I evaluated the look of shock in her expression. This was clearly not a question she was expecting.

“What?” She answered in confusion.

“Your 3KO. The one that Nadia knocked off from for her own 3KO… I thought there were three components…danger. Soulful…” I began, counting with my fingers as I strained to remember what Nadia had said that day.

“Oh.” Arizona whispered, her cheeks blushing instantly.

“Uh…wait…you mean?” I smiled as I realized the answer to my own question.

“…yeah.” Arizona nodded a quick affirmative nod as she continued to blush profusely.

“WOW. So…soo you…you only needed one move?” I asked in shock, no longer to keep my surprise in check.

“Calliope…” Arizona whispered, a knowing smile spreading across her features.

“One. Freakin’ move? Wow. I mean… I knew you had moves…you were legendary…and like all rock star and stuff but…wow…ONE move and …and any girl…gay OR straight…Wow.” I whispered, unable to muster anything else. .

“Look. I’m not trying to 3KO you Calliope.”

“Well you just did.”

“Uh…okay. I guess I did. Would it make you feel better to know that you are the first person to push me away after taking my 3KO hit?” Arizona spoke slowly and seductively as she wrapped her hands around the small of my waist, leaning her body flush against mine as her breath caressed my lips.

“A little.” I whispered, completely enticed by her dimples…her sparkling blue eyes…I bit my lip as my breath hitched.

“Good.” She whispered as she leaned in towards me, her lips inching closer and closer as she gently ran her nails under my shirt and down my back…just as her lips were about to touch mine I stuck my hand between us, to the obvious dismay of Arizona.

“Wait.” I halted her advance with my fingers.

“CALLIOPE!” Arizona yelled, frustration crawling over her pouted lips as I stared at the dark lustful blue swirls in her eyes that were glaring at me.

“Sorry. Sorry. It’s just…this 3KO…how…how did you learn to drive like that? I mean… you’re normally so tense when you drive, your knuckles go all cute and white cause you want to stay in the speed limit and…and everything.” I ask, curiosity taking over me as I looked into the twinkling blue eyes before of me.

Arizona paused as she grinned mischievously, “well…it’s hard for me to not be tense when I want to go ten times faster than the stupid speed limit…I’m not tense because…because I’m scared of driving…nope. Na-uh. I’m tense ‘cause I want to drive faster than my grandma, which is the speed I have to drive at typically...when I’m responsible Dr. Arizona Robbins…” Arizona explained impatiently as she leaned towards me again….

“WAIT! Wait…why do you even call it that if you only have one move? I mean…don’t get me wrong…it’s a damn good move but what’s with the 3KO?” I questioned as Arizona gave me an exasperated look as if to say REALLY?!

“Look. It’s just some stupid label Nadia came up with cause she wasn’t able to do a one hit KO. Or OHKO. She just wasn’t that damn good like me!” Arizona yelled as she tried to move in towards me again, inching closer as she rubbed circles on my back.

“WAIT!” I yelled out again as Arizona literally stomped her foot. It was extremely cute, coupled with her pout and dimpled frown.

“So you admit it? That you’re good?” I ask, raising an eyebrow teasingly.

Arizona seemed to regain her composure at these words as she smirked seductively back at me, running her fingers deftly around my waist and towards the front of my jeans, slowly undoing them as she leaned in close to my ears.

“Okay. Fine Calliope...I admit it. I’m good.” She whispered as she slid her tongue behind the area under my earlobe. I felt my knees buckle as I fell onto the roof of the white Audi, closing my eyes in pleasure as Arizona began sliding her fingers lightly into my jeans. Before I could resist, Arizona had positioned her knees beside my hips as she straddled my centre, kissing my lips hungrily as she continued to slide her fingers lower, eliciting a loud moan from me. As I gasped for breath, Arizona whispered teasingly between her kisses,

“Like I said….I’m just. That. Damn. Good”

***Arizona’s Voiceover: ***Love is like a puzzle. And puzzles are weird things. They require a certain perspective, a certain angle, a certain skill to solve. Lies. Mistakes. Slips. All missing pieces to the equation. They’re the holes that hover annoyingly, the pieces we just can’t seem to fit in the picture. They break us apart and wear us down. They make us forget. Forget about the promises, the memories, the laughter. They leave us anguished, crushed, dead. Sometimes love breaks us down. Tears us open. Shatters our heart into a million pieces. But the thing is, sometimes the puzzle needs to be broken, before we can piece it back together.