"Because of You I’m Breaking" [Chapter 8]
Title: Because of You I’m Breaking [Chapter 8]
Author: JCapzona
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.
Summary: After the break-up Callie finds that she is fine. Gritted teeth fine. She’s fine okay. She is so freakin’ fine. So just leave her be. That includes you too…sexy hot visitor to SGMW.
Author’s Note: Okay so I feel really rusty from having left this fan fic for so long. Like REALLY rusty. And coming back a month later… it’s really hard to get back in the groove after having left this BOYIB mindset for so long, so please excuse the rather lacking writing that I’m producing here. I’m going to lay-off the voiceovers until I’m back in the flow of the writing (since the last one I wrote in chapter 7 was a personal worst) and right now I guess I’m just trying to get back on track with the story. I’ll update more though, possibly daily so I can get the flow back on. Hope you guys can stick out this writer’s patch I’m trudging through. Oh, and thanks for the reviews! I really like the essay-long rants, so please rant away! Really keeps me motivated to write so keep them coming =) even if it’s to criticize the rather bloody terrible/awkward writing I’m going through.
It had been two weeks since the break up conversation in the attending locker room and Callie had recovered. Sure, she had spent the first couple of nights crying herself to sleep only to wake up an hour or so later to watch her FRIENDS season dvds, the routine insomnia pain-killer, but the last couple of nights she had managed to squeeze in a couple hours of rest. She was recovering. She was okay…an incredible feat to say the least, but she had been managing. Focusing on her work, avoiding eye contact with a certain peds surgeon, leaving the room asap whenever both Arizona and her had finished a case, twitching whenever she thought she saw a blonde approach her, basically…avoiding Arizona in general. Okay. So she wasn’t really okay per say but she was managing. She was managing. Callie had been icing her wound, numbing and neglecting it to an extent that she barely felt that part of her body. Yeap. Her heart was so numb, you could stick a fork in it and she wouldn’t realize a thing. It’s like when you sit on your leg so long while watching tv that when you get up you collapse to the floor cause you have absolutely no feeling left in it. You’re forced to stand up and wobble a bit before you feel the blood rush back into your limb and then proceed cautiously, appreciating the newly rejuvenated feeling to your leg. This was the exact same thing for Callie, except instead of a leg, it was her heart and instead of just standing up from having collapsed, she was kinda just flailing on the ground, twitching occasionally but not really feeling anything beyond that.
Arizona’s departure had left a crater-sized hole in Callie’s heart. Everyday Callie woke up dead, unable to feel, unable to operate her emotions... the only time she felt anything was when she saw Arizona at a distance, then and only then would she feel the unmistakable clench to her heart, the twisting of her guts and the growing lump in her throat as she suffocated in her own pain, in the heartache of seeing the blonde peds surgeon smile as if there was nothing wrong at all. As if Callie’s disappearance from her life was just as normal as the rain in Seattle. Arizona definitely seemed fine, and Callie knew that it was not her place to cry and break down when Arizona was the one who had been victimized by her actions.
But other than the occasional suicidal thoughts fuelled by pain and agony she was fine. Yeap, Callie was totally and completely fine. Or so she had been telling anyone caring enough, curious enough, stupid enough to ask. She was fine okay? She was FINE. Gritted teeth fine. That kinda of fine.
So on the fourteenth day after her heart was shattered, Calliope Iphigenia Torres stood at the counter of the nurse’s station, wearing the emotional mask that she had crafted for the last two weeks which she liked to call the “fine Callie”. Because she was fine. She was fine with the fact that Arizona and her had not talked in the last two weeks, the last fourteen days, the last three-hundred-thirty-six hours, she was fine. The truth was that she couldn’t bring herself to talk to Arizona, she lost her voice whenever she was around her and she excused herself whenever Arizona joined her lunch table. Arizona’s sparkling blue eyes, her wavy blonde hair, her cute dimples, they were threats to Callie’s façade, Arizona alone held the power to tear down the walls Callie had painstakingly crafted around her and Callie felt herself crumbling every time she was near her.
Callie couldn’t stand the look of hurt that Arizona shielded expertly from everyone, the look of pain that she alone could see in her girlfriend’s crystal blue gaze. Arizona was good though, and even Callie could only rarely see these moments of weakness once or twice these last two weeks. To everyone else, Arizona might’ve looked normal even when she let slip her true emotions, but Callie saw a little more, she saw into the depths of her dull blue eyes that seemed to lose their sparkle as the days went on, she saw into the heartache that Arizona stubbornly pushed away, she saw the truth behind Arizona’s thoughtful silences. Yet, on most days, Arizona looked so stoic, so normal, so unbothered by their break-up…Arizona almost seemed fine. So for two weeks, Callie did nothing but avoid her, it was like the start of their relationship again, with Callie avoiding Arizona after having been rejected. The great freakin’ circle of life. A spinning wheel of fine-ness.
Callie was just finishing up her charts for the latest human pretzel that had come in this morning when she turned to see her lovely roommate, Ms.Cristina-I-Sleep-at-Owen’s-every-night-Yang walk up to her with a jaw-dropping blonde following smugly beside her. Callie was mad at Cristina, Mark being gone and all, Cristina was pretty much the only person that Callie could turn to and the advice she mostly received from her was cynical at best.
As the pair approached closer, Callie couldn’t help but let her gaze wander up and down the stranger’s body as she visually scanned her long blonde hair, tight white blouse and short black skirt which accentuated her perfectly tanned legs. Callie couldn’t help but notice the seductive raising of the eyebrow from the blonde at having caught Callie’s blatant inspection of her body, but there was no anger or offense in her eyes, only amusement that must’ve adapted from desensitisation of this reception. For a second, Callie felt a burning sensation of guilt at having been captured by the woman’s appearance only to discover an even greater mental punch to the stomach at the realization that she herself was no longer involved. She wasn’t cheating. Callie was single. And furthermore she was fine. Something that could be taken on more than one level.
Narrowing her eyes at the blonde stranger who seemed to have been instructed to wait by an unenthused Cristina, Callie bit the top of her pen as she admired how muscular and sexy those legs looked on the new visitor. Her long wavy blonde hair that reached halfway down her arms was like white chocolate icing on this blonde candy bar. Callie was lost in the beauty of her blue eyes and…and…dimple. Callie felt herself tug out of her trance as her heart clenched. Callie felt a sting of pain ignite within her as her eyes frosted over. It had been a while since she had felt her heart triggered by a prompt of Arizona. Cristina had forced her to take all reminders of Arizona out of the apartment after she had cried for the fifth day in a row and blasted seasons 1-10 of FRIENDS at 3am at night.
Callie gulped as she closed her eyes, commanding her tears to recede as she summoned the numbing sensation that she had practiced for fourteen days to relieve her from her pain. No, don’t think about her. Callie forced the image of the perky peds surgeon out of her mind. She can’t break down… not here, not without the support of her six friends at Central Perk. No. She had to be fine Callie, she had to put on her mask. She couldn’t allow herself to delve back into the cave of pain and agony from losing Arizona, to the dark hours she spent cradling herself as she drowned in her tears, from replaying their last moments together as she begged for her to stay. Callie opened her eyes, gulped down her tears and regained her composure.
“Hey Callie…Callie! Yo!” Cristina waved her hand in front of Callie’s face to gain her attention.
“Huh..oh..what?” Callie replied, lazily, her eyes still leering curiously at the blonde’s direction, who was now leaning against the wall of the hospital, texting furiously on her Blackberry, crossing her legs as she did so. Callie wondered if she herself could pull off a stance like that, the nonchalant sexiness radiated off of the stranger and the double-takes she got from a group of passing interns confirmed the fact that Callie was not alone in her trance.
“Uhh…look… I know that you’re still in denial about Arizona…” Cristina began with hesitation in her tone…
“I’m not in denial.” Callie snapped back instantly, knowing what Cristina was indicating before the conversation even reached that point. It had taken everything in her not to flinch at the name of her …ex-girlfriend. Then again, Cristina had made it clear to her these last two weeks that Callie was indeed suffering from break-up denial and that the numbing façade she was using definitely wasn’t approved by Cristina and wouldn’t be getting a Cristina Yang Seal of Approval any time soon.
“Right. So anyways…I have a surgery I need to scrub in on so I was wondering if you could help me out and take her…” Cristina pointed to the blonde in a rather disgruntled way.
“Oh you mean the sex on legs?” Callie inquired, wanting to show that she was fine with this rather crass coment, hating Cristina’s constant warnings that she would be heading to the psych counsellor soon with the way she was just brazenly ignoring her pain over Arizona.
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Take her to Dr. Robbins. She’s here to see her. I would do it myself, but you know how much that peds surgeon loves me and now that you guys aren’t doing each other like bunnies she really has no need to put up with me. Plus I have a surgery…so yeah…all yours.” Cristina motioned the blonde to come over before heading over towards the group of interns and ruthlessly herding them to the ER.
“Hi! So I’m guessing you’re my new victim right?” The gorgeous blonde asked casually, giving Callie a smirk as she slid her blackberry back into her purse. The blonde gave Callie a piercing stare which rendered her wordless.
“Um…” Callie was in shock, both from the cleavage that was revealing itself tantalizingly from the blonde’s blouse and from the weird question that had just been shot towards her.
“Whatever, I knew Little Ms. sunshine over there wasn’t really going to waste her precious time taking me to Arizona. I think I did something to piss her off…” The blonde continued her playful smirk as she nodded towards the hall that Cristina had taken off of.
“Yeah. Don’t worry about it, she does that to everyone. Cristina needs her dose of social cruelty to function. I’m thinking you were more of the victim in that scenario. Bitterness is like her trademark feature.” Callie laughed, regaining her confidence and snapping out of her fourteen-year-old-pre-pubescent-boy-fascination.
“Ah... So kinda like how charming wit is your trademark feature. Interesting.” the blonde flicked her hair as she delivered her subtle flattery. Callie maintained her composure as she leaned casually on the nurse’s counter… was the candy bar flirting with her? Whatever it was, Callie wasn’t one to back down from a verbal challenge.
“Nope. My trademark is poor decisions and incoherent spanish rants. Callie Torres.” Callie stuck out her hand as she introduced herself to the blonde, who twisted her smirk higher as she reciprocated the handshake.
“Nadia Karella. Poor decisions huh? Well I can relate to that. And as for the spanish… well I always thought spanish was kinda sexy, begged my roommate back at Berkley to teach me some, so I know a thing or two.” Nadia gave Callie a look which made her cheeks burn a little. Callie couldn’t help but revel at how different Nadia’s dimple looked, for one thing there was only ONE dimple, and it came out every now and then whenever she smirked. Arizona’s dimples were cute, and perky and sunshiney. But there was something dark and twisty in Nadia’s features that made her mysterious, and kinda smugly inscrutable.
“Berkley huh? So same as Arizona? So you guys were tight med school buddies?” Callie questioned, slowly noticing the closing proximity between her and Nadia. It was almost impossible to decipher whether she herself had gravitated towards the blonde stranger or if Nadia had inched in during the conversation.
“Oh…well Arizona and I had some wild times together, but being a gorgeous doctor like yourself you probably know what I’m talking about.” Callie gulped. Yeap. That was definitely a more-than-friendly-comment. Nadia seemed to flick her eyes over Callie’s features before leaning in closer and saying “but no I’m not a doctor… bien, no durante el día de todos modos…I’m an artist.” Nadia whispered and Callie couldn’t help but find herself stunned at the spanish that had flowed effortlessly and seductively out of her mouth. Knowing spanish herself, Callie never really understood why people thought it was sexy…but now…she might be more understanding…
“Um.. uhh did you just say…?” Callie coughed as she found herself flustered from Nadia’s rather inappropriate spanish insinuation.
“That I’m an artist? Yeah. You should drop by my studio sometime, I think I could show you a good time…I’m very good…or so I’ve heard.” Nadia innocently ignored Callie’s question and pulled out her name card, sliding it into Callie’s scrub pocket. Callie wondered silently how it must look to have this attractive blonde leaning so close to her. The nurses would have a field day with this gossip-inducing scene.
“Um…thanks, I will…I guess…but I’ve got some pretty huge cases and I just made a break-through on this liquid cartilage research I’ve been doing so I probably can’t…” Callie heard herself ranting in response to the blonde’s proximity, it was now reverted back to a respectable distance which was close, but not too close.
“Cartilage? So I’m guessing you’re ortho right? I had a hunch since I saw your strong arms…” Nadia gripped Callie’s biceps lightly and casually but it still made Callie gulp rather loudly. This did not go by unnoticed by Nadia, who now played up a dimple in her smirk. She liked the brunette in front of her and she loved the fact that her casual flirtatiousness was killing her as she continued, releasing her hold on Callie’s arms. “With bone-breaking arms like this, you must make a fair share of people scream…” Nadia finished, looking seductively at the now blushing Callie.
“NADIA!” A painfully familiar voice called out as Arizona’s figure quickly strode over towards the two of them. Arizona was wearing her hair in a ponytail and had her signature curls hanging casually infront of her face. Nadia stepped back into a more comfortable distance from the rather distraught Callie as she turned to give a huge grin to the newcomer who was inducing greater discomfort in the blushing ortho goddess.
“Arizona! You’ve finally decided to show up to the party eh? Your beautiful Spanish friend and I were just talking about your wild days at Berkely.” Nadia gripped Callie’s shoulder and squeezed quickly before letting go. Arizona’s eyes narrowed and a flash of jealousy was quickly smothered by her usual cheery façade. Callie couldn’t help but feel like she was just busted again for cheating… but this time, she knew it wasn’t really that way. Nevertheless, it was weird to hear Arizona’s voice again, feel her proximity and warmth so close to her… Callie forgot about the blonde completely as she felt the lump in her throat rise.
“Really? That’s super! Absolutely…just…super! But I’m just curious…why exactly are you here when you should be at Berkley…doing…Berkley things?” Arizona questioned as Callie gazed into those mesmerizing blue eyes which looked oddly different. They looked so….tired, and somehow clouded as if countless sleepless nights had taken away a bit of the former joy. Arizona’s voice was strained and a little higher than usual, a sign of discomfort Callie recognized immediately and wondered whether if it was Nadia or Callie herself who was inducing this awkward strain.
“Well Joanne called and told me that she’s staying at the hospital for a bit and that the doctors told her to lay off the drinks and take it easy unless she wanted to puke her guts out again…and since she’s off drinks and being healthy and weird, I thought I would come and pay you a visit. Think of me as a punishment for making Joanne officially converted to a boring, healthy, non-clubbing person. And besides, I need fun. I need to party and I’ve got a couple weeks off before I need to get back to work so I thought, who better to search up than the legendary AZ? I mean, if anyone knows their way around it’s you… when I mentioned that I was coming to some of the Berkley girls, they all wanted to tag along… I mean, a lot of the girls have been looking for you, not everyone is as cool as me when it comes to being ditched the morning after...” Nadia was cut off by a panic-stricken Arizona who threw her hand and clapped Nadia rather hard on the back.
“Ahaha. Ha!…” Arizona’s laughter was dripping with awkwardness, “I’m sure Calliope would love to stay and entertain the two of us, but she has a surgery to go to so why don’t we take this conversation to the cafeteria…my treat!” Arizona smiled, forcing the bemused blonde towards the cafeteria doors.
Callie stood there frozen. It had been two long weeks since she last heard the name “Calliope” dance on Arizona’s tongue…and as Callie stood there, trying to digest the information that had just been brought forth to her, she couldn’t help but find her curiosity piqued by this Nadia Karella, who was now being towed away by a furious looking Arizona.