"That's the Way the Oreo Cookie Crumbles" [Chapter 1]
Author's Note: Okay. So I’ve finally finished finals and all that grossness that accompanies freshman life and I thought I should start writing fanfics again now that Grey’s is over for the season. *tear* Anyways, I’m a lil rusty so please forgive. Also, this is one of those fanfics that you kinda have to play it fast and loose with the facts so please just run with it. Oh, and in order to make this light like “Strawberries & Creme: the Secret Weapon” I set this story without focusing much on the crazy gun guy and the baby problem, at least for now, so please just go with the flow and let me know if you’re game for a chapter 2 =)
“Arizona. That only works with ACTUAL Oreo cookies. Not ice cream Oreo sandwiches.” Callie laughed as she waited on hold, a decision that was not entirely agreeable to her but was also not made by her. She had the silver headset clutched lazily in her hand as she continued to lean across the kitchen counter, looking at the feat that Arizona was trying to accomplish across the living room. The yawning afternoon sun seeped through the window and delicate rays danced upon the loose curls of the blonde who was sitting cross-legged on the couch, concentrated with a small pout forming underneath her increasingly evident dimple. Callie couldn’t help but admire the effortlessly breath-taking beauty that radiated from Arizona as she sat there in her Blues Clues pyjama shorts and grey tank-top, determined and focused as she inspected the Oreo ice cream sandwich in a 360 degree evaluation.
“Look. I have been patient with you. I have been nice...” Arizona whispered menacingly as she squinted her eyes at the perfectly untouched Oreo ice cream sandwich before her.
“Um...are you...are you talking to the Ice Cream....sandwich?” Callie smirked as she continued to gaze at the blonde who was conversing with giant Oreo before her; the same blonde who had their Arthur DVD running on repeat for the fiftieth time now.
“Calliope. Please. I’m trying to concentrate!” Arizona groaned as she took a deep breath and dexterously placed her fingers on the cookie part of the ice cream sandwich. “Okay Mr. Oreo, you don’t like me but I sure do like you...I really like you cause you’re yummy and delicious and the filled with the best most awesome ice cream...so yeap. Don’t pull anything funny on me.” Arizona pouted as she leered the Oreo cookie down. After accepting that the Oreo had gotten the message, Arizona strategically placed her fingers on the cookie and twisted up masterfully.
“Wow. My girlfriend is officially insane. Oh well, can’t say I didn’t see that coming.” Callie threw her unoccupied hand up sarcastically as Arizona jumped up and down on the couch with her perfectly twisted Oreo Ice cream sandwich. Callie reluctantly pulled off her unimpressed facade and replaced it with a look of pure admiration- sure paediatrics was the brass ring, but Arizona was in a league of her own.
“Oh my god, oh my god! YAY! This is the first time I’ve actually twisted it perfectly! This is awesome...this is...just...YAY!” Arizona chirped cheerfully as she crossed her legs in mid-air and fell back onto the couch with a small thud. She was holding the two cleanly-parted sections of the Oreo ice cream sandwich and fawning over her success in awe.
“I’m jealous beyond words.” Callie laughed mockingly and couldn’t help but grin as she looked at the adorably accomplished look on Arizona’s beaming face as she began to lick the ice cream off the Oreo cookie.
“Ohhhh...well you should know Calliope, Ice cream Oreos are hard, it’s a lot more finesse than normal Oreo cookies. Yeap.” Arizona nodded her head affirmatively as she defended her honour momentarily before returning her concentration towards the television screen. With one swift motion, Arizona’s triumph was quickly devoured and was soon followed by Ruffles which were washed down immediately with a mega-sized Slurpee that she had made Callie get her that morning.
“Hey woah...easy on the junk food there Professor Oreo.” Callie chuckled as Arizona slurped loudly on the green straw, the blonde’s eyes were glued back onscreen as she watched DW complain about Arthur. Callie’s heart melted as she looked at her ridiculously gorgeous girlfriend sitting there like a kid watching her favourite Saturday morning cartoons all the while hugging a giant Slurpee cup. This was the same incredible and respected head of paediatric surgery that people came across the country to get consults from. Unbelievable.
“Um...Are you...are you saying that I’m fat?” Arizona whispered as she titled her head slightly while staring at Callie with threateningly brilliant blue eyes, squinted in a menacing facade.
“Nooo. I’m saying. TAKE IT EASY ON THE JUNK FOOD ‘cause I don’t want to have to take you and your soon-to-be stomach ache to the hospital on our day off since you’ve wisely decided on consuming Cristina’s entire stash of junkfood in one Arthur episode.” Callie rolled her eyes as she continued to listen to the annoying hum of the on-hold tone that was playing through the phone. Stupid Addison and her stupid practice. Callie made a mental note to never agree to be on hold while Addison made a quick consult again.
“Ummmm...for your information Calliope. I never get sick from eating ice cream. Nope. Never. Na-uh. I can eat whatever I want. Always have, always will. Ever since I was little. No muss. No fuss.”Arizona grinned as she flashed her dimples momentarily before flicking her attention back to the screen in time to listen to Arthur’s rendition of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
“Wow. The double board-certified head of paediatrics is refusing to stop the junk food carnage. Just...wow.” Callie crossed her arms as she sighed at the blonde child of a girlfriend who was sitting across the living room.
“No. No. NO. I’m actually a triple board-certified head of paediatrics. You’re forgetting that I have the very rare, very special degree in um...Oreo cookie twisting!” Arizona laughed rather contagiously as she took another long swig of Slurpee before crunching on yet another cookie. Callie sighed. The sugar was definitely kicking in.
“Arizona. Stop. Stop....EATING. You’re going to get sick and have a stomach ache and then you’re going to make me watch that Dora the Explorer DVD with you AGAIN, the one you always make me watch when you’re not feeling well!” Callie scolded as she walked towards Arizona with one hand on the phone and the other hand attempting to wrench the junk food from Arizona’s arms.
“Woah..woah...woAH... Hey....hey! HEY!” Arizona pouted as she salvaged most of the junk food into the corner of the couch that was just out of Callie’s reach and shielded it instinctively. “We watch Dora to learn Spanish Calliope. We watch RECESS when we’re sick.”
“Arizona.” Callie frowned as she supported the phone between her ear and her shoulder and glared at the childish blonde in-front of her. It was taking everything in Callie not to just give up and kiss the extraordinarily cute dimples that tug permanently on Arizona’s cheeks. But that would mean losing to Arizona’s secret weapons of adorableness and Callie Torres was way to badass for that.
“Calliope.” Arizona retorted in her most professional head of paediatrics tone. Arizona raised her eyebrow slightly and gave a dimple-flashing smirk. Her dimples could get her out of anything with Callie, it was her weakness and Arizona wasn’t above hitting Achilles in the heel.
“Arizona. Give me the food. Now.” Callie stated firmly as Arizona pouted. God Arizona was good. Too good. Callie secretly hoped their kids didn’t inherit this cuteness from her. She would be the putty in the family.
“Uh huh. Uh huh. Well I can see that you’re very upset...” Arizona replied in an utmost serious tone as she cleared her voice with a fake cough, it was the tone she used when she had to reveal a severe diagnosis to a dying patient.
“The food. Arizona. Give it up.” Callie ordered sternly, fighting hard to resist the smile that was tugging at her impossibly and forcibly pursed lips.
“FINE.” Arizona grumbled as she handed over half-eaten bags of cookies and chips and skittles and M&Ms and many other crinkled wrappers of already devoured junk food.
“ANDDD the slurpee.” Callie pointed towards the huge melting slurpee cup that Arizona was now cradling like her first born. To this day Callie still couldn’t believe how much junk food Arizona could down in one sitting, she was like a freakin’ machine. Or a garbage can. But Callie knew better than to comment on this.
“But Callieeee I need this. I promise I’ll only drink a teeeeeeny little bit more.” Arizona pleaded with her fingers indicating just how little she was going to drink as she broke out a stunningly teasing dimpled grin.
Callie’s determination to revoke the junk food was instantly melted away as she saw those dimples.
“I know what you’re doing Arizona. And...and it’s not going to work! Your dimples don’t fool me. But fine. Drink a little bit more and then throw it away okay?” Callie warned as Arizona did a fist pump and leapt up to peck Callie on the cheeks before continuing to vacuum up her Mountain Dew slurpee. Callie shook her head in disapproval as she watched Arizona down another inch of the cup.
“Hmm. I hate it when you’re all sugar high.” Callie commented as she made her way back to the kitchen to throw out the mostly eaten contrabands.
“You know you love me.” Arizona yelled as she started dancing to the Arthur music video which was singing this lucratively annoying song which sang “JEKYLL JEKYLL HYDE JEKYLL HYDE HYDE JEKYLL!” as flashes of seizure-inducing pictures took over the screen.
Before Callie could respond, a familiar voice on the phone drew her attention away from the cute blonde who was not only singing but dancing along to the sing-a-long that was displayed on the television screen.
* * *
“Okay see you tonight then Addy!” Callie chuckled as she finished her thirty minute conversation. Callie clicked the phone back onto the green apartment wall cheerfully before turning towards Arizona and giving her the awesome news. “Hey Arizona...Arizona!”
“Uh huh...” the blonde replied in a trance-like tone, still absorbed and having returned to her cross-legged position on the couch. She was watching the Backstreet Boys’ guest appearance on what appeared to already be a different Arthur DVD.
“Addy’s coming over to stay for the week. She has a surgical case that she promised to do here so I thought it would be fun for us to hang out together, like the good ol’ days. She’ll be crashing on the couch. Or should we give her our room and then we can just crash here ourselves?”
“Uh Huh.”
“ARIZONA! Did you even get any of that?”
“Uh huh...yeah...Addison’s coming...cool. Yeah..Shhhh...Nick’s talking...” Arizona whispered mindlessly as she continued to watch her favourite Backstreet Boy. Beside her was an empty Slurpee cup which lay forgotten as Arizona had her hands on her incredibly toned legs which were still crossed underneath her. Callie was momentarily mesmerized as she stared at the tan on her girlfriend’s legs. Damn. She shouldn’t be allowed to wear shorts Callie thought as she bit her bottom lip to regain coherence in her speech.
“Ok so is it cool if I let her sleep in our room?”
“Yeap. Sure...uh huh. Yeap.” Arizona responded monotonously as she continued to be entranced by the television screen.
“Do you even know who’s coming?” Callie questioned as she walked towards the completely oblivious blonde on the couch.
“Uh huh. Yeap. Couch. Yeah. That’s awesome. Fine. Whatever.” Arizona whispered robotically.
“ARIZOnA!” Callie scolded as she flicked off the DVD and stood in-front of Arizona with a glare, effectively snapping the blonde out of her trance.
“Whaa...No. No! NO! HEY HEY!!” Arizona pouted as she frowned at the Callie interference.
“It’ll be fun right? Us hanging out with Addison? I still haven’t introduced her to you yet! You’re never around when she drops by! It’ll be awesome. You’ll love Addison! You guys will be inseparable before the day is through. She’s going to be arriving tonight. ”
“Calliope. I don’t even know her. I just know her as Addy your bff before me and my awesomeness came and took the title.” Arizona moped, clearly displeased with the fact that the tv was off now and understanding fully that her only source of entertainment would have to be from her own newfound irrationality.
“You’ll love her.” Callie soothed, ignoring the I-highly-doubt-that look Arizona was giving as she crossed her arms defiantly. “Besides. You’re both peds. You guys cut babies. I mean, uh...save babies. You’ll connect instantly. But she’s not really as ....umm...perky as you.”
“The word is awesome. AWESOME Calliope. And peds is more than cutting. We’re hardcore. ..And you never told me Addison’s in peds!” Arizona looked up in surprise, finally registering what her girlfriend was mumbling to her now that her brain had disconnected from Arthur.
“Yeah. She’s a pre-natal surgeon. You’ve probably heard of her actually, she’s world-class. Probably famous in your little um... peds circle...”
“Wait. Addison...she’s a pre-natal surgeon!? Wha...what’s her last name?” Arizona asked cautiously, her brilliant blue eyes staring with a sudden intensity at the brunette before her. Callie smirked at the serious facade that Arizona had instantly pulled on, completely unaware that this was no longer a rouse.
“Why? Do you want an autograph now? Because I’m sure she’ll give you one, though I never pictured you as the type to fawn over other surgeons, I thought you were all teddy bears and jumping and YAY! and ...” Callie contemplated out loud as her mind instantly jumped to Cristina’s card collecting obsession when it came to cardio gods and goddesses.
“I DON’T.” Arizona yelled rather unnecessarily loudly before resuming an appropriate indoor voice, “Um... well I’m not...no...it’s not like...just....like... so what’s her last name...Addison...?” Arizona stumbled across her question as she hesitantly pressed for the answer she already knew but was really hoping for otherwise.
“Montgomery. Addison Montgomery. Why?” Callie laughed as she plopped down on the couch beside Arizona, effectively squishing the plastic Slurpee cup.
“Oh. Umm. Nothing....nothing...” Arizona whispered as a frown played across her features.