Breathe (One Shot)
Title: Breathe
Author:Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 7,996
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: A last minute opportunity gives Edward one last chance to get close to Bella. Will she let him in? A companion piece to Shock And Ahh, same story from Edward's POV. KeepersoftheNaughtySparkle Camp Twilight Contest. AH, AU, BxE Rated M for sex and language.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. The sick mind is all mine.
Breathe
A/N: Part deux. Sort of. This is a companion piece to Shock And Ahh which can be found here. The story from Edward's POV with extra fluff at the end.
This is my entry second for the KeepersoftheNaughtySparkle Camp Twilight Contest!
The story has a rating for a reason. Consider yourself warned. And for the record, if you are ever in a dark corner and an Edward-esque man approaches you for sex, practice safe sex. In other words, be responsible and use a condom. I seem to skip over the awkward condom parts in my writing but you should never do that in real life.
Enjoy. Review. Then enjoy again.
Edward’s POV
I was fucked, figuratively of course. I had a much better chance of literally getting fucked if I could finagle my way out of the shitstorm that was descending on me. Something told me that wasn’t going to happen today.
“You don’t understand, Dad. I have to be there.”
“It’s out of my hands, Edward. You’ve already been registered. That grade has to be made up so that you can attend classes in the fall.”
Like I cared. If my life was half as important to him as how it looked to everyone else was then he might have a clue. Must be nice to live with your head up your ass. One ‘d’ on my report card in Mrs. Moriarity’s history class was going to blow the plans I’d been making for the last year. Un-fucking believable.
“You should be more grateful. I had to pull a lot of strings to get you into that prep school. And it’s only six weeks. Perhaps you can take part in that camp when you’re done.”
Fat chance. “I’m a counselor, Dad. They need me there in the first week of July like all the other counselors.” I thought if I appealed to his sense of duty he might see things from my perspective.
“Then I guess they’ll have to get by without you.” His matter-of-fact tone put an end to the conversation and every chance I ever had of getting Bella Swan to like me.
I met Bella four summers ago. At fourteen, anything female was attractive but Bella was something else. Legs for days, big brown doe eyes and this creamy perfect skin that put silk to shame. She had no idea how pretty she was, and even less idea how special she was. When every other girl looked down her nose at me, she wasn’t afraid to talk to me, and that’s saying something. I was braces, coke-bottle glasses and about the size of a nine year old. At fifteen I looked even worse, all the same crap with a shitty complexion to boot. I had zero confidence. I didn’t even try to talk to her. I just spent the whole summer staring at her boobs. By sixteen, I’d lost the braces and gained about ten inches of height. I was one lanky son of a bitch. It was the summer I thought long hair was a good idea. A wise woman once said that long hair was attractive on some men but not all men could pull it off. I was definitely one of the latter. I saw Bella in a bikini for the first time that summer. I don’t think my dick was ever the same after that. Things were starting to look up for me at seventeen, but Bella spent the summer joined at the hip with Jasper Whitlock. I hated the guy on principle. When I found out he was gay a few months later then I just felt like an asshole. I’d been planning this summer ever since, and the deck was finally stacked in my favor - contacts, hair gel and forty pounds of muscle. This was the last chance I was ever going to get with her, gone before it was ever mine.
One of my buddies on staff at camp sent pictures of Bella to my BlackBerry the day I arrived at school. His exact message was, ‘Have fun flogging the dolphin while I hit *that.*’ He was kidding of course, because he knew I’d kick his ass if he laid one finger on Bella, but he knew me well enough to know what I’d be doing with pictures he sent. I couldn’t help myself. She wore eighteen well.
I emailed the owners of the camp my regrets about dropping out of the program as soon as my dad made it clear I wasn’t getting out of school. I didn’t want them to get caught a counselor short. Well, I did, but that would have made me as big an asshole as my dad. I told them that I might pop by once I was finished to say hi to everyone. You can imagine my surprise when they contacted me about taking over Eric Yorkie’s job after the stupid motherfucker burned the boathouse down. It was the break I thought I’d never get and I jumped on it. I went directly from school to Camp Shaukinwah. I didn’t want to waste a minute of time I might have with Bella.
As soon as I arrived, I was hustled through a crash course on procedure and schedules and then asked to sign a bunch of bullshit release forms. It was dusk by the time I got settled in my cabin. I wandered around the camp saying hello and catching up but I was really just looking for Bella. She was nowhere to be found. I checked the bonfire and dining hall, and circled around the edge of the hiking trails to the lake before I gave up and headed back to camp. Luck was still with me. Just as I cleared the forest, I saw her crossing the grounds to the pool. I quickly followed her, finding a hidden spot by the gate to watch her swim from. I realized my behavior was pretty high up on the creepy scale but the relief in being near her was extraordinary. I wanted her to know I was there; I wanted to look into her eyes, so when she finished her swim, I grabbed a twig from the ground and snapped it in two to get her attention. I had to bite my lip to keep myself from smiling at her cute little angry face. She was not pleased that I was there. She rushed by me without a word but seeing her was enough to get me through the night.
Seeing Bella first thing in the morning was the best start to the day. Scratch that. Waking up next to her in my bed would have been the best start, but seeing her in the dining hall was almost as spectacular. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I watched her drink her coffee and toss her hair over her shoulder and smile at that dickhead Newton when he greeted her. I would have even watched her strange chewed up muffin exhibition if my buddy hadn’t kicked me in the shins and told me to stop being a pussy. I didn’t realize my staring had been that obvious. She just had that effect on me. She could make me forget my own name.
I blew my first real chance to speak to her a couple of hours later. I was putting the trimmer in the storage shed when I heard the music from her iPod, even though the earbuds were still in her ears. I laughed at how loud it must have been and she heard me. I wouldn’t have thought she’d be able to hear anything over that volume. I wasn’t expecting her to speak to me and I froze. The only thing still working was my cock and she had its full attention.
I parked myself at the pool that night hoping to see her again. She wouldn’t even look at me. I had obviously pissed her off somehow, although I didn’t have a clue what I’d done. As soon as I saw her, my dick went hard; not exactly the lasting impression I wanted to leave her with, and watching her wasn’t exactly helping matters. I tried to adjust myself so my problem wasn’t so obvious but I’d been sporting a semi most of the day and apparently my body was as pissed at me as Bella was. I decided to leave before I embarrassed myself any further. Of course, that didn’t preclude me from taking one last look at her before I left. Big mistake. She was at the bottom of the deep end doing god knows what but from the angle I was standing at, I could see right down the front of her bathing suit. My brain stopped working and my hand took over. I stood there at the edge of the pool in manual override, not even the least bit discreet about it. Based on the way Bella took off, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that she saw me. Some days I hated my dick.
I fought with myself the next night about staying away from the pool, wishing I could just man up and talk to her. Stalking her at the pool each night wasn’t exactly helping me get closer to her, but time was not my friend and hiding in my cabin wasn’t going to help the cause. She was already doing laps by the time I got there. Same shit, different day. I really needed to remember to rub one out before going to the pool so I could avoid the insta-hard-on next time.
I swear I tried to behave but she was just so fucking cute peeking at me when she took each breath. I really didn’t need much encouragement when it came to her and knowing she couldn’t stop looking at me was the equivalent of porn for my brain. I thought I could finish myself off before she was done her laps and henceforth I will remember that I am a poor planner. Instead, she was front and center for my orgasm. I got up to try and explain myself but she backed away from me. I’m sure she thought I was the biggest asshole on the planet by that point but she left without giving me the chance to ask her.
She wouldn’t even look at me the next day, and I couldn’t blame her. I waited by the pool for a while but in the back of my mind I knew she wasn’t coming, and I had to apologize to her. I felt like a creeper showing up at her cabin uninvited but holy hell what timing. I heard her first but didn’t realize what she was doing until I saw her. Knees bent, heels digging into the bed, hand in her friggen polka dot panties doing exactly what I wanted to apologize for. It was so hot, and I’m not talking weather here. I had imagined this scenario six ways from Sunday but seeing it in real life made me realize that my imagination was sorely lacking in potential. Watching her body work was magnificent; the flex in her calves, the arch of her back, the way she bit her lip. The sight of her paralyzed me; I had to hold onto the wall to steady myself. When she came it took my breath away; her quiet panting silenced by the sexiest moan I’d ever heard. I stumbled around the corner of the cabin to find a hiding spot. I think it took about ten strokes with my hand to make me come. I collapsed against her cabin and stayed there half the night. I just wanted to be near her.
I was determined to make her talk to me the following day, upping my game by borrowing the bottle of ketchup on her table. Yes, I admit it was kind of lame but at least I stood close enough to her to touch her, and I must have done something right. She was staring at me when I sat down. At least I’d gotten her attention.
I was saddled with straightening up the sports equipment that afternoon, two hours in an oversized windowless shed that smelled like stale sweat. I left the door opened wide for air, hoping I’d be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Bella while I worked. No such luck. In my rush to finish, I knocked over the pile of Frisbees I’d just stacked for the third time. When I bent over to pick them up, the lights went out and the door to the shed closed. I lost my patience, so not in the mood for another practical joke. I got up and moved towards the light switch with the intention of telling the stupid prick who thought he was funny to fuck off. Her scent hit me like a wall and my body reacted instantly. Sweet vanilla with a hint of citrus; I’d know that smell anywhere. “Bella?”
I reached blindly for her, my heart beating so hard that I could feel its pulse in my ears. When I caught her shoulders I was running on pure instinct, my mind completely overwhelmed by the fact that she had come to me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and tucked myself against her body, pressing my cheek to hers. I wondered if she could feel my hands trembling.
I fought to think through the adrenaline. It was heady to realize that she wasn’t pulling away from me. My hands moved of their own volition, clumsy and indecisive. The voice in my head was screaming at me to stop; I knew I shouldn’t be touching her body without her permission but the words wouldn’t come to my mouth. Her hands came to my waist, her fingertips nudging my shirt aside and pressing into my skin. My brain began to short circuit once she pulled my shorts down and pressed her ass against my cock.
I’d never struggled with such duality in my life, right against wrong, want against need. I kept moving forward, tripping over the warnings of decency and propriety, like traps my mind had set, and every time I got a hold of myself she pressed her ass into my swollen dick and asked me for what she wanted all over again. Only she never said the words. The man in me realized this but I was listening to the horny teenager who’d wanted to fuck this girl for four years. I was caught up in the fact that she actually wanted me. She had been the star of every sexual fantasy I’d ever had, and while I may have outwardly behaved like we were a forgone conclusion, a part of me was sure she’d never be mine. That was the voice I heard in my last moments of indecision, the one that told me I might never have another opportunity like this. There was no going back once I understood this might be my only chance to be with her.
Something took over in me, fueled entirely by my need to be connected to her. It was like every thought I’d ever had about her, every word and look we’d ever exchanged fused together to create a force that was swallowing me whole, and touching her was the only thing that would save me from it. I couldn’t bring her close enough to me. My arms held her tightly, probably too tightly, but the feel of her body against mine was the only thing that made me feel material. The more ways my body connected to hers the closer I felt to whole. The deeper I thrust into her, the more proof I had that we were real, not just a wish or fantasy hiding in the darkness that engulfed us. When I was close, I planted my mouth beside her ear and tried to tell her how much she meant to me. Broken thoughts mixed with the intensity of everything I was feeling, sentiments with meaning became meaningless words. My release came to fast for me to tell her properly.
There was a dull ache in the pit of my stomach when it was over. I didn’t want to let her go. I knew the ache was going to be there permanently now. I nestled my head against hers, trying to catch my breath. I was about to tell her how I felt when she announced that she had to go and pulled away from me. I didn’t even have time adjust my clothing before she slipped out the door, and I didn’t know what to do about any of it once she was gone.
She hid from me for two nights. The first night I wandered the grounds looking for her, wondering if she had some secret hiding spot I didn’t know about. Not that it would have mattered. I think she could have been right in front of my face and she’d still be hiding from me. The second night I just waited by the pool. I saw her slip out of her cabin around midnight but she just shook her head when I invited her to join me. I couldn’t blame her. Hindsight being what it was, I’d treated her pretty disrespectfully. I couldn’t deny that we had heat but I wanted more than that with her, and while I didn’t regret taking what was very likely going to be my only chance to be with her, I wished I had done it differently. She deserved to know how I felt about her.
By the third night I was going crazy. I’d been around her all day long because we had to work together. She could barely even look at me and it was killing me. I straight up stalked her that night. There was no way I was going to let her get out of talking to me. I followed her down to the lake and stayed just inside the tree line while she took a canoe out. I had what I was going to say to her all planned out in my head by the time I saw her heading back in. I was just waiting for her to finish putting her gear away, but in the blink of an eye, I forgot every word.
Bella bent forward to grab the paddle out of the canoe and lost her balance. I knew what was going to happen; I could see it all in my mind, but instead of reacting I had one of those fucked up slow motion moments. She fell forward, twisting awkwardly as she tried to grab on to something to stop herself. I watched helplessly as she smacked the side of her head on the front edge of dock and then ricocheted against the canoe. She landed in the water as limp as a rag doll. I ran at her as soon as I could make me feet work, sprinting to get to her as fast as I could. I pulled off my sweat jacket as I ran knowing she’d need it to warm up once I got her out. In the back of my mind I was thanking my father for forcing me to take lifesaving classes. I dove in off to the side so I wouldn’t land on her and then looked for her under the water. I pushed back the panic when I saw her on the lake bottom with her eyes closed and swam for her, pulling her up to the surface and lifting her out on to the dock. This was definitely not the way I had dreamed of putting my lips on her. I couldn’t tell if she was breathing; I just went through all the steps I knew in case she wasn’t. Once I heard her body trying to work I sat her up and pounded on her back to help her get the water out of her lungs.
I should have felt relief when she coughed but I didn’t. All the panic that I’d been suppressing bubbled up and turned to anger. Bella was a trained lifeguard who’d spent hours teaching other kids how to canoe. She knew the rules as well as I did. In my head, my words showed how much I cared about her, that I was horrified that she would put her life at risk, but it just came out as me yelling at her. She was just as angry back, pushing me away as soon as she could speak. She didn’t want my advice, my help or my company. She even refused my jacket. I was every bit as good at being stubborn as she was, so I just ignored her and did things my way. It didn’t hurt that I got to pull her close and zip her into the jacket with me either. She was asleep against my chest in about two minutes flat. Once she drifted off then I had to calm myself down, stroking her hair and holding her close until my breathing and pulse went back to normal. Yeah, I was being indulgent, but I’d spent the last sixty hours thinking I’d never get to hold her again. I’d earned the right to bask in some sleep-induced indulgence. I don’t know when I dropped off. The last thing I remembered was tunneling my nose into her hair and breathing her in.
It started as an itch, a tiny little something or other that didn’t feel normal, but I was aware enough to recognize that whatever was touching me was gentle and pleasurable. It was like I was caught up in a dream except the sensations were too real. When she whispered in my ear and I both heard and felt it, I woke up. I kept my eyes closed, curious what she was doing when she slid off my lap. I thought about pulling her back up to me and telling her how I felt but something told me that would just make her shut down. Besides, I was a big proponent of the whole ‘actions speak louder than words’ idiom, so I sat back and waited to see what she’d do. She was so gentle and affectionate with me, the complete opposite of how we’d both behaved the other day. My stupid traitor dick betrayed me so I knew I had to admit I was awake. I reached out for her, cupping the back of her head gently. It was like I hit a switch that transformed her from sweet to siren.
In one swift move she pulled my cock out of my shorts and covered the tip with her mouth. Of all the appropriate responses possible in this delicate situation, I believe mine was, “Fuck. Oh, God. Bella. Holy shit.” My grasp on the English language was impressive, no? The only other response I could muster was closing my eyes as I relaxed into her touch and tried to process the outstanding sensations she was creating with her tongue. Well, that, and welcoming the horny teenager in me back. I think every guy ever born had fantasies about a pretty girl giving him head. Mine were not in a canoe but the beautiful brunette between my legs was making me seriously rethink that.
After the initial shock of her actions subsided, I was struck by how badly I wanted to see her face. I gently gathered her hair in my hand and pulled it back, smiling when I realized her eyes were closed. I wasn’t trying to be a pervert watching her get me off. It was just the only way to make it more intimate. Yes, even when she was going down on me I was trying to find other connections to her. It was just how my brain worked.
Between her mouth and her hand, I was losing control fast. I’d sworn more times than I could count. I wasn’t even capable of words any longer, just really loud embarrassing moans every time she ran her tongue along me. I moved one of my hands to her shoulder and tried to pull her up to me. It’s not that I wasn’t enjoying what she was doing, clearly I was. I just didn’t want her to think she had to do this to get my attention. I wanted to be with her because of who she was, not what she could do for me.
Bella’s stubborn streak was in full effect. She refused to be moved and continued with what she was doing but finally looked up at me. The honesty in her eyes was what put me over the edge. I pushed her face off of me; there was no way in hell I was going to come in her mouth. As soon as I could think again I pulled her to me. I was looking forward to returning the favor; I just needed to catch my breath. Bella had other plans. When I tried to undo the buttons on her shirt she finessed my hands away. I kissed her skin and tried again but she pushed them away a second time. I asked her what was wrong but it was too late. She was already in retreat mode. I called to her and asked her to wait knowing she wouldn’t, but I had to try. Something was going on with her that I didn’t understand and it was clear she had no intention of letting me in on it.
I searched hard to find perspective in her actions but every explanation I came up with made me feel like shit. The fact that she shut down when I tried to reciprocate cheapened what she’d done to me, not because of what she did, but because of how I felt about her. She reached out to me and I wanted it to mean something. I wanted it mean that she had feelings for me, but it felt more like I was a convenient participant in her promiscuity. I didn’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t want casual with her. What I couldn’t figure out was if I would take casual if that was all she was willing to give. I wanted to say no but I recognized the lie in my desire. The only thing I knew for sure was that the harder I tried to get close to her, the further away I felt.
I felt lost when I woke up the next morning, like I was wandering around in a fog. Instead of avoiding my gaze, Bella was searching it out, something that under any other circumstance would have gotten my hopes up that I had a chance with her. The sting of last night’s rejection was still too strong. It took me all day and half the night to decide whether to go to the pool that night. My ego wanted to demand a confession but my heart wasn’t sure I could handle it.
My stomach dropped as soon as I saw her sitting there, her long brown hair floating around her face in the breeze. I felt so transparent. Just the sight of her broke me down. I went to her knowing she’d get exactly what she wanted from me that night. When she threw herself into my arms, I told myself to pullback but I couldn’t. I was hopelessly unable to resist her. Bella had plans of her own, showing up bottomless and hiding it under her cover up. I surrendered to her. I needed to feel her skin and fill my hands with her body so I wouldn’t feel so powerless. I need to make her come to prove to myself that I could make her feel something. And she did come, hard and loud, biting at my shoulder, her nails digging into my back.
From that point on, making her feel something became my object. I knew every trigger and pushed her boundaries every time we touched. My belief that she was hiding her feelings from me was the only thing that kept me going. Otherwise our entire relationship was just vulgar sex. I was probably the only eighteen-year-old guy alive that wasn’t happy with a no strings sex life as hot as ours was but I wanted her honesty. Even if she didn’t feel what I felt, I just wanted her present instead of hiding.
Every night when I fucked her I made her promise to meet me the following night before I’d let her climax. It was emotional blackmail but it was the only emotion she’d ever give me. I backed her into every corner I could find, searching for the one position or situation that would make it impossible for her to hold back from me. Undressing her became a game, one I knew I’d never win because she never gave me more of her body then was already exposed, but that didn’t stop me from playing. Even her kisses were at a premium, and when I needed that connection, I leveraged her orgasms to get them. I took great satisfaction from those moments when I was kissing her as she came undone because it put me in the middle of her orgasm in a way that she resisted. I knew it was a power trip, but I was fighting for the ultimate prize, Bella’s love, and I was beginning to understand that there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for it.
Bella did her best to control things and sometimes I just sat back and let her. Other days, we clashed, driven by the urgency and battle for control. It was those moments where she accidentally let me close enough to be burned by the fire inside of her where I felt most alive. They were also the moments where she pissed me off the most because she wouldn’t let me that little bit closer. As the end of camp loomed, the battles became more commonplace. She refused to discus what was happening and I was running out of time. In utter frustration I finally came right out and asked her why she wouldn’t let me in. She didn’t answer. I was sure I knew why. I just needed her to realize it.
Bella invited me to her cabin on the last night of camp. I had tried to sweet talk her into the privacy of my cabin and was shot down more times than I cared to remember, another one of her games, so I knew she had a plan. Not that she let me in on it. I had a few plans of my own. Didn’t let her in on those either. Tit for tat, you know.
I stood at her door, looking in from the outside, and the significance of the night began to hit me. I think I finally understood Bella’s reluctance to talk about what was coming because I couldn’t even bring myself to call it an end. I buried the feelings; I didn’t want anything to screw up our time together. She was sitting on the bed, and waved me in with a smile on her face.
The candles she had set out around the room caught me off guard. I thought girls only did that in movies. Still, they gave me a hint of what she had planned. I watched her close the cabin door, amazed at how awkward I felt. We’d fucked countless times all around the camp but this was different somehow. We’d never lied together in a bed, never set the scene for seduction. It was like a second chance at a first time, at least it felt that way to me.
Bella was in a good mood. She playfully pushed me back on to the bed and climbed into my lap. It was good to see her confident and happy. I had no clue what she was after tonight but if she was willing to show me, I was more than glad to oblige her. I didn’t want to fight with her. I wanted us both to have what we needed, and all I needed was her.
She leaned close to me and kissed me, her lips lingering at mine. I fought the shudder it caused in me and told my brain to calm down. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. She kissed me again, sliding her hands along my cheeks and into my hair. She’d never kissed me like that before, and fuck did I ever want her to, but I was still waiting for her to pull away. When she pressed her open mouth against mine, my tongue darted out to meet hers. It had to be an invitation to French kiss her, didn’t it? I wasn’t sure, so I pulled my tongue away and kissed her softly instead, looking into her eyes for a clue about what she wanted. I liked her clue even better than her kiss.
Her hands moved to the buttons on her shirt. She had the first one about half way undone when it hit me what she was doing and why. I reached out and stopped her. If anyone was going to undress her it was going to be me. I bit my tongue to keep from swearing at the tiny pearl buttons that felt obscenely miniature to my fingers. It didn’t help that my hands were shaking either. I knew her eyes were on me but all I saw was the blue of her bra, dark sapphire against her flawless creamy skin. Fuck was it ever going to be hard to do this slowly.
I tucked my lips between her tits and kissed her. Her skin was warm and smelled fantastic, my mouth moving along to explore it. I would have been happy to stay that way all night with her, one hand tangled into her hair and one on the small of her back. As wrong as I knew it was, she felt like my property when I held her like that and a part of me reveled in that notion.
My mind, in all its brilliance, began to wonder what panties she might be wearing and that put an end to my contentedness. I moved my hands to the button on her shorts and waited for the okay. She shifted off my lap so I could take them off of her. Matching fucking blue panties. The shiny kind that felt good to touch. This was definitely part of her plan and she had no intention of making this easy on me.
She looked incredibly sexy lying on the mattress and I took my time studying every curve and dip in front of my eyes. I made a mental list of all the places I needed to touch and then indulged in each one. She was easy to appreciate and I did a lot of it. The awkwardness that I’d felt earlier had completely evaporated. Loving her like this was as natural as breathing.
Bella asked me to stand so she could undress me. They way she looked into my eyes as she worked made my dick hurt. It was a reserved version of what I always saw when we were together but it felt more personal somehow. Maybe because she was taking my clothes off. Maybe because I knew that as soon as she was finished I’d be taking the rest of her clothing off, too. Either way I was aching but in the best possible way.
She tried to sidetrack me by going down on me but I pulled away from her. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her. I have no doubt she could tell I was anxious. I wanted to be able to see how her body reacted to my touch, to watch her nipple harden as I dragged my thumb across it, I wanted to feel it peak against my tongue.
I was completely self-indulgent with the way I touched her, unbelievably satisfied just being able to run my hands into her panties and leave them there. I wasn’t wasting time with logistics or planning how to get them out of my way. I knew I’d be taking them off her when I was ready so I gratified every urge I felt, filling my hands with her ass and slowly easing those delicious blue panties down Bella’s hips. The visual was particularly stunning, although less so than the way she looked when I finally took them off of her.
I crawled up her body, forcing myself to slow down by kissing her skin as I went. I felt the beginnings of desperation swell inside me, my feelings for her mixed with need and fear. I had been searching for this bodily connection to her from the beginning, and I realized it was as much about my need to touch her as it was to feel her touching me, holding her close, face-to-face, open, honest, and real.
First things first, I told her she was beautiful, something I’d always wanted to tell her but never found the right time to say. And she was beautiful, in an overwhelming all encompassing way, and she deserved to be told.
The bliss when our bodies came together skin to skin for the first time was mind blowing. The intimacy in being able to hold her close and kiss her lips made a world of difference in my mind. It wasn’t a game or a fight for control; it was two people sharing a connection. And once I entered her, our connection exploded into a tiny million pieces, like I could feel her essence in every part of my body. Everything was heightened, my hearing, my sense of touch, even the way she tasted on my tongue was somehow sweeter. I couldn’t explain it. I just let her take me under her spell.
There was no build to our intensity; it was there from the moment we connected. As I moved in time with her body it over ran me. All of the things I’d wanted to say to her from the very beginning came to my mind and I tried to express them. They didn’t come out right. Nothing about my feelings ever did when I was with her. She rubbed my neck and shoulders trying to soothe me but it only made me feel more desperate to get the words out while she was listening to me. I wanted her to know that I just wanted her to stay with me. I didn’t want it to matter how she felt, but it did, and her words weren’t enough. I wanted more. I buried my attention in deep thrusts, giving her exactly what she asked for on repeat so I didn’t have to face the truth, almost to the point of cruelty. If we were only physical, then I was there to fuck her to orgasm, just like I’d been every other night, not to stop before she came. When I accused her of that, her answer changed everything.
“No, I want to stay right here in your arms.”
I didn’t stop. I rearranged the way I held her so she would know that my affection was all around her and I glued my eyes to her so she could see every emotion there, even if I couldn’t speak them and I fucked her with everything in me. I watched her come undone in my arms, stealing every bit of emotion she showed like I was owed it, and then I turned that emotion inward. And I held onto her as tightly as I could as that emotion took me down and reduced me to a quivering heap.
After we were finished, I tried again to find the right words to tell her how I felt. I was broken. No one else would ever feel right against me. I was betting my dick wouldn’t even work on another girl, not that I had any desire to try. I only wanted her and I had no idea how to let her go in just a few short hours. She told me not to; it was music to my ears to hear that she didn’t want me to. I was asleep in moments, a deep fulfilling sleep next to the woman who held my heart.
The alarm on my watch went off at 6:45. I reached for Bella and got an armful of nothing. I didn’t realize she was an early riser. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and dressed quickly, hoping to slip out of her cabin before anyone saw me there. The last thing we needed was to be caught together in her cabin. As I pulled the door shut behind me I recognized that something wasn’t right. After a quick shower, I packed up the last of my things and brought my bag out to my car. Her truck was missing. I began to panic. There hadn’t been time to exchange addresses or make plans, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her just walk away.
I went to the dining hall looking for the office staff. Jessica was easy prey. I explained that my father had changed his cell phone number and I didn’t have it in my phone and asked if she could pull my forms so I could write it down. That got me into the office. Once inside, a tiny bit of flirting got me behind the desks and one very faked smile landed me beside the filing cabinets. I waited for her to pull my file and when she handed me the folder I laid it across the drawer with a very careful touch so that it left Bella’s folder accessible. Then I handed Jessica my phone. She was so giddy and excited that I wanted her contact information that I probably could have removed Bella’s entire folder without her notice. I didn’t. I just set Bella’s address to memory and waited for Jessica to give me my phone back.
Once I had a map on my BlackBerry, I left for Bella’s house. It was only an hour away and I made good time. A middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair, presumably Bella’s father, answered the door. I gave him the short story of who I was, a friend from camp that had missed the chance to say goodbye to Bella. I don’t think he believed me either, but he was kind enough to invite me in. Bella’s mother came into the room and Mr. Swan gave her my story. Her eyes lit up with understanding. I wondered if Bella had said something to her mom or if she just had a feeling. She made me a cup of coffee and then broke the news to me. Bella wasn’t coming home. She was on her way to college and wouldn’t be returning until at least Christmas. My heart sank. In desperation, I came clean with Bella’s mom, and told her I needed to find Bella because she left before I could tell her how I felt about her. I stopped short of telling her how I felt but I’m pretty sure that was a given. You don’t drive an hour to find a casual acquaintance. You don’t ask someone’s mom for their address when you’re looking to exchange recipes. I think she knew I was going after Bella and I think that’s exactly why she gave me the address.
I went home first. I owed my mom an explanation of what I was doing, well, a prettied up version of a very small part of the truth. I didn’t want her to worry. I didn’t bother to fill my father in. He would have told me everything that was wrong with my choices. What he wouldn’t get was that this wasn’t a choice; it was a necessity.
Fourteen large coffees and twenty hours of driving later, I arrived in LA. I buzzed Bella’s apartment but there was no answer. I hung around outside the building until I was able to follow someone in. I knocked on her door but there was still no answer. I slid down the door frame and took a seat on the ground. I was exhausted. I just closed my eyes for a second and I was gone.
A soft hand on my shoulder woke me. A worn out pony-tailed sight for sore eyes.
“What are you doing here?” The question meant little. The smile on her face meant everything. She was happy to see me.
“You left without something,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and looking up at her.
“What?”
“This.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her down into my lap, planting my lips on hers firmly. I unleashed the full force of the anxiety I’d been internalizing for the last twenty-four hours on her.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered, looking down shyly.
“Did you really think I was going to let you go?”
“Yeah, I did,” she admitted, her face serious.
“Is that what you want?” I asked.
“What I want doesn’t matter.”
“Bullshit. It matters more than anything to me.”
“Stuff like what happened at camp just doesn’t happen in the real world, Edward.”
“Then let’s not live in the real world.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m here, and I want to know what you’re going to do about it.”
“I don’t want to play games, Edward.”
“Do you think I drove twenty hours to play games?”
“I don’t know why you drove twenty hours.”
“Because I love you,” I whispered. “Because I don’t want to let you go. Because the thought of not seeing you until Christmas almost broke my heart.”
“You love me?” she murmured, looking back at me with shock on her face.
“I love you,” I repeated, cupping her cheeks and pulling her forehead against mine. Her wide eyes stared back at me, blinking hard in confusion.
“Breathe, Bella,” I whispered, smirking as she took a big gulp of air in and giggled. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me sweetly.
A/N: Please leave me some love by way of a review. I would greatly appreciate it.
And if you like the story, please vote for it between August 14th - 20th. More information about the contest and the other stories in the running can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2060377/Camp_Twilight_Contest
Author:Sher
Fandom: Twilight
Word Count: 7,996
Rating: R/M, for sex and language
Story Summary: A last minute opportunity gives Edward one last chance to get close to Bella. Will she let him in? A companion piece to Shock And Ahh, same story from Edward's POV. KeepersoftheNaughtySparkle Camp Twilight Contest. AH, AU, BxE Rated M for sex and language.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters. The sick mind is all mine.
Breathe
A/N: Part deux. Sort of. This is a companion piece to Shock And Ahh which can be found here. The story from Edward's POV with extra fluff at the end.
This is my entry second for the KeepersoftheNaughtySparkle Camp Twilight Contest!
The story has a rating for a reason. Consider yourself warned. And for the record, if you are ever in a dark corner and an Edward-esque man approaches you for sex, practice safe sex. In other words, be responsible and use a condom. I seem to skip over the awkward condom parts in my writing but you should never do that in real life.
Enjoy. Review. Then enjoy again.
Edward’s POV
I was fucked, figuratively of course. I had a much better chance of literally getting fucked if I could finagle my way out of the shitstorm that was descending on me. Something told me that wasn’t going to happen today.
“You don’t understand, Dad. I have to be there.”
“It’s out of my hands, Edward. You’ve already been registered. That grade has to be made up so that you can attend classes in the fall.”
Like I cared. If my life was half as important to him as how it looked to everyone else was then he might have a clue. Must be nice to live with your head up your ass. One ‘d’ on my report card in Mrs. Moriarity’s history class was going to blow the plans I’d been making for the last year. Un-fucking believable.
“You should be more grateful. I had to pull a lot of strings to get you into that prep school. And it’s only six weeks. Perhaps you can take part in that camp when you’re done.”
Fat chance. “I’m a counselor, Dad. They need me there in the first week of July like all the other counselors.” I thought if I appealed to his sense of duty he might see things from my perspective.
“Then I guess they’ll have to get by without you.” His matter-of-fact tone put an end to the conversation and every chance I ever had of getting Bella Swan to like me.
I met Bella four summers ago. At fourteen, anything female was attractive but Bella was something else. Legs for days, big brown doe eyes and this creamy perfect skin that put silk to shame. She had no idea how pretty she was, and even less idea how special she was. When every other girl looked down her nose at me, she wasn’t afraid to talk to me, and that’s saying something. I was braces, coke-bottle glasses and about the size of a nine year old. At fifteen I looked even worse, all the same crap with a shitty complexion to boot. I had zero confidence. I didn’t even try to talk to her. I just spent the whole summer staring at her boobs. By sixteen, I’d lost the braces and gained about ten inches of height. I was one lanky son of a bitch. It was the summer I thought long hair was a good idea. A wise woman once said that long hair was attractive on some men but not all men could pull it off. I was definitely one of the latter. I saw Bella in a bikini for the first time that summer. I don’t think my dick was ever the same after that. Things were starting to look up for me at seventeen, but Bella spent the summer joined at the hip with Jasper Whitlock. I hated the guy on principle. When I found out he was gay a few months later then I just felt like an asshole. I’d been planning this summer ever since, and the deck was finally stacked in my favor - contacts, hair gel and forty pounds of muscle. This was the last chance I was ever going to get with her, gone before it was ever mine.
One of my buddies on staff at camp sent pictures of Bella to my BlackBerry the day I arrived at school. His exact message was, ‘Have fun flogging the dolphin while I hit *that.*’ He was kidding of course, because he knew I’d kick his ass if he laid one finger on Bella, but he knew me well enough to know what I’d be doing with pictures he sent. I couldn’t help myself. She wore eighteen well.
I emailed the owners of the camp my regrets about dropping out of the program as soon as my dad made it clear I wasn’t getting out of school. I didn’t want them to get caught a counselor short. Well, I did, but that would have made me as big an asshole as my dad. I told them that I might pop by once I was finished to say hi to everyone. You can imagine my surprise when they contacted me about taking over Eric Yorkie’s job after the stupid motherfucker burned the boathouse down. It was the break I thought I’d never get and I jumped on it. I went directly from school to Camp Shaukinwah. I didn’t want to waste a minute of time I might have with Bella.
As soon as I arrived, I was hustled through a crash course on procedure and schedules and then asked to sign a bunch of bullshit release forms. It was dusk by the time I got settled in my cabin. I wandered around the camp saying hello and catching up but I was really just looking for Bella. She was nowhere to be found. I checked the bonfire and dining hall, and circled around the edge of the hiking trails to the lake before I gave up and headed back to camp. Luck was still with me. Just as I cleared the forest, I saw her crossing the grounds to the pool. I quickly followed her, finding a hidden spot by the gate to watch her swim from. I realized my behavior was pretty high up on the creepy scale but the relief in being near her was extraordinary. I wanted her to know I was there; I wanted to look into her eyes, so when she finished her swim, I grabbed a twig from the ground and snapped it in two to get her attention. I had to bite my lip to keep myself from smiling at her cute little angry face. She was not pleased that I was there. She rushed by me without a word but seeing her was enough to get me through the night.
Seeing Bella first thing in the morning was the best start to the day. Scratch that. Waking up next to her in my bed would have been the best start, but seeing her in the dining hall was almost as spectacular. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I watched her drink her coffee and toss her hair over her shoulder and smile at that dickhead Newton when he greeted her. I would have even watched her strange chewed up muffin exhibition if my buddy hadn’t kicked me in the shins and told me to stop being a pussy. I didn’t realize my staring had been that obvious. She just had that effect on me. She could make me forget my own name.
I blew my first real chance to speak to her a couple of hours later. I was putting the trimmer in the storage shed when I heard the music from her iPod, even though the earbuds were still in her ears. I laughed at how loud it must have been and she heard me. I wouldn’t have thought she’d be able to hear anything over that volume. I wasn’t expecting her to speak to me and I froze. The only thing still working was my cock and she had its full attention.
I parked myself at the pool that night hoping to see her again. She wouldn’t even look at me. I had obviously pissed her off somehow, although I didn’t have a clue what I’d done. As soon as I saw her, my dick went hard; not exactly the lasting impression I wanted to leave her with, and watching her wasn’t exactly helping matters. I tried to adjust myself so my problem wasn’t so obvious but I’d been sporting a semi most of the day and apparently my body was as pissed at me as Bella was. I decided to leave before I embarrassed myself any further. Of course, that didn’t preclude me from taking one last look at her before I left. Big mistake. She was at the bottom of the deep end doing god knows what but from the angle I was standing at, I could see right down the front of her bathing suit. My brain stopped working and my hand took over. I stood there at the edge of the pool in manual override, not even the least bit discreet about it. Based on the way Bella took off, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that she saw me. Some days I hated my dick.
I fought with myself the next night about staying away from the pool, wishing I could just man up and talk to her. Stalking her at the pool each night wasn’t exactly helping me get closer to her, but time was not my friend and hiding in my cabin wasn’t going to help the cause. She was already doing laps by the time I got there. Same shit, different day. I really needed to remember to rub one out before going to the pool so I could avoid the insta-hard-on next time.
I swear I tried to behave but she was just so fucking cute peeking at me when she took each breath. I really didn’t need much encouragement when it came to her and knowing she couldn’t stop looking at me was the equivalent of porn for my brain. I thought I could finish myself off before she was done her laps and henceforth I will remember that I am a poor planner. Instead, she was front and center for my orgasm. I got up to try and explain myself but she backed away from me. I’m sure she thought I was the biggest asshole on the planet by that point but she left without giving me the chance to ask her.
She wouldn’t even look at me the next day, and I couldn’t blame her. I waited by the pool for a while but in the back of my mind I knew she wasn’t coming, and I had to apologize to her. I felt like a creeper showing up at her cabin uninvited but holy hell what timing. I heard her first but didn’t realize what she was doing until I saw her. Knees bent, heels digging into the bed, hand in her friggen polka dot panties doing exactly what I wanted to apologize for. It was so hot, and I’m not talking weather here. I had imagined this scenario six ways from Sunday but seeing it in real life made me realize that my imagination was sorely lacking in potential. Watching her body work was magnificent; the flex in her calves, the arch of her back, the way she bit her lip. The sight of her paralyzed me; I had to hold onto the wall to steady myself. When she came it took my breath away; her quiet panting silenced by the sexiest moan I’d ever heard. I stumbled around the corner of the cabin to find a hiding spot. I think it took about ten strokes with my hand to make me come. I collapsed against her cabin and stayed there half the night. I just wanted to be near her.
I was determined to make her talk to me the following day, upping my game by borrowing the bottle of ketchup on her table. Yes, I admit it was kind of lame but at least I stood close enough to her to touch her, and I must have done something right. She was staring at me when I sat down. At least I’d gotten her attention.
I was saddled with straightening up the sports equipment that afternoon, two hours in an oversized windowless shed that smelled like stale sweat. I left the door opened wide for air, hoping I’d be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Bella while I worked. No such luck. In my rush to finish, I knocked over the pile of Frisbees I’d just stacked for the third time. When I bent over to pick them up, the lights went out and the door to the shed closed. I lost my patience, so not in the mood for another practical joke. I got up and moved towards the light switch with the intention of telling the stupid prick who thought he was funny to fuck off. Her scent hit me like a wall and my body reacted instantly. Sweet vanilla with a hint of citrus; I’d know that smell anywhere. “Bella?”
I reached blindly for her, my heart beating so hard that I could feel its pulse in my ears. When I caught her shoulders I was running on pure instinct, my mind completely overwhelmed by the fact that she had come to me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and tucked myself against her body, pressing my cheek to hers. I wondered if she could feel my hands trembling.
I fought to think through the adrenaline. It was heady to realize that she wasn’t pulling away from me. My hands moved of their own volition, clumsy and indecisive. The voice in my head was screaming at me to stop; I knew I shouldn’t be touching her body without her permission but the words wouldn’t come to my mouth. Her hands came to my waist, her fingertips nudging my shirt aside and pressing into my skin. My brain began to short circuit once she pulled my shorts down and pressed her ass against my cock.
I’d never struggled with such duality in my life, right against wrong, want against need. I kept moving forward, tripping over the warnings of decency and propriety, like traps my mind had set, and every time I got a hold of myself she pressed her ass into my swollen dick and asked me for what she wanted all over again. Only she never said the words. The man in me realized this but I was listening to the horny teenager who’d wanted to fuck this girl for four years. I was caught up in the fact that she actually wanted me. She had been the star of every sexual fantasy I’d ever had, and while I may have outwardly behaved like we were a forgone conclusion, a part of me was sure she’d never be mine. That was the voice I heard in my last moments of indecision, the one that told me I might never have another opportunity like this. There was no going back once I understood this might be my only chance to be with her.
Something took over in me, fueled entirely by my need to be connected to her. It was like every thought I’d ever had about her, every word and look we’d ever exchanged fused together to create a force that was swallowing me whole, and touching her was the only thing that would save me from it. I couldn’t bring her close enough to me. My arms held her tightly, probably too tightly, but the feel of her body against mine was the only thing that made me feel material. The more ways my body connected to hers the closer I felt to whole. The deeper I thrust into her, the more proof I had that we were real, not just a wish or fantasy hiding in the darkness that engulfed us. When I was close, I planted my mouth beside her ear and tried to tell her how much she meant to me. Broken thoughts mixed with the intensity of everything I was feeling, sentiments with meaning became meaningless words. My release came to fast for me to tell her properly.
There was a dull ache in the pit of my stomach when it was over. I didn’t want to let her go. I knew the ache was going to be there permanently now. I nestled my head against hers, trying to catch my breath. I was about to tell her how I felt when she announced that she had to go and pulled away from me. I didn’t even have time adjust my clothing before she slipped out the door, and I didn’t know what to do about any of it once she was gone.
She hid from me for two nights. The first night I wandered the grounds looking for her, wondering if she had some secret hiding spot I didn’t know about. Not that it would have mattered. I think she could have been right in front of my face and she’d still be hiding from me. The second night I just waited by the pool. I saw her slip out of her cabin around midnight but she just shook her head when I invited her to join me. I couldn’t blame her. Hindsight being what it was, I’d treated her pretty disrespectfully. I couldn’t deny that we had heat but I wanted more than that with her, and while I didn’t regret taking what was very likely going to be my only chance to be with her, I wished I had done it differently. She deserved to know how I felt about her.
By the third night I was going crazy. I’d been around her all day long because we had to work together. She could barely even look at me and it was killing me. I straight up stalked her that night. There was no way I was going to let her get out of talking to me. I followed her down to the lake and stayed just inside the tree line while she took a canoe out. I had what I was going to say to her all planned out in my head by the time I saw her heading back in. I was just waiting for her to finish putting her gear away, but in the blink of an eye, I forgot every word.
Bella bent forward to grab the paddle out of the canoe and lost her balance. I knew what was going to happen; I could see it all in my mind, but instead of reacting I had one of those fucked up slow motion moments. She fell forward, twisting awkwardly as she tried to grab on to something to stop herself. I watched helplessly as she smacked the side of her head on the front edge of dock and then ricocheted against the canoe. She landed in the water as limp as a rag doll. I ran at her as soon as I could make me feet work, sprinting to get to her as fast as I could. I pulled off my sweat jacket as I ran knowing she’d need it to warm up once I got her out. In the back of my mind I was thanking my father for forcing me to take lifesaving classes. I dove in off to the side so I wouldn’t land on her and then looked for her under the water. I pushed back the panic when I saw her on the lake bottom with her eyes closed and swam for her, pulling her up to the surface and lifting her out on to the dock. This was definitely not the way I had dreamed of putting my lips on her. I couldn’t tell if she was breathing; I just went through all the steps I knew in case she wasn’t. Once I heard her body trying to work I sat her up and pounded on her back to help her get the water out of her lungs.
I should have felt relief when she coughed but I didn’t. All the panic that I’d been suppressing bubbled up and turned to anger. Bella was a trained lifeguard who’d spent hours teaching other kids how to canoe. She knew the rules as well as I did. In my head, my words showed how much I cared about her, that I was horrified that she would put her life at risk, but it just came out as me yelling at her. She was just as angry back, pushing me away as soon as she could speak. She didn’t want my advice, my help or my company. She even refused my jacket. I was every bit as good at being stubborn as she was, so I just ignored her and did things my way. It didn’t hurt that I got to pull her close and zip her into the jacket with me either. She was asleep against my chest in about two minutes flat. Once she drifted off then I had to calm myself down, stroking her hair and holding her close until my breathing and pulse went back to normal. Yeah, I was being indulgent, but I’d spent the last sixty hours thinking I’d never get to hold her again. I’d earned the right to bask in some sleep-induced indulgence. I don’t know when I dropped off. The last thing I remembered was tunneling my nose into her hair and breathing her in.
It started as an itch, a tiny little something or other that didn’t feel normal, but I was aware enough to recognize that whatever was touching me was gentle and pleasurable. It was like I was caught up in a dream except the sensations were too real. When she whispered in my ear and I both heard and felt it, I woke up. I kept my eyes closed, curious what she was doing when she slid off my lap. I thought about pulling her back up to me and telling her how I felt but something told me that would just make her shut down. Besides, I was a big proponent of the whole ‘actions speak louder than words’ idiom, so I sat back and waited to see what she’d do. She was so gentle and affectionate with me, the complete opposite of how we’d both behaved the other day. My stupid traitor dick betrayed me so I knew I had to admit I was awake. I reached out for her, cupping the back of her head gently. It was like I hit a switch that transformed her from sweet to siren.
In one swift move she pulled my cock out of my shorts and covered the tip with her mouth. Of all the appropriate responses possible in this delicate situation, I believe mine was, “Fuck. Oh, God. Bella. Holy shit.” My grasp on the English language was impressive, no? The only other response I could muster was closing my eyes as I relaxed into her touch and tried to process the outstanding sensations she was creating with her tongue. Well, that, and welcoming the horny teenager in me back. I think every guy ever born had fantasies about a pretty girl giving him head. Mine were not in a canoe but the beautiful brunette between my legs was making me seriously rethink that.
After the initial shock of her actions subsided, I was struck by how badly I wanted to see her face. I gently gathered her hair in my hand and pulled it back, smiling when I realized her eyes were closed. I wasn’t trying to be a pervert watching her get me off. It was just the only way to make it more intimate. Yes, even when she was going down on me I was trying to find other connections to her. It was just how my brain worked.
Between her mouth and her hand, I was losing control fast. I’d sworn more times than I could count. I wasn’t even capable of words any longer, just really loud embarrassing moans every time she ran her tongue along me. I moved one of my hands to her shoulder and tried to pull her up to me. It’s not that I wasn’t enjoying what she was doing, clearly I was. I just didn’t want her to think she had to do this to get my attention. I wanted to be with her because of who she was, not what she could do for me.
Bella’s stubborn streak was in full effect. She refused to be moved and continued with what she was doing but finally looked up at me. The honesty in her eyes was what put me over the edge. I pushed her face off of me; there was no way in hell I was going to come in her mouth. As soon as I could think again I pulled her to me. I was looking forward to returning the favor; I just needed to catch my breath. Bella had other plans. When I tried to undo the buttons on her shirt she finessed my hands away. I kissed her skin and tried again but she pushed them away a second time. I asked her what was wrong but it was too late. She was already in retreat mode. I called to her and asked her to wait knowing she wouldn’t, but I had to try. Something was going on with her that I didn’t understand and it was clear she had no intention of letting me in on it.
I searched hard to find perspective in her actions but every explanation I came up with made me feel like shit. The fact that she shut down when I tried to reciprocate cheapened what she’d done to me, not because of what she did, but because of how I felt about her. She reached out to me and I wanted it to mean something. I wanted it mean that she had feelings for me, but it felt more like I was a convenient participant in her promiscuity. I didn’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t want casual with her. What I couldn’t figure out was if I would take casual if that was all she was willing to give. I wanted to say no but I recognized the lie in my desire. The only thing I knew for sure was that the harder I tried to get close to her, the further away I felt.
I felt lost when I woke up the next morning, like I was wandering around in a fog. Instead of avoiding my gaze, Bella was searching it out, something that under any other circumstance would have gotten my hopes up that I had a chance with her. The sting of last night’s rejection was still too strong. It took me all day and half the night to decide whether to go to the pool that night. My ego wanted to demand a confession but my heart wasn’t sure I could handle it.
My stomach dropped as soon as I saw her sitting there, her long brown hair floating around her face in the breeze. I felt so transparent. Just the sight of her broke me down. I went to her knowing she’d get exactly what she wanted from me that night. When she threw herself into my arms, I told myself to pullback but I couldn’t. I was hopelessly unable to resist her. Bella had plans of her own, showing up bottomless and hiding it under her cover up. I surrendered to her. I needed to feel her skin and fill my hands with her body so I wouldn’t feel so powerless. I need to make her come to prove to myself that I could make her feel something. And she did come, hard and loud, biting at my shoulder, her nails digging into my back.
From that point on, making her feel something became my object. I knew every trigger and pushed her boundaries every time we touched. My belief that she was hiding her feelings from me was the only thing that kept me going. Otherwise our entire relationship was just vulgar sex. I was probably the only eighteen-year-old guy alive that wasn’t happy with a no strings sex life as hot as ours was but I wanted her honesty. Even if she didn’t feel what I felt, I just wanted her present instead of hiding.
Every night when I fucked her I made her promise to meet me the following night before I’d let her climax. It was emotional blackmail but it was the only emotion she’d ever give me. I backed her into every corner I could find, searching for the one position or situation that would make it impossible for her to hold back from me. Undressing her became a game, one I knew I’d never win because she never gave me more of her body then was already exposed, but that didn’t stop me from playing. Even her kisses were at a premium, and when I needed that connection, I leveraged her orgasms to get them. I took great satisfaction from those moments when I was kissing her as she came undone because it put me in the middle of her orgasm in a way that she resisted. I knew it was a power trip, but I was fighting for the ultimate prize, Bella’s love, and I was beginning to understand that there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for it.
Bella did her best to control things and sometimes I just sat back and let her. Other days, we clashed, driven by the urgency and battle for control. It was those moments where she accidentally let me close enough to be burned by the fire inside of her where I felt most alive. They were also the moments where she pissed me off the most because she wouldn’t let me that little bit closer. As the end of camp loomed, the battles became more commonplace. She refused to discus what was happening and I was running out of time. In utter frustration I finally came right out and asked her why she wouldn’t let me in. She didn’t answer. I was sure I knew why. I just needed her to realize it.
Bella invited me to her cabin on the last night of camp. I had tried to sweet talk her into the privacy of my cabin and was shot down more times than I cared to remember, another one of her games, so I knew she had a plan. Not that she let me in on it. I had a few plans of my own. Didn’t let her in on those either. Tit for tat, you know.
I stood at her door, looking in from the outside, and the significance of the night began to hit me. I think I finally understood Bella’s reluctance to talk about what was coming because I couldn’t even bring myself to call it an end. I buried the feelings; I didn’t want anything to screw up our time together. She was sitting on the bed, and waved me in with a smile on her face.
The candles she had set out around the room caught me off guard. I thought girls only did that in movies. Still, they gave me a hint of what she had planned. I watched her close the cabin door, amazed at how awkward I felt. We’d fucked countless times all around the camp but this was different somehow. We’d never lied together in a bed, never set the scene for seduction. It was like a second chance at a first time, at least it felt that way to me.
Bella was in a good mood. She playfully pushed me back on to the bed and climbed into my lap. It was good to see her confident and happy. I had no clue what she was after tonight but if she was willing to show me, I was more than glad to oblige her. I didn’t want to fight with her. I wanted us both to have what we needed, and all I needed was her.
She leaned close to me and kissed me, her lips lingering at mine. I fought the shudder it caused in me and told my brain to calm down. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. She kissed me again, sliding her hands along my cheeks and into my hair. She’d never kissed me like that before, and fuck did I ever want her to, but I was still waiting for her to pull away. When she pressed her open mouth against mine, my tongue darted out to meet hers. It had to be an invitation to French kiss her, didn’t it? I wasn’t sure, so I pulled my tongue away and kissed her softly instead, looking into her eyes for a clue about what she wanted. I liked her clue even better than her kiss.
Her hands moved to the buttons on her shirt. She had the first one about half way undone when it hit me what she was doing and why. I reached out and stopped her. If anyone was going to undress her it was going to be me. I bit my tongue to keep from swearing at the tiny pearl buttons that felt obscenely miniature to my fingers. It didn’t help that my hands were shaking either. I knew her eyes were on me but all I saw was the blue of her bra, dark sapphire against her flawless creamy skin. Fuck was it ever going to be hard to do this slowly.
I tucked my lips between her tits and kissed her. Her skin was warm and smelled fantastic, my mouth moving along to explore it. I would have been happy to stay that way all night with her, one hand tangled into her hair and one on the small of her back. As wrong as I knew it was, she felt like my property when I held her like that and a part of me reveled in that notion.
My mind, in all its brilliance, began to wonder what panties she might be wearing and that put an end to my contentedness. I moved my hands to the button on her shorts and waited for the okay. She shifted off my lap so I could take them off of her. Matching fucking blue panties. The shiny kind that felt good to touch. This was definitely part of her plan and she had no intention of making this easy on me.
She looked incredibly sexy lying on the mattress and I took my time studying every curve and dip in front of my eyes. I made a mental list of all the places I needed to touch and then indulged in each one. She was easy to appreciate and I did a lot of it. The awkwardness that I’d felt earlier had completely evaporated. Loving her like this was as natural as breathing.
Bella asked me to stand so she could undress me. They way she looked into my eyes as she worked made my dick hurt. It was a reserved version of what I always saw when we were together but it felt more personal somehow. Maybe because she was taking my clothes off. Maybe because I knew that as soon as she was finished I’d be taking the rest of her clothing off, too. Either way I was aching but in the best possible way.
She tried to sidetrack me by going down on me but I pulled away from her. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her. I have no doubt she could tell I was anxious. I wanted to be able to see how her body reacted to my touch, to watch her nipple harden as I dragged my thumb across it, I wanted to feel it peak against my tongue.
I was completely self-indulgent with the way I touched her, unbelievably satisfied just being able to run my hands into her panties and leave them there. I wasn’t wasting time with logistics or planning how to get them out of my way. I knew I’d be taking them off her when I was ready so I gratified every urge I felt, filling my hands with her ass and slowly easing those delicious blue panties down Bella’s hips. The visual was particularly stunning, although less so than the way she looked when I finally took them off of her.
I crawled up her body, forcing myself to slow down by kissing her skin as I went. I felt the beginnings of desperation swell inside me, my feelings for her mixed with need and fear. I had been searching for this bodily connection to her from the beginning, and I realized it was as much about my need to touch her as it was to feel her touching me, holding her close, face-to-face, open, honest, and real.
First things first, I told her she was beautiful, something I’d always wanted to tell her but never found the right time to say. And she was beautiful, in an overwhelming all encompassing way, and she deserved to be told.
The bliss when our bodies came together skin to skin for the first time was mind blowing. The intimacy in being able to hold her close and kiss her lips made a world of difference in my mind. It wasn’t a game or a fight for control; it was two people sharing a connection. And once I entered her, our connection exploded into a tiny million pieces, like I could feel her essence in every part of my body. Everything was heightened, my hearing, my sense of touch, even the way she tasted on my tongue was somehow sweeter. I couldn’t explain it. I just let her take me under her spell.
There was no build to our intensity; it was there from the moment we connected. As I moved in time with her body it over ran me. All of the things I’d wanted to say to her from the very beginning came to my mind and I tried to express them. They didn’t come out right. Nothing about my feelings ever did when I was with her. She rubbed my neck and shoulders trying to soothe me but it only made me feel more desperate to get the words out while she was listening to me. I wanted her to know that I just wanted her to stay with me. I didn’t want it to matter how she felt, but it did, and her words weren’t enough. I wanted more. I buried my attention in deep thrusts, giving her exactly what she asked for on repeat so I didn’t have to face the truth, almost to the point of cruelty. If we were only physical, then I was there to fuck her to orgasm, just like I’d been every other night, not to stop before she came. When I accused her of that, her answer changed everything.
“No, I want to stay right here in your arms.”
I didn’t stop. I rearranged the way I held her so she would know that my affection was all around her and I glued my eyes to her so she could see every emotion there, even if I couldn’t speak them and I fucked her with everything in me. I watched her come undone in my arms, stealing every bit of emotion she showed like I was owed it, and then I turned that emotion inward. And I held onto her as tightly as I could as that emotion took me down and reduced me to a quivering heap.
After we were finished, I tried again to find the right words to tell her how I felt. I was broken. No one else would ever feel right against me. I was betting my dick wouldn’t even work on another girl, not that I had any desire to try. I only wanted her and I had no idea how to let her go in just a few short hours. She told me not to; it was music to my ears to hear that she didn’t want me to. I was asleep in moments, a deep fulfilling sleep next to the woman who held my heart.
The alarm on my watch went off at 6:45. I reached for Bella and got an armful of nothing. I didn’t realize she was an early riser. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and dressed quickly, hoping to slip out of her cabin before anyone saw me there. The last thing we needed was to be caught together in her cabin. As I pulled the door shut behind me I recognized that something wasn’t right. After a quick shower, I packed up the last of my things and brought my bag out to my car. Her truck was missing. I began to panic. There hadn’t been time to exchange addresses or make plans, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her just walk away.
I went to the dining hall looking for the office staff. Jessica was easy prey. I explained that my father had changed his cell phone number and I didn’t have it in my phone and asked if she could pull my forms so I could write it down. That got me into the office. Once inside, a tiny bit of flirting got me behind the desks and one very faked smile landed me beside the filing cabinets. I waited for her to pull my file and when she handed me the folder I laid it across the drawer with a very careful touch so that it left Bella’s folder accessible. Then I handed Jessica my phone. She was so giddy and excited that I wanted her contact information that I probably could have removed Bella’s entire folder without her notice. I didn’t. I just set Bella’s address to memory and waited for Jessica to give me my phone back.
Once I had a map on my BlackBerry, I left for Bella’s house. It was only an hour away and I made good time. A middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair, presumably Bella’s father, answered the door. I gave him the short story of who I was, a friend from camp that had missed the chance to say goodbye to Bella. I don’t think he believed me either, but he was kind enough to invite me in. Bella’s mother came into the room and Mr. Swan gave her my story. Her eyes lit up with understanding. I wondered if Bella had said something to her mom or if she just had a feeling. She made me a cup of coffee and then broke the news to me. Bella wasn’t coming home. She was on her way to college and wouldn’t be returning until at least Christmas. My heart sank. In desperation, I came clean with Bella’s mom, and told her I needed to find Bella because she left before I could tell her how I felt about her. I stopped short of telling her how I felt but I’m pretty sure that was a given. You don’t drive an hour to find a casual acquaintance. You don’t ask someone’s mom for their address when you’re looking to exchange recipes. I think she knew I was going after Bella and I think that’s exactly why she gave me the address.
I went home first. I owed my mom an explanation of what I was doing, well, a prettied up version of a very small part of the truth. I didn’t want her to worry. I didn’t bother to fill my father in. He would have told me everything that was wrong with my choices. What he wouldn’t get was that this wasn’t a choice; it was a necessity.
Fourteen large coffees and twenty hours of driving later, I arrived in LA. I buzzed Bella’s apartment but there was no answer. I hung around outside the building until I was able to follow someone in. I knocked on her door but there was still no answer. I slid down the door frame and took a seat on the ground. I was exhausted. I just closed my eyes for a second and I was gone.
A soft hand on my shoulder woke me. A worn out pony-tailed sight for sore eyes.
“What are you doing here?” The question meant little. The smile on her face meant everything. She was happy to see me.
“You left without something,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and looking up at her.
“What?”
“This.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her down into my lap, planting my lips on hers firmly. I unleashed the full force of the anxiety I’d been internalizing for the last twenty-four hours on her.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered, looking down shyly.
“Did you really think I was going to let you go?”
“Yeah, I did,” she admitted, her face serious.
“Is that what you want?” I asked.
“What I want doesn’t matter.”
“Bullshit. It matters more than anything to me.”
“Stuff like what happened at camp just doesn’t happen in the real world, Edward.”
“Then let’s not live in the real world.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m here, and I want to know what you’re going to do about it.”
“I don’t want to play games, Edward.”
“Do you think I drove twenty hours to play games?”
“I don’t know why you drove twenty hours.”
“Because I love you,” I whispered. “Because I don’t want to let you go. Because the thought of not seeing you until Christmas almost broke my heart.”
“You love me?” she murmured, looking back at me with shock on her face.
“I love you,” I repeated, cupping her cheeks and pulling her forehead against mine. Her wide eyes stared back at me, blinking hard in confusion.
“Breathe, Bella,” I whispered, smirking as she took a big gulp of air in and giggled. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me sweetly.
A/N: Please leave me some love by way of a review. I would greatly appreciate it.
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