too many thoughts...my head hurts!
I love my family, I love my friends, I am such a blessed girl!! And yet sometimes I feel left wanting, missing, needing and I'm not exactly sure what to make of it. On one hand I think it could be a good thing. I mean we can never have enough of God, we can never know enough about Him, never be intimate enough. But sometimes I feel like I'm not truly living the song "All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need you satisfy me, with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough." I want to make that more real in my life.
I also want to work on social skills, my relational skills. It's really been on my heart, especially this year. I think God has brought me so far since I've been in college. He's taught me to sometimes make initiative, how to open up even if I don't want to. I've made some really close friends rather quickly and that's usually really hard for me. And yet I feel like after the first year I kinda hit a road block. I get comfortable with how far I've come and I don't continue to push myself. I feel like I've been honest and real, but I don't want to have probe, ask a lot of questions, confront, a lot of times I don't want to be accountable. It's almost as if when I first met everyone I was more willing to be vulnerable because I felt I had nothing to lose but now that I've gained some really close friends I'm afraid to go deeper in fear that I'll lose what I already have which is so great. Relationships are so much work...but isn't that what makes them so special? I've so much to learn, and I really am trying and I do thinking I'm getting better. I look at my journal and I know that I've come a long way but sometimes it seems like my progress is SOOO SLOW!!
On that note, I was thinking of myself in high school. I have been a lot recently. Especially my senior year. Sometimes I can't believe who I was. Sometimes I think I was more attached to my values and my morals than God Himself. I just hope me being my lost immature self didn't lead people to dislike Christianity. I hope I wasn't one of those Christians who was so hypocritical that people just couldn't believe in a faith like that. But that's in the past (although aren't we all often hypocrites to some extent?) and there's not much I can do about it but learn from my mistakes and keep pressing forward.
I thank God so much for where He's taken me, where's He's led me. I can't even comprehend how I got to where I am now. I just hope that I never become stagnate. That my faith is constantly progressing that whenever I look back to see where I've been I can see how far I've come.
I also want to work on social skills, my relational skills. It's really been on my heart, especially this year. I think God has brought me so far since I've been in college. He's taught me to sometimes make initiative, how to open up even if I don't want to. I've made some really close friends rather quickly and that's usually really hard for me. And yet I feel like after the first year I kinda hit a road block. I get comfortable with how far I've come and I don't continue to push myself. I feel like I've been honest and real, but I don't want to have probe, ask a lot of questions, confront, a lot of times I don't want to be accountable. It's almost as if when I first met everyone I was more willing to be vulnerable because I felt I had nothing to lose but now that I've gained some really close friends I'm afraid to go deeper in fear that I'll lose what I already have which is so great. Relationships are so much work...but isn't that what makes them so special? I've so much to learn, and I really am trying and I do thinking I'm getting better. I look at my journal and I know that I've come a long way but sometimes it seems like my progress is SOOO SLOW!!
On that note, I was thinking of myself in high school. I have been a lot recently. Especially my senior year. Sometimes I can't believe who I was. Sometimes I think I was more attached to my values and my morals than God Himself. I just hope me being my lost immature self didn't lead people to dislike Christianity. I hope I wasn't one of those Christians who was so hypocritical that people just couldn't believe in a faith like that. But that's in the past (although aren't we all often hypocrites to some extent?) and there's not much I can do about it but learn from my mistakes and keep pressing forward.
I thank God so much for where He's taken me, where's He's led me. I can't even comprehend how I got to where I am now. I just hope that I never become stagnate. That my faith is constantly progressing that whenever I look back to see where I've been I can see how far I've come.