Lessons Learned
There are those that think of Video Games as mere entertainment, but in reality, one can learn many valuable lessons from Games. Let's take a look at a few, shall we?
SILENT HILL (May contain Spoilers):
>>If your insurance or HMO caters to hospitals with names like "Alchemilla", you may want to consider changing your service.
>>When in a potentially dangerous supernatural situation, NEVER help Strippers, no matter how much they may or may not look like your dead wife. There's always a chance they'll turn out to be a hideous demon and try to strangle you.
>>If you happen across a burned corpse suspended by chains in a bathroom stall, you should probably leave.
>>Never take your child or significant other to Silent Hill for vacation; it'll just end up biting you in the ass.
>>Maps are always handy. Whenever and where ever you see one, take it to assist you on your journey. Even if it's pinned on the wall or folded neatly on someone else's desk, take it. Go ahead, take the map!
>>If in a potentially dangerous supernatural situation, NEVER answer a ringing phone. It's usually a crazy person or demonic white noise, and that never helps.
>>No matter how normal someone seems, assume they are insane. That way, when you find out they're a homicidal lunatic, you won't be surprised.
RESIDENT EVIL(may contain spoilers):
>>Avoid derelict mansion located deep in the woods. They're usually filled with zombies and monsters...or sometimes just old people. Either way, not much fun.
>>Always assume all major corperations build biological weapons. This way, when a deadly virus leaks out of your IPod, you will be prepared.
>>When all else fails, try pushing a crate. It helps more often than you think.
>>If you place an important item in a big metal box, it will appear in every other big metal box you encounter until you take it out. Usually.
>>If something ever goes majorly wrong, it usually helps to blow up the build and/or area in which it went wrong. Make sure you have a helicopter handy, though.
>>If you see someone wearing sunglasses at night indoors, assume they are pure evil geniuses who are not completely human. 9 times out of 10, you'll be right.
>>Plants are living creatures, too. Remember this so you won't be caught off guard when one tries to kill you.
LEGEND OF ZELDA:
>>Whenever you receive or find something, make sure to hold it high above your head to proclaim it as yours. Otherwise, it may not work.
>>A boomerang will ALWAYS come back to you, and usually carry oject much heavier than itself back for you, as well. Try it!
>>Can't find something you need? It's probably in the depths of some ancient ruins, occasionally guarded by some powerful monster. Check there first.
>>You don't need pants to be a badass.
METROID:
>>Can't get past something? Try blowing it up. That usually works.
>>Doors can only be opened by shooting them. Just remember to knock first...then shoot.
>>The larger the brain is, the more evil it is. When ever you see a brain in a glass jar, shoot it with missiles just to be safe.
MARIO BROS.:
>>Jumping on things or people is one of the easiest ways to get past them. This also works when seeking a promotion at work. Try it!
>>In order to find everything, make sure to smash your head into as many brick walls as you can.
>>Plumbers travel through tubes. Why else would they use them?
>>BE WARNED! Apes and barrels are a deadly combination. Always keep your primates far far way from your barrels.
>>Plumbers and turtles are natural enemies.
SUIKODEN:
>>Once you have 109 friends, just stop: you can't find anymore.
>>Sharpening weapons always makes them more powerful. This even works for blunt weapons, whips, fists, and even guns! Sharpen everything!
CASTLEVANIA:
>>People often hide money in light sources, like lamps and candles. Smash 'em all! If the object to your doing so, slay them.
>>Everything explodes when it dies: people, animals, plants, chairs, everything. Whenever you are around something or someone about to expire, stand back.
>>Always eat meat, no matter where you happen to find it. Hidden in a brick wall, falling out of a monster's gullet, it's all good. Just eat it before it disappears!
>>You can still look manly even when wears tight leather, no pants and swinging a whip around. If someone makes a gay joke, proclaim them a vampire and slay them.
>>A perfectly acceptable way to name your child is simply to give him/her your name, spelled backwards (Note: this does not work for some names, such as Bob or Frederico).
(More to come later.)
SILENT HILL (May contain Spoilers):
>>If your insurance or HMO caters to hospitals with names like "Alchemilla", you may want to consider changing your service.
>>When in a potentially dangerous supernatural situation, NEVER help Strippers, no matter how much they may or may not look like your dead wife. There's always a chance they'll turn out to be a hideous demon and try to strangle you.
>>If you happen across a burned corpse suspended by chains in a bathroom stall, you should probably leave.
>>Never take your child or significant other to Silent Hill for vacation; it'll just end up biting you in the ass.
>>Maps are always handy. Whenever and where ever you see one, take it to assist you on your journey. Even if it's pinned on the wall or folded neatly on someone else's desk, take it. Go ahead, take the map!
>>If in a potentially dangerous supernatural situation, NEVER answer a ringing phone. It's usually a crazy person or demonic white noise, and that never helps.
>>No matter how normal someone seems, assume they are insane. That way, when you find out they're a homicidal lunatic, you won't be surprised.
RESIDENT EVIL(may contain spoilers):
>>Avoid derelict mansion located deep in the woods. They're usually filled with zombies and monsters...or sometimes just old people. Either way, not much fun.
>>Always assume all major corperations build biological weapons. This way, when a deadly virus leaks out of your IPod, you will be prepared.
>>When all else fails, try pushing a crate. It helps more often than you think.
>>If you place an important item in a big metal box, it will appear in every other big metal box you encounter until you take it out. Usually.
>>If something ever goes majorly wrong, it usually helps to blow up the build and/or area in which it went wrong. Make sure you have a helicopter handy, though.
>>If you see someone wearing sunglasses at night indoors, assume they are pure evil geniuses who are not completely human. 9 times out of 10, you'll be right.
>>Plants are living creatures, too. Remember this so you won't be caught off guard when one tries to kill you.
LEGEND OF ZELDA:
>>Whenever you receive or find something, make sure to hold it high above your head to proclaim it as yours. Otherwise, it may not work.
>>A boomerang will ALWAYS come back to you, and usually carry oject much heavier than itself back for you, as well. Try it!
>>Can't find something you need? It's probably in the depths of some ancient ruins, occasionally guarded by some powerful monster. Check there first.
>>You don't need pants to be a badass.
METROID:
>>Can't get past something? Try blowing it up. That usually works.
>>Doors can only be opened by shooting them. Just remember to knock first...then shoot.
>>The larger the brain is, the more evil it is. When ever you see a brain in a glass jar, shoot it with missiles just to be safe.
MARIO BROS.:
>>Jumping on things or people is one of the easiest ways to get past them. This also works when seeking a promotion at work. Try it!
>>In order to find everything, make sure to smash your head into as many brick walls as you can.
>>Plumbers travel through tubes. Why else would they use them?
>>BE WARNED! Apes and barrels are a deadly combination. Always keep your primates far far way from your barrels.
>>Plumbers and turtles are natural enemies.
SUIKODEN:
>>Once you have 109 friends, just stop: you can't find anymore.
>>Sharpening weapons always makes them more powerful. This even works for blunt weapons, whips, fists, and even guns! Sharpen everything!
CASTLEVANIA:
>>People often hide money in light sources, like lamps and candles. Smash 'em all! If the object to your doing so, slay them.
>>Everything explodes when it dies: people, animals, plants, chairs, everything. Whenever you are around something or someone about to expire, stand back.
>>Always eat meat, no matter where you happen to find it. Hidden in a brick wall, falling out of a monster's gullet, it's all good. Just eat it before it disappears!
>>You can still look manly even when wears tight leather, no pants and swinging a whip around. If someone makes a gay joke, proclaim them a vampire and slay them.
>>A perfectly acceptable way to name your child is simply to give him/her your name, spelled backwards (Note: this does not work for some names, such as Bob or Frederico).
(More to come later.)