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[jbmcdragon]

First, I'd just like to say that Ivan E. Coyote (no, I don't know why Ivan has three pages. Roll with it.) is an amazing author. Ivan writes slice of life stories, sometimes about trans/butch/lesbian things, sometimes just about life things. They are amazing, and continually make me tear up. Go read.

Comments

[petit_baobab]

Sry, I'm one of yr fic readers. (Love yr writing, by the way.)

I find it-- odd to see people talking about "taking care of yrself" as girly and as practical or being able to rescue yrself as opposed to girly. Not sure I'm explaining myself correctly, but it's almost-- How do I say this? Like a really, really traditional way of looking at yrself within a "different" structure, or something. It's applying the same old polar opposites, but in a benign way. I'm not sure if they really exist for all people, though, or if being conscious of yr inclinations makes you solidify into that. (I'm thinking of clay, or something. ha!)

It's totally cool if you don't want to talk about this with a complete stranger. Just struck me as kind of odd and deja vu-ey, so.

[jbmcdragon]

Hi! And thanks

[petit_baobab]

Not the general care and feeding of the self, but the extreme consciousness of the physical appearance and the care thereof. ;)

Yeah, but that's such-- crap, isn't it? I don't know. I've noticed that gender stereotypes are just complete bullshit. They have no basis on reality. Or maybe I live in AU and in my part of reality people never conform to stereotypes and taking on the feminine or masculine roles (in a heterosexual or gay relationship) is a bit like wearing a rly ethnocentric version of a Halloween "ethnic" costume (redundant?). Like, I dunno. Sexy Pocahontas and Fabio-like Smith? lol

but the idea that you can be feminine or masculine if you so desire, even in a gay lifestyle, does appeal to me.

Why do you think that is? To recreate what you know? Does it feel safer? Maybe it just feels right for you and it's as simple as that and per'aps safer is part of that, but-- heck. What fits fits.

*laughs* I'm always cool with talking with complete strangers! It's how we become not-strangers, after all. :D (And I could always f'

[jbmcdragon]

but that's such-- crap, isn't it?The short answer - no. And claiming that gender roles are inherently fake invalidates the people who feel most comfortable in them, just as claiming they are all-important invalidates those people who don't feel comfortable in them

[petit_baobab]

I understand what you are saying, but notice how I talked about stereotypes not just gender roles. Just like you don't see what's so inherently fake about a gender stereotype (like equating feminine* with being helpless and waiting to be rescued and masculinity with being practical and not fussing over appearance) I don't see what's inherent about gender roles at all. I'm cool with people taking of the roles if they don't give the roles any other meaning but what they apply to themselves. Like, "I feel girly, so I'ma wear a tutu today," but not girly = tutus. I've found that thinking of the genders as having any inherent characteristics at all --erm-- weird, so I don't use masculine or feminine as codespeak, because I just don't see how it applies to anything I know. As I said, this comes from personal experience. I'm all for "live and let live", or more accurately for "who gives a shit?" But. It's just not what I do, to give this kind of totemic power to the gender roles and then say, I act this way because I'm being feminine or I