(no subject)
I meant to write more on my previous entry but I just didn't have the energy or attention span. I rarely do these days, but I'm going to try again. Well it was refreshing to be able to have a casual interview with a nice manager. He's the manager of all the food service places in the Travel Plaza so he had to pause between talking to me to check on things at all the restaurants. I'm excited to work at Starbucks. I've always wondered how they make their drinks, and so fast. I need to start like memorizing the menu. lol I dunno what they'll have me do first, I guess cash register, which is cool with me. I dunno. But the job title is Barista so I'm going to make drinks. weee drink making. Hah I'm talking like I already have the job, but I'm pretty damn confident about it. Just gotta get through this drug test tomorrow and the manager (Thomas :-P ) will call me after he gets confirmation from that.
Alright so, I've been pretty depressed lately but not just that...my mood swings have been incredible lately. It's kind of scaring me. I can get crazy violent but then calm down very quickly. Well it's not really scaring me, it's just out of the norm of my behavior, I guess you could say. I keep wondering if I have bi-polar but I can never tell if I'm going through mania, which is the main thing with bi-polar. But mania doesn't always mean crazy happy. It's also really angry and irritable/rash behaviors. but who knows... I don't see doctors. I prolly should. but I don't want to mess things up with S. Korea. If I get diagnosed with bi-polar or something and have to take meds I'll have to note that and may be denied a visa because of it. blah.
Speaking of that....no...I don't really want to talk about that.
I was on SoulPancake earlier and I got frustrated with people. I was angry and asked a question but the question didn't come out like I wanted it to....and of course people took it the wrong way and I was like NO....THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN! I got incredibly upset because of being misunderstood and just started crying like a maniac. I mean, who does that? It wasn't that big of a deal for a typical person, but I lost it and got incredibly angry, just from being misunderstood. I just hate it when I can't communicate what I want to correctly. and I always feel not as intelligent as other people because I don't have perfect grammar and usage of words, etc... and being corrected makes me angry.
I edited the question to make it somewhat better but it didn't really help. Then I felt that people thought I was crazy, for having an angry outburst. and then to my rescue a hero of mine on SP, knew I was having a rough time and started messaging me on FB and cheering me up. This guy is incredible. Absolutely incredible. I really want to meet him in real life. His mind is just amazing. Yet, he's incredibly fascinated with my mind for some reason. He thinks I'm just the greatest, and I'm like....uh...me? really? why??? I don't get it but...I don't see things from his perspective. I wish I could because, like I said, his brain is awesome. He has Asperger's, a mild case of Autism, but his mind is just brilliant and he can memorize like crazy. and he has all these Rosetta stones, knows all these languages... and is like a child in a man's body. and he's like a breath of fresh air to me. I told him that today, because he doesn't seem to be bothered at all by my insanity or whatever it is. He likes me just the way I am, whether I'm crazy or not. but of course he's married with kids.
I told him about mr. tiny that I had "sex" with and told him that I never even orgasmed so he kinda wanted that to happen for me so he typed all these things that he wanted to do to me. lol and he said if we met, he would go down on me and have sex with me. Or even just go down on me. Crazeh boy. I don't even remember how old he is.. like 38 or something maybe. I dun remember. He lives in Florida. He said if I visited he'd take me to Disney! Woohoo! haha I said I wanted to go to a tea party with Alice.
Flirting = teasing. and it's good and bad. Good because well it feels good. Bad because there's always something that goes wrong. In my case anyway... always. I never should say always. or never for that matter. but I am now..just because.
There's this new dude on SP that started talking to me and sharing my views. He's pretty cool. A lot of people are cool on there. Well.....not a lot. More like just a select few. But they are the most awesome people ever and I'd like to meet them in real life. They're all just so open-minded and adventurous and have brilliant minds. I envy them.
I need to stop eating so much. I dunno why I do. I just start eating and don't stop until I feel so sick I want to throw up. and maybe I should. lol
but I won't go that bulimic route again. It's disgusting. I even used to puke outside. I was a weirdo. lol still am.
I really want to lose weight. I bought a jump rope. Maybe that'll help. I love jump ropes. I know people say I have a pretty face but the rest of me is gross and I'm tired of it. It just makes me depressed all the time.
I barely moved today. Well that's a lie. I did my interview, came home, did dishes, folded towels, took the dog for a walk, ate, watched a movie, gave my dog a bath and then sat down and didn't move forever. I have no energy at all. ever. I pretend to when I have to. Then I flop back down. The weird thing is I don't sleep. It's like I'm in this daze all the time and don't get the sleep I want/need ever.
I really want to read and record music but I'm just so damn tired. Maybe I will sleep. But even if I'm tired as fuck is hard for me to actually sleep. Whyyy? oh the torture.
I feel so disgusting. OK stop complaining. God. lol
What else is going on in my life... nothing at all. That's it. the end. bye
Alright so, I've been pretty depressed lately but not just that...my mood swings have been incredible lately. It's kind of scaring me. I can get crazy violent but then calm down very quickly. Well it's not really scaring me, it's just out of the norm of my behavior, I guess you could say. I keep wondering if I have bi-polar but I can never tell if I'm going through mania, which is the main thing with bi-polar. But mania doesn't always mean crazy happy. It's also really angry and irritable/rash behaviors. but who knows... I don't see doctors. I prolly should. but I don't want to mess things up with S. Korea. If I get diagnosed with bi-polar or something and have to take meds I'll have to note that and may be denied a visa because of it. blah.
Speaking of that....no...I don't really want to talk about that.
I was on SoulPancake earlier and I got frustrated with people. I was angry and asked a question but the question didn't come out like I wanted it to....and of course people took it the wrong way and I was like NO....THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN! I got incredibly upset because of being misunderstood and just started crying like a maniac. I mean, who does that? It wasn't that big of a deal for a typical person, but I lost it and got incredibly angry, just from being misunderstood. I just hate it when I can't communicate what I want to correctly. and I always feel not as intelligent as other people because I don't have perfect grammar and usage of words, etc... and being corrected makes me angry.
I edited the question to make it somewhat better but it didn't really help. Then I felt that people thought I was crazy, for having an angry outburst. and then to my rescue a hero of mine on SP, knew I was having a rough time and started messaging me on FB and cheering me up. This guy is incredible. Absolutely incredible. I really want to meet him in real life. His mind is just amazing. Yet, he's incredibly fascinated with my mind for some reason. He thinks I'm just the greatest, and I'm like....uh...me? really? why??? I don't get it but...I don't see things from his perspective. I wish I could because, like I said, his brain is awesome. He has Asperger's, a mild case of Autism, but his mind is just brilliant and he can memorize like crazy. and he has all these Rosetta stones, knows all these languages... and is like a child in a man's body. and he's like a breath of fresh air to me. I told him that today, because he doesn't seem to be bothered at all by my insanity or whatever it is. He likes me just the way I am, whether I'm crazy or not. but of course he's married with kids.
I told him about mr. tiny that I had "sex" with and told him that I never even orgasmed so he kinda wanted that to happen for me so he typed all these things that he wanted to do to me. lol and he said if we met, he would go down on me and have sex with me. Or even just go down on me. Crazeh boy. I don't even remember how old he is.. like 38 or something maybe. I dun remember. He lives in Florida. He said if I visited he'd take me to Disney! Woohoo! haha I said I wanted to go to a tea party with Alice.
Flirting = teasing. and it's good and bad. Good because well it feels good. Bad because there's always something that goes wrong. In my case anyway... always. I never should say always. or never for that matter. but I am now..just because.
There's this new dude on SP that started talking to me and sharing my views. He's pretty cool. A lot of people are cool on there. Well.....not a lot. More like just a select few. But they are the most awesome people ever and I'd like to meet them in real life. They're all just so open-minded and adventurous and have brilliant minds. I envy them.
I need to stop eating so much. I dunno why I do. I just start eating and don't stop until I feel so sick I want to throw up. and maybe I should. lol
but I won't go that bulimic route again. It's disgusting. I even used to puke outside. I was a weirdo. lol still am.
I really want to lose weight. I bought a jump rope. Maybe that'll help. I love jump ropes. I know people say I have a pretty face but the rest of me is gross and I'm tired of it. It just makes me depressed all the time.
I barely moved today. Well that's a lie. I did my interview, came home, did dishes, folded towels, took the dog for a walk, ate, watched a movie, gave my dog a bath and then sat down and didn't move forever. I have no energy at all. ever. I pretend to when I have to. Then I flop back down. The weird thing is I don't sleep. It's like I'm in this daze all the time and don't get the sleep I want/need ever.
I really want to read and record music but I'm just so damn tired. Maybe I will sleep. But even if I'm tired as fuck is hard for me to actually sleep. Whyyy? oh the torture.
I feel so disgusting. OK stop complaining. God. lol
What else is going on in my life... nothing at all. That's it. the end. bye