When theres one match left and nothing else to lose
i really owe it to my friends because i know they care so much, but this battle is one with me and myself and my own deamons... when i was younger i had an alchohol problem... then i got control of that, then wound up with eating disorders, then eventually got some control of that, and since seventh grade ive been emotionally unstable... im not like other kids my age that let things pass ... they stick with me, even if i try to let it pass... then i have an on/ off relationship with nicotine i kicked about a month and a half ago, that looks like may be comming back to replace the alchohol... i need balance... that was one great thing emily did for me... she helped me balance life out... i owe her for that in a sense...
last night i had a dream... not the usual dream i have... this one was like a hopeful dream... it had me, josh, matt, and jimmy, all together in the basement practicing again, putting everything that happened behind us, and really working to make the music we all dreamed of making... but this time is was josh and i that were the root of it all we got it all back together... too bad it was a dream, that would make me estatic... i dont know what that means, but maybe it will happen... i just want my friends back, my brother back, i want matt to give up all the shit he got involved in, i want it to be my freshman year that way i could convince him to go to st joes that way i could look after him, and none of this would have happened...
latley ive been talking to katie alot latley... im worried about her mom, i hope shes ok... katie makes me smile so thats a posotive... tmmw shouldn't be bad...
dont know whats up for saturday
i have to either adjust to this, or do something and fix the mess i started ... i think im going to write a manifesto... send it to the " group" i used to be such a big part of, where it was always me josh shannon jimmy matt and scott, and then it grew... became me , josh, shannon, jimmy, jp, don, kev, brian, kev kast, karen, becca, mel, kelsey, jess, gnudi, scott, and everyone else who was there ... im going to write it and try to see it through everyones eyes... make it alot like a stand by me, or sandlot, but with no ending, because we dont know the ending... ill probly post it in here when im done for everyone to read, and hope it brings us all back together to solve this all.... because theres one match left... and we have to light it, and not let it burn out... its our only hope
last night i had a dream... not the usual dream i have... this one was like a hopeful dream... it had me, josh, matt, and jimmy, all together in the basement practicing again, putting everything that happened behind us, and really working to make the music we all dreamed of making... but this time is was josh and i that were the root of it all we got it all back together... too bad it was a dream, that would make me estatic... i dont know what that means, but maybe it will happen... i just want my friends back, my brother back, i want matt to give up all the shit he got involved in, i want it to be my freshman year that way i could convince him to go to st joes that way i could look after him, and none of this would have happened...
latley ive been talking to katie alot latley... im worried about her mom, i hope shes ok... katie makes me smile so thats a posotive... tmmw shouldn't be bad...
dont know whats up for saturday
i have to either adjust to this, or do something and fix the mess i started ... i think im going to write a manifesto... send it to the " group" i used to be such a big part of, where it was always me josh shannon jimmy matt and scott, and then it grew... became me , josh, shannon, jimmy, jp, don, kev, brian, kev kast, karen, becca, mel, kelsey, jess, gnudi, scott, and everyone else who was there ... im going to write it and try to see it through everyones eyes... make it alot like a stand by me, or sandlot, but with no ending, because we dont know the ending... ill probly post it in here when im done for everyone to read, and hope it brings us all back together to solve this all.... because theres one match left... and we have to light it, and not let it burn out... its our only hope