My Thoughts
Yeah, I have my own thoughts and feelings on the shooting, and I want to share them now. If you've heard enough on the subject, don't read, but I need to say this.
The day it happened, I heard about it over the radio in the car. The first thing I thought about was all my friends at Tech. I was terrified. I didn't want to lose them. I spent all day worrying about them. As the day progressed I found that more and more of my friends were ok. Since then, things have settled down and I've taken time to think about it.
I think this has scarred me deeply. I always thought college was a safe place. I never once thought that someone would go to a university. A place of education, a place where people are supposed to learn and grow. A place of defenseless people. Now I wonder. I question if we're every really safe. It has brought me to question friendships and people. I hate what this man has done, not only to the victims, but to those connected. It tears me apart to think that one person could get to the point where they thought this was the answer.
In the midst of this tragedy, most of us have been knocked for a loop. This event struck Tech hard. People died. It was needless and horrific. Bonds between mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, educators, students, they were severed in an instant. But not all of us were hurt. I was so lucky. None of the people who I care about were taken. I can't tell you how sad it would have made me to have lost you. The thought causes my chest to tighten and my eyes start to water. But why, why is it that I feel so sad? Why do I feel hurt? I didn't lose anyone.
I think pain like this, pain so intense and unyielding, doesn't just stay with a single person. It transmits. It strikes a person and then travels along the relationships that tie us together. As though every relationship were a string along which this sorrow carries. I feel it because people I care about were hurt. I dare not compare my shadows of loss to the feeling I know some of you are feeling. All I know is that I feel something. And I'm not the only one. As I've traveled on campus, I've seen it. People look normal until you look closely. You can see it in their smiles. They don't seem quite as bright. You can hear it in their laughs, which ring less clearly. Never before have I seen a community recovering from a collective bruise. But I think we will recover, all of us, in time.
But I'm still worried. I'm scared by everyone's reactions. I think it's natural when our relationships are shaken that we try to find something to hold on to, anything to avoid drifting through the void. Sometimes it's people. We look to friends and family to comfort us. Sometimes it's things, like food, and other times it's activities, like working out. Sometimes we look to religion. But sometimes it's ideas. This can be dangerous. There are so many people reacting to this pain by searching for someone or something to blame. People saying Tech didn't do something right. They say Tech didn't monitor this child or weren't prepared. There are people blaming the parents for not watching their child. There are people blaming video games and music for teaching kids that violence was ok. There are people blaming the government for not controlling guns. We all want to find the cause. What I think we all need to realize is that no one, NO ONE, could have seen this coming. Yes, there were 'causes.' Yes, there were 'warning signs.' But we live in a country where we believe you can't be hurt for something you haven't done, and I don't think any of us really want that to change. There are sick people out there, but how many people would we have to hurt to keep us safe? We can't see the future. We don't know if that kid who is a loner is disturbed or if he just needs time to find his place.
What we really want is to make sure this doesn't happen again, we want to prevent someone from being able to hurt so many people. And I don't think anyone can be blamed for that. Yes, even Jack Thompson, blaming video games, isn't all wrong in what he's doing. We all want to find something to keep this from happening, and sometimes we need to find an idea to help us through the pain. But I think sometimes, in our grief, we become misguided. We cling so hard to our ideal that we lose sight of what we really want, to be safe. To be happy.
I have my own ideas I'm clinging to. I believe the cause of this tragedy is a lack of respect and love. I believe if we all had respect for each other, we could avoid so many conflicts in this world. But respect cannot be forced. You cannot make someone hold life dear. But for my part, I'm going to try to live my ideal a little bit harder.
I want to be there for you. You who are sad. You who are unsure. You who are hurt. I want to be there for you, my friends. Not because I'm better or unaffected by tragedy, but because I too have been at those points and every time it was one of you who helped me through it. Not just for the tragedy at Virginia Tech, but for any time you need a friend, person who cares, I am here for you. I can't say I'll be as good a friend as you'll need, but I can tell you I'll try my hardest.
With that said, I believe it is time I retire for the evening. I hope you all have a good night and a brighter tomorrow.
The day it happened, I heard about it over the radio in the car. The first thing I thought about was all my friends at Tech. I was terrified. I didn't want to lose them. I spent all day worrying about them. As the day progressed I found that more and more of my friends were ok. Since then, things have settled down and I've taken time to think about it.
I think this has scarred me deeply. I always thought college was a safe place. I never once thought that someone would go to a university. A place of education, a place where people are supposed to learn and grow. A place of defenseless people. Now I wonder. I question if we're every really safe. It has brought me to question friendships and people. I hate what this man has done, not only to the victims, but to those connected. It tears me apart to think that one person could get to the point where they thought this was the answer.
In the midst of this tragedy, most of us have been knocked for a loop. This event struck Tech hard. People died. It was needless and horrific. Bonds between mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, educators, students, they were severed in an instant. But not all of us were hurt. I was so lucky. None of the people who I care about were taken. I can't tell you how sad it would have made me to have lost you. The thought causes my chest to tighten and my eyes start to water. But why, why is it that I feel so sad? Why do I feel hurt? I didn't lose anyone.
I think pain like this, pain so intense and unyielding, doesn't just stay with a single person. It transmits. It strikes a person and then travels along the relationships that tie us together. As though every relationship were a string along which this sorrow carries. I feel it because people I care about were hurt. I dare not compare my shadows of loss to the feeling I know some of you are feeling. All I know is that I feel something. And I'm not the only one. As I've traveled on campus, I've seen it. People look normal until you look closely. You can see it in their smiles. They don't seem quite as bright. You can hear it in their laughs, which ring less clearly. Never before have I seen a community recovering from a collective bruise. But I think we will recover, all of us, in time.
But I'm still worried. I'm scared by everyone's reactions. I think it's natural when our relationships are shaken that we try to find something to hold on to, anything to avoid drifting through the void. Sometimes it's people. We look to friends and family to comfort us. Sometimes it's things, like food, and other times it's activities, like working out. Sometimes we look to religion. But sometimes it's ideas. This can be dangerous. There are so many people reacting to this pain by searching for someone or something to blame. People saying Tech didn't do something right. They say Tech didn't monitor this child or weren't prepared. There are people blaming the parents for not watching their child. There are people blaming video games and music for teaching kids that violence was ok. There are people blaming the government for not controlling guns. We all want to find the cause. What I think we all need to realize is that no one, NO ONE, could have seen this coming. Yes, there were 'causes.' Yes, there were 'warning signs.' But we live in a country where we believe you can't be hurt for something you haven't done, and I don't think any of us really want that to change. There are sick people out there, but how many people would we have to hurt to keep us safe? We can't see the future. We don't know if that kid who is a loner is disturbed or if he just needs time to find his place.
What we really want is to make sure this doesn't happen again, we want to prevent someone from being able to hurt so many people. And I don't think anyone can be blamed for that. Yes, even Jack Thompson, blaming video games, isn't all wrong in what he's doing. We all want to find something to keep this from happening, and sometimes we need to find an idea to help us through the pain. But I think sometimes, in our grief, we become misguided. We cling so hard to our ideal that we lose sight of what we really want, to be safe. To be happy.
I have my own ideas I'm clinging to. I believe the cause of this tragedy is a lack of respect and love. I believe if we all had respect for each other, we could avoid so many conflicts in this world. But respect cannot be forced. You cannot make someone hold life dear. But for my part, I'm going to try to live my ideal a little bit harder.
I want to be there for you. You who are sad. You who are unsure. You who are hurt. I want to be there for you, my friends. Not because I'm better or unaffected by tragedy, but because I too have been at those points and every time it was one of you who helped me through it. Not just for the tragedy at Virginia Tech, but for any time you need a friend, person who cares, I am here for you. I can't say I'll be as good a friend as you'll need, but I can tell you I'll try my hardest.
With that said, I believe it is time I retire for the evening. I hope you all have a good night and a brighter tomorrow.