6 Months...And the Verdict Is?
"Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through stages of instability--and that it may take a very long time."
As I was leaving L'Arche a very good friend, and former L'arche assistant, told me that it would be a difficult time to come for me. She said that it took her at least 6 months before she felt truly okay with being away from L'arche. I only bring this up because sunday was October 25th, exactly 6 months since i've left Ireland and L'Arche. It's funny how certain things stick with you. I remember thinking of her words when i first got home (and was completely heartbroken) and thinking I would NEVER be okay, not in 6 months, not ever. (Yes, i realize i have a tendency towards the melodramatic when i'm depressed.) So when I realized on sunday that it has in fact been six months since i said goodbye to my wonderful L'arche family, I had to take some time and reflect on how I am feeling about the separation. I don't know why I used this as such a benchmark but i was sort of hoping that the 6 month-mark would be a magical portal from which I would emerge as a fully present-minded person. What i mean to say is that I thought that at 6 months I would be over the heartbreak of leaving l'arche and totally engrossed in the life I have for myself here in L.A. As if i would just SNAP my fingers and it would be so. I know it was a naive thought and i didn't even fully believe it myself because that kind of think doesn't happen overnight, nor should it.
The truth of the matter is that, like everything else, it's a process. I started 'getting over' L'arche the day I arrived home (as much as I hate the idea of that). Perhaps "getting over" isn't the right phrase.. better to say "moving on" But even though I've been moving on for 6 months I am no where near being "over it" I don't think I will ever be over it. When a person has such a powerful and life-altering experience (especially one that involves people they've come to love) I don't think they ever get over it. But as much as I still carry L'Arche in my heart and truly ache to be back there sometimes, I will admit that I've started truly "living" here. Just like a glass filled with water, who can tell which final drop caused me to finally BE here but at some point in the last 6 months it happened. In a way I'm sad to think of it....to think L'arche is only something in my past now, an eventuality that i've feared (what can i say, i HATE change) but like all processes of life, it's never as bad as we fear. I have a great job i love, i have renewed important familial relationships and i've gotten to be here for important family events.
so in the end I've decided 6 months is not such a milestone after all. it's just another day on this ever-interesting journey we call life.