(no subject)
so last friday, i turned 20, so i am now officially two decades old.
and with those twenty years, i have learned a lot about myself, people, the politics of a social life, ethics, and more. Over the past few days, I have just really been thinking about how drastically different my life has become from a couple of years ago. I have to say, a lot of it confuses me. First off, I understand that with going away to college comes change and growing distance from past friends, but to be honest, I really don't know if there really was any closeness to have lost. Through out high school, I would definitely not say I felt outcasted. That is something I couldn't bring myself to say, but instead, I feel like I was kind of given false hope. I was treated really well, but really nothing came of it. I feel guilty for having there be distance with some people, but others, I just don't know. At this point, I kind of feel like I almost would have been looked over than have been given attention. I mean, I was honored to be named prom king, but why me? That put into my head that I have a lot of friends, but looking back on it now, I really don't. I have aquaintances, but I feel like I have very few friends at home. Coming out of senior year, I kind of expected to have people want to keep in touch with me, and while I made the effort, I feel like very few people who I felt were sincere, weren't so sincere about it. (ID ALSO LIKE TO SAY THAT IM NOT ANGRY OR ANYTHING, IM JUST SPEAKING MY MIND ON THIS) I don't feel like many people around here really understand me, so when I go to a Rahway function, half the time I feel like I'm just there, but I neither give or take away anything to the occassion. I'm there.
And now, as I reach my junior year of college, I'm slowly realizing similar occurences, but I'm learning to deal with it. I'm speaking up more, and voicing my opinion, and while my opinion may not count at all with any of you guys really, it feels nice for there to be discussions about this kind of thing at school.
It's nice to be in the real world, and not stuck in a bubble.
and with those twenty years, i have learned a lot about myself, people, the politics of a social life, ethics, and more. Over the past few days, I have just really been thinking about how drastically different my life has become from a couple of years ago. I have to say, a lot of it confuses me. First off, I understand that with going away to college comes change and growing distance from past friends, but to be honest, I really don't know if there really was any closeness to have lost. Through out high school, I would definitely not say I felt outcasted. That is something I couldn't bring myself to say, but instead, I feel like I was kind of given false hope. I was treated really well, but really nothing came of it. I feel guilty for having there be distance with some people, but others, I just don't know. At this point, I kind of feel like I almost would have been looked over than have been given attention. I mean, I was honored to be named prom king, but why me? That put into my head that I have a lot of friends, but looking back on it now, I really don't. I have aquaintances, but I feel like I have very few friends at home. Coming out of senior year, I kind of expected to have people want to keep in touch with me, and while I made the effort, I feel like very few people who I felt were sincere, weren't so sincere about it. (ID ALSO LIKE TO SAY THAT IM NOT ANGRY OR ANYTHING, IM JUST SPEAKING MY MIND ON THIS) I don't feel like many people around here really understand me, so when I go to a Rahway function, half the time I feel like I'm just there, but I neither give or take away anything to the occassion. I'm there.
And now, as I reach my junior year of college, I'm slowly realizing similar occurences, but I'm learning to deal with it. I'm speaking up more, and voicing my opinion, and while my opinion may not count at all with any of you guys really, it feels nice for there to be discussions about this kind of thing at school.
It's nice to be in the real world, and not stuck in a bubble.