(no subject)
So, I'm coming home to Rahway on Tuesday night, sometime around nine. Part of me can't wait. I want to go home and see my house decorated for the holidays. I want to see my mom, my sister, and of course Lucy. I want to see my friends and family. I'm not going to lie, I've been getting sick of Rowan. I still love it here, but I think that since I'm leaving later than some of my friends, I just want to leave now, then have to be here without them.
At the same time, part of me is really nervous about coming home. This is a really long break, and I really don't know how I'm going to feel about it. Like, being away at school, I love hanging with my friends here and just having a great time, and I really enjoy hearing that my friends at other schools are doing the same, yet I really feel that this break is going to show me how much things have changed, which I am pretty freaked out about. I know change is inevitable, but it's just scary. Like there are some people who I know when I go back, we're leaving right where we were when we left. Like Krystyna, even though we both are away at different schools far away from each other, I know for a fact that when we come back, we're still going to be just as close, but there are others who I dont feel that way about, especially with people who are still in Rahway. It's sort of like I wish I could push a pause button on Rahway, but, I can't. I look on Myspace and on LiveJournal and sometimes, I just wonder. It kind of feels like I'm watching the life I used to live, but in the third person now. I am no longer a participant, just a viewer. That's what I'm afraid break is going to be like.
At the same time, I really think I am going to miss my Rowan friends like crazy. I already miss McNack, and she has not even officially moved out yet. It's so weird that for only meeting just about 4 months ago, we're so close as friends. Granted, we still don't know each other as well as our high school friends do, but it's getting there. I think I'm just really suprised about how fast I built trust with them. I remember in high school not feeling very happy about my friendships. I always wondered whether people really liked me, or whether I was just someone who was there. A tag-along. Whether I was just invited to things out of politeness. I felt like no matter how hard I tried in high school, I was always still labelled the quiet one. I even think that to this day, many of high school friends still think of me as the quiet one. It's just nice that in college I'm not the quiet one. I'm just Jonathan, and I'm really happy about that.
I have been having some really good conversations with some people back home, and it sort of relieves me to know that at least they haven't changes from the image I remember of them. Nia just popped into my head. I remember in Ms. Bertelo's AP English class junior year, Nia would always say that she takes mental pictures of things and pretends to take a picture. That made me think of all of the mental pictures I have taken in my head over the years. Krystyna's Birthday Parties. The School Plays. The Cast Parties. The Period 1 Trio (a.k.a. The Breakfast Club). The Period 5 Dynasty. Seeing shows at other schools. Movie nights. Galaxy trips. The Spanish Videos. The Dinner at Jose Tejas and Galyans afterwards. Freshman Year Relationships. Hating to work at Rita's. Proms. Florida Trips. Manhunt and Aflac. Buying a Six Flags Season Pass, yet only going once. Graduation. Cookie Faeries giving me Cookies. Project Graduation. Upstate NY. Mall Trips. NHS Famine. Period 7 Study Hall Senior Year. Road Trips. Buying Slurpees and Watching Pete and Pete. "Last Dinner" at Chili's and Frisbee at the H.S. Parking Lot. I know it's always good to remember past memories, and I know that that's what they are. Memories. Memories of what used to be.
While at Rowan, I've been taking a lot of pictures to "document my journey," in a sense. It's funny. I've made so many memories already. I have over 200 pictures from Rowan on my computer, and I always seem to look at them everyday. I found a great group here, that reminds me of my great group back home.
If your one of the few who actually looks at the time these entries were written, you would probably wonder, "Why did he write this at 4 o'clock in the morning?" Well, I wrote it because I can't sleep. I am sitting in my dorm alone. No disgusting roommate around to make me want to go to sleep so I don't have to deal with him. My mind is racing. My mom called me tonight, and acted Christmas-like. It made me want to go home to something I know is the same. My family. I know that everytime I come home. Home will be home. I guess I really appreciate the saying, "Home, Sweet, Home."
I'm done rambling now. I guess I'm happy that I'm not really going home expecting to much. I just have to go back and see what happens, and expect the unexpected.
-Signed, Jon a.k.a. J-Ho(e) a.k.a. Chachi.
The End.