*The "I hate myself more than life" entry...
FUCKING WOW!! I don't even know where to start with this entry. I'm sooo fucking *PISSED, MAD, ANGRY, TORN, FRUSTRATED..etc* this list I'm sure can go on. I dont know why I've had the worse week ever! *&* its Christmas..so that makes it a HELLLL OF A LOT BETER. But 2night defffffffffffinitely topped it off. So let me explain.
At first my day started off good..me *&* Jen headed to the mall so she could buy some new shoes. We werent there that long since the mall was madd crowded *&* sooo annoying. So we left shortly after. Then we headed on over to Milford to chill at Jarryd's with him. The whollle time we were there...everything was perfectly fine. Then a little while later..we all 3 got into the car *&* went driving *&* to pick up Ronnie..I guess you can say thatttttttts where me *&* Jarryd starting fighting. Surprised? Oh ya..me either. I cant fuckkking STAND FIGHTING WITH HIM. HONESTLY. No one will evvvvvvver understand it. Its one thing that pisses me off the most. Right now just writing this entry I just feel like crying..I dont even know what to do with myself. Sooo many emotions. I feel like I just want to explode..honestly. Then around 830 ish, we went to this girl's Courtney house. OK, not to mention I didnt KNOW ANNNNNNNNYONE that was there. *&* there were like 10 kids. So ya I AM GOING TO FEEL UNCOMFORATABLE. NOT TO MENTION the kids I came with *Jarryd *&* Ronnie* didnnnnt even act like I was there or knew who I was.. FUCKING WONDERFUL. So that pissed me off juuuust a little.
(Its one thing I love about Jarryd where hes soo nice to me *&* talks to me. But when we fight, I'm suppose to hate him. But yet seconds later he acts like my best friend. ALL THE TIME. Its what pisses me off. I just dont get it. Omg..)
But thats not the only part of the night. As I was leaving,..I backed up into some BITCH'S car. Yep..I hit it. Nicely. #1, i wanted to cry or not #2 I would of blown up? What you ask, did I do? Ya I starting to fucking flip out. Like 5 people saw me hit her car. I get out..and yell "ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS FUCKING LEAVE HERE..thats all i fucking wanted to do" Then I just grinded my teeth together cause I was sooo heated *&* didnt wanna say anything else. Then this bitch comes outside..here I am like apologizing to this bitch, *&* she just fucking walks by. WTF. I HATE FUCKING BITCHES. DOESNT EVEN TALK TO ME. HAS ANOTHER FUCKING GIRL GET MY # CAUSE SHES TOO FUCKING SNOBBY TO DO IT HER FUCKING SELF. UGGGGH shit like that I WISH I DEMOLISHED THAT FUCKING BROADS CAR......WITH HER IN IT. FUCK YOU DANIELLE!!!! God. I'm sooo pissed right now. I just wanna let it alll out by crying. Which I will probably do. Cry myself to sleep. All I wanna do is talk shit out with Jarryd...but thats too much to ask for from him.
I honestly HATE MY LIFE. I get treated like fucking shit, but I'm suppose to sit back *&* take it, or laugh about it. but you know what..I'm not going to. I'm tired of being treated like shit..I'm tired of a lot of shit in my life right now..I HAVE NOTHING..NOTHING AT ALL..I'm torn into two ..yet I walk around happy all the fucking time *&* I'm tired of it. I dont even know what to do withmyself anymore..
"..fuck life.."
Ryan *&* Jeff- thank you boys for coming over 2night. I love you guys soo much.
<33 Beau =(
At first my day started off good..me *&* Jen headed to the mall so she could buy some new shoes. We werent there that long since the mall was madd crowded *&* sooo annoying. So we left shortly after. Then we headed on over to Milford to chill at Jarryd's with him. The whollle time we were there...everything was perfectly fine. Then a little while later..we all 3 got into the car *&* went driving *&* to pick up Ronnie..I guess you can say thatttttttts where me *&* Jarryd starting fighting. Surprised? Oh ya..me either. I cant fuckkking STAND FIGHTING WITH HIM. HONESTLY. No one will evvvvvvver understand it. Its one thing that pisses me off the most. Right now just writing this entry I just feel like crying..I dont even know what to do with myself. Sooo many emotions. I feel like I just want to explode..honestly. Then around 830 ish, we went to this girl's Courtney house. OK, not to mention I didnt KNOW ANNNNNNNNYONE that was there. *&* there were like 10 kids. So ya I AM GOING TO FEEL UNCOMFORATABLE. NOT TO MENTION the kids I came with *Jarryd *&* Ronnie* didnnnnt even act like I was there or knew who I was.. FUCKING WONDERFUL. So that pissed me off juuuust a little.
(Its one thing I love about Jarryd where hes soo nice to me *&* talks to me. But when we fight, I'm suppose to hate him. But yet seconds later he acts like my best friend. ALL THE TIME. Its what pisses me off. I just dont get it. Omg..)
But thats not the only part of the night. As I was leaving,..I backed up into some BITCH'S car. Yep..I hit it. Nicely. #1, i wanted to cry or not #2 I would of blown up? What you ask, did I do? Ya I starting to fucking flip out. Like 5 people saw me hit her car. I get out..and yell "ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS FUCKING LEAVE HERE..thats all i fucking wanted to do" Then I just grinded my teeth together cause I was sooo heated *&* didnt wanna say anything else. Then this bitch comes outside..here I am like apologizing to this bitch, *&* she just fucking walks by. WTF. I HATE FUCKING BITCHES. DOESNT EVEN TALK TO ME. HAS ANOTHER FUCKING GIRL GET MY # CAUSE SHES TOO FUCKING SNOBBY TO DO IT HER FUCKING SELF. UGGGGH shit like that I WISH I DEMOLISHED THAT FUCKING BROADS CAR......WITH HER IN IT. FUCK YOU DANIELLE!!!! God. I'm sooo pissed right now. I just wanna let it alll out by crying. Which I will probably do. Cry myself to sleep. All I wanna do is talk shit out with Jarryd...but thats too much to ask for from him.
I honestly HATE MY LIFE. I get treated like fucking shit, but I'm suppose to sit back *&* take it, or laugh about it. but you know what..I'm not going to. I'm tired of being treated like shit..I'm tired of a lot of shit in my life right now..I HAVE NOTHING..NOTHING AT ALL..I'm torn into two ..yet I walk around happy all the fucking time *&* I'm tired of it. I dont even know what to do withmyself anymore..
"..fuck life.."
Ryan *&* Jeff- thank you boys for coming over 2night. I love you guys soo much.
<33 Beau =(