malkaesther
in
jbcs
Things probably halachically prohibited prior to conversion
Since this topic has come up a few times over the last couple of weeks I decided to do a post on it so that I could add tags and it would be easier to find and link to in the future.
This is my understanding as an orthodox Jew based on numerous conversations with a number of orthodox rabbis and orthodox converts about what they were told by their rabbi. The below was written for an orthodox conversion group (OCJ) I co-moderate where a number of the members are in the process of converting while married to a Jew and the couple has children. Because of that some of the answers are specific to intermarried families in the process of getting orthodox conversions.
This was a difficult document to write. When these questions come up on OCJ. I'm always in a quandary for how much information to include. It is hard to make it clear that I understand the pain and am sad to be adding to that pain. Tone of voice is hard to get across on the net and in writing.
I am sure a number of the readers are in intermarriages and in the process of an orthodox conversion. Please do not freak out as you read this . These are issues to be aware of and to discuss with your rabbi. On a few of these issues my rabbi held that it was ok for me to do x and y but not z and others rabbis have held differently for other converts. So when reading the "list" below take some deep breaths and add them to "things to discuss with your rabbi". If you have a mentor who is not a rabbi you should talk to a rabbi about the below as your mentor may not have the knowledge to know what is ok and what is not for you personally at this point in time and when that might change (if it would pre-conversion). Many born Jews are not aware of these issues as they don't typically come up in the orthodox community and even most mentors are "in learning" about conversion and the many issues that are relevant to converts and even more so to intermarried couples.
I am not giving anyone halachic advice on your personal situations. You need to go to your local rabbi/mentor for answers to your personal situation. I am not a rabbi and even if I were I could not p'sak (rule) for others on an issue like this in a single post as it requires knowing lots of details of your specific situation.
1. Non-Jews are forbidden from fully observing shabbat (some poskim permit/require a pre-convert to fully observe shabbat but most others require the pre-convert to do something like turn a light on or off at some point during shabbos). Halacha generally for non-Jews states that it is a major transgression to observe Shabbat "like a Jew", punishable by the Sanhedrin, when one is standing, we don't have one right now so it is left to hashem.
2. Non-Jews should not wear a tallis/tzizit (some rabbis permit right before conversion but it is a special thing to remind Jewish men of the 613 mitzvot).
3. Wearing tefillin is forbidden to non-Jews (some rabbis will permit wearing them shortly before conversion although most that have a convert do this have them put on empty boxes/without the scrols inside).
4. Non-Jews should not put up/have mezuzot (scrolls or empty cases) on the doorways. Talk to a rabbi about the details in a mixed family on what rooms should have mezuzot. My husband and I were told to put mezuzot up everywhere but I've heard other opinions
5. A non-Jew cannot cook certain foods for a Jew even if all the halachot of kashrut are kept as the simple act of cooking by a non-Jew of many foods is forbidden and some authorities even hold that it treifs the pots/pans/utensils so all other food cooked and served with those things would be treif. Look up bishul akum on http://star-k.org/ for a brief understanding of the topic but you MUST talk with a rabbi about this issue. According to a number of rabbis, an intermarried couple that is working towards an orthodox conversion can ignore this one while in the process (for their immediate family, should still not cook for Jews outside of the immediate household).
6. Non-Jews treif any open non-mevushal wine they touch causing a Jew to do an aveira (sin) if the Jews drinks the wine after the non-Jews touched it. I kept only mevushal wine in our house when I was converting and even now non-mevushal wine is kept in a separate spot so that we don't make mistakes if we have pre-converts or non-observant Jews over.
7. A Jew cannot cook any food on yomin tovim (holidays) that would be eaten by non-Jews without guidance of a rabbi as the leniency to allow a Jew to cook on yomin tovim is specific to food cooked for a Jew, to be eaten by Jews, immediately (for that yomin tovim "day").
8. Issues with "unwatched" meat that should be discussed with a rabbi, many rabbis are lenient on this for conversion students and their household families.
9. Non-Jews cannot say the blessing/bracha for a Jew. This means that the Jewish family member(s) would always need to say all blessings including the male Jew saying candle-lighting (normally done by the wife) as a Jew has an obligation and can only "hand off" certain mitzvot to those that are equally obligated. Talk to a rabbi to better understand this.
10. The passover/pesach seder creates further issues as only Jews, according to some opinions, should eat the afikomen as it stands in for the Pascal offering which is forbidden to non-Jews. So non-Jews should refrain from eating the afikomen unless they’ve talked with the host family’s rabbi and been told to eat it. This is yet again something I learned post-conversion as my rabbi was pretty new to conversion and there is not a book I am aware of that includes this kind of information in it yet.
11. I am not sure on this one so check with a rabbi but I believe that while non-Jewish kids could ask the "4 questions" at the passover seder the Jewish parent would need to repeat the questions as he is obligated and the non-Jewish children are not obligated but as I said I have not talked with a rabbi about this one either.
12. Generally non-Jews should not study the actual Talmud and should talk with a rabbi before taking up the study of it. Studying Talmud is a frequent activity for boys to do with their dad on Saturday afternoon (so I've heard). However, you can read/study halachic books and websites.
13. Most Jewish day schools/yeshivas/seminaries only allow halachic Jews to attend (with a few exceptions for pre-converts that are close to conversion) so any non-Jewish children would be in a difficult place if they are brought up observant yet they go to public school where there will be many issues including kashrut, social events, holidays (ours and theirs), sports, tests that fall on Jewish holidays, mandatory trips that are not appropriate, inappropriate material, and being exposed to much that is not-tznius/goes against what they are learning at home.
14. Non-Jewish women pre-conversion need to talk with their beit din before covering their hair as some beit dins do not permit taking on this mitzvah prior to a halachic conversion followed by a Jewish wedding. Other beit dins, such as the London Beit Din, require married women in the process of converting to cover. Covering when you are not Jewishly married can be seen as arrogant and may negatively impact your conversion which is why it is critical you wait until you have rabbinic advice to take on hair covering.
15. Non-Jewish women should not be going to the mikvah as part of Taharat Hamispacha (family purity laws).
16. Kippah wearing for men. So far as I know there are no hard and fast rules on this one. Many rabbis require pre-converts to wear kippot. If you are not yet working with a rabbi I don't recommend wearing a kippah except when in synagogue. If you have a rabbi ask him when you should start wearing a kippah full-time not just at synagogue.
This is my understanding as an orthodox Jew based on numerous conversations with a number of orthodox rabbis and orthodox converts about what they were told by their rabbi. The below was written for an orthodox conversion group (OCJ) I co-moderate where a number of the members are in the process of converting while married to a Jew and the couple has children. Because of that some of the answers are specific to intermarried families in the process of getting orthodox conversions.
This was a difficult document to write. When these questions come up on OCJ. I'm always in a quandary for how much information to include. It is hard to make it clear that I understand the pain and am sad to be adding to that pain. Tone of voice is hard to get across on the net and in writing.
I am sure a number of the readers are in intermarriages and in the process of an orthodox conversion. Please do not freak out as you read this . These are issues to be aware of and to discuss with your rabbi. On a few of these issues my rabbi held that it was ok for me to do x and y but not z and others rabbis have held differently for other converts. So when reading the "list" below take some deep breaths and add them to "things to discuss with your rabbi". If you have a mentor who is not a rabbi you should talk to a rabbi about the below as your mentor may not have the knowledge to know what is ok and what is not for you personally at this point in time and when that might change (if it would pre-conversion). Many born Jews are not aware of these issues as they don't typically come up in the orthodox community and even most mentors are "in learning" about conversion and the many issues that are relevant to converts and even more so to intermarried couples.
I am not giving anyone halachic advice on your personal situations. You need to go to your local rabbi/mentor for answers to your personal situation. I am not a rabbi and even if I were I could not p'sak (rule) for others on an issue like this in a single post as it requires knowing lots of details of your specific situation.
1. Non-Jews are forbidden from fully observing shabbat (some poskim permit/require a pre-convert to fully observe shabbat but most others require the pre-convert to do something like turn a light on or off at some point during shabbos). Halacha generally for non-Jews states that it is a major transgression to observe Shabbat "like a Jew", punishable by the Sanhedrin, when one is standing, we don't have one right now so it is left to hashem.
2. Non-Jews should not wear a tallis/tzizit (some rabbis permit right before conversion but it is a special thing to remind Jewish men of the 613 mitzvot).
3. Wearing tefillin is forbidden to non-Jews (some rabbis will permit wearing them shortly before conversion although most that have a convert do this have them put on empty boxes/without the scrols inside).
4. Non-Jews should not put up/have mezuzot (scrolls or empty cases) on the doorways. Talk to a rabbi about the details in a mixed family on what rooms should have mezuzot. My husband and I were told to put mezuzot up everywhere but I've heard other opinions
5. A non-Jew cannot cook certain foods for a Jew even if all the halachot of kashrut are kept as the simple act of cooking by a non-Jew of many foods is forbidden and some authorities even hold that it treifs the pots/pans/utensils so all other food cooked and served with those things would be treif. Look up bishul akum on http://star-k.org/ for a brief understanding of the topic but you MUST talk with a rabbi about this issue. According to a number of rabbis, an intermarried couple that is working towards an orthodox conversion can ignore this one while in the process (for their immediate family, should still not cook for Jews outside of the immediate household).
6. Non-Jews treif any open non-mevushal wine they touch causing a Jew to do an aveira (sin) if the Jews drinks the wine after the non-Jews touched it. I kept only mevushal wine in our house when I was converting and even now non-mevushal wine is kept in a separate spot so that we don't make mistakes if we have pre-converts or non-observant Jews over.
7. A Jew cannot cook any food on yomin tovim (holidays) that would be eaten by non-Jews without guidance of a rabbi as the leniency to allow a Jew to cook on yomin tovim is specific to food cooked for a Jew, to be eaten by Jews, immediately (for that yomin tovim "day").
8. Issues with "unwatched" meat that should be discussed with a rabbi, many rabbis are lenient on this for conversion students and their household families.
9. Non-Jews cannot say the blessing/bracha for a Jew. This means that the Jewish family member(s) would always need to say all blessings including the male Jew saying candle-lighting (normally done by the wife) as a Jew has an obligation and can only "hand off" certain mitzvot to those that are equally obligated. Talk to a rabbi to better understand this.
10. The passover/pesach seder creates further issues as only Jews, according to some opinions, should eat the afikomen as it stands in for the Pascal offering which is forbidden to non-Jews. So non-Jews should refrain from eating the afikomen unless they’ve talked with the host family’s rabbi and been told to eat it. This is yet again something I learned post-conversion as my rabbi was pretty new to conversion and there is not a book I am aware of that includes this kind of information in it yet.
11. I am not sure on this one so check with a rabbi but I believe that while non-Jewish kids could ask the "4 questions" at the passover seder the Jewish parent would need to repeat the questions as he is obligated and the non-Jewish children are not obligated but as I said I have not talked with a rabbi about this one either.
12. Generally non-Jews should not study the actual Talmud and should talk with a rabbi before taking up the study of it. Studying Talmud is a frequent activity for boys to do with their dad on Saturday afternoon (so I've heard). However, you can read/study halachic books and websites.
13. Most Jewish day schools/yeshivas/seminaries only allow halachic Jews to attend (with a few exceptions for pre-converts that are close to conversion) so any non-Jewish children would be in a difficult place if they are brought up observant yet they go to public school where there will be many issues including kashrut, social events, holidays (ours and theirs), sports, tests that fall on Jewish holidays, mandatory trips that are not appropriate, inappropriate material, and being exposed to much that is not-tznius/goes against what they are learning at home.
14. Non-Jewish women pre-conversion need to talk with their beit din before covering their hair as some beit dins do not permit taking on this mitzvah prior to a halachic conversion followed by a Jewish wedding. Other beit dins, such as the London Beit Din, require married women in the process of converting to cover. Covering when you are not Jewishly married can be seen as arrogant and may negatively impact your conversion which is why it is critical you wait until you have rabbinic advice to take on hair covering.
15. Non-Jewish women should not be going to the mikvah as part of Taharat Hamispacha (family purity laws).
16. Kippah wearing for men. So far as I know there are no hard and fast rules on this one. Many rabbis require pre-converts to wear kippot. If you are not yet working with a rabbi I don't recommend wearing a kippah except when in synagogue. If you have a rabbi ask him when you should start wearing a kippah full-time not just at synagogue.