Live as if you'll die tomorrow
This past week has sucked... some things have happened that I'm not so proud or happy about but that's how my life goes. Melissa spent the night after we went to 6 Flags and on the 23rd. We talked a lot about how she wanted to go out with John but eventually agreed that it would be better if neither of us went out with him so that things between me and Melissa would stay the way they are. Thursday(24th)- me and Melissa went to Mike's house(me and John's friend that lives close to me). We were hanging out and then the guys brought out some Mountain Dew mixed with Vodka.
I decided that I just wanted to try a sip so I did and I thought it was nasty. They gave us each a full glass (they were big glasses) and had a bet that we wouldn't drink it. So me and Melissa did... we didn't drink all of it because we didn't want to get drunk so we schemed ways to dump some of it out without John and Mike noticing. So when they would go in the other room me and Melissa would either pour some into an empty 7up can (which I later dumped down the toilet lol) or go out Mike's back door and dump some out on the grass. We personally thought it was hilarious because when John came back into the room he didn't believe that we drank it so he assumed that we dumped it down the sink. So being the genius he was, he told Mike to check. So Mike stuck his face in the sink and sniffed and then pulled out the plug and sniffed it- what dorks.
Then I started jumping over the couch doing summersaults and John thought I was drunk. It was pretty funny. Then we all went into Mike's room and sat on the bed. Me and Melissa started throwing a toilet paper roll back and forth over the bed and Mike got pissed. He told us to get out and threatened to call the cops if we didn't leave. So I left. I got up, got my stuff, threw on my shoes, and walked out the door. I didn't feel like going anywhere because I had really bad cramps, my throat hurt, and my knee hurt really bad because I didn't have my brace on. I didn't understand why he was being such a jerk... he shoved alcohol in our faces and told us to drink it and drink it all and then when he thought we were drunk and we were being stupid, he started yelling at us and threatened to call the police- ugh. I just sat down in the rain on the sidewalk in front of his door and then Melissa came out so I put on a sad face just joking around and then I realized how much pain I was really feeling at the time and how much I wished I wouldn't have even went to Mike's that day and I started crying. So everyone made a big deal of it because they thought it was because of the alcohol and everyone was freaking out. Well when I finally got a word in I said that I was fine and it wasn't from drinking. Then stupid John said something about how I was never gonna drink with them again but Melissa was fine- yea whatever. Melissa was the exact same as me, we were both throwing the stupid toilet paper, it's just that I left and was crying because I had cramps and a bunch of other pain- not like I had expected a GUY to know what I was feeling, but they were both just being jerks.
Then me and Mike sat down and talked for a while because John and Melissa were 'cuddling' or whatever the fuck you'd call it and I was pissed. I went to go talk to Melissa but Mike told me not to go in there because they wanted to be alone or whatever but I didn't care. So I went in but I didn't feel like they even wanted me in there because the lights were off and they were 'holding' each other so I just left. Well a little while later we had to leave and I finally got to talk to John- which was the reason we were at Mike's house in the first place- he told me he had something important that he wanted to talk to me about. All he really said was that he thought I was a dumbass for going out with David since he lives in another state and that he really wanted another chance with me but he wasn't gonna sit around and wait for me and that he really liked Melissa. John always has a way of making things a bigger deal than they are... so he was depressed because me and Melissa had agreed not to go out with him and he didn't like it and he was about to cry and I got sick of all their crap. So I just told him I didn't care anymore and it was up to him and Melissa because I was sick of everything so he could decide what he wanted to do. Well of course if he has a chance to get his way he'll take it. He asked Melissa out and despite what we talked about she said yes. John gave me a big hug and said that he loved me more than I'll ever know and thanked me for letting them go out and he didn't let go for a while and he kissed my head and my neck- okay then, good to know he's grateful but oh dear, I have David and he was (as of a couple minutes before then)going out with Melissa. He kissed Melissa on the lips before we left and I didn't say anything even though I was thinking a lot.
I was with Melissa the next couple days and things didn't go exactly the greatest. At first they were fine and things hadn't really hit me yet, but then after we'd went to some stupid concert skate park thing I thought about my life and all the things that had been happening and I didn't even wanna be at her house anymore so I just walked out. I sat on this chair in her backyard and looked at the moon and the stars and thought for a while. Things suck- life sucks- people suck- yep.
Eventually Melissa came over and started talking to me and we went on a short walk. I felt a little better after that but all I wanted to do was go to sleep because then I wouldn't have to think about anything- so I did. That night I learned the understanding of physical pain relieving emotional pain. I'm grateful that I went to sleep so soon and didn't have any sharp objects because the only damage was from my nails. No worries everyone, I am not a cutter I was just very depressed.
The next day (today) we had plans to help my gramma paint my room but I decided that I'd rather go home by myself. So far everything here is going good and I'm dealing with things better alone. I think I just need a break from my awesome 'friends' and life in general... I can't wait to go to WI on the 2nd and live the way I dream of living- peacefully. That's all for now, I miss my cousin Andrew and my babyboy David <-- I <3 you
I decided that I just wanted to try a sip so I did and I thought it was nasty. They gave us each a full glass (they were big glasses) and had a bet that we wouldn't drink it. So me and Melissa did... we didn't drink all of it because we didn't want to get drunk so we schemed ways to dump some of it out without John and Mike noticing. So when they would go in the other room me and Melissa would either pour some into an empty 7up can (which I later dumped down the toilet lol) or go out Mike's back door and dump some out on the grass. We personally thought it was hilarious because when John came back into the room he didn't believe that we drank it so he assumed that we dumped it down the sink. So being the genius he was, he told Mike to check. So Mike stuck his face in the sink and sniffed and then pulled out the plug and sniffed it- what dorks.
Then I started jumping over the couch doing summersaults and John thought I was drunk. It was pretty funny. Then we all went into Mike's room and sat on the bed. Me and Melissa started throwing a toilet paper roll back and forth over the bed and Mike got pissed. He told us to get out and threatened to call the cops if we didn't leave. So I left. I got up, got my stuff, threw on my shoes, and walked out the door. I didn't feel like going anywhere because I had really bad cramps, my throat hurt, and my knee hurt really bad because I didn't have my brace on. I didn't understand why he was being such a jerk... he shoved alcohol in our faces and told us to drink it and drink it all and then when he thought we were drunk and we were being stupid, he started yelling at us and threatened to call the police- ugh. I just sat down in the rain on the sidewalk in front of his door and then Melissa came out so I put on a sad face just joking around and then I realized how much pain I was really feeling at the time and how much I wished I wouldn't have even went to Mike's that day and I started crying. So everyone made a big deal of it because they thought it was because of the alcohol and everyone was freaking out. Well when I finally got a word in I said that I was fine and it wasn't from drinking. Then stupid John said something about how I was never gonna drink with them again but Melissa was fine- yea whatever. Melissa was the exact same as me, we were both throwing the stupid toilet paper, it's just that I left and was crying because I had cramps and a bunch of other pain- not like I had expected a GUY to know what I was feeling, but they were both just being jerks.
Then me and Mike sat down and talked for a while because John and Melissa were 'cuddling' or whatever the fuck you'd call it and I was pissed. I went to go talk to Melissa but Mike told me not to go in there because they wanted to be alone or whatever but I didn't care. So I went in but I didn't feel like they even wanted me in there because the lights were off and they were 'holding' each other so I just left. Well a little while later we had to leave and I finally got to talk to John- which was the reason we were at Mike's house in the first place- he told me he had something important that he wanted to talk to me about. All he really said was that he thought I was a dumbass for going out with David since he lives in another state and that he really wanted another chance with me but he wasn't gonna sit around and wait for me and that he really liked Melissa. John always has a way of making things a bigger deal than they are... so he was depressed because me and Melissa had agreed not to go out with him and he didn't like it and he was about to cry and I got sick of all their crap. So I just told him I didn't care anymore and it was up to him and Melissa because I was sick of everything so he could decide what he wanted to do. Well of course if he has a chance to get his way he'll take it. He asked Melissa out and despite what we talked about she said yes. John gave me a big hug and said that he loved me more than I'll ever know and thanked me for letting them go out and he didn't let go for a while and he kissed my head and my neck- okay then, good to know he's grateful but oh dear, I have David and he was (as of a couple minutes before then)going out with Melissa. He kissed Melissa on the lips before we left and I didn't say anything even though I was thinking a lot.
I was with Melissa the next couple days and things didn't go exactly the greatest. At first they were fine and things hadn't really hit me yet, but then after we'd went to some stupid concert skate park thing I thought about my life and all the things that had been happening and I didn't even wanna be at her house anymore so I just walked out. I sat on this chair in her backyard and looked at the moon and the stars and thought for a while. Things suck- life sucks- people suck- yep.
Eventually Melissa came over and started talking to me and we went on a short walk. I felt a little better after that but all I wanted to do was go to sleep because then I wouldn't have to think about anything- so I did. That night I learned the understanding of physical pain relieving emotional pain. I'm grateful that I went to sleep so soon and didn't have any sharp objects because the only damage was from my nails. No worries everyone, I am not a cutter I was just very depressed.
The next day (today) we had plans to help my gramma paint my room but I decided that I'd rather go home by myself. So far everything here is going good and I'm dealing with things better alone. I think I just need a break from my awesome 'friends' and life in general... I can't wait to go to WI on the 2nd and live the way I dream of living- peacefully. That's all for now, I miss my cousin Andrew and my babyboy David <-- I <3 you