sorry.
hey.
i havent updated a real update in a million years. i read you guyses ones though.
i realized that i don't ever just stop and think about how i'm doing. and when i try to...its almost like i can't....i cant state an overall mood.
i used to live more inside my head. now every event, every thought that i have, i tell someone about. WHICH leaves me saying things before i think about them. saying things before i know what i mean. and if you ask me what i THINK about something, i have no idea.
i dont know. i'm screwed up in the head. b/c things i shouldnt dwell on, i do...and things that i should be more thoughtful about...i'm not. which is frustrating b/c being thoughtful is one of my main goals as a human.
i'm just not very satisfied with myself. everything that goes on around me, i'm greatly satisfied with, but when it comes to my opinion of me, its horrible.
i had a "i'm so thankful" moment last night. it was about nothing. i was walking up to my house and i was kinda looking up at the sky, and i just felt completely satisfied with my life.
i just hate the rollercoaster of my content. especially when i'm about to leave. i hate the rollercoaster of wanting to leave and wishing i could stay.
there has only been one steady thing in the past year, and without him everything else falls down.
he's so worth everything. i love our relationship. i used to love it because it was perfect. and now i love it because its not perfect.
we're still perfect for EACH OTHER though.
man, whata team.
i cant want to watch things change. and by that i mean, i want to watch us grow together, and help each other, and lift each other up.
next year will be hard, but we can handle it. i pray.
we have to.
i used to sit alone at work and straighten out my thoughts. now it feels like i sit here with my blank mind waiting until the clock turns.
i really dont know who i am.
who am i?
really...
because i'm not
energetic. exciting. bright. well-adjusted. fun to be around.
atleast not anymore
i havent updated a real update in a million years. i read you guyses ones though.
i realized that i don't ever just stop and think about how i'm doing. and when i try to...its almost like i can't....i cant state an overall mood.
i used to live more inside my head. now every event, every thought that i have, i tell someone about. WHICH leaves me saying things before i think about them. saying things before i know what i mean. and if you ask me what i THINK about something, i have no idea.
i dont know. i'm screwed up in the head. b/c things i shouldnt dwell on, i do...and things that i should be more thoughtful about...i'm not. which is frustrating b/c being thoughtful is one of my main goals as a human.
i'm just not very satisfied with myself. everything that goes on around me, i'm greatly satisfied with, but when it comes to my opinion of me, its horrible.
i had a "i'm so thankful" moment last night. it was about nothing. i was walking up to my house and i was kinda looking up at the sky, and i just felt completely satisfied with my life.
i just hate the rollercoaster of my content. especially when i'm about to leave. i hate the rollercoaster of wanting to leave and wishing i could stay.
there has only been one steady thing in the past year, and without him everything else falls down.
he's so worth everything. i love our relationship. i used to love it because it was perfect. and now i love it because its not perfect.
we're still perfect for EACH OTHER though.
man, whata team.
i cant want to watch things change. and by that i mean, i want to watch us grow together, and help each other, and lift each other up.
next year will be hard, but we can handle it. i pray.
we have to.
i used to sit alone at work and straighten out my thoughts. now it feels like i sit here with my blank mind waiting until the clock turns.
i really dont know who i am.
who am i?
really...
because i'm not
energetic. exciting. bright. well-adjusted. fun to be around.
atleast not anymore