(no subject)
i am so tired. physically tired, emotionally tired....very, very tired.
i wonder why is it the things that you want to forget are the things you mostly think about?
i've been distracting myself with books. i read thirteen reasons why, the giver (again. my fav), ordered 3 books offline, now reading choke, and will next read 1984. it definitely does help getting my mind off things. but i guess i cant do that forever.
i was thinking about what forgiveness is...what it really means. cause when i thought about what forgiveness meant, i couldnt even describe it in words. all i could think was, it means to forgive. i know that doesnt make much sense. so i thought, is getting over what someone did the same as forgiving? cause i don't think it IS forgiving. i think it's just moving on and no longer caring about a situation that happened that once affected you. but is that forgiving someone? i think there is a difference, and i don't think that people actually FORGIVE each other, they just get over what happened. that's just my opinion.
i also realized something else. as some of you may know, i'm not very opinionated. well, actually, i AM opinionated, i just don't say my opinions out loud. and i know why i do that. because no one listens to what i say anyway. they will still do whatever they want to do. so i feel like im wasting my breath 90% of the time. yes, i will give my opinion when i think it's necessary, but when i just shrug and say 'i dont know' when you ask for my opinion, it's probably because i know you're not gonna listen to me anyway. and i know that's true because i do it myself. when people give me their advice, i hardly ever take it. i want to make my own decisions and decide for myself what i think is best.
recently i made a hard choice that i made by myself. it was a choice i didn't want to make but i pretty much forced myself to because i know it will be better for me in the end. right now, it sucks so bad and i'm driving myself nuts. things have been good for the past 3 weeks and i've felt myself getting better, but now it's just going to get worse. some of you know what i'm talking about.
honestly...i have no more energy left to put effort into a relationship. i'm not going to look for one or hope one comes my way because i'm tired of being let down. yeah yeah you're all thinking 'you just choose the wrong guys'. well guess what, EVERY guy is the wrong guy until you meet mr. right, right? right.
i wonder why is it the things that you want to forget are the things you mostly think about?
i've been distracting myself with books. i read thirteen reasons why, the giver (again. my fav), ordered 3 books offline, now reading choke, and will next read 1984. it definitely does help getting my mind off things. but i guess i cant do that forever.
i was thinking about what forgiveness is...what it really means. cause when i thought about what forgiveness meant, i couldnt even describe it in words. all i could think was, it means to forgive. i know that doesnt make much sense. so i thought, is getting over what someone did the same as forgiving? cause i don't think it IS forgiving. i think it's just moving on and no longer caring about a situation that happened that once affected you. but is that forgiving someone? i think there is a difference, and i don't think that people actually FORGIVE each other, they just get over what happened. that's just my opinion.
i also realized something else. as some of you may know, i'm not very opinionated. well, actually, i AM opinionated, i just don't say my opinions out loud. and i know why i do that. because no one listens to what i say anyway. they will still do whatever they want to do. so i feel like im wasting my breath 90% of the time. yes, i will give my opinion when i think it's necessary, but when i just shrug and say 'i dont know' when you ask for my opinion, it's probably because i know you're not gonna listen to me anyway. and i know that's true because i do it myself. when people give me their advice, i hardly ever take it. i want to make my own decisions and decide for myself what i think is best.
recently i made a hard choice that i made by myself. it was a choice i didn't want to make but i pretty much forced myself to because i know it will be better for me in the end. right now, it sucks so bad and i'm driving myself nuts. things have been good for the past 3 weeks and i've felt myself getting better, but now it's just going to get worse. some of you know what i'm talking about.
honestly...i have no more energy left to put effort into a relationship. i'm not going to look for one or hope one comes my way because i'm tired of being let down. yeah yeah you're all thinking 'you just choose the wrong guys'. well guess what, EVERY guy is the wrong guy until you meet mr. right, right? right.