Sorry, Dad

Jun 01, 2005 16:27

Back in high school i had this crazy ambition: I wanted to be a judge on the Supreme Court of the United States. Chief Justice, probably. Dad told all his coworkers. It was the first thing i ever did or said that elicted an "im proud of you" from him. The first and only thing.
I could never be just.
I tried yesterday, maybe i even suceeeded, but it was just so goddamn hard. i never want to do it again, and i dont think i will. i'm also not taking advice about how to "really be kind" from people who are afriad to be kind in the first place. I dont think that kindness implies weakness or fragility either. I think that some people pretend to be nice, but aren't really, and those people skew other peoples perceptions on the matter. Thats not actual kindness though. Superficiality or pretense are not kindness. Im not even a nice or kind person. I think that i want to be though, regardless of what people think of me and all that bullshit. I've given up those dreams of politics and justice and finally making dad proud. I dont even know anymore if there is such a thing as justice, but if there is let God or Renquist or Dad deal it. I never want to hear about it ever again.
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