so chick flicks, good friends, and jason mraz puts me in this mood?!
Ahh, my mind is going through a billion things right now and i dont know if i can write them all down. i'm in a really good crazy mood. maybe its cuz i just watched a chick flick, or because i just hung out with some of the people that i will never ever forget, or because they also happen to be the people that i'm glad are happy with each other. i'm glad we can all love on each other, it's nice friendly stuff. i've forgotten everything now that has bothered me about relay, about one of my best friends who seems to have forgotten about me, but maybe it's their way of dealing with me even though i cant say that because it would be selfish. i dont know because i no longer know them it seems. reading through my yearbook, i was trying to figure out if people really meant things. sometimes i just dont feel like i'm deserving of what people say. i try to be nice to everyone, but i can think of so many times when i could've been nicer or stopped something that i had said. but then i saw these people writing things multiple times to me, and even though i can still doubt myself, i should believe them. even though i may have had problems with them at one point, or i didnt know them well enough, i still care about all these people and can only wish they will have an impact on someone else as they did on me. i do regret not knowing people better or just avoiding conflict when it would have been the easier way out, but now that its past, why dwell on it? i can still make friends with people i dont know as well and i can still have good times with people that i fought with at one point. it seems so clear to me now when i'm in this mood, but how will it feel tomorrow when i'm unsure?
like today, i felt like i messed up at the beginning and the end. but after tonight i know what to do. it's something that i feel i need to do and when i've had this feeling before and followed it, it was for the better for us. earlier i was being much more drastic and it was one of those passing thoughts that you're glad you never went through with because it would be a huge mistake. it's really not a big deal, but to me it kinda is because i want to go further with it. but then i wonder if i'm pushing things, or if i should just let it happen? what if it doesn't happen? but then how could it not? if i had faith this long that it would even happen, why couldn't it go beyond that on its own?! but overall, in things not concerning things i can control, today was good. i learned some things that i am happy with so maybe i wont have to change anything? i dont know, now i'm confused again because the mood is wearing off.
*WARNING* This is the only coherent paragraph in the whole entry.
in other news, i am working sunday. eric i really really really want to come to your party but i dont think i can get out of this because its harry potter 3 weekend and i'm not working friday or saturday :( i still love you though and dont watch my best friends wedding, 28 is too early. goodnight everyone, conan will soon be on.