Another turkey, eye issues, and more adventures to be had...
It snowed before Thanksgiving, which left snow on my pumpkin and a very angry Momma fifteen minutes away. After it melted, we did the turkey. I had a huge, gut-wrecking sad because while I don't have a lot of memories with my parents around the holidays, it was more that my father wasn't here to be impressed by all of my cooking. His little eyes would light up and be absolutely incredulous that not only had I made a turkey, but I also made all the sides and a pie. I think that's the piece that hurts the most this year.
It was slow going over Turkey Day then to go to Allentown for a friendsgiving. I missed all of our friends so hard, and it was exceptionally hard this year with Da-ee being gone. It's amazing to see how big the kids have gotten and that people have reproduced and that we might be next to bringing cubs into the world. By this time next year, we could be bringing our own itty bitty baby along to the friendsgiving we've have for decades.
Momma got a clean bill of health from her cardiologist last week and today, I was told I don't have to see a retinal specialist for a Whole Year. And I am ecstatic! I'm always so terrified of my eyes, and then had a simply horrible experience last year with an ophthalmologist. I do have a retinal tear in my left eye, but it seems like nobody really cares about it since it's stable. I had ocular migraines for a bit over the winter last year before my disc fusion, so maybe it was just a cluster of All the Things potentially going wrong.
In any case, I'm slowly becoming less dilated and will be heading into work soon. It's raining again, I'm under a sherpa, and Socks is slowly burrowing his head further and further under my left elbow as I type. It's not really encouraging me to get up and go to work, but work I must!
I keep trying to be hopeful. I've found myself slowing down from time to time to honor the grief I feel, and I continue to try and practice the compassion and kindness, but specifically for myself. There's still a lot of balls in the air regarding my father's death. I had called Momma and she said, "It'll happen when it does. Be kind to yourself." I pay the bills when they come and I keep her going to the doctor, and slowly, I'm hoping to get the tasks done in this house as we continue to move forward.
I do struggle with my own health and trying to make more healthy decisions. We did start cooking more again, which has benefited my mindset. Fidget got a promotion (!) which is exciting, though neither of us knows what that really means. And we're continuing to plan for Scotland whenever we can focus enough on it. I think a small part of me is terrified about going to Scotland; I feel like I'm pretty capable in the US, but like, how does power work over there? How do we get phones? And I know these questions are easily answered, but I wonder what to plan for and actually enjoy my honeymoon instead of being an anxious mess.
Socks and Sadie continue to be going strong. Socks is more finicky than we would like, so it's an experiment to get him to eat more. And then to get Sadie to eat less. I still give them snuggles when I need to, and Socks is still a great bed cat. I'll tuck him under the blankets with me and we'll go to sleep. Sadie continues to be a bully; ever since she turned 6, she thinks she's some sort of hot shot. And she'll pick on 18yo Socks and it's sad and makes me yell sometimes.
Still thinking of buying him a cat Santa sweater, though. He'd totally wear it in his old age.
We'll see how the next month unfolds. The time at the private practice is alternating, so I'm looking forward to weekends off for no particular reason. Momma seems to have stabilized. The Volcano Harbor appears to be operating as normal, so that's something. I just recently filled out bankruptcy forms from when the Starship folded in 2014, so that will be novel if any of us actually see payment. We've been through so much in the past four years. It's amazing we can continue to go forward.
I started this year off with spinal surgery, then got married, then Da-ee died. And here we are, another round of holidays upon us. I'm probably going to get my father's ornaments and put them on our tree this year, and Momma will be with us. Then we'll board a plane and travel forward in time (!) to Scotland and then lose some days when we come back and no, I have no idea how time zones work. But I'm hopeful to end this year on a high note! Because it has definitely been a ride...
... I'm still trying to put the pieces together and keep them organized.
It was slow going over Turkey Day then to go to Allentown for a friendsgiving. I missed all of our friends so hard, and it was exceptionally hard this year with Da-ee being gone. It's amazing to see how big the kids have gotten and that people have reproduced and that we might be next to bringing cubs into the world. By this time next year, we could be bringing our own itty bitty baby along to the friendsgiving we've have for decades.
Momma got a clean bill of health from her cardiologist last week and today, I was told I don't have to see a retinal specialist for a Whole Year. And I am ecstatic! I'm always so terrified of my eyes, and then had a simply horrible experience last year with an ophthalmologist. I do have a retinal tear in my left eye, but it seems like nobody really cares about it since it's stable. I had ocular migraines for a bit over the winter last year before my disc fusion, so maybe it was just a cluster of All the Things potentially going wrong.
In any case, I'm slowly becoming less dilated and will be heading into work soon. It's raining again, I'm under a sherpa, and Socks is slowly burrowing his head further and further under my left elbow as I type. It's not really encouraging me to get up and go to work, but work I must!
I keep trying to be hopeful. I've found myself slowing down from time to time to honor the grief I feel, and I continue to try and practice the compassion and kindness, but specifically for myself. There's still a lot of balls in the air regarding my father's death. I had called Momma and she said, "It'll happen when it does. Be kind to yourself." I pay the bills when they come and I keep her going to the doctor, and slowly, I'm hoping to get the tasks done in this house as we continue to move forward.
I do struggle with my own health and trying to make more healthy decisions. We did start cooking more again, which has benefited my mindset. Fidget got a promotion (!) which is exciting, though neither of us knows what that really means. And we're continuing to plan for Scotland whenever we can focus enough on it. I think a small part of me is terrified about going to Scotland; I feel like I'm pretty capable in the US, but like, how does power work over there? How do we get phones? And I know these questions are easily answered, but I wonder what to plan for and actually enjoy my honeymoon instead of being an anxious mess.
Socks and Sadie continue to be going strong. Socks is more finicky than we would like, so it's an experiment to get him to eat more. And then to get Sadie to eat less. I still give them snuggles when I need to, and Socks is still a great bed cat. I'll tuck him under the blankets with me and we'll go to sleep. Sadie continues to be a bully; ever since she turned 6, she thinks she's some sort of hot shot. And she'll pick on 18yo Socks and it's sad and makes me yell sometimes.
Still thinking of buying him a cat Santa sweater, though. He'd totally wear it in his old age.
We'll see how the next month unfolds. The time at the private practice is alternating, so I'm looking forward to weekends off for no particular reason. Momma seems to have stabilized. The Volcano Harbor appears to be operating as normal, so that's something. I just recently filled out bankruptcy forms from when the Starship folded in 2014, so that will be novel if any of us actually see payment. We've been through so much in the past four years. It's amazing we can continue to go forward.
I started this year off with spinal surgery, then got married, then Da-ee died. And here we are, another round of holidays upon us. I'm probably going to get my father's ornaments and put them on our tree this year, and Momma will be with us. Then we'll board a plane and travel forward in time (!) to Scotland and then lose some days when we come back and no, I have no idea how time zones work. But I'm hopeful to end this year on a high note! Because it has definitely been a ride...
... I'm still trying to put the pieces together and keep them organized.