Christmas amid curtains and shelves and fluffy socks...
This year's Christmas was much different than last, or even those that had come before it. We were alone this year, just Fidget and myself, along with our two cats. His family was seemingly MIA and mine were still in Florida.
I toddled in the morning, trying to sleep in to no avail as both cats desperately needed feeding (according to them). I aimlessly walked around, knowing I had no place to go but antsy to do something. We hung curtains, watched football, and make a delectable dinner. I couldn't track my mother down for awhile, then finally got a hold of my father who is in the hospital due to problems breathing. I catch up with my mother some hours later, laughing about how the holiday has turned out and how we can't fix the whole not-breathing thing. We later watch A Christmas Story, which always makes me think of both my parents. I drink two glasses of wine and fall asleep.
We had cards this year, which we normally do for each other, but for the first time in two years, there were presents to be unwrapped under our new tree. Mr. Fidget's new girlfriend gave us a 7.5ft fake fir tree which is glorious in our too-small ceiling-ed house, but it stands with five years of couple ornaments and the few I came into the relationship with. There's the ceramic alligator, the Lego characters, the locket from our first year. This year, he was gifted an ornament from his university, this whole year having been spent in classes. He gave me an ornament this year too, a Star Wars character which makes me squeal at times even though I'm not a Star Wars kid. He gave me pairs of fluffy socks, which are finally keeping my feet warm without the holes.
It's amazing to me how much can change in a year. While friends of mine are hoofing it to the new year, telling 2016 to unceremoniously suck it, I'm relatively happy with how this year is ending. My mother is still alive, albeit in Florida. I finally earned my license and am gainfully employed. I went from having no jobs to having three. We've finally cleared the credit card debt we racked up during the periods of un/underemployment. We have a sizable chunk set away for a vacation that we may be taking in January (depending on the weather). We are paying in cash (debit!) for food, gas, pet supplies, and booze. I'm still recovering mentally from the period of crisis. I know I can't undo two years of strife in six months of steady income. However, I'm more excited about thinking to the future, of updating my wardrobe or buying more gym classes or buying a new bed. Previously, and still somewhat recently, I panicked at the thought of unallocated monies, not quite sure if I should splurge on myself or sack it away into an emergency fund hidden from myself.
I've looked over past entries and the pain in there is palatable. While I haven't fully recovered from all of it, we're much more stable than we were. I've spent most of today toddling, finally hanging shelves, nailing up pictures and trays, and generally organizing from Christmas. There's less static in my brain, which makes me hopeful that I'll be able to manage whatever comes our way.
Tonight, I sit with new fluffy socks, my two cats cautiously pawing through the house amid less clutter and a sparkling tree. It's warmer now in our living room, new thermal curtains hung over the drafty windows. The cold is no longer falling on my face. I have a freshly-poured glass of wine and my partner is with me, and we'll settle in for the night. I'll go to the store in the morning, anew, refreshed from my two days off. Maybe my days weren't filled with extended family or in-laws, and maybe we didn't make a turkey. Maybe I didn't sit for too long, taking care of home improvement tasks. But for the first time in a long time, this Christmas holiday feels like a celebration and more home than it has in some time...
... for the first time in a long time, I'm excited what the new year will bring and gracefully bow as another year passes.
I toddled in the morning, trying to sleep in to no avail as both cats desperately needed feeding (according to them). I aimlessly walked around, knowing I had no place to go but antsy to do something. We hung curtains, watched football, and make a delectable dinner. I couldn't track my mother down for awhile, then finally got a hold of my father who is in the hospital due to problems breathing. I catch up with my mother some hours later, laughing about how the holiday has turned out and how we can't fix the whole not-breathing thing. We later watch A Christmas Story, which always makes me think of both my parents. I drink two glasses of wine and fall asleep.
We had cards this year, which we normally do for each other, but for the first time in two years, there were presents to be unwrapped under our new tree. Mr. Fidget's new girlfriend gave us a 7.5ft fake fir tree which is glorious in our too-small ceiling-ed house, but it stands with five years of couple ornaments and the few I came into the relationship with. There's the ceramic alligator, the Lego characters, the locket from our first year. This year, he was gifted an ornament from his university, this whole year having been spent in classes. He gave me an ornament this year too, a Star Wars character which makes me squeal at times even though I'm not a Star Wars kid. He gave me pairs of fluffy socks, which are finally keeping my feet warm without the holes.
It's amazing to me how much can change in a year. While friends of mine are hoofing it to the new year, telling 2016 to unceremoniously suck it, I'm relatively happy with how this year is ending. My mother is still alive, albeit in Florida. I finally earned my license and am gainfully employed. I went from having no jobs to having three. We've finally cleared the credit card debt we racked up during the periods of un/underemployment. We have a sizable chunk set away for a vacation that we may be taking in January (depending on the weather). We are paying in cash (debit!) for food, gas, pet supplies, and booze. I'm still recovering mentally from the period of crisis. I know I can't undo two years of strife in six months of steady income. However, I'm more excited about thinking to the future, of updating my wardrobe or buying more gym classes or buying a new bed. Previously, and still somewhat recently, I panicked at the thought of unallocated monies, not quite sure if I should splurge on myself or sack it away into an emergency fund hidden from myself.
I've looked over past entries and the pain in there is palatable. While I haven't fully recovered from all of it, we're much more stable than we were. I've spent most of today toddling, finally hanging shelves, nailing up pictures and trays, and generally organizing from Christmas. There's less static in my brain, which makes me hopeful that I'll be able to manage whatever comes our way.
Tonight, I sit with new fluffy socks, my two cats cautiously pawing through the house amid less clutter and a sparkling tree. It's warmer now in our living room, new thermal curtains hung over the drafty windows. The cold is no longer falling on my face. I have a freshly-poured glass of wine and my partner is with me, and we'll settle in for the night. I'll go to the store in the morning, anew, refreshed from my two days off. Maybe my days weren't filled with extended family or in-laws, and maybe we didn't make a turkey. Maybe I didn't sit for too long, taking care of home improvement tasks. But for the first time in a long time, this Christmas holiday feels like a celebration and more home than it has in some time...
... for the first time in a long time, I'm excited what the new year will bring and gracefully bow as another year passes.