The healthy eating extrapolation...
This is probably the time for some back story so that readers (and myself when I re-read these) understand why everything changed regarding my health and my routine. I had alluded to it in a previous entry, but I have a bit of time now and would like to explain my newest "hobby" and why I'm doing what I'm doing.
I have always been heavy, as I was one of the tallest girls no matter what class I rolled into. I thought that was just what I was meant to be. I never particularly had body image issues. I had benefits and drawbacks like any of the other girls. A friend of college was amazed at this standpoint, that I never had a "fat day." I never even knew what one of these was. One of my coworkers told me she hadn't had sex with her husband for however many months because she felt fat. What was that about? I had never let "fat" come in the way of my getting some throwdown. I distinctly remember calling Momma and thanking her for never instilling this in me.
I remember when I was younger, Momma was attempting to drop weight. She had my father take a Polaroid of her naked so she would always see how she was and how she wouldn't want to re-become. She drank the instant drinks and lost some weight, but the feeling of being fat never set in with me.
There were times where my father would comment on my weight, until my momma jumped up and said that they had always been heavy, so how would he expect me to be anything else? I thought it was a logical argument. I wasn't upset by my weight. I was just heavy.
In the spring of 2012, Trips and Caterpillar got married. I couldn't try on the maid of honor dress, so I ordered it in my size. A ballgown, I only had to get it sized around my bustline, but otherwise was good to go. I felt like a pretty, pretty princess. I donned my pearls, put on my heels, and went to met Fidget, whom was one of Trips' groomsman. He told me I was a pretty, pretty princess, but I could see he was lying in his eyes. I went through the motions, knowing that it was probably my bust that didn't make this the best dress for me. I gave my speech and had an excellent night.
Trips forwarded me the pictures of the wedding. Both of them looked beautiful on their wedding day. In reality, I understand that it was not the photographer's job to make me look like a pretty, pretty princess. It was Caterpillar's day. But what I saw in the photos was horrifying. I actually looked fat.
How the hell did that happen?
When I picked up Fidget that evening, I was distraught. He stood with me as long as he could, but I felt like my world was crashing. Here I was, 28 years old, never having any sort of body image issues or weight issues. And I was embarrassed by what I saw in those pictures. I was angry that I was that heavy. It was simply mortifying.
In the summer, I flew to Florida as Momma was having back surgery. I was already tentatively thinking about the weight issue; Fidget and I had bought another treadmill to replace the one that died, and we half-heartedly went through the motions, maybe getting on it once every two weeks. In Florida, my disabled and crippled parents were a wake-up call. I watched Da-ee eat a can of Spam and almost vomited. "WHAT are you doing?"
"The doctor told me to eat every two and a half to three hours."
"I doubt the doctor told you to eat SPAM."
Since I was living at their house for two weeks, I bought real food and made them meals. My father lost seven pounds just by eating my food for those weeks. I saw myself in thirty years, unable to walk, unable to go shopping with my offspring, and realized that this had to stop.
When I returned to Baltimore, I started doing research. A LOT of research. I poured through webpages and nutritional labels, trying to figure out if there was a secret to all of this healthy eating. I told Fidget that our lives were going to change, and he had to be on board with it. I told him I wouldn't raise our future kids like that, now that I knew what fast food and "quick" food really consisted of. I told him we had to be healthier to be happier.
So we did. It started with the food. Non-processed food, real vegetables, little changes here and there to up protein or reduce fat. We tried quinoa and bulgur wheat. We stopped using white flour. I would order salads from our delivery places, and try to walk on the treadmill more.
In January, we went back to Florida. I saw that the changes were implemented in our lifestyle and realized we couldn't eat at my parents'. So again, they bought groceries, and I ordered broiled seafood when we went out to eat.
In February, I realized that we had been eating healthier for six months. We moved into our home, setting up this exercise room. I was excited to have a place conducive to this healthy lifestyle I had been reading about. Fidget would make remarks like, "This is what I get for dating an addict" as I'd rattle off stats about the fat in this or how that's not really that healthy for you. It became commonplace and expected.
Also, after six months of just healthy eating, I looked back and tried to figure out if there was any other changes. Sure, our food was better, but were we? And then I realized that in six months, particularly during my normal "getting sick" time, I hadn't gotten ill. Besides an occasional sniffle, there'd been no cold to knock me down, no fever to send me shivering.
I hadn't gotten sick during the fall and winter.
This was proof! Holy hell, all those times people talked about how eating healthy makes you feel better, and they were right!
When Kayrin cut my hair a couple months ago, she said my hair was healthier, though I hadn't been doing anything special to it. It was the food I was eating.
I had started watching people eat, noticing what they put into their bodies. Looking up the chemistry of it (I can't disagree with science), it would only make sense that the machine only works as well as the fuel I put into it. I don't put vinegar into Onyx and expect him to run well. I put gasoline, higher octane when I need a good hard burn out of it. Why wasn't I doing that with myself?
There was money that came back from taxes, and I bought myself some exercise DVDs from Groupon. I started using the tension bands. Fidget bought me free weights randomly. For Valentine's Day, I got two new pairs of sneakers from Fidget: one cheapie set for the office so I could walk during my lunch breaks, and new Nikes for at home and walking around the suburbs. I read more and realized how I should be contributing to my community, so we walk down to the farmer's market and pick up meat. (Ironically, the meat does taste better. I thought that was a bunch of hooplah, too.) We started using our library more, as I needed more books about my new hobby, so we'll walk there, too.
Because of the walking, I no longer balk at walking two miles wherever. My hair's blonder due to the summer sun and I have a pretty healthy tan. I just LOOK healthier.
Thus, started the woggling. I didn't think I would ever run, since I was scared of my knees. I didn't know if my knees would hold me, but I figured it was a controlled environment and if I hurt, I could just step off it. I upped the speed and off I went.
Now, I'm woggling intermittently with increasing incline. Going back through other entries, I would only be able to go at a 2.2 pace for an hour. Now I'm burning 500 calories in 45 minutes.
I was asked at work if there was a reason why I was doing this, if I was trying to fit into anything specifically. I said no; I can't just turn into my parents. I go through periods of being thankful for being given such a strong core regarding body images, but then angry it hit me at 28. And nothing was ever said to me. Why was it okay for me to constantly drink soda as a kid? Why so much fast food? And the Hamburger Helper alone now makes me gag.
Another random tidbit, I'm off Mountain Dew. During Lent, I give up carbonation anyway, and came to work on that Thursday, totally having forgotten about bringing tea to drink. So I just drank water and kept it moving.
The same thing happened the next day; forgot tea, drank water. As I was realizing this, and that I had no withdrawal symptoms, I realized that Dew was a habit, not a necessity. I gave up caffeine all together. We rarely buy it; it is a "sometimes" treat, but it's typically not in this house. I drink 99 ounces of water just during work alone.
This is my "hobby," but I can't ever see us going back. I know I'm not, which is why I was so impressed and then considered myself blessed that my friends prepared the food they did for my birthday. I'm even down to a half pack of cigarettes a day when I used to smoke a pack and a quarter. If I can get off Dew, then the cigarettes will come next...
... so when the babies come, we'll be good role models from the get instead of recognizing it when they're 30.
I have always been heavy, as I was one of the tallest girls no matter what class I rolled into. I thought that was just what I was meant to be. I never particularly had body image issues. I had benefits and drawbacks like any of the other girls. A friend of college was amazed at this standpoint, that I never had a "fat day." I never even knew what one of these was. One of my coworkers told me she hadn't had sex with her husband for however many months because she felt fat. What was that about? I had never let "fat" come in the way of my getting some throwdown. I distinctly remember calling Momma and thanking her for never instilling this in me.
I remember when I was younger, Momma was attempting to drop weight. She had my father take a Polaroid of her naked so she would always see how she was and how she wouldn't want to re-become. She drank the instant drinks and lost some weight, but the feeling of being fat never set in with me.
There were times where my father would comment on my weight, until my momma jumped up and said that they had always been heavy, so how would he expect me to be anything else? I thought it was a logical argument. I wasn't upset by my weight. I was just heavy.
In the spring of 2012, Trips and Caterpillar got married. I couldn't try on the maid of honor dress, so I ordered it in my size. A ballgown, I only had to get it sized around my bustline, but otherwise was good to go. I felt like a pretty, pretty princess. I donned my pearls, put on my heels, and went to met Fidget, whom was one of Trips' groomsman. He told me I was a pretty, pretty princess, but I could see he was lying in his eyes. I went through the motions, knowing that it was probably my bust that didn't make this the best dress for me. I gave my speech and had an excellent night.
Trips forwarded me the pictures of the wedding. Both of them looked beautiful on their wedding day. In reality, I understand that it was not the photographer's job to make me look like a pretty, pretty princess. It was Caterpillar's day. But what I saw in the photos was horrifying. I actually looked fat.
How the hell did that happen?
When I picked up Fidget that evening, I was distraught. He stood with me as long as he could, but I felt like my world was crashing. Here I was, 28 years old, never having any sort of body image issues or weight issues. And I was embarrassed by what I saw in those pictures. I was angry that I was that heavy. It was simply mortifying.
In the summer, I flew to Florida as Momma was having back surgery. I was already tentatively thinking about the weight issue; Fidget and I had bought another treadmill to replace the one that died, and we half-heartedly went through the motions, maybe getting on it once every two weeks. In Florida, my disabled and crippled parents were a wake-up call. I watched Da-ee eat a can of Spam and almost vomited. "WHAT are you doing?"
"The doctor told me to eat every two and a half to three hours."
"I doubt the doctor told you to eat SPAM."
Since I was living at their house for two weeks, I bought real food and made them meals. My father lost seven pounds just by eating my food for those weeks. I saw myself in thirty years, unable to walk, unable to go shopping with my offspring, and realized that this had to stop.
When I returned to Baltimore, I started doing research. A LOT of research. I poured through webpages and nutritional labels, trying to figure out if there was a secret to all of this healthy eating. I told Fidget that our lives were going to change, and he had to be on board with it. I told him I wouldn't raise our future kids like that, now that I knew what fast food and "quick" food really consisted of. I told him we had to be healthier to be happier.
So we did. It started with the food. Non-processed food, real vegetables, little changes here and there to up protein or reduce fat. We tried quinoa and bulgur wheat. We stopped using white flour. I would order salads from our delivery places, and try to walk on the treadmill more.
In January, we went back to Florida. I saw that the changes were implemented in our lifestyle and realized we couldn't eat at my parents'. So again, they bought groceries, and I ordered broiled seafood when we went out to eat.
In February, I realized that we had been eating healthier for six months. We moved into our home, setting up this exercise room. I was excited to have a place conducive to this healthy lifestyle I had been reading about. Fidget would make remarks like, "This is what I get for dating an addict" as I'd rattle off stats about the fat in this or how that's not really that healthy for you. It became commonplace and expected.
Also, after six months of just healthy eating, I looked back and tried to figure out if there was any other changes. Sure, our food was better, but were we? And then I realized that in six months, particularly during my normal "getting sick" time, I hadn't gotten ill. Besides an occasional sniffle, there'd been no cold to knock me down, no fever to send me shivering.
I hadn't gotten sick during the fall and winter.
This was proof! Holy hell, all those times people talked about how eating healthy makes you feel better, and they were right!
When Kayrin cut my hair a couple months ago, she said my hair was healthier, though I hadn't been doing anything special to it. It was the food I was eating.
I had started watching people eat, noticing what they put into their bodies. Looking up the chemistry of it (I can't disagree with science), it would only make sense that the machine only works as well as the fuel I put into it. I don't put vinegar into Onyx and expect him to run well. I put gasoline, higher octane when I need a good hard burn out of it. Why wasn't I doing that with myself?
There was money that came back from taxes, and I bought myself some exercise DVDs from Groupon. I started using the tension bands. Fidget bought me free weights randomly. For Valentine's Day, I got two new pairs of sneakers from Fidget: one cheapie set for the office so I could walk during my lunch breaks, and new Nikes for at home and walking around the suburbs. I read more and realized how I should be contributing to my community, so we walk down to the farmer's market and pick up meat. (Ironically, the meat does taste better. I thought that was a bunch of hooplah, too.) We started using our library more, as I needed more books about my new hobby, so we'll walk there, too.
Because of the walking, I no longer balk at walking two miles wherever. My hair's blonder due to the summer sun and I have a pretty healthy tan. I just LOOK healthier.
Thus, started the woggling. I didn't think I would ever run, since I was scared of my knees. I didn't know if my knees would hold me, but I figured it was a controlled environment and if I hurt, I could just step off it. I upped the speed and off I went.
Now, I'm woggling intermittently with increasing incline. Going back through other entries, I would only be able to go at a 2.2 pace for an hour. Now I'm burning 500 calories in 45 minutes.
I was asked at work if there was a reason why I was doing this, if I was trying to fit into anything specifically. I said no; I can't just turn into my parents. I go through periods of being thankful for being given such a strong core regarding body images, but then angry it hit me at 28. And nothing was ever said to me. Why was it okay for me to constantly drink soda as a kid? Why so much fast food? And the Hamburger Helper alone now makes me gag.
Another random tidbit, I'm off Mountain Dew. During Lent, I give up carbonation anyway, and came to work on that Thursday, totally having forgotten about bringing tea to drink. So I just drank water and kept it moving.
The same thing happened the next day; forgot tea, drank water. As I was realizing this, and that I had no withdrawal symptoms, I realized that Dew was a habit, not a necessity. I gave up caffeine all together. We rarely buy it; it is a "sometimes" treat, but it's typically not in this house. I drink 99 ounces of water just during work alone.
This is my "hobby," but I can't ever see us going back. I know I'm not, which is why I was so impressed and then considered myself blessed that my friends prepared the food they did for my birthday. I'm even down to a half pack of cigarettes a day when I used to smoke a pack and a quarter. If I can get off Dew, then the cigarettes will come next...
... so when the babies come, we'll be good role models from the get instead of recognizing it when they're 30.