Bad Decisions leads to a good night...
The last post was written as Bluejay was getting ready to go out. I was going to just don lipstick and bounce, but after seeing her with pretty eyes, I decided I, too, wanted pretty eyes. Thus the insanity started.
Now, mind you, I don't think I've put on actual makeup in a couple of years. For those of you who don't me in real life, I'm an exceptionally low-maintenance broad. I keep my hair long, but twist it up in a hairclip, brush my teeth, and go off and gallivant. I do have lipstick in my purse, which I have donned for various occasions, but that's generally the extent of my makeup repertoire.
However, I do know HOW to put on makeup. I have random Girl Tricks that I whip up out from under my sleeve from time to time, which disturbs and confuses my friends. A lipliner once fell out of my jacket pocket and Bluejay was all, "You have LIPSTICK? JESS HAS LIPSTICK?" and she proceeded to tilt for the next twenty minutes about me having girly parts.
Anyway. I digress.
So, Bluejay decided to give me eyeballs. Which resulted in my looking like the Living Dead Girl, and both of us wondering why if she put brown eyeshadow on, why did I look blue all of a sudden? And just my eyeballs? It was like I was turning into a smurf from the eyeballs out.
*waits for Smurf to laugh a lot*
I tried to cover it up with whatever Bluejay had, but then promptly said, "Fuck it!" and dug deep into the back of my bathroom cabinet to find The Makeup. Bluejay's eyes (which were beautiful) went all O.o at my selection of makeups and concealers. We fixed my eyeballs, finished mascara, gave me bangin' lips, I put on smelly stuff that an ex gave me six years ago (Jasmine and vanilla, you can't go wrong) and gallivanted off at something like 2330.
Bluejay and I were used to drinking in the Valley, where you don't go out anywhere until at least 2200. The Valley is overrun with college kids, who are poor, pre-gaming at home, THEN going to the bars. Baltimore, however, is much, much different.
We ventured to Highlandtown to a bar that MFNJ's friend had suggested and found it to be relatively empty and tame. We saddled up to the bar, ordered something with vodka for me from Shannon, then proceeded to talk about going to another bar. However, since I'm Jess, I made Very Good Friends with Ben and Christa, a married couple who just moved to the Baltimore area in March. We discussed moving to Essex for water, his Coast Guard buddy whom we think lives in Mayport, and various different things about Highlandtown. We bid them adieu, and I was already buzzed off of my one drink. I can properly tell Da-ee I'm not a two beer queer, but a one drink one.
We got back in Bluejay's rockin' new car (who we call "Eddie" but his full name is Edward, because he sparkles) and drove into Fells Point. Fells Point is basically a giant bar crawl area; Playa had recommended parking and walking, since there are SO MANY BARS everywhere. In fact, I'm probably going to end up doing some sort of bar crawl in two weeks for a friend's birthday in Fells Point. It's that awesome.
We drove off to Bad Decisions, which we had found online due to something about a marshmallow martini and seriously, if a bar's named "Bad Decisions," it can't be all that bad, right?
As I walked in, I was approached by the bartender whom I called "Tuna Can" for the rest of the evening. And no, this isn't one of my cutesy LJ names; the dude told me to call him "Tuna Can." (Though I thought it was "Tunic Head" for a hot minute, until Bluejay properly enunciated for me to read.) "It's wider than it is tall," he said, which made me giggle. He asked me about vodka, I said no grapefruit, and then there was lime, ginger, and a nommy drink in my belly. He gave me some sort of bottlecap and a BOTTLE that GLOWS which is citrus saki. Because I'm awesome. In the course of the evening, I:· sung "Happy Birthday" by myself to a man named Mike wearing a nuclear turtles shirt and made him blow out my lighter
· drank a FLAMING SHOT (LIKE EN FLAMBE: Tuna Can asked what kind of shot, "Fire or no fire?" "Like, en flambe." "Yes, babe, en flambe." "THEN EN FLAMBE IT, TUNA CAN MAN MAN!")
· got a guy's phone number because he wants to take me and Bluejay out for more bar crawls
· kissed Bluejay a lot
· sang to Tantric
· had the only black chick in that bar get up into my personal space, tell me about her DDs, then take my hand and make me feel her ribcage and hips, then walked away (no name? What just happened?)
· fought off a man because he held my Glowing Bottle of Happy, who then hugged me and we were Friends
· spoke with a motivational speaker about... motivational speaking
· found an Asian not in Catonsville
· drank some sort of drink that had chocolate truffle in it, which I had to suck out of the glass, and then later found out from a woman with a shaved head with pink hair that the name of the drink is "Horse shit"
· made awesome friends with Dennis, Mike, Tuna Can, Craig (with a C!), Lauren, and Ryan
· realized that my feet are very very small when I'm intoxicated, so I have to walk very very careful
We drove back to the county, ate nommy diner food, and praised our waitress because we were now Those People Bluejay and I used to make fun of at City View. We drank water, smoked cigarettes, then crawled into the Bed of Awesome around 0430.
My daylighter body woke me up at 0830, which I vetoed, then finally crawled out of bed around 1100. I made coffee for Bluejay (I know how to now! Take that, Metal Darts!), took a showah, then bounced on Bluejay nekkid. Now, we're going to gallivant back down to Stoney Creek Inn, since I have a favorite waiter who remembers me after only one visit and is awesome. (006, it's the same waiter that waited on us. He saw me with Hunny and is now my new best friend.) We will eat nommy foods, eat hush puppies, and drink sweet tea, then off to see Fran for a hot minute. I'll go to Mass, then we'll get ready for another awesome night...
... this weekend is so far AHmazing.
Now, mind you, I don't think I've put on actual makeup in a couple of years. For those of you who don't me in real life, I'm an exceptionally low-maintenance broad. I keep my hair long, but twist it up in a hairclip, brush my teeth, and go off and gallivant. I do have lipstick in my purse, which I have donned for various occasions, but that's generally the extent of my makeup repertoire.
However, I do know HOW to put on makeup. I have random Girl Tricks that I whip up out from under my sleeve from time to time, which disturbs and confuses my friends. A lipliner once fell out of my jacket pocket and Bluejay was all, "You have LIPSTICK? JESS HAS LIPSTICK?" and she proceeded to tilt for the next twenty minutes about me having girly parts.
Anyway. I digress.
So, Bluejay decided to give me eyeballs. Which resulted in my looking like the Living Dead Girl, and both of us wondering why if she put brown eyeshadow on, why did I look blue all of a sudden? And just my eyeballs? It was like I was turning into a smurf from the eyeballs out.
*waits for Smurf to laugh a lot*
I tried to cover it up with whatever Bluejay had, but then promptly said, "Fuck it!" and dug deep into the back of my bathroom cabinet to find The Makeup. Bluejay's eyes (which were beautiful) went all O.o at my selection of makeups and concealers. We fixed my eyeballs, finished mascara, gave me bangin' lips, I put on smelly stuff that an ex gave me six years ago (Jasmine and vanilla, you can't go wrong) and gallivanted off at something like 2330.
Bluejay and I were used to drinking in the Valley, where you don't go out anywhere until at least 2200. The Valley is overrun with college kids, who are poor, pre-gaming at home, THEN going to the bars. Baltimore, however, is much, much different.
We ventured to Highlandtown to a bar that MFNJ's friend had suggested and found it to be relatively empty and tame. We saddled up to the bar, ordered something with vodka for me from Shannon, then proceeded to talk about going to another bar. However, since I'm Jess, I made Very Good Friends with Ben and Christa, a married couple who just moved to the Baltimore area in March. We discussed moving to Essex for water, his Coast Guard buddy whom we think lives in Mayport, and various different things about Highlandtown. We bid them adieu, and I was already buzzed off of my one drink. I can properly tell Da-ee I'm not a two beer queer, but a one drink one.
We got back in Bluejay's rockin' new car (who we call "Eddie" but his full name is Edward, because he sparkles) and drove into Fells Point. Fells Point is basically a giant bar crawl area; Playa had recommended parking and walking, since there are SO MANY BARS everywhere. In fact, I'm probably going to end up doing some sort of bar crawl in two weeks for a friend's birthday in Fells Point. It's that awesome.
We drove off to Bad Decisions, which we had found online due to something about a marshmallow martini and seriously, if a bar's named "Bad Decisions," it can't be all that bad, right?
As I walked in, I was approached by the bartender whom I called "Tuna Can" for the rest of the evening. And no, this isn't one of my cutesy LJ names; the dude told me to call him "Tuna Can." (Though I thought it was "Tunic Head" for a hot minute, until Bluejay properly enunciated for me to read.) "It's wider than it is tall," he said, which made me giggle. He asked me about vodka, I said no grapefruit, and then there was lime, ginger, and a nommy drink in my belly. He gave me some sort of bottlecap and a BOTTLE that GLOWS which is citrus saki. Because I'm awesome. In the course of the evening, I:· sung "Happy Birthday" by myself to a man named Mike wearing a nuclear turtles shirt and made him blow out my lighter
· drank a FLAMING SHOT (LIKE EN FLAMBE: Tuna Can asked what kind of shot, "Fire or no fire?" "Like, en flambe." "Yes, babe, en flambe." "THEN EN FLAMBE IT, TUNA CAN MAN MAN!")
· got a guy's phone number because he wants to take me and Bluejay out for more bar crawls
· kissed Bluejay a lot
· sang to Tantric
· had the only black chick in that bar get up into my personal space, tell me about her DDs, then take my hand and make me feel her ribcage and hips, then walked away (no name? What just happened?)
· fought off a man because he held my Glowing Bottle of Happy, who then hugged me and we were Friends
· spoke with a motivational speaker about... motivational speaking
· found an Asian not in Catonsville
· drank some sort of drink that had chocolate truffle in it, which I had to suck out of the glass, and then later found out from a woman with a shaved head with pink hair that the name of the drink is "Horse shit"
· made awesome friends with Dennis, Mike, Tuna Can, Craig (with a C!), Lauren, and Ryan
· realized that my feet are very very small when I'm intoxicated, so I have to walk very very careful
We drove back to the county, ate nommy diner food, and praised our waitress because we were now Those People Bluejay and I used to make fun of at City View. We drank water, smoked cigarettes, then crawled into the Bed of Awesome around 0430.
My daylighter body woke me up at 0830, which I vetoed, then finally crawled out of bed around 1100. I made coffee for Bluejay (I know how to now! Take that, Metal Darts!), took a showah, then bounced on Bluejay nekkid. Now, we're going to gallivant back down to Stoney Creek Inn, since I have a favorite waiter who remembers me after only one visit and is awesome. (006, it's the same waiter that waited on us. He saw me with Hunny and is now my new best friend.) We will eat nommy foods, eat hush puppies, and drink sweet tea, then off to see Fran for a hot minute. I'll go to Mass, then we'll get ready for another awesome night...
... this weekend is so far AHmazing.