Fic- One Foot in Front of the Other- Chapter 11 (part B)
What Sam woke up to was Mikey curled up on Dean’s side of the bed, tightly clutching his pillow. The sight brought tears to his eyes, which turned to tears of frustration when he realized he had overslept. He would have to call both he and Mikey in sick for the day. Blinking back the blur in his eyes, Sam gave Mikey’s shoulder a light shake.
“Mikey.”
The boy’s hazel eyes opened slowly. Sam could immediately see the sadness in them. “Mommy, where’s Daddy?”
Sam felt his eyes refill, but quickly blinked back his tears. “He had to go to work early.” Sam had no idea whether he was lying to his son or not. But he couldn’t worry about Dean; he had to make sure Mikey would be okay. It would hurt more than anything if Dean decided to walk away from them to rejoin the hunt. Because contrary to what Dean believed, Sam knew that once he started again there would always be another hunt. It was the reason Sam had chosen to leave four years ago instead of forcing him to settle down and raise a baby. Dean seemed to need to hunt in a way that Sam could never understand.
Shaking the thoughts from his head, Sam coaxed Mikey out of bed with the promise of apple cinnamon waffles and a trip to the park. While Mikey dressed, Sam called Mikey’s school and his job before starting breakfast. It wasn’t until Mikey was eating that Sam thought to call his father.
“Hello,” came the gruff response.
“Dad.”
“Sammy, what’s up?”
Sam took a deep breath. “This may sound a little crazy, but can you meet me at the park down the street from my apartment?”
As he and Mikey walked to the park, Sam couldn’t help but wonder what he could have been thinking. It was one thing for their father to accept him and Dean’s relationship but another to learn that they had a child together. But Sam felt John had the right to know why he refused to work the hunt. Sam could see John’s pickup truck as they approached and the question in the older man’s eyes as he climbed out.
“Sammy?” He questioned once they were within earshot.
Sam smiled down at his son. “Mikey, this is your grandfather.” He looked up at his father. “Dad, this is Michael Dean Winchester.”
John blinked at his youngest son for a moment before kneeling down to Mikey’s level. “Hi Michael. How old are you?”
“Four,” Mikey answered and held up four fingers just in case John needed the extra help. “You can call me Mikey.” He gave his grandfather that same toothy grin that everyone who knew him loved.
John returned the smile and Sam couldn’t help but notice the resemblance. “Thank you, Mikey. Why don’t you go play on the swings for a little bit while me and your Daddy talk?”
When Mikey’s eyes lit up and he glanced around expectantly, Sam felt his chest tighten.
“Daddy’s not here,” Mikey mumbled with evident disappointment.
John looked up at Sam quizzically.
“He calls me Mommy. Dean is Daddy,” Sam answered, still a little embarrassed. “It’s okay, Mikey. Go on and play.”
Huh,” John huffed out once the little boy ran off in the direction of the swings. “It all makes a little more sense now. I never believed you would leave Dean for no good reason.”
Sam nodded and the two sat down at a picnic table which allowed them to easily see Mikey as he ran around the playground.
I didn’t want to make Dean choose between hunting and a family. I knew what hunting meant to him- what it still means to him,” he added.
John raised his eyebrows. “You think it’s more important than his family?”
“At the time, yes,” Sam sighed. “Dad, look, I’m sorry but I’m not going on this hunt. I have Mikey to think of and refuse to raise him that way. No offense.”
Chuckling, John shook his head. “None taken. “ He smiled at his son. “Believe it or not, I understand, Sammy.”
“You do?” Sam asked incredulously.
“Yes. I know you didn’t agree with my parenting but at the time I was doing the best I knew how.” His eyes grew distant. “But I do sometimes wish I could go back and do things differently.”
“Dad,” Sam trailed off, not sure what to say.
“So, believe me when I say that I understand you decision, Sammy. And that I’ve never been more proud of you.”
“You-you haven’t?” Sam couldn’t help but feel like a kid again basking in his father’s praise. “Dean wants to help you; we argued about it last night. He doesn’t understand why I won’t just drop Mikey off at a friend’s house and pick up a shotgun like old times. He knows how I feel about exposing Mikey to hunting, but really it’s more than that.”
John looked at him expectantly.
“I think I might be pregnant.”
“Does Dean know?”
Sam shook his head. “No, and I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to feel trapped. He needs to make this decision on his own.”
John promptly smacked Sam in the back of his head.
“Ow Dad! What the hell?” Sam exclaimed.
John smiled good-naturedly. “Sorry, Sammy but you deserved that. I can’t believe you’re about to repeat history.”
“What?”
“When you found out you were pregnant with Mikey you left without giving Dean an option. And now you’re about to do the same thing all over again. You need to tell him about the baby, Sam. Let him make the decision after that.”
Sam blinked at his father. “I-I never thought of it that way.”
“Well, that’s why you have an old man.”
The three Winchesters had lunch together and Mikey managed to charm his way into his grandfather’s heart. The four year old had John Winchester smiling more than Sam had ever seen. But he found it difficult to join in the happiness, his mind often drifting to his confession. He had begun to recognize some of the symptoms almost two weeks prior and had immediately taken a pregnancy test. He almost hyperventilated when the result was positive. Rather than have a doctor confirm his condition and tell Dean, he had thrown himself into work and allowed it to distract him. However, avoidance was no longer an option.
Around the time Dean was due home from the auto shop, John offered to take Mikey out for a while and gave Sam a pointed look, obviously expecting him to talk with Dean. By the time Dean returned to the apartment, Sam had worked himself into such a nervous wreck that he felt nauseous.
Dean set down his keys without so much as a glance in Sam’s direction.
“Dean, we need to talk,” Sam said, trying to find his nerve.
Running a weary hand over his face, Dean sighed. “There’s really nothing to talk about, Sam. I’m going even though you don’t want me. What else is there to talk about?”
“I’m pregnant.” He hadn’t wanted to blurt it out that way but Dean’s attitude was making him nervous.
Dean started at the news. “You wanna run that by me again?”
Sam swallowed thickly. “I took a test almost two weeks ago. I just haven’t been to a doctor yet.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me before now?” Sam could practically see the angry tension rolling off his brother’s shoulders in waves.
“I wasn’t sure how to tell you.” Sam took a moment to collect his thoughts. “I love you, Dean. And I love the fact that the three of us have been able to form a family these past few months despite my mistakes in the past. And I almost made the same mistake again- I almost doubted your ability to choose between hunting and your family. After Dad pointed it out to me, I knew I had to tell you about the baby.”
Dean let out a huge breath as he sank down onto the sofa. Rubbing a hand over his mouth, he chuckled softly. “You think that I need to hunt because it’s a part of me or something. The truth is that sometimes I think it’s the only thing I know how to do. I’ve done it almost all my life.” He grabbed Sam’s hand. “But I love you too, Sammy. And I refuse to miss a single minute of this baby’s life.”
Sam smiled and swallowed against the lump forming in his throat. He brought his forehead down to Dean’s. “You’re crazy if you think hunting is all you can do; you’re an amazing father.”
Shaking his head and trying to hide the fact that he was getting choked up, Dean rolled his eyes. “God, you trying to turn me into a girl too, Sammy?”
Rather than answer, Sam captured his lips in a searing kiss.