Normans dead
I found out this morning. He died back in July, but mom got a phone call this morning looking for his next of kin. That's how we found out. Mom and I did a lot of talking this morning about our lives with him. Neither of us really know how we feel about it. We know we're not the least bit sad. We were actually a bit pleased to hear it. There were a lot of things said this morning that had needed saying for years. Things that we could only discuss as two adults would.
Then I had a two and a half hour long dental appointment in which I had more than ample time to think about the things mom had explained to me today. While I know he and everything he did is in the far past for me now. I'm even over some of the damage he caused me. I am mourning for my lost childhood at the moment. Mom made some revelations about her thinking and why she stayed with him until I gave her my ultimatum. She stayed because she'd made a vow to "God" be with this man "Till death do us part" She knew on the honeymoon that she'd made a mistake. It was the first glimpse of Mr. Hyde that made her realize that, but good Christian woman that she was, and the stubborn bitch in her too, she was determined to keep that vow. That's what she told me for the first time today.
Now I know why. Part of me wants to be so damn mad at the woman. But considering you, Ed, I just can't be. The woman made some seriously fucked up choices that fucked me over too, but that was so long ago now. I don't want to alienate the woman now to make her pay for her mistakes in the past. It was always the two of us against the raging lunatic. She was doing what she thought was the best thing at the time. Isn't that really the most we can ask of another person?
Instead, I'm transferring that anger, and that hate in me, to the religion that, that, just told her to be a meek wife and pray harder. Some how she missed that this God of thiers was also supposed to be a forgiving god, a loving god that would know her heart and know how horribly that husband of her mistreated the two of us. She missed somehow that she could be forgiven for breaking that vow. Oh, god, the agony I could have been spared if only she'd left him before the abuse had turned physical. I am one fucked up individual, and I blame him! It didn't have to be that way, and now I know why it was.
I did a quick google of his name to see what turned up. Some church in Arizona apparently made him an associate pastor. However, the very first link is to some obituary sight that had only the dates of his life. Nobody has written one for him, so I did. I wrote his obituary many many times over the years since he left my life. I'd hoped to purge him out of my system that way. I burned or buried them after writing them. This time, I was able to sum it all up simply and I present it below and for anyone who types his name into google.
Norman was born on July 22, 1930 and passed away on Thursday, July 9, 2009.
Norman was last known to be living in Black Canyon City, Arizona.
Norman moved to Arizona from Long Island New York.
I was his step daughter for 17 years. In my 17 years with the man he never failed to be abusive towards me, both verbally and physically. I am a 34 year old woman still trying to recover from the hell he inflicted upon me from the ages of 4 to 21. I know at least one of his natural daughters stopped contact with him in her early 20's, I can only guess at why she would do that. I cannot believe this liar, this Jeckell and Hyde person was ever allowed near children again. On Mothers Day of 1996 I found out that he had tried to strangle my mother in the midst of an arguement. I told my mother she had the choice of having a husband or a daughter, but I would not live a life with him in it any longer. My mother choose me over him, thank god.
Some how the Christian Church tried to tell my mother that is was not a reason for a divorce and expelled her rather than her attempted murderer.
The legacy he left behind is one of terror and torture. My mother and I have been in therapy for years trying to undo the horrid mess he made of our lives. The broken bones and bruises have healed, but the emotional wounds he inflicted on me still bleed daily. I hope the son of a bitch burns in his Christian hell!
Then I had a two and a half hour long dental appointment in which I had more than ample time to think about the things mom had explained to me today. While I know he and everything he did is in the far past for me now. I'm even over some of the damage he caused me. I am mourning for my lost childhood at the moment. Mom made some revelations about her thinking and why she stayed with him until I gave her my ultimatum. She stayed because she'd made a vow to "God" be with this man "Till death do us part" She knew on the honeymoon that she'd made a mistake. It was the first glimpse of Mr. Hyde that made her realize that, but good Christian woman that she was, and the stubborn bitch in her too, she was determined to keep that vow. That's what she told me for the first time today.
Now I know why. Part of me wants to be so damn mad at the woman. But considering you, Ed, I just can't be. The woman made some seriously fucked up choices that fucked me over too, but that was so long ago now. I don't want to alienate the woman now to make her pay for her mistakes in the past. It was always the two of us against the raging lunatic. She was doing what she thought was the best thing at the time. Isn't that really the most we can ask of another person?
Instead, I'm transferring that anger, and that hate in me, to the religion that, that, just told her to be a meek wife and pray harder. Some how she missed that this God of thiers was also supposed to be a forgiving god, a loving god that would know her heart and know how horribly that husband of her mistreated the two of us. She missed somehow that she could be forgiven for breaking that vow. Oh, god, the agony I could have been spared if only she'd left him before the abuse had turned physical. I am one fucked up individual, and I blame him! It didn't have to be that way, and now I know why it was.
I did a quick google of his name to see what turned up. Some church in Arizona apparently made him an associate pastor. However, the very first link is to some obituary sight that had only the dates of his life. Nobody has written one for him, so I did. I wrote his obituary many many times over the years since he left my life. I'd hoped to purge him out of my system that way. I burned or buried them after writing them. This time, I was able to sum it all up simply and I present it below and for anyone who types his name into google.
Norman was born on July 22, 1930 and passed away on Thursday, July 9, 2009.
Norman was last known to be living in Black Canyon City, Arizona.
Norman moved to Arizona from Long Island New York.
I was his step daughter for 17 years. In my 17 years with the man he never failed to be abusive towards me, both verbally and physically. I am a 34 year old woman still trying to recover from the hell he inflicted upon me from the ages of 4 to 21. I know at least one of his natural daughters stopped contact with him in her early 20's, I can only guess at why she would do that. I cannot believe this liar, this Jeckell and Hyde person was ever allowed near children again. On Mothers Day of 1996 I found out that he had tried to strangle my mother in the midst of an arguement. I told my mother she had the choice of having a husband or a daughter, but I would not live a life with him in it any longer. My mother choose me over him, thank god.
Some how the Christian Church tried to tell my mother that is was not a reason for a divorce and expelled her rather than her attempted murderer.
The legacy he left behind is one of terror and torture. My mother and I have been in therapy for years trying to undo the horrid mess he made of our lives. The broken bones and bruises have healed, but the emotional wounds he inflicted on me still bleed daily. I hope the son of a bitch burns in his Christian hell!